No Sex Drive - Is there sex after hysterectomy?
Tuesday August 19, 2008
Women's Health Forums : "I had an abdominal hysterectomy back in September. I kept both ovaries so I am not experiencing any menopausal symptoms. My problem is my libido or sex drive is gone and it is really bothering me. Has anyone experienced a lack of sex drive? I would appreciate any input or suggestions." - Diane
Comments
yes, i seem to be having the same problem. so far have found no help.and it is causing extreme problems w/ my marriage- wish i could no what to do to
I am also experiencing the same..although I had my hyst. 6 years ago…I stopped hormone therapy hoping it might help my libido and its worse now..I don’t know what to do. I have been married for along time and it is causing problems…I wish I could find some help!!! Is there anyone out there who can offer some help???
My hysterectomy was 5 years ago and I have tried therapy and some pills. Nothing is working. My marraige is also suffering. I find myself crying alot lately.
My hysterectomy was about two months ago. I completely understand what you are going through. My sex drive has completely died. My marriage is suffering severely. If you find a solution please post it.
My hysto was 7 years ago and now I don’t even want to think about sex. I have no desire and no response other than pain when I finally give in to my husband’s griping. It doesn’t feel good anymore, and I can’t even make myself feel good during a “solo act”. I would never miss it if I never tried again. Hormones are worthless, too.
My hysto wrecked me.
I had a hysterectomy on October 26, 2007. I got married September 01, 2007. So I am a newly wed. When I was dating my husband my sex drive was over active. I had a lot of complications with my surgery and I keep telling him I am still healing. But when we have sex it does not feel the same. Sex was one of things that kept us passionate for each other. I am really concerned and worried. This was such a plus for us but I have no feeling.
I am so glad that I am not the only person who feels this way. I had my hysterectomy last October and haven’t been the same since. My moods are horrible, I have trouble sleepind and I am like you, sex is not an option for me right now. I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive but I think that is wearing thin. I just would love to get my life back on track. If I would have known this was going to happen, I would have just dealt with the over active periods.
It feels so good to know that I am not the only person out there with this ‘problem!’ Is there anything that anyone can suggest to improve the sex drive? My husband has been supportive, but enough is enough… sex keeps a marriage alive, and we live like brother and sister, not husband and wife! Help!
I thought I was the only one that felt that way.Since my hysterctomy in 2004 I have no desire have sex. Before it was great my husband is ten years young then me and he wants it all the time. I try cream but no help. So Help me get my sex drive back
I thought my marriage was the only one suffering. My wife had her hysterectomy over 10 years ago. The last 6 years have been completely empty. She won’t talk about it. She feels bad, I feel bad. You are describing our sex life exactly. I thought it was me. If you find anything, please let me know.
I had my hytso about 20 years ago and have been like all of you since
WOW! My hysterectomy was 3/27/o6. It’s been 2 years and I have no urge to have sex. Desperate to gain it back, in my search, the only thing that has helped me the tiniest bit,(I can’t believe that I’m going to admit this online) I watched an “adult video clip” I actually felt a bit aroused, but it only lasted as long as the clip. However I have only watched the clips a few times over the 2 years, mainly because I’m not always in the mood to even be watching such a thing. I’ve tried many things and I too am having a hard time keeping the love in the bedroom alive. I’m 35, married 16 years, and regretting that I had to have the surgery. Knowing what I know now, I would rather have dealt with the heavy irregular bleeding, clots, and severe uterine pain that I had even when I was not on my period. Than to lose the drive to make love to my husband.
More women should speak out. And doctors should be reading this site and respond to this growing concern.
hello to all of you here, i had my complete hysterectomy 5 months ago and at first i hate everyone who comes right next to me. I refused to take hormone pills. And til now i cried for no reasons sometimes and do think of suicide if me and my hubby argued about something stupid.
Yes sex is not even in my mind no more but one day, i hope i dont have to say this but if will help out with your relationship it will be my great help. As i came home one night, please dont judge me but my hubby is on the net watching sexy women making out with their partner he dont know that i was behind him watching too, but oh my god! it was the best sex i ever had that night! I am not a sex maniac but its great to have a good sex after having this complete hysterectomy. try it you might like it! No need hormone pills. Please dont get mad if i went way over my explanation and experienced.
k, ladies this is the best I had the same problem since I had my historectomy. I started selling pure romance shortly after and started using a product that they have that is a heightener. You can go look at christinafriedman.pureromance.com there are 3 of them for women and this saved my marriage I use it and it gets me excited. THERE IS A X-SCREAM, NYMPHO NIGRA, and EX-TCEE.
I have read all the ladies comments and it describes my wife to a tee. She had her Historectomy in 2004 due to cancer. I’m grateful that the cancel was removed and she is doing well, but besides missing the sex, the affection is gone as well. At was starting to think that she has fallen out of love with me. I still don’t know for sure. We haven’t discussed it, and I don’t wnat to press the issue, but it is getting difficult. I can adapt, but it is a difficult prospect to think that this is the way our marriage has to be from now on. Good luck to you all. I not it’s difficult. Let’s hope that your husbands can hang in there.
Had Hysterectomy years ago and never bothered by low libido. Still wonderful sex all the time.
It surprises me to see how many women are having a problem with their sex drive since my mother had a hysterectomy when i was 4 and based on her sex drive, you would have never known. My mother always had a high sex drive and i do too. i’m about to go for a hysterectomy and i’ve started studying tantric sex, kama sutra and taoism again to brush up and maintain some of my techniques. These techniques and styles teach you to maintain and increase your sex drive with your thoughts and imagination. Sorry to hear about the problems but try one, they are not just about positions. They use visualization, breathing, meditating, etc.
My hysterectomy was in 2005. I am 47. I thought it would be great: no more anemia, no more constant bleeding and huge clots, no more exhaustion, no distended belly from a uterus that was enlarged to the size of an 8 month pregnancy due to fibroids. Healthy ovaries get to stay. No hormone therapy. Now I wouldn’t have to keep telling my husband “not tonight, I’m bleeding again”. My sex life was almost non-existent before the surgery. At that time, I wanted to but couldn’t. Now I can, but have no desire whatsoever. My husband has stopped bothering to try. Even when I try, there is just nothing there. The act is an ordeal. Dryness=artificial lubricant. Penetration is painful, but it wasn’t before the surgery. I’m still exhausted all the time, and now I’m afraid my depression is more than just “the blues”. To compound the problem, I know that “average” sex rates run about 1 or 2 times a week. Sometimes my husband goes without for 6 months. When I think there is the possibility he may be looking elsewhere, I force myself to pretend to be interested, all the while desperately hoping it won’t hurt this time, or that he won’t notice that I’m in pain. Because if i tell him, he will think it is his fault instead of mine. It is so bad, that we didn’t have sex even though he was leaving for his deployment to Iraq. He’ll be gone for awhile, and I’d like to try to resolve this problem before he comes home. So far, I haven’t seen any real answers.
I understand and am going through all of what is discussed. I have used the creams from Surprise parties and that works at keeping the dryness and the pain down but I no longer “feel” down there like I used to. I don’t take hrt and I feel like I’m aging by the second instead of by the day/year. I turned 36 this month. I feel like I’m at least 60! It’s crazy! : (
Sadly, I am experiencing the same problems with lack of desire. My husband (of 28 years) and I have always had a wonderful intimate relationship but since my hysterectomy at the end of February this year I have NO interest in sex at all. I am deeply disturbed by this as I love my husband deeply and feel I am letting him down. I don’t know what to do. I am not interested and I am not physically comfortable making love any more. Has anyone tried naturopathy or a psychologist and if so did it help in any way? I am also numb from the navel down to well belo my scar and it is very uncomfortable. I no longer feel attractive or desirable.
Just to read all your messages makes me feel as though I am not alone, but it worries me greatly that this lack of desire seems to persist in so many and may be permanent.
Hi everyone, I had a hysterectomy nearly 8 years ago and I have experienced exactly the same as every other woman on here. I was referred by G.P to a gynae clinic where i was offered a testosterone implant. This impland is placed just under your skin on your lower abdomen, by local anesthetic it lasts for 6 months and I have to say that it does increase your libido by half at least. I have not had this implant in for the last few years as my liver was converting the testosterone into progesterone, so i had to come off it for a while, my libido is nil without it, therefore I am on my way back once again and hoping for another go.
Hope this helps someone X
I had a hysterectomy 12 months ago. The first months after surgery, I was ok. I was able to experience intense orgasms, but now I don’t feel anything. All my erogenous areas are completely numb. I will have to pretend that I am enjoying it. It is better to be alive and faking it and having orgasm while you have an uterine tumor. I am not planning to jeopardize my health by using products and hormones that might help me to regain what I have lost.
i had my total abdominal hysterectomy on may 1. prior to the surgery, my husband and i had sex at least 2x a week and my orgasms were very intense. now…besides the weight gain, depression, constant feelings like i want to just run away…..i have no sex drive and when i finally give in….nothing. it takes forever for me to get the least bit aroused and even then…it’s a fraction of what i felt before.
it takes tremendous effort for me to “just give in” when it’s been awhile and then i’m just going throught the motions to satisfy my husband. why is it that there is nothing to help us? if men were going through this there would be millions of products.
I had a hysterectomy a year and a half ago.My husband and I have tried to have sex only 3 times,resulting in pain and burning for me.He is afraid to be intimate with me,and just avoids the subject altogether.I feel castrated and robbed,very angry.I can reach an orgasm,solo,but intercourse is so painful now. I was too embarrassed to tell my gynocologist until a month ago.She acted like it was no big deal that we cant have sex anymore..and said there’s not much you can do about it..and gave me estrogen cream for my vagina.She said its because I have no cervix.I asked her if my cervix could be left (prior to surgery)but she was adamant that it could not.How I wish to God I had gotten other opinions,and had my cervix and ovaries left in place.The doctor does not think sex should be any big deal for someone my age(late forties) Well,it is a big deal…my husband and I had a GREAT sex life prior to this,I never had any prob;ems in this area whatsoever.We were the cute and romantic couple that people called “Luke and Laura”(He looks just like Tony Geary!)Is there any hope for us?I know he will love mw unconditionally,but I feel like we are platonic room mates now.
My wife had a hysterectomy 21 years ago, due to ovarian cancer. For years intercourse was painful, but she did have some sex drive and frankly her orgasms are something I envy. Still, sex had tapered way off, to 1x per month maybe. Last Spring I decided to quit satisfying myself solo and apart from her. It led me to be intensely touching and sexually interested in her – I have an above average sex drive — and she undertook to try to work on her pain issue (I had given up hope there, but wanted to try different things). Lo and behold, her pain disappeared. We have had really the best sex in 20 years, about weekly and occassionally more. Usually she is feeling it — I have been surprised by her passion at times. We do have some mismatch in our libidos, but I have to take heart in the progress.
I’ve been a wellness counselor for years and had a hysto. a long time ago after flooding every month. After a few months, I became very dry, eventually losing all sexual feelings! My husband definitely didn’t understand. I frantically tried estrogen, foods, nutritian, supplements, herbs and other products. I few years ago, I found a progesterone cream that helped, but only a little. Four months ago, I started drinking this specially prepared juice for energy because I had given up on ever being sexual. Surprisingly, after about three months, my sexual feelings started to come back. I thought it was a lost cause forever because nothing I had tried worked. In all my years of studying health, it’s the most amazing food I’ve ever run across!!! I was so excited, I decided to join a networking group so I could buy it cheaper. I’ll never go without it!!!
I had my hysterectomy in 2005 at the younger age of 27 . I’ll be married 12 years in Oct. and presurgery my husband and i had sex maybe 2-5 times a month the pain , omg . After heeling,sex once again was awesome . Now i have no sex drive and some days could careless if i ever did again. Creams ,pills hah what a joke, if anybody find a “PILL” help me .
I can’t believe I’m not the only one! For years I thought is was just my old baggage that was affecting my sex drive but I have to tell you that it’s a relief that I’m not the only one that suffers! I know that sounds horrible but,OMG, I’m thankful it’s not just me feeling “weird”. I recently went to my doctor and got some estrogen creme so, hopefully, it’ll help out. We’ll see. My husband, like several others mentioned, is trying to be understanding but when there’s nothing… it’s just really hard.
Vicki: Please tell us more about that energy drink!
I had a complete hysterectomy a year and a half ago due to cancer and lost my libido, as well. Aside from that, just trying was so painful. I do not take hormones. My docs were pretty good at trying to help me out with this. They gave me dilators to use. It took a while, about a year for me, but eventually they worked and I could at least have comfortable intercourse again. If I’m lucky enough to have an orgasm, it feels weak compared to before surgery. I found that stimulating the brain was more important than ever before stimulating the body. But it was a good start to at least have that closeness and intimacy with hubby again.
If pain is the problem, get a set of dilators through your doc and use them on a regular basis, like three times a week. And ladies, if hubby is impatient, at least take care of his needs any way you and he are comfortable. And if you aren’t ready for sex yourself, have him give you a back massage or whatever else you enjoy. At least touch each other in some pleasurable way. It has worked for us.
i am 43 had complete, overies and all in feb 2005 (married nov 2004) suffered w/ endometreosis for years, had a healthy sex drive untill after the operation. iam been to drs cause i can’t seem to gt balanced they run test after test, finally got a siliva test done found out some things but not enough.(hard to find a good dr for this kind of testing) i have since moved to so.cali from small town, washington, i have an appt with a dr in sept 2008 for bioidentical hormone replacement i have taken another siliva/blood spot test (u do it @home) and i am hope ful i have done much much research. check out a book by suzanne somers called AGELESS you will get a great understanding of how we r after these operations… we are complicated to say the least…
To T2- Thank you for your comments.
It’s been 6 months since my TAHyst and three months since I finished the 25 radiation treatments and 3 internal treatments as well. Since then, I haven’t been able to get past the pain to have intercourse. I do have the dilator but didn’t realize I should use so frequently. You’re right about remaining loving/active with other means. That works for us, but I really will be more diligent with the dilator. I hope I’m successful. To all the ladies suffering, don’t give up. T2 should be an inspiration to us. I’m 51 and not ready to forgo sex. God Bless us all.
T-2, just curious but what is a dilator? I’m 54 and I’ll try anything at this point! I totally agree with you about the touching, etc. because it reassure the hubby that he is loved.
Thanks. Uh, if it’s not something to write about online then I’ll just ask my doc.
For many years prior to my having a hysterectomy in June of 1989, I heard the stories of a woman’s lower libido after the surgery. However, this has not been my experience and I have not experienced the dryness so many speak of. It is my understanding that a hyterectomy is the surgery that does not involve removal of the ovaries. Therein may lie the difference. I also have done reading of some articles and books that says it all starts in the mind. Not having a part of my body (my womb) hasn’t made me feel less feminine or sensual.
I had my uterus removed in 1979. I have the ovaries. I experienced some change in my desire to have sex. I often wondered if it was because of the partial hysterectomy. I took estrogen for many years. It helped to reduce the hot flashes and prevented the loss of hair on my head. After some years, I got off the hormones. My hot flashes aren’t as bad because I am older. I still have sexual desires but they have never been the same as before the surgery.
Auntdajetta, I had radiation, too, brachytherapy (internal vaginal)and the doc told me to expect one year for the tissues to heal. My doc told me I should use the dilators everyday until I was able to have comfortable intercourse, then 3 times a week plus intercourse at least once a week to maintain the integrity of the vaginal canal. I started with the size dilator that did not hurt and gradually over time worked my way up to one that about equaled my hubby’s size. That was a total of four dilators each a little larger than the last. I’d usually lie on my back on our bed, lube and insert and just leave it there for 5-10 minutes while I read a book or watch TV, then remove and try the next size up. If it hurts, I’d back off, if not I would repeat the procedure until I reach a size that does hurt and quit for the day. Now I just use two dilators, one size smaller than him and the one about his size. I wondered if I’d ever have pain free sex again when I was about 6 months after surgery and was told it was too soon after radiation to expect that to happen. Results are slow, but they do happen eventually. Just don’t give up!
BTW, in case anyone thinks I’m a young chick, I will be 57 in November and hubby’s 62.
I know exactly where you are coming from; I had my hysterectomy about 4 years ago and I went 3 years without sex after breaking up with my boyfriend because I had no desire for sex after my surgery along with some other reasons; but this was the main reason. I was going through yahoo personnals and saw a picture of a very attractive guy and low and behold; I had my sex drive back. We dated for a few months after discovering we were not for each other; but my sex drive is definitly back. It’s weird; but true.
A suggestion; while I was still seeing my ex-boyrfriend after my surgery, I figured out that he had to make an extra effort to arouse me; this really helped me. By extra effort; I mean he had to begin touching me here (Places that normally turn you on)him givng me oral sex helped even more to jump start me.
I hope this helps
Normally loss of libido after menopause is hormonal. As we go through natural menopause our production of estrogen and testosterone slows waaaaaay down. If we go through surgical menpause we stop producing it at all. A woman needs testosterone and estrogen to retain libido.
I like to compare it to a car. If a car runs out of gas, it will not go no matter how hard or long we push on the gas pedal. Testosterone is what fuels our sexual desire, ability to lubricate and orgasm. Think about it. No gas… the car doesn’t run. No testosterone…no desire for sex (amongst other things). Put gas in the car, it runs. Put testosterone in our bodies and watch out world!!
Here is my story:
I’m 55 and had a complete hysterectomy in 1987 when I was in my 30’s. I had no libido. None. I managed my menopause symptoms with different estrogen pills. Then came the estrogen scare several years ago. I tried to get off of the estrogen and couldn’t.
Then in 2003, I read a newsletter from my gyn about Bioidentical hormone pellets. These tiny pellets are made up of either estrogen or testosterone. In the beginning I got them every 12 weeks. Now I can go 4-6 months.
It’s a simple office procedure. My gyn numbs an area on my hip, makes a small incision, inserts the pellets, puts a band-aid on and off I go! I get 2 estrogen pellets which are 25mg each, and 1 testosterone pellet of 75mgs. I will get these pellets as long as I am able. Hopefully till I die.
I have to say they changed my life. First of all the menopause symptoms went away. But the absolute best was the increase in sex drive. Orgasm, lubrication, desire went through the roof. But not only did my sex drive come back in full force, but my self-image has increased my confidence level has improved andI’m more outgoing. I’ve never felt better in my life.
Bioidentical Hormones of estrogena and testosterone come in different delivery methods: Pills, patches, creams, gels, troches and pellets. I have about 20+ friends with the pellets and all agree they are the best form of bhrt they’ve ever used. This is not a quick fix for all women…some take longer to get balanced.
P.S. They are not just for women. Men who feel a loss of libido can also get testosterone pellets.
So don’t give up hope!
Email me at njw_753@yahoo.com if you have any questions.
Nancy
Denise, you can google vaginal dilators and see what they are, some are better than others so be careful about the materials they are made of. The best ones come in a set of 5 or 6 sizes and are not hard plastic. And, ask your doc about them. I don’t understand why they don’t tell their patients about this!
I sympothize with everyone whenit comes to hysterectomy. I had mine in February of this past year and my sex drive went down hill also. I just keep remembering what it was to fall in love with my husband of 25 years and try the compasion side of it. Try not to be in any hurry and take your time. We started experimenting with new creams, lotions and yes, even toys. We are having a blast trying if not doing anything else. Have Faith and a lot of love.
My wife and I are going through the same thing. She started early metapaus 11 yrs ago,and in September will have a hystrerectomy. We where hoping this would help. The hermone therapy hepls, but gives her really bad side effects, her face would brake out bad, and her mood would be all over the place.
i hadmine in 1977 i was very young as time went on i have lost all sextual desire nothing will bring it back also
i
gained alot of weight, my husband pass in 2000 and he was cheating on me because i didnt want to have sex anymore , please reconsider having a hystercomey for as long as possible we were married 40 years. dont get me wrong i still loved him, wanted to cuddle, etc but i didnt enjoy sex at all you can fake only so long, until they notice.
My drive has always been super strong, I had to have my uterus removed……and it got stronger so much so I lost a husband because of it now I’m on the next one and we have been married goin on 3 yrs. And he’s already complaining about it.
Good Evening, surprised by many of the responses on the loss of libido due to a hysterectomy. I had a complete vaginal hysterectomy at the age of 30 (kept the ovaries). Back then my drive was non-existent. Now, for the last few years, the drive is insane. We were always mismatched in our drives, but we have always had an active sex life (at least twice per week). Now, it is about 3 times per week, but with enthusiasm rather than obligation. I am so sorry for those whose drive has suffered due to the hysterectomy.
My hyst was just over 2 years. Everything removed. I didn’t plan on using hormones, but I do. But, I do not use the commercially prepared/prescription ones anymore.
After the hyst my hormones got totally messed up. After the first 3 months, I made my MD order me blood work to check my hormones…whoa…they were very low and out of wack. He worked with me for a year where due to the low levels, I was on 4 diffrent Rx’s and this got expensive. So, I went to a MD/naturalist who my GYN MD recommended, who did a series of tests, and now I’m on a compound formula (I use a compound cream that has Est/Prog/Test). For over a year, the naturalist checked my levels every month and adjusted my formula accordingly.
My libido actually increased dramatically after the hyst, but the response was lacking, my emotions were crazing, etc.
I have to say…I now feel level headed, my memory is great, my emotions are no longer all over the place, our sex life is awesome…
Get a good MD who will listen and understand, get the testing and understand how to order the bioidentical hormones, etc.
It took about 1 1/2 years to get myself balanced. Also, my response is much better now, but prior to getting it back, we had to do some experimenting with techniques and positions. So…while you are adjusting…just experiment and have fun…it’s like we are young again.
Hope this helps.
This is all so easily fixed!! It may take a bit of time, but so fixable. Bioidentical hormone replacement is the answer and is not cancer-causing, as is conventional hormone therapy. And have your doctor prescribe testosterone, as well – this is what affects female libido or sex drive. Want excellent details and further info? Read “What your doctor may not tell you about menopause” by Dr. John Lee, a pioneer in bioidentical hormone replacement. And an easier, more recent book, “Ageless” by Suzanne Somers. This is cutting-edge medicine that not all conventional doctors are into yet. Read these books and get your life back to how you were when you 20.
Well, reading these comments by the various women helps me see that my wife isn’t the only one who feels this way (and therefore I’m not the only husband being a good soldier). My sense of it was this was just part of the consequence of growing older and the hysterectomy. Our sex life went to zero and I do mean zero.
Over time, I’ve kinda realized this is just the way it is and the way it’s going to be and I have no choice in the matter. Our sex life was dropping off as the fibroids and the benign ovarian cyst took their toll. We have long since stopped making this a focal point and a point of tension in our relationship.
If you had told me, though, that the majority of my midlife, my 40’s and my 50’s, were going to be spent as a celibate male and that ALL sexual contact would go away, I simply would not have believed you. But here I am, a full-fledged member of the “100,000 hours of celibacy club.” And from what I read here, there seems little chance that is going to change. At 55, this could be a very long slog for me.
No one tells you any of this stuff when you are looking forward in your relationships and your marriage(s) and there have been days when I ask myself “I got remarried for this?” And while not looking for anyone to blame, I had become pretty sure it was me, because it seemed that the women I fell in love with were ones looking forward to the day when not being sexually intimate with me would finally come and be acceptable and non-threatening to the rest of their lifestyle. But as I’ve come to learn, with both my first marriage and this one, hormones and the imbalances can really screw up a relationship when it causes a sudden, unexpected alteration of what was once a very robust and enjoyable sex life.
I started menopause about 2 yrs ago, then I went through Breast Cancer surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments. Now Im on Tamoxifen for 5yrs, and among others, Wellbutrin. My sex life is almost non exsistant. I can please my Husband, but I’ve done everything, tried everything, and nothing works. My Husband is very frustrated and upset, thinking it’s all his fault. Havent had a hysto yet, but i’m sure thats my next step. I’m 52, what do I do?
ok, my wife and i are in the same boat. so whats the answer? we all need/want help! is there really any answer to this problem?
I had total hysterectomy, bilateral and salphingo-oophorectomy in 2000. I have not lost my sex drive or libido and still enjoying sex with my honey. However, I do experience painful intercourse at certain positions. I am not sure what it means.
I had a hysterectomy in 1991 – had everything removed. I was 41 and my husband and I enjoyed a very active and satisfying sex life. Then it all ended. I was also diagnosed with lichen sclerosis a rather rare disease that affects the genitals. It is not a sexually transmitted disease. It is believed to be genetic and may have a link to Paget’s disease which my father had and brother has. It is an auto immune disease.
Anyway, it causes your skin and tissue in that area to become very thin. It rips, bleeds, disappears (I no longer have some important and sensitive parts that make sex enjoyable.) Oh, sometimes I can find it and we can have sex but for the most part, what’s left doesn’t work. It’s probably better if you’re interested to look it up and read about it.
Do any of you suffer from this disease and if so, how are you managing? I’ve had it for about 15 years now. BTW I must take estrogen orally and vaginally to somewhat control the LS. It does not help the libido though. Thanks.
i would like to thank you all for your input everyone for a couple of months now i thought my wife was messin with me after reading everyones letters i now know better i love my wife with all my heart and will wait as long as it takes to come around she has told me that if i found a girl that i should go for it but that wont happen if she is gonna suffer then so shall i thank god for porn
I FEEL THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE. MY SURGERY WAS 10/2007. BEFORE THE SURGERY HE WENT AT IT LIKE RABBITS. THEN WHEN WE COULD IT WAS PAINFUL AND THE FEELING ISN’T THERE ANYMORE. WE COULD GO MONTHS EVEN YEARS AND I’M OK. OCASSIONAL I’M IN THE MOOD. MY HUSBAND IS UNDERSTANDING. WE’VE BEEN MARRIED 13YEARS. IF YOU FIND HELP LET ME KNOW. NOW I JUST DO IT TO MAKE HIM HAPPY BUT I DON’T LET HIM KNOW THAT.
i am so glad i found this site to see other women’s thoughts. i had a massive fibroid the size of a basketball and thought the best thing to do was to get a hysterectomy. since then, i havent felt like having sex and if my husband even suggests it to me, i feel like i need to, i dont know, talk myself into it??? I had my hysterectomy in March this year and Jas and I have made love once in that time. It probably sounds silly, but i couldnt be bothered if it never happened again. If anyone has any suggestions it would really be appreciated. I need help!!
by the way i am 41 years old and so need to have a normal sex life with my husband. xx
This is pretty scary i never had a large sex drive before my hysto and now i am reading all these quotes and wondering if i will have any desire,also dr gave me estogen and i am not taking it after a total hyst….i read they cause breast cancer!!!
I thought i was the only one. I had my surgery last year, 3 months before my wedding. My sex drive is gone. And when we do have sex it is painful. I want to please my husband but it’s not doing anything for me. I stay dry and the creams irritate me. Is there a pill or something? I can’t lose my husband. Help
Like most women my wife has also had a hysterectomy and still has her overies,she has no sex drive and says she can do without it. The loss of sex drive has i think led to the loss of interest,she wont talk about it or see a doctor or anyone else.
This is a big strain on both of us,were do we go now?
I had a partial hysterectomy(uterus only) 16 ago when I was 27 and still had desire and a very active sex life. I had a full hysterectomy 4 years ago and now everything is gone. The thought of sex makes me cringe. I do it maybe once a month because my husband pouts. He thinks I have a boyfriend. I need help.
i had a hyst. 15 years ago. No problems at all
with sex thaks to a very very caring partner at the time. I had serious emotonal issues losing any part of my body but a “girl” part was especailly traumatic. But he got me through it. THEN what happeend is my inner labia started to shink, theres barely any left, my clitoris is gone and in only recently first ever tried masterbating and theres some sensation but not where my clit was, under it is responsive but i cant orgasm anymore. Everything else works fine, never dyrness or pain …but where did my girl parts go???
I am 52 and my sex drive is gone!!! I feel sorry for my husband because he thinks I’ve lost interest in him, which is not the case. I love him more than ever. He has tried everything in the romance department and I have tried everything from pills to cream, and nothing works. I no longer care if I have sex or not. I guess it’s because I know it’s going to be a long drawn out ordeal trying to make it happen. Once we start, most of the time I enjoy it but it takes a long time. I just wish I could get my desire back. I don’t think dirty thoughts anymore like I used to. My husband even bought me a Playgirl magazine and even looking at all the hot naked guys did nothing for me. My doctor doesn’t seem to want to help me so I guess it’s time to change doctors. I wish I could make my husband understand it’s not him but my screwed up hormones that is causing this problem. I’ve had a thorough check up and nothing showed up that could be causing this. I have even searched the internet looking for miracle cures which can be dangerous. Doctors need to understand that sex is just as important to women as it is to men. We deserve our version of “Viagra”.
I wonder if anyone has had their testosterone levels checked?
Like men women also need this hormone for their sex drive as without you wont feel like jumping in the sack with anyone.. and its secreted by the ovary’s. If the ovary’s are removed or are scarred or not functioning properly that could be where the problem lies.
OR If there is pain of any type while trying to have sex..in a womans mind that can also be what the problem as she’s has then set up a mind block and associated sex with pain. If so,she needs to speak with her doctor to see why there is pain.
I had a hysterectomy 6 years ago and did the hormonal replacement therapy thing… hated it and stopped and have had sex maybe 6 times in those years and each time, I just want to scream in pain or cry out of sadness… I too am looking for help and will begin acupuncture treatments. My marriage is like a brother and sister living together, we no longer sleep together.
My wife and I have been together for ten years. Sex has always something I wanted more than her, because of endometriosis and very painful periods she has never had much sex drive. Since having a hysterectomy a couple of years ago sex is something she avoids at all cost now….very painful and no desire. We are talking of getting a divorce because she is sick of listening to be bitch about her lack of interest in me. We live together as friends, but the friendship is strained because of the lack of intimacy. I love my wife and find her VERY attractive! We were best friends with similar interest but have drifted apart. I am glad to have found this site and realize that we are not alone. My wife feels no passion for me and has no interest in looking for help. Although it looks like there is little we can do to improve her sex drive and reduce the pain she feels.
Geeze…I feel sorry for us! I find a little comfort in not being the only one who has these problems. I had a radical hysterectomy a year and a half ago. Before surgery my husband of 25 years and I had great sex! Our first encounter with sex after surgery was dissapointing to me because I could not achieve orgasm. I thought that maybe it was too soon and decided that it would get better. After the next couple of times it became clear to me that I had lost my ability to have an orgasm. I cried for three weeks. I actually mourned the lose of my sex life! I knew it was gone and I didn’t know what to do about it. Today, a year and a half later I would be totally fine with never having sex again. The desire is completely gone. I don’t have too much trouble with pain, just dryness and no orgasm. For me, sex is like doing the dishes after supper…it’s just something I need to get done (for my husband) My husband has been a total angel about it. He is very supportive and understanding about it. But the problem is that I really, really miss my sex life and I want it back! I want my sex drive back! I am going to look into the biodentical hormones that was mentioned in an earlier posting. Maybe that will work. God bless all you husbands that hang in there with your wives. You need to know that most women would love to have their sex drive back…we just don’t know how. I’m still looking…
I have been married for 16 years, my husband and I have always fought about sex; I had 2 csections and several other surgeries; I have never had much of a sex drive; I could go months and months between periods my doctor helped me to have periods; then I couldn’t get pregnant; took me having surgery to get pregnant; thats where the 2 c-sections played a part; then I had to have a hysterectomy; since then I don’t get wet no matter what I do; I love my husband very much; but I don’t get excited and I don’t get horny; I need help; he wants to leave me because he doesn’t feel I love him and I don’t want him cuz I don’t get wet. Help me Please. I need to fix this problem. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I can’t help it that this is something wrong with my body. He says women never have this problem. I told him it wasn’t true cuz women everywhere have these same issues. He doesn’t believe me. If I loved him and wanted him I would get wet and have desire. Help me
I am 27 and had my uterus taken out 5 years ago. Depression, lack of desire, lack of lub, etc. I am ready to try just about anything at this point because a year and a half this way is ENOUGH!
I just had two weeks ago a total Hysterctomy and reading the coments in this site “scary me to death” thinking if I would feel all these bad feelings and pain. So far I have lost weight and I have good feelings to get well soon.
I’m 32 and had a total abdominal hysterectomy in July of this year, before then I was having injections to down regulate my hormones, i was also taking Livial HRT. During this time my sex drive was fine and I was still enjoying a healthy sex life with my partner. Since then post-op reality hits home, my partner decided he wanted a baby and left and my sex life is at an all time low, not only because i’m single but also because like many on this site I couldn’t care less if I never had sex again. I do occasionally feel in the mood but whenever I try taking it any further than the thinking about it stage I wish I hadn’t bothered because I end up getting frustrated when I can’t orgasm no matter how slowly, gently or passionately I try. I’m not ready to lose my sex drive or the possibility of being close with anyone ever again so somebody out there needs to find a cure for this problem, there is enough of us suffering out there. I’m considering asking my gp for the Livial again, but because I have no longer got my ovaries he says I don’t need this kind of HRT and simply gives me the eostrogen variety, which are having no effect at all as i’m still suffering terrible hot flushes and night sweats. Lets hope we find a cure soon!!
I had a complete hysterectomy 4 years ago and I was 38 years old. I have been searching for an answer to the sex problem all this time. My doctor put me on the vaginal ring hormone therapy and it has helped some. Also, the new warming KY jelly helps.
I am 45 yrs old and had a complete hysterectomy in 5/2007. I have no desire to have sex w/my husband and my affection is lacking and it is aeefecting my marriage. He is totally frustrated at this point. I am also and do not know what to do. i am a breast cancer survivor went thru Chemo,Radiation and I was on Tamoxifen but then switched to Femara for 5 yrs. Is there any answers for the lose of a women’s sex drive.
I am 54. I was a happily sexual woman in April.
I was feeling and looking great. My friends commented on my glowing skin and I was losing weight after my son went to Uni. I felt like my life was starting again. I had a couple of heavy periods after an 8 month gap and remembering how bad they had been 14 months before I went back to the Dr.
He sent me to a Gynie who said it was unusual for this bleed out of the blue and said he would like to look inside as there was only a small fibroid showing on the scan. The Cancer word was in the air. And he suggested that while I was open he might as well solve it all by giving me a Hysterectomy. And if I had the op in May it would be in a very nice private hospital too, with my own room. Not the one down the road with the MRSA I remembered had been in the papers that week.
It all seemed an OK idea. I said a friend had mentioned keeping my ovaries. He looked surprised but said I could, that I should confirm it on the day of surgery.
After a day or two I had a think about it and was seriously concerned re the sexual side of it. I figured if the uterus could squeeze out two 10.4 babies and harden and contract during the weeks before a baby, it was all likned with the contractions of ogasm. it had to, it made sense. Also the link with breast feeding, showing the link between the nipples and utereus which grips while you feed.
I then e-mailed a friend who is into sex and medicine, he has pubished work on both subjects. He dispelled my fears.
But they came back.
I went for the preop check up and talk with the nurse.
I told her I thought it was a bit of a waste of resources, I was not that bad, and was probably OK. She told me I should have it done while I was still young, as it would be harder when I was older if Cancer cropped up.
It seemed to make sense.
I then had more doubts on the day and voiced my doubts to a nurse and again asked the surgeon. I even asked him if I was his wife or sister would he do it? Did I need it?
His reply was to ask me if it was not ruining my life with the heavy periods? Thinking back, he did nor answer my question at all.
Well, yes they were bad periods. But that was not what I asked.
He had never ever mentioned the possible lack of sex, or the shape I would become after.
I had the surgery, went home and a week later Googles the sex subject properly.
I was shocked.
I did not try to satisfy myself for a few weeks as i dreaded I would be like the many others I read about.
I had been able to orgasm fully in anything from two minutes to as long as I wanted it to last.
I had had the sort of Orgasms where your toes curl, your ear lobes glow, your stomach spasms, (I could lay my hand on my tummy after and feel the after shocks.)
They were felt through my body. I had always had good ones since I was young.
And for the last four years I had had a great sex life, but as Joan Rivers said on a show, shame I didnt have a partner. So I have no one to pleasure myself but myself, and I have never failed myself.
So I after the op I tried it and it was mildly OK.
I thought there was a lot of healing to do, so I gave a it a bit longer. This was in June.
The last time I tried, a few days ago? It was so empty and feeble, I lay after on my bed and howled like a pet had been killed. I then cried till the tears ran into my ears. I was heart broken.
I am also angry as I had the chance to get out of this, but I had not read enough. If I had read this forum alone I would have changed my mind. Never mind the thousands of words i have read since. The internet is full of it, and friends who have ‘come out’, since I told them about it and asked how they were.
I have copied and pasted so many postings by women all over the world.
There really really should be an international awareness over this. Women should not be allowed to enter into this without the most and unambiguous expansive warning.
I can see there are relationships pulled to breaking point.
Hysterectomies for Cancer, yes and other deeply serious conditions, like a prolapse maybe, but these ones for periods, inconvenience etc? No it is too high a price to pay.
I can see I have lost a great pleasure in my life. I was OK to be on my own. I am still, so I am told, a very attractive woman. My self pleasure stopped my single life being sexless, and I was never mad to find a guy for the sake of it.
I had found a new one in April, we were getting to know each other. I could see myself having sex with him. My last lover had been 33 and a wonderful lover at that, but it was 5 years ago.
ButI do not feel I can pursue things with this lovely man as I would be offering him a half woman. I care for him to much to do that. I wouldnot want me as I am.
Is there sex after hysterectomy? Not here in this body I think. I think I will go from 49 to the end without having it with another person. And I have lost all faith in having it with myself too, as it is $% of what it was.
Someone said, hey, you still have your clitoris, what’s the problem? I said it was like having a trigger but no barrel.
All I can say is,don’t let anyone do this, unless it is life threatening. It also wiped out my dirty mind, love scenes are OK, I can identify with the emotion, but sex scenes, which used to turn me on? No sexier than a gardening program. It is all dead. Even my nipples are dead to the touch. I am like a six year old again.
OMG – I have just stumbled across this in my desperation to find a solution. I’m only 42 and haven’t had a hysto although that looks like it may be becoming a reality. I’m terrified because over the past 3 years I have almost completely lost my sex drive. We’ve been through a lot of stress and so on due to a failed business, blah blah, and I’m wondering if that has been enough to crap out my hormone levels.
The only time recently (this year) that I found some drive was when someone gave me some Anavar (mild androgen) they had got from the black market and voila, r@pe my husband territory!!! But after that, nothing.
Nothing turns me on – not even John Cena!!! Even I don’t turn myself on. yes I’ve put on weight since my baby 6 years ago, with bad pre-eclampsia and so on, and yes i’ve lost some of it now and am in fact 11kg lighter than when I gave birth (by c-section which left my lower abdomen numb – could this have also cut some of “those” nerves???), yet I feel less sexy and more worthless now than at 10kg heavier and a new mum.
All those men out there reading, my husband is saying the same. We’re only 42 between us – I accuse him of being a b@stard because he’d love it most nights and I couldn’t at this stage care less if I never saw a penis again (hard when we have four boys between us LOL). I vaguely get aroused when seeing the odd porn scene in a movie but then it fades as quickly as it arrived, with the realisation I resemble the hippo at the zoo more than Scarlett Johannsen ….
*Sigh* why do we have to be so complicated and can I please have my mojo back? The one I had when I met my husband where I would just think about him and ooof, we were off? It’s like something in me has just completely died.
And moreover I don’t know why (after years of research as well) doctors keep prescribing OESTROGEN to resolve female issues when that is quite patently the problem. I’m O-Dominant so my skin is still heinously spotty (”they” said that would go away after having a baby) and sore breasts, etc, every month.
Nancy mentioned testosterone implants – what are they, where can my quack get them from? I’m in New Zealand and we have natural hormone therapy available here, but I want the testosterone I think, more than the P/O. Any other feedback from others would be great – and hubbies? Mine feels the same, and we all feel just as helpless and like splitting up.
Further, I used to be so proud of my breasts – even when they were smaller. Now they’re udders that Pammy Anderson would be proud of and I don’t want my husband to touch them. He thinks I’m just nipples on sticks – that’s how I feel. He thinks they’re magnificent – I think it’s all part of the libido loss. Don’t touch the non-erogenous zones. I get more out of a back rub.
My life is celibacy, I love my wife. NO sex period, For a while oral for her worked aso a dildo only at the clitoris,, then this went a way. Oh for the days of the Old Testament when men could have multiple wifes, or better yet some concubines. That would solve our problem men.But,i’m so sorry for our wives and the other ladies. It,s no picnic for them, so be compassionat, as Jesus taught us to be. God Bless All
I had my full hysterectomy about 2 years ago and I have no desire to have sex at all. but just a while a go I was at Walmart and i picked up ( KY long lasting vaginal moisturizer) they are in tubs abd one application last for up to 3 days, I found them to be useful to get ride of the pain and make it so I am able to make it thru the sex. also we have been doing it face to face instead of the usual way doggie style. the regular way with the moisturizer really made for a nice evening, and for the first time in 2 years I did’nt mine at all that we had to have sex hope this helps some of you and it is really great to see that I am not alone.. also note that when you put the applactor in it might burn but it do go away the burning is from the dryness that we occure good luck
and HAPPY LOVING
So Ladies and Gents…what do we do???? All of the above I’m going through too. Please someone help us!!!!
I wish I had the answer it would be worth a fortune! I had my Hysterectomy at the age of 36 due to ovarian cysts caused by endometriosis I was told I still have one and a half ovaries. I am now 56 and have struggled to keep even a flicker of sexsual desire going, the problem is even worse since the onset of the menopause. My husband is very loving and tries to understand but fails. And seems to think I choose to feel like this. I have tried HRT (estrogen) which didn’t help and made my migraines worse.
I am reluctant to ask for help at the Dr again because when I was in my forties a young lady Dr looked embarrassingly surprised that I should be bothered and said as we get older we can expect to have a low libido.
I am seriously thinking of braving the Dr again tho to ask for testosterone as I remember just after the hysterectomy I was given a drug called Danol (which I think had male hormone in) for a short time to make sure the endo Had gone. And I had more sex drive than I knew what to do with, But the side effects of the drug were horrid eg deep voice, excessive body hair and weight gain.
Surely there must be something or someone who could help us. For me and my poor long suffering hubby, It seems time is running out. If the Drs thought I was too old in my forties it’s down hill from here on in! It makes me feel dirty just to ask now. ps By the way the same as someone else mentioned I also have no feeling in my nipples since the op. And just out of interest has anyone else found they have an underactive thyroid since having a hysterectomy?
Hi everyone, reading this website has sent me through every emotion from relief (that I wasn’t alone), sadness (I have been married 45 years and love my husband dearly , hope (although not much of that) and despair(a cure looks increasing unlikely). I am 64 yrs. old, look and feel 10 years younger. I had hysterectomy in my mid 40’s and although my sex drive lessened, we had a pretty good relationship compaired to what I am reading. I had to have an anterior and posterior prolapse operation followed by yet further minor vaginal surgery. My husband was patient and caring and for a while we ‘managed’. But over the past 6 years my desire has completely disappeared. I feel nothing, no desire, no passion, nothing. Like many contributors to this website, I am very depressed and saddened at what I feel is my body’s treachery. I have felt like telling my husband to get sex outside of our marriage as I feel so guilty but I know I couldn’t live with the thought of it and I know he loves me dearly and wouldn’t hurt me in this way. However, I also know he misses sex dreadfully. Even if I could ‘pretend’ interest, actual intercourse is so very very painful that penetration is impossible. I have tried KY jelly but it hasn’t helped much. I was interested in the the dilators mentioned previously, anything that gives hope is grabbed at like a lifebelt to a drowning man! How strange that no medical personnel have contributed to this website. Maybe some people will think that at 64 I should give up any thoughts of a sex life, maybe they are right but I would love to just feel a slight tingle, a feeling of ‘love’ which all seemed to have disappeared. I feel more emotion from watching Pride and Prejudice, porn just seems dirty to me now and yet once upon a time it would get me going in no time. If anyone comes up with a magic cure, please post it and don’t write 60+ women off, we still want to make our husband’s happy and to reach fufillment ourselves.
Ooo Chelsea I do hope the comments I made didn’t make you feel worse I certainly don’t think you should give up the thought of a sex life. My comments were born out of hurt at the way I was made to feel in my forties when I asked for help, and not that I think myself or women a little older, too old. I intend continuing searching the net for help and as I said before I also intend braving the Dr again (hopefully they will be a little more sympathetic to my cause this time. After all they have had a decade to learn more) All we need is something to flick the switch back on. The love for our husbands is already there. Lets not give up. When we are living a lot longer and keeping ourselves in better shape physically and mentally, we must make the medical profession aware that this is a problem that an awful lot of women want to address. Good luck to us all. I will keep you posted of the outcome. (It wont be for a while it takes ages to get an appointment with a Doctor where I live)
You all are unique. In body, physical make up and personal history. But all share a common problem of lack of information. My wife had a total hysterectomy in the early 90s. At that time you simply took a pill (HRT) and all was to go back to normal. Over a decade has passed and “normal” is a word that has little meaning. Following all of the prescriptions and doctor’s recommendations, nothing worked. So much so she developed day stopping migraines while on the HRT. As of 3 years ago she simply keeps up with her check ups, take vitamins and is pretty much migraine free. I know she still feels, as she puts it “A sexual”, but having her healthy and migraine free is wonderful. I wish you all well and hope of all hopes that someone will come up with a solution. But until we can understand the female’s unique characteristics we all will simply tread water. So relish in your uniqueness and continue the conquest for information. You are not alone.
Hi again, I didn’t even bother to check back on the website as I didn’t expect any comments. Thanks ‘tooold’ and David for your encouraging remarks. It is kind of comforting to know that occasionally men read webpages like this one and are sympathetic to our problems. Maybe with more female politicians in government, there will eventually be financing for research into what is obviously a much bigger problem than I for one realised. Just hope a miracle occurs before I actually decide to give up caring.
Good luck to all of us
Last year I had a total hysterectomy. I had massive fibroids and I was bleeding 24-7. I used to have great sex and was as wet as the Nile river. After surgery I am as dry as the Sahara. The longer I go without sex the less I need it. I want my desire back I want sex back. My skin is dry and crepe looking. I haven’t had sex yet and I feel like I have been robbed of my sexuality. Even when I try to masturbate I can barely make it through that. What man will ever be interested in someone like that? I am angry and hurt. I want ME back. knowing that women are 4 to one man, For every woman that cant or wont, there are 3 that will and I probably wont be one of them.
i’m so glad i found this site I had a complete hysterectomy going on 7 years ago I at first enjoyed sex but for the past three to four years my sex drive has deminished to not wanting sex at all we have sex twice a month i have been married for 24 years and my husband has been supportive as much as he can but i want to get my groove back and enjoy and feel good about the sex and ladies this is coming from a couple that used to have sex five to six times a week I threw my hormone pills away because of all the bad stuff about them and now it is starting to cause issues within my marriage he wants it more often and I don’t i don’t think it’s right to fake it DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO offer that might help
ok, so it’s not just me. i’m saddened that there’s so many of us ‘changed’ by this surgery. i had bladder prolapse repair as well, and frankly i believe they removed anything that ever felt good. nobody ever tells you to expect that. or how to deal with it.
I want to share something that has helped me.It isPremarin vaginal cream.It built my vaginal tissues back up,and stopped the pain I was having during intercourse.I still have a mental block,fearing pain during sex.I get a little drunk,in order to be able to relax.My religion condems drinking,but it is the only way for me to relax enough,right now.I too,have loss of nipple sensation,abdominal numbness,gag when brushing my teeth,loss of sexual fantasy.My doctor will not give me testosterone,maybe I should try another doctor.It has been 2 years,and I have decided that I cannot live the rest of my life as a victim.I am going to do everything in my power to make our sex life the best it can be.I know it will never be the same,but I want my life back,and I am going to actively pursue it.I am very lucky,because my husband and I share unconditional love(for 29 years)I cannot change the past,I have to live with it.I am just as much a woman as I was before the surgery,I will not let it destroy me.
Since my complete hysterectomy because of endometrial cancer, I have not lost my desire for sex, but apparently my husband of 40 years has. He does not even want to sleep in the same bed with me and on our anniversary (40 years) he did not even kiss me. My operation was in June 2008 and now it is almost December. He searches his vitamin book for vitamins to keep me cancer free.I have talked to him about this, but he says giving me these vitamins show his love for me and that he loves me. I feel like I am a roommate and not a wife. We had always been very close and he is a very good guy, but this is a very sad situation and I find myself feeling more and more lonely. There is absolutely no touching or hugging — any physical contact at all. So my situation seems opposite of the majority of the responses. I have the desire but my husband no longer does.
I am using the herb Saw Palmetto and it seems to have helped but I have pain now…worse than the first time…So I have the drive back but does anyone know if this is normal…or if the pain will go away
I had a partial hysterectomy at 27 (19 years ago), leaving my ovaries. I never had a problem with sex drive until last October, when I had to have the ovaries removed as well. It was one month after I remarried, and now, just over one year later, I have no interest in sex whatsoever. I have just returned from a gyno visit, and he recommended the testosterone/estrogen implants. I read several comments about this, but he warned of side effects, so I would like to know if anyone uses these, please email me at debileigh13@yahoo.com. Let me know if you have had weight gain, excess hair, etc.
I am so sorry I feel a little like I have let us all down but I bottled out of seeing the GP about the libido/testosterone thing as I said I had planned to do in a previous comment. Partly because I didn’t want the same comments as before and partly because I am already struggling with a slight weight problem (which also developed after the hysterectomy and the underactive thyroid condition) and I figured more weight might add to my problem. But after reading Jill’s comment I am trying the herb Saw Palmetto so I will let you all know how I get on with that. And I shall keep watching this space for any new ideas.
WOW!! I just stumbled across this site doing some research. I am 38 years and am scheduled to have my partial hyst on December 16th. I suffer so badly with pain during my cycles, clots, fibroids, anemia. I have two sons 10 and 2 and one week when my wonderful supportive husband was traveling I could not get out of the bed and had to call my sister in law down to help with the kids. I really have no other options. My blood count was at 8 two months ago. The pain I can’t deal with any longer. My husband and I have dated since high school and we have a wonderful sex life. I hope that I we will continue to have our wonderful connection. Reading the comments above is heartbreaking and I wish you all the best. It is also scary to read how most have lost their sex drives.
So Vicki what was this amazing energy juice?
I had my hysterectomy last June and am not desiring for sex. My fiance thinks it is him and i am trying to reassure him that it is not. Will i ever be the same again?
I started having extreme periods 2-3 times a month – when I couldn’t walk from the pain and blood loss, my husband pushed me to go to the doctor. To appease him, i went nly to find out that I had a 6cm fibroid tumor. I’m scheduled to have a partial hysterectomy in January. My biggest fear is the loss of sex drive. These comments are making me rethink surgery.
My wife needed a partial. She was a level five with endometriosis and was bed ridden 6 days a month. I begged her to get the partial to get rid of the pain. Since then, it’s the same story you’ve read above. Obviously, an “estroviagara” is not available as of the time if this post but, we as couples need to get thru until there is right? So this is a temporary solution that me and the wife work together on which makes it easy on her when her vagina is not “elongated” or ready to perform:
Back rubs, hair combing, complete pampering for her and for him….masterbation!! Yes I’m admitting it. Porn will work well however it will get old over time for him. So for you women out there who want to keep your man around until a SUPER PILL is on the market (trust me, not all men are as understanding as I am and it is important that YOU stop feeling bad for yourself and maintain that sexual relationship) I suggest the following:
1. If you catch him while masterbating,… help him finish off! DO NOT STOP HIM for what ever reason.
2. Instead of the porn which is near mandatory, YOU become the model! Yes your become the pleasure actress. Watch while he performs you help him by teasing him over the edge. Once you become good at the teasing part the whole process should take less than 5 minutes because he’s the one pleasuring himself. Here is how:
A. Simply bend over exposing your rear and tell him verbally how magnificent your rumpus is.
B. Lie on your back and pose in a series of leg tantalizing positions. If you need help just check out a free porn site and get creative.
C. Don’t be shy or coy have fun with it and watch your man have a good time while you give him pose after pose.
D. Compliment him during his hard pumping throws! Talk about his manhood size or whatever and that will make the ordeal quicker..
E. Trash talk during your pose if you have to, even the most reserved conservative has a dark sexual side.
F. Fake a mild orgasm while posing, he will oblige with his own.
G. start off by wearing something that you can slowly take off ultimately showing your goods. But don’t get comfortable with it on. It must come off for him to get thoroughly going.
H. Take it to the extreme by giving him a landing pad. If you decide to go this route, for whatever reason don’t get grossed out by the release. It will backfire on you.
The above is a great way to help him and not get yourself physically involved.
my ex lost her sex drive after her hysterectomy.We tried many things to enhance it, even beyond what most would do. Not good for the marriage. If you want to help your soulmate, men love it if you masterbate them or oral sex, be upfront but do try to satisfy his needs. Nature gave us this urge that is as frustrating as is great feeling. We do love our beautiful partners.
When you’ve had your uterus and ovaries removed, you no longer have your own estrogen production, and testosterone production also dramatically declines (some testosterone is made by the adrenals). Even if your ovaries were left, 25 % of woman will have loss of ovarian function within 3 months of having a hysterectomy (study by Dr Phillip Sarrel- he also found that by 3 years after removal of only the uterus, about 60 % of woman will have menopausal levels of ovarian hormones and show a marked decline in estradiol).
So you need to be replacing the estrogen and testosterone with bio-idential pellets which are inserted under the skin by a doctor under local anaesthesia and is replaced every 3 – 6 months. They are bio-identical, replace your missing hormones and don’t increase cancer risk. You can’t possibly expect to feel well, both sexually and otherwise, if these hormones are low.
Google ‘hysterectomy and oothorectomy John Studd’ and read about his recommendations for natural HRT. Here’s a link for one of his pages.
http://www.studd.co.uk/hysterectomy.php
I truely hope this helps.
I have had a full abdominal hysterectomy 4 years ago and I have lost all my lipido. I also have lichen sclorisis. My Husband could not understand my lack of libido, until I was diagnosed with Lichen sclorisis and then he backed off. I have the feeling I am being raped, it is so painful. No meds(testosterone…._ have helped me recover or get it back. I am offering my husband his freedom, because I cannot have sex anymore. Not sure if he will take it, but it may be better than our current brother/sister relationship.
I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago. I have just found the right hormones to up my libido and energy level. I wear a ville patch and use testosterone pellets. The pellets have saved me. They are wonderful. I have energy no menapause affects and I have a great libido. My husband is very happy as well as I am. These pellets seem to be my wonder drug. They are not cheap but well worth every penny in our books.
I had my part. hyst. 6 years ago this april for cysts on my ovaries and cervical cancer. Also was leading to endo. I too have lost my desire although I find my husband of 7 years extremely handsome and still very sexy to me. I just cant get any desire. I have done research on this and have come up with less than you all.
There are some great suggestions in here. I am excited to see that there are men out there willing to give suggestions and comment on their own experiences with their wives.
Gives me great hope and as I have a Dr. apt. tomorrow I will be bringing up some of these suggestions there.
Thanks again.
Hope to bring back good news.
Kansas University is doing bioidentical hormone testing. I have included the web-site. We have found a OB/GYN that is well aquainted to this type of therapy. My wife will have some blood work done and make an appointemnt next month. I’ll keep you posted.
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00302731?spons=%22University+of+Kansas%22&spons_ex=Y&rank=37
i feel weird after reading all your comments
after your hysterectomys because i had mine
2 months ago and i cant get enough of my hubby
i couldnt wait as long as i should have we took it slowly but it was great i think
i actually love sex more than befour .
I had a fybroid which required shrinking with Lupron Depot before my abdominal hysterectomy. My gyno was very informative. heHe told me that our minds play a huge part in healing, and in desire. Some women may feel incomplete after a hystrectomy or be worried about whether their partner finds the scar unattractive. Therefore he recommended recovery start before the op. I focused on all the things that would improve for me, how I much healthier I would be and feel etc. My gyno ensured that I fully understood what to expect and how I could improve things. We started to get me as healthy as possible before the op, and to assist in healing I took zinc tablets prior to surgery and for several months following. Apparently the body needs zinc to heal but we don’t produce it naturally, and most food nowadays is deficient. Starting to exercise, gently, 12wks after the op for improvement in internal muscle tone as well as a gradual return regular exercise for energy and health was recommended, as was ensuring healthy diet and correct vitiman and mineral supplements. He also ensured that I did not return to work, in or outside of the home, too early and when I did return it was gradual. This is because it takes two years for the body to fully recover from the surgery and to adjust to the change in its physical and chemical make-up. If not handled properly recovery can be unnecessarily painful and depressing which causes both physical and emotional problems. These problems can last years. I know we are all different and this would not work for everyone, but I hope this provides some ideas which may work for some, if not all of you. Good luck, hang in there, you are all brave, strong and beautiful women to have come this far. I hope that something in here may help at least some of you.
WOMEN find a doc who does biodentical hormones & watch your life come back full swing.I am 38 & it took me 6 years to figure this out on my own. You will love your man til he begs you to stop!!! You will not need a sex tape, you will want your man & he will be over the moon!!!!
My partial hyst. was years ago and I felt a decrease in libido afterwards. However, several yrs. later, in my early 40’s, I went into menopause and lost my sex drive completely.
Now I am in my 60’s and have very few sensations before or during intercourse ,no desire ,sore breasts, and my girl parts are shrinking.
Early on, when I told my gyn. about all my troubles, she said she really had very few women ever complain about the loss of ibido and also suggested it was psychological. Why did she not even know about this???
Through the years, I have tried EVERYTHING, but nothing has worked at all. One doctor suggested bio-hormones , then doubled the testosterone and I wound up with breast cancer.
My husband is kind and loving and I am sick that I can not love him as I want to.
I believe that having a hysterectomy at a young age caused my loss of libido. There are quite a few women that I have talked to who have the same problem, either from having a hysterectomy or from going through menopause.
Two questions-
Why don’t doctors warn women of this possible side-effect of a hysterectomy ????
Why is the media not addressing this huge problem ???
I had a complete hysterectomy this past June. I have no sex drive and when I do have sex, IT HURTS. My husband doesn’t understand. I also have had pain in my thighs since surgery. Numerous tests, with no help. Hot flashes are a bear. Tried hormones, but don’t like the side affects. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a complete hysterectomy & 1 ovary removed October 2008. I’m currently amid chemo to save my other ovary under the pretense “it would only decrease your quality of life to remove it.” My husband is so irrate with our sex life, and all I wanted for my birthday on Jan. 16 was for him to buy a hooker to quit pestering me about sex. My OB-GYN’s office laughs when I bring up the serious discord under my roof due to having no sex life. “With three sons and being together 10 years, what do you expect?” they tell me.
Not only do I have no interest in sex, my attempts have been met with crippling pain (I had 3 kids without so much as an Advil), the latest forcing me to call off from work for FOUR days to recover. I just cannot convince my husband how I feel my sex drive was removed during that hysterectomy. It’s gone. He frequently references material that claims women have equal, if not better sex drives after a hysterectomy, along with statistics that say healthy couples have sex atleast 3x/wk, thus, I must be having an affair. I cried reading a lot of these posts – I know now that I’m not alone between the lack of desire and the pain. I don’t even want to be touched. Aside from the sexual disfunction, I am emotionally neutral all the time. I had quite the temper, yet also would get excited and happy…My zest for life is gone. I feel as though my spirit is gone. Obviously, I can’t help any of you, and would appreciate further contact with you who are experiencing the same!
I am so happy I found this site. My doctor was suggesting that I could have a hysterectomy to ease the discomfort of fibroids and some of the pain associated with them. After reading these postings, I think I will look harder for other options besides hysterectomy. I thought problems with sex drive only occurred if you took out the ovaries, but now i know better. Now the pain and discomfort don’t seem that bad any more.
You all have really helped me. I know it is little consolation for those of you in physical and emotional pain, but you have helped at least one person to make a better more informed decision about her life. THANKS!!
I had mine about 5 years ago. I am in the same boat. My husband now makes remarks to my family about the iceburg. It hurts me and I want to lash out and make it look like his fault. You go to the dr. and they just basically say this is the way it is. I feel hopeless.
try bio-identical hormone therapy
Basicly, your marriage is over! I like the comment further back that says “I feel like I’m living with my brother”!
I also had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago… I WAS married for 15 years. I had NO sex drive at all after, it also hurt really bad when I would have sex (still hurts). My husband of 15 years left me because of it.
Broke my heart! But I guess…what do you expect if you can’t make love anymore. I guess I will live alone forever, because it hurts toooo much to have sex! I can’t seem to get any help for this!
Did anybody ever find a reliable solution to all this?
Hi I had a full hysterectomy 12 months ago.Before my sex life was great…….for the first 3 months after surgery my sex life was terrible but is getting better after I started using Vivelly Dot patch.
I am 39 years old and had a complete hysterectomy 7 years ago and let me tell you…NO SEX DRIVE. I have tried Black cohash, sex toys, lubes, but nothing. Between the mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, and being unemployed due to this horrific economy, I am at a loss. I have been blessed with a man who understands, however, I miss our sex life. We were the hot and heavy couple and now we are ice cold. I miss the intimacy. I feel like making love to me is just to much work. He says that he loves the literal hours of fore play but I get to wound up and loss momentum. I spoke to my Gyno (a man) and he was totally un-sympathetic. He said and I am quoting here, “I am sorry DOnna but unfortunately this is a side effect of a complete hysterectomy and menopause, there are no drugs that will
help you”. Then he left the room, leaving me in tears in my paper gown feeling alone, frustrated, and totally lost.
I wish I’d found this site sooner, I had full Hysterectomy at 37 yrs after fertility investigations revealed cancer. I remember asking at the time how it might affect my sex drive and was told “you’ll be alright”, that was 4 years ago and we haven’t had full intercourse at all. I’ve had a glimmer of feeling sexy once or twice, and luckily my husband has been really understanding but I can’t help feeling that it’s not fair on him. We’re still young and should be enjoying some sort of sex life.I find it amazing that if a man is having a vasectomy he is offered counseling and support, yet there seem to be a lot of women out there that just have to put up with it.
I had a hysterectomy in November, 2008 and has not had the desire for sex since. My husband does not understand at all. The thought of sex NEVER enters my mind until he brings it up, then I start to feel guilty, but I still have no desire to have sex. I’ll give in, but I feel as if I’m being forced to do something I really don’t want to do. I have been completely turned off to not only sex, but intimacy also!
Had total hysterectomy November 07. It’s been 15 months and my husband and I have had intercourse 2 times. It was quite painful and I had bleeding afterwards. I do not think about sex anymore and feel nothing. My husband is understanding and has issues of his own with performance, but not anything like what I am experiencing. I cannot take any form of estrogen due to pre cancer that caused the hysterectomy in the first place. Doc has suggested testosterone to help, but I don’t want the expense or the side effects. It feels hopeless..
I had to have a complete hysterectomy because of endometrial cancer. I am on estradiol and bio-identical testosterone cream. If I do not take them I have vaginal dryness and pain. I believe the whole estrogen cancer scare is just that a scare tatic. It’s all about quality of life. I’d rather be dead than live without estradiol since I feel dead without it. We women need to do our research and take control of our lives and tell the doctors what we need. If estradiol causes cancer why don’t young women who have more estrogen have the higher percentage of breast cancer? Just asking. In nature we are not suppose to live past our reproductive years so as long as were living longer we might as well feel good.
I had to have a partial hysterectomy 2 years ago after delivering my second child. I was bleeding after my C-section and had to be rolled into the op room again. I woke up in the ICU and found out on paper writing back and forth with my husband. I cried cried because this meant no more womenhood, no more babies, and much more. Now two years later I am short with my temper, I sometimes look at myself and feel ugly, and I am not interested in sex. I want all of this back to normal. I am sad and need to know if life can get brighter. I love my children and my husband, but sometimes not me.
Thanks for all your comments and concerns the have been eye opening. I had a complete hysto 6wks ago andjust tried out my parts eventhough it was mild it was still good, but I’m use to great and don’tknow if things will improve from here please God. I have an awasome husband of 27yrs and don’y plan to loose anything, Thanks for all your comments I will take a little from here and a little from there and if I can find the “magic bullet I will shot it out to you all, but in the meantime we have to remember to take care of our men, let’s just keep it real, I keep mine smilingset the mood sex should not began in the bed so fix your self up lite th candles and put on some music and see where the night ends pleasure for both or just for him he’ll thank you for the effort.
Luck to all
I had a Hysterectomy with removal of ovaries 2 years ago. I still have no desire for sex and I have gained around 20 lbs. I have tried several HRT and nothing has helped. The doctor also tried me on Covaryx HS which is estrogen with testosterone. After reading side effects I was afraid to use. Has anyone tried this replacement therapy? At this point I am ready to give up does anyone have any suggestions? HELP!!
Let your poor husbands take a mistress like the French women do. He will still want to live with you and be your husband. It will be difficult at first, but soon you will settle into a routine and neither of you will feel guilty anymore.
First of all… # 96 ‘Helpful Caring Man’ has some great ideas… play games !! … in fact, write some game scenarios together, and then act them out… And, # 116 ‘Donna’, PLEASE find a different GYN… you don’t need that insensitive man.
Wow… after reading all these comments I want to add mine. I loved sex and always had outrageously great orgasms… Then had a complete hysterectomy in ’99 at 42 years of age because of a giant mass that turned out to be totally benign… then the severe depression came, and weight gain, and I was on HRT (Climara) for five years (the maximum time on HRT, I was told), then lost the ability to orgasm soon after going off Climara, and next, lost all desire… Within seven years of the surgery I felt as if I’d aged seventeen years. At one of my very lowest points, I decided I couldn’t live that way anymore and began doing tons of research. Within two years I’d found several things that worked for me, and they continue to work… my desire is back and so are my orgasms. Here’s what happened: My female GYN did sex hormone levels testing, and I had almost zero testosterone, so we first tried the testosterone ointments at increasing strengths, which helped, but finally moved to a testosterone Rx called ‘Androgel’. Men use one or two 2.5 gram packets topically per day, but I only use two DROPS out of a packet on my forearm once a day (and a prescription lasts me forever) Also, I take
L-Arginine, 700 mg capsules, usually twice daily (but you can take up to six capsules daily) for increased blood flow to my ‘delicate bits’ (and for energy). And I take powdered MACA for libido. (both these can be ordered from Dr. Ward Bond, Nutritional Living, and he can explain how they work. 800-620-9975… or get at most health food stores)… But here’s the other important thing I learned: My mind plays a crucial role, and I won’t hesitate to confess that although I never watched porn in my entire life, I began to… But I wasn’t too thrilled with very much of it, because it’s generally lacking in story lines and it can be just a little ‘too much’ sometimes… but porn made me remember all the wild fantasies I used to have. I started writing them, and expanded them into red hot stories, writing my own ‘porn’ from a female perspective… and soon my ‘writing therapy’ worked; I wanted to do more than write. Try it, girls… probably 99% of us (yes, even the very religious and the proper conservatives) have had our favorite fantasy scenarios, some of them so outrageous that we would never tell anyone, much less write them down… but it worked unbelievably well for me, in conjunction with the testosterone and other supplements. The research for medical and alternative medical help took lots of time, and trial and error, and then I had to force myself to write the fantasies in the beginning (and I shocked myself at times), but I desperately wanted that essential sexual part of me back again. Now, ten years after my hysterectomy, I’m having plenty of fun, satisfying sex (yes, we still need lube sometimes), and my partner is a very happy guy. I hope somebody will be encouraged by reading this, and maybe they’ll try testosterone and some erotic writing…
I am devastated! I enjoyed a very high sex drive. I had a total hysterectomy in February and I’m flat. Sex is not even crossing my mind these days! This is a horrible place to be in life. Does anyone have a cure or suggestions.
I had my hysterectomy 6 years ago.I was 42. From then on it has been a downhill spiral. I felt like my body and my mind were aging fast. I had every menopausal symptom under the sun. Depression playing a big part aswell as the absolute exhaustion. HOWEVER! Last year I was given oestrogen and testosterone patches. I started to feel better but still had low energy issues. 2 months ago I was given a testosterone implant to give me that extra boost and boy what a difference! My life is transformed. I want sex much much more than ever! I feel alive again with more energy and alot clearer thinking. I want to do things instead of sitting around. I still have weight to lose but I’m sure now I’m feeling a little more human and normal again it will come off in time. The bottom line is that after feeling like most of you for the last 5 years, this last year has given me back my life.
I had a partial vag hyst a yr ago this last November, which I still have my ovaries…My sex drive actually got higher than ever before the surgery. To where now I can’t seem to get enough of it….I’m sad to hear about you all not having any desires for it.
my wife had a hystrectomy about 2 to 3 years ago due to breast cancer so she could take femara for the next 5 years. so now she cant take any hormone based sexual enhancer. weve found that ZESTRA works great and its safe for women who cant use hormone based theropy. its all natural. It looks and smeels like olive oil. but now most of the time i cant penetrate her because she is so tight and it nhurts when i do and when i cum it burns for sometimes days.
yes my wife had a Hysterectomy in 2004 and we tried to have sex about 6 months afterwards and it did not feel the same we have not had sex in 5 years i am afraid that i am going to cheat i do love my wife however i am still a man and have sexual needs please help what do i do i feel like i am falling i am a preacher and what a shame that would be but i need sex bad i am still holding on
My 3rd posting. After months of research, my wife made the decision to try bio-identical “pellet” hormone theropy. The pellets where inserted into her upper hip. This is after extensive blood work and a bone density scan. She also found out her thyroid was not working correctly. Another condition of females with no hormones. It’s now been barely 30 days and she already sees many improvements. She’s sleeping better. No hot flashes. Better memory and just a general feeling of being “herself” once again. Sex has also become a part of our life once more.
So please do your research, contact an MD that specializes in this area. You can find them on the web with a little digging. It’s worth the time and money. I can promise you that.
Wow, that is all I have to say, I am a 31yr old husband of a 28yr old who has absolutely NO desire to be intimate in any way at all. I am having such a hard time with it. Her hysterectomy was almost two years ago and I can probably count how many times we have had sex since then. I am now suffering from severe depression, have ruined four years of sobriety and then recently threw away almost an entire other year because I feel so hopeless. I am a very spiritual/religious man, but it is so hard to live in a loveless marriage and survive. I am still young, still virile, still have needs, my wife on the other hand has the libido of an octogenarian, and I hate to think of cheating, leaving her, or anything like that, but the reality is I think about it, and I hate myself for thinking about it. I need this fixed. Where do I turn, what do I do? How do I approach her about it? Or do I give up, I have contemplated finding some sort of medication to annihilate my libido, at least then I wont hurt. ???
SO I AM FRUSTRATED AND AT A LOSS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND… OK I AM 28 I HAD MY HYSTERECTOMY FEB08 A WEEK AFTER TURNING 27. AFTER GOING THROUGH A C-SECTION JUST SIX MONTHS BEFORE. DURING PREGNANCY CANCER WAS DETECTED AND THE GYNO FORBID US OF HAVING SEX. WE HAD BABY..AUGUST…… SEPTEMBER STILL RECOVERING FROM HAVING BABY… RIGHT AFTER I WAS RECOVERED… IN OCTOBER THEY DID MINOR SURGERY AND SAID NO SEX FOR FOUR WEEKS…..FOUR WEEKS LATER…IN NOVEMBER THEY DID ANOTHER SURGERY… THEY SAID NO SEX 4 TO 6 WEEKS….4 WEEKS LATER IN DECEMBER…. THEY PREFORMED THE SAME SURGERY THEY DID 4 WEEKS PREVIOUSLY BECAUSE THE LAB MISPLACED THE TISSUE COLLECTED …. COOL RIGHT???…WRONG!!!! THEY SAID NO SEX FOUR TO SIX WEEKS… 5 WEEKS LATER IN JANUARY THEY PREFORMED ANOTHER FREAKING SURGERY/BIOPSY BS RETARDED PROCEDURE THAT BROUGHT THEM TO THE CONCLUSION TO DECIDE I NEEDED A TOTAL HYSTERECTOMY 3WEEKS LATER IN FEBRUARY BECAUSE NOW THE RETARDED DOCTORS ARE SAYING THAT THIS IS MY TREATMENT FOR CANCER…. THIS NOW IN FEBRUARY OF 08 TOTALS TO 1 YR FORBID BY DOCTORS TO HAVE SEX!!!! SO I HAVE THE STUPID HYSTERECTOMY I REQUEST THAT THEY JUST TAKE EVERYTHING OVARIES TOO… THEY SAY YOUR TOO YOUNG… ULTIMATELY ITS YOUR DECISION THE DOCTOR TELLS ME… IN THE NEXT SENTENCE HE STATES “BUT I THINK YOUR TOO YOUNG SO I REFUSE TO REMOVE THEM AFTER SURGERY YOU WILL BE JUST FINE!” HA HA FREAKIN HARDY HAR HAR REALLY FUNNY DOC! THANKS FOR YOUR WONDERFUL LIES! SO AFTER RECOVERY MY HONEY AND I IN THE END OF APRIL ATTEMPT TO HAVE SEX… WOW I DISCOVERED THAT MY CLIT AND WHOLE OUTSIDE OF MY VAGINA HAS NO FEELING! NONE! ZIP! ZILCH! NOTHING! NADA! ABSENT GONE IT LEFT ON A JET PLANE! AND SO I SAY O WELL FORGET FOREPLAY BIG DADDY LETS GET TO BUSINESS! !!!!!OMG!!!!! I THEN WANTED TO SHOOT MY SELF IN THE FOOT BECAUSE THAT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!! PENETRATION WAS HORRIBLE PAIN IT FEELS LIKE HES STABBING ME WITH A FREAKING TELEPHONE POLE WITH A KNIFE AT THE END! SO WE WAIT TRY AGAIN.. AND AGAIN… AGAIN…. AGAIN…. AGAIN…. AGAIN…. AGAIN…. WITH EVERY
ATTEMPT BEING JUST AS PAINFUL AS THE FIRST. IN SEPTEMBER OF 08 I GET MY CLITORAL SENSATION BACK… AND IT SEEMS OK… UNTIL HE TRIES TO GET ME OFF… I GET TO THE POINT WHERE IM JUST ABOUT TO ORGASM AND *BAM* IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE IS RIPPING ME TO SHREDS AND IS NOT PLEASUREABLE AT ALL! WE ATTEMPT TO HAVE SEX AGAIN AND I END UP IN THE ER BCUZ IT WAS SO UNBEARABLY PAINFUL TWO DAYS LATER THAT I PASS OUT AND HONEY TAKES ME IN. LOW AND BEHOLD THEY DO A CTSCAN AND FIND TUMORS AND CYSTS COVERING BOTH OVARIES! WHOAAAA REAL COOL DOC THATS TOTALY FINE AND NORMAL RIGHT! WRONG ONCE AGAIN ITS NOT COOL! SINCE OCTOBER ITS THE SAME BS POKING PRODING REFFERALS NOT BEING CLEARED BS.. THEYRE STILL JUST MONITORING GROWTH… SERIOUSLY MONITORING. YEAH RIGHT MED-I-CAL IS NOT PAYING SO THEY ARENT TRYING TO ACTUALLY TREAT MY PROBLEM BCUZ THEY THINK I WILL JUST GIVE UP AND U KNOW WHAT IM ON THE EDGE OF GIVING UP I FEEL LIKE CANCER HAS 10PTS AND I HAVE NONE! AND I WOULD BE TOTALY FINE WITH IT IF I COULD JUST GET OFF! SEE IM NOT EXPIERENCING HAVING ISSUES WITH NO LIBIDO I WANT TO SCREW MY HUBBYS BRAINS OUT IN THE WORST WAY IMAGINABLE I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH DRYNESS WHAT SO EVER IM READY I WANT IT BAD AND CANT HAVE IT! I MAKE SURE HE IS SATISFIED WITH PIC MESSAGES AND OTHER THINGS BUT IM LEFT EXCITED AND IN EXTREME PAIN BECAUSE JUST GETTING EXCITED NOW GIVES ME PAIN WTF MY WHOO HAAA IS LITTERALLY BROKEN AND DEPRESSION FRUSTRATION RAGE AND HEART BROKEN SEEMS TO BE THE RIGHT DESCRIPTION AT THIS POINT!!! I WANT TO BE 28!! IM NOT EVEN SURE IF I WANT TREATMENT THIS TIME… I REFUSE TO GET CHEMO AND RADIATION AT THIS POINT IM SICK OF BEING HACKED INTO AND INJECTED AND SICK! IM LOST IM LOST AND FRUSTRATED OH SO FRUSTRATED! AND IM NOT ASKING FOR HELP CUZ I KNOW NOTHING CAN HELP MY BUTT I JUST NEEDED TO VENT. THANKS
I had an abdominal hysterectomy, and kept my ovaries, 2 years ago. Well, I could care less
about sex! That’s all men think about! It makes me sick! I have been married for 7, almost 8 years, and when asked to do oral sex,
I refuse!!! I had no problem before, but then again I don’t even want his hands on me!
I sometimes feel pissed, and want left alone!
Doctors say I’m not in Menopause, but could either be thyroid(Goiter), or Peri-Menopause?
I just feel angry, and do not want to make love to my husband at all-ever! I used to love sex, now I’m 43, and I could care less.
Had a complete hysterectomy in 2004 at age 32 due to uterine cancer. My doctor won’t let me take any hormones because of the cancer and when I tell him how painful sex is, let alone the horribly decreased desire and decreased sensitivity, he says, “Well, which would you rather have? Cancer or better sex?” He came highly recommended from several doctors but this isn’t helping. Every time my husband and I do have sex (which is rare), I end up in tears because of the pain. There has to be something out there for us! But reading all of these other stories has made me glad to see I’m not alone.
I am a 39 yr old male. I have been dating a 35 yr old who just recently had her hysterectomy completed by removal of the last ovary. It has been a few weeks and she is starting to show signs of decreased interest and I am getting depressed. I love this girl more then anything and hope and pray that the passion and intimacy in our life does not fade away. I am terribly scared after reading all the post. Why the heck are Docs still doing this surgery? There has to be another solution! I am a man with a very hi sex drive. The only problem is I only want it with her, please I am begging someone out there to post a solution if not for me and mine then for the tons of other people who have posted their frustrations here.
I have some very large fibroids and I was just told a partial hysterectomy would help .After reading these post I am almost afraid to have it done.Any advice ?
My wife had a total hysterectomy 2.5 years ago. Let me tell you this… it has completely ruined our marriage. She hates me and treats me like a sexual deviant. If I even make an attempt to touch her she acts like I am some dirty man.
She wants a divorce and is always encouraging me to “get a girl friend”. She gets angry at me at the drop of a hat. One word from me that is not perfect gets me at least 3 days in the “I-hate-you-I-am-not-talking-to-you” dog house.
In bed, when she is not sleeping on the couch(because she is afraid I might have the audacity to want intimacy), she puts as many articles of clothes on and recoils at the slightest touch.
Meanwhile I read all the books and listened to all the advice. I work two jobs and give her everything I make. She has complete control of the finances. After working all day I come home and sweep the floors, do the dishes, clean the rooms, help the kids with the homework, etc. I do this with a cheerful attitude and always “ask” permission. I write love notes to her regularly and give her praise at all times. When she “allows” me to touch her I work slow and spend hours in an attempt to give her mind the foreplay she needs.
BUT… this doesn’t work. She really, really has no desire for sex. And not only that, but intimacy as well. Being close to me must make her stress out about not wanting sex.
After the hysterectomy we had a “occasional” love making, but it was rare. But at least we had it. She was running 5 days a week and working out regularly at the time. Last year around May she stopped her regular workout routine. Suprise… her sex drive dropped to zero. Later, her feelings evolved to pure resentment. Now she wants me gone. She has her sisters and does not need some “sex crazed” man in her life.
So… the mind is a wonderful thing, but without the proper hormones, it is just NOT POSSIBLE for the female to have a proper and healthy sex life. Period.
I am emptying my savings to give her bio identical hormones and an additional surgery to remove any remnants of her endometriosis and ovaries. Of course, none of this is covered by insurance. Typical. But I don’t care. She can have ALL my money.
I know I will get little sympathy. I keep hearing the same thing over and over again from the women who have no sex drive. They say.. “he just doesn’t understand”. Well I have got something to say to you all… You don’t understand. You don’t understand that the man still has STRONG biological desires. Just because you don’t doesn’t change anything. All I hear is how the men are insensitive and selfish.
I have a little wake up call for all you women who are “suffering”. Do you really think your man enjoys “doing the dishes” or any of the other things that he does in the small hope that he will somehow stimulate you? No. They would be perfectly happy to just have sex. But no… they spend countless hours going through rituals that have no meaning to them or give them any satisfaction in order to please their woman.
So what is my point? Why is it that intimacy for a woman is only going to happen if she “FEELS” something. That sounds selfish. If she really wanted to make the marriage work.. why won’t she do the “countless” other things that she could do to help her man be satisfied? To put it bluntly, because I am beyond despair, the man does not need to have his penis in your vagina to have a sexual experience with you.
If you really don’t care about sex, maybe you should care about your man!!! You should care that he likes sex. Just like he cares that you like “chick flicks”. He will sit there and watch the movie with you because he loves you, but really does not enjoy it.
Why can’t you women understand????? The man just needs sex. It is that simple. You don’t need to be lubricated to do it. There are countless ways just get a book. If you really care about your marriage you will do it because you enjoy making your man happy. Just like he does things to make you happy. It is pathetic and just wrong that you all sit there and say, “We have no sex life because I have no sex drive”.
Well just about all men don’t enjoy the long foreplay, or the endless female needs. But they do it anyways. Because they need sex and they want to make you feel loved.
I just don’t understand why you won’t pleasure your man if you don’t feel anything. Why? Why can’t you understand that they need SEX. It is a biological drive that can not be denied. Period. Why can’t you be unselfish and help him out a couple of times a week? Who knows…that man who has been married to you just might do MORE of those things that you need. It just might save your marriage.
So get off your holier than thou high horse and do what ever it takes to satisfy a natural biological need for your man. Are you so selfish that you don’t do things just because you are not in the mood? I just wonder how many marriages could have been saved if the “non-feeling” wife did whatever it took to satisfy her mans sexual needs.
Flame away. I don’t care. All I know is that I have done many things that I have not been in the “mood” for to please my wife. But I get NOTHING in return. If she is not in the mood…. then too bad. Your out of luck.
So I continue to work two jobs, pay all the bills, clean the house, send flowers, write notes, try to sneek an intimate touch. I listen to what she wants and I do it, regardless of whether I am in the mood or not.
So… all of you quit feeling sorry for yourself and start working on your marriage by doing things even though you are not in the mood. You don’t need to have intercourse or do anything that causes you pain or against your morals. But trust me… there are countless ways you can make your man feel loved and to put out the biological flames that peak every 7 days.
i had a hysto about a year and a half ago and have had NO sex drive AT ALL since. i never think about it, and could honestly be celebate for the rest of my life. i’m only 40 and thought this was supposed to be ‘a time in my life that i was very, very, shall we say AMBITIOUS? but i’m not….at all. is there some kind of pill? men have viagra, but what about us women? we are the ones that have to got through it because we are married and expected to ‘take care’ of our husbands needs. i want to be able to do that, and would LOVE to know what it’s like to be ‘aroused’ again. i don’t care if Clive Owen tried to seduce me (and i were single), i don’t even find that arousing. what can we do? any help would be appreciated! good luck to all…do like i do, think about some kind of creative project or hobbie your working on ‘during the act’ – it makes time go by faster!!!
I had my hysto 4 yrs ago at 36 yrs of age, april 12,2008 because of cyst reason….i am on horomone pills , the first 3 yrs my sex drive was out of this world, now this last year , i could live with sex or without it. Its putting alot of stress on my realtionship.
Sometimes I kinda wish I never had to have a hysto.
What to do ?
april 12 ,2005
To be honest What you guys are going throught face it you taking pills after pills from doctor to doctors from hospital to hospital that shows that the is nothing a man can do or say to help you is no more physical battle is a spiritual battle what you guys are going through you need to seek the face of the Lord Jesus you need to find a true living church that they must do a deliverance on you that one thing I promise you get what you looking for and your desire you’ll be restore . What is impossible to man to God is possble seek Jesus face he will restore you because he is the one who created you he knew you before you were even born he made you this the only help I can give all of you are going through what you are going through this are the Churchs that will help and I is a living Church do yourself a favour if you love your self visit two churchs website http://www.emmanueltv.org or http://www.cfcpush.org
I know lots of people Who came to cfcpush got their healing now the are OK and living their life like any body else
I go to this churchs I watch them on TV I see THings happe a barren woman Gives birth a woman that couldent give birth get pregnat and give birth . Some who stopped having her period once she can to this Two churchs her period start straight away This what I can help all of you with
I think I had a high sex drive. Every night was preferred but was sometimes put off by my husband to about once every three days but that started at about 7 years of marriage. Before that I had had one of my ovaries removed because it had a cyst. Two years ago another cyst was found on my other ovary – when they took that ovary out – it was like night and day – I can still have sex, but I never care about it. I can still be satisfied but I never have any feelings about looking forward to sex and there is no drive at all. I am very sad about this. Actually I am even angry. Doctors are either lying to us or clueless. I was given no caution of this side effect. I have lost a wonderful joy in my life…thankfully the marriage is ok – my husband prefers being the initiator.
Hormones, including testosterone only made things worse. It has been three years and I still do not sleep well either.
to Living Hell,
Your post could have been written by my husband and it breaks my heart. Only recently, my husband got angry and said some of the very tings you did.
I can tell you that most of my problem was that I was so angry. I was angry that a wonderful part of my life was gone. I was angry that my husband could still feel desire and I was a “dud”. I was angry because I felt like a failure as a wife. I was angry because he seemed ok with having sex even if I wasn’t connecting with him at the time. Why does he get the pleasure of the physical side of lovemaking without having to connect on the emotional side. I know, I know, he loves me, but he doesn’t have to feel all mushy to do me, if you know what I mean (I know you do)! I only wish I could do the same.
So, now that we have really talked about it, my anger, my guilt, his point of view, I find it easier to respond to his advances. I don’t know if my libido will ever be what it was and that makes me sad, but knowing that our lovemaking doesn’t have to be emotional and romantic every time makes it easier to respond for his pleasure only. And to tell the truth, when doing so, I usually find it arousing.
You and your wife should sit down and talk openly about how you feel and ask her how the loss of libido makes her feel, maybe she hasn’t really thought it out?
I guess what I’m saying is that there is hope, I have discovered that the more I engage in sexual activity, sometimes very briefly, the more enjoyable it is becoming. Neither of us are feeling pressured to “perform”, we just take it easy and what happens, happens.
Your wife might even be suffering some depression because of this. There is help for that as well. I wish you both all the best and you should both know that you are not alone and I hope you get the assistance you need to save your marriage. You sound like a nice man and I will assume your wife is a wonderful person as well; why else would you put up with this??lol
Take care!
My wife had a Hysterectomy many years ago and the doctor failed to tell us or sex life would be finished…now our marriage is finished….if only we had known….I envy men who have a livng wife with a healthy sex drive….this has given me depression
Wow! This site makes you want to kill yourself! How depressing. Women always get the short end of the stick. If this was a men’s problem the research would be done pronto. MAny pills out there for men. Women always treted like second class people. If I knew what I knew now I would have never had the surgery. I hate life now.
I recently had a complete hysterectomy. I did alot of research before. And discovered that all natural hormones are the way to go. I feel 100% better and didnt loose my sex drive at all thanks to the all natural cream an pills. I also discussed this with the RN at the hospital who said she battled no sex drive mood swings and depression. Until she found an all natural doctor and started the all natural hormones. She said she now has a normal sex life an feels so much better. It helped us im sure it can help you to.
I had a complete hyster. 3 years ago when I was 25. Nothing since then- no desire, nothing works. I know my husband goes to other girls, but he has to do something. He just doesn’t understand. I tried to do other things, but when you have NO desire and are in pain, you just get tired of his stupid penis all the time, you know? I don’t blame him. It just hurts so bad, it makes me cry every time. I used to try in the beginnning, but it’s been getting worse and worse. This is killing our marriage. Every few months, I get a flare up of scar tissue and am in horrible pain, but the doctors can’t ever find anything and think I’m drug seeking. I’m not…I just am tired of always, always, always being in pain!!
And not only all this, but all of my friends are having kids right now. I don’t have any and never can. Adoption is just too expensive. I’m not even 30. This life sucks so much.
Hi everyone…you guys are terrifying me lol i am pregnant with my 3rd child and dont want anymore after this so am planning a hysto when i have my c-section? is this a bad idea? are there any alternatives that are permanent?
Please help?
OMG I knew I was not alone , all these statements sound just like what my husband and I have gone thru. I had a total when I was 27, they were amazed that I had children. It’s been 24 yr’s scence the doc’s took it all ! The premarin I was on for 20 yrs was finally taken away 5 yrs ago. Oh my heart was going to suffer now they tell me, now the drive is really GONE! Gee Whiz not to mention the emotionl roller coaster ride I’ve been on, the hot flashe’s I think I could fry eggs on my chest,put out the heat with the tears that came from no where.I did try some herbal horney goat weed, it was not what i expected.So it’s back to a Blue moon beer; this seems to help . I don’t know why this helps but it’s good to feel something rather than nothing.All I can say is be happy with the bigger breast,with time the pain subsides(it did for me)I know it’s hard to except that the desire is gone! But you are still a woman, that is your foundation for who you are. Just think many many years ago you would have died from this afliction.So build a bridge and get over it.
angie,
unless there is something going on like endo or pre cancer why have a hyso after the c section, why not just remove/tie the tubes?
i am 15 months out from complete hysto for endo, i was incapcitated every third week with it. libido is gone but i can still respond somewhat. not a prob now as hubby isn’t healthy enuf for sex. plan to try androgel once he is ready. ky warming helps. i sympathisze with the lady who feel like she is 6 again tho, poor hubby! he tries to talk sexy and all i feel like is EWWW. i used to be such a horndog!!! well thank God we still love each other and get along, and i’m not sorry, the pain was jusst too much to stand before the hysto. good luck everybody
Hi everyone
My partner had a full abdominal Hysrerectomy las September. For 3 years prior to this my partner went throuhg the change and sex was only occasional. She had some pains in her abdomen and so the doctor referred her to the hopital were scans revealed that she had a very large cyst on her ovaries. No biopsy was carried out and they operated on her 2 weeks later.
Just before the op she had an appointment with the consultant. I was working away at the time and could not be opresent although I very much wanted to be. The consultant tried to bully my partner into signing a consent form that would allow him to remove everything he thought would need to be. She would not sign it there and then came away with the form. This really was upsetting for her and although she spoke with me about it we were both left bewildered by it all and no help or advice was given. She did sign the form but only stipulated the she did not want to be left wearing a caffetar (not sure on the spelling). 3 Days later we had a pre op meeting conducted by a nurse. we asked why if they would be removing the cervix etc and she said probably not, which at the time was only a little comforting.
She had the op and they had removed everything as a precaution. A precaution!!!! grrr this was probably the easiest and cheapest method for them without any thought of our personal life afterwards. Her ovaries, cervix etc etc were tested after the op and 2 weeks later we heard that nothing was found to be cancerous. This whole episode was very worrying for my partner and myself and during this time we seemed to be in zombie mode with no help or guidance from anyone.
Since the op we have had sex twice and I know that her sexual feelings are no longer there even though she says it was fine. I no longer expect or try to initiate sex with my partner as I would feel guilty that she was only doing this for me and getting nothing from it herself.
I have looked at a lot of sites about this and tbh there are no real answers out there. I love my partner very much and I will not and do not have any thoughts on ending our relationship even though I have resigned myself to the fact that our sex life will probably be non existant. Until these so called medical experts come up with an answer this is how our lives will be led. In a way I am disgusted and angry that 1. this has happened and 2. there is no after care.
Sorry girls, just wanted to let the feelings of a male be known on this subject and to say your anguish is shared and we men need to give you all the support you need
I am 32 my ex husband exposed me to HPV. I have the HPV that can cause cervical cancer. I have two young kids and a single parent. THis is my third year to have another abnormal PEP. As of right now, there are no cancerous cells. Thank goodness. I have asked my md if there is a preventive way to keep the risk down on cervial cancer. My thought is that I have two young kiddos that need me and if I can do a preventive measure I will do whatever is needed. Have I finally lost my mind?
By the way, my md has told me to think about it and get back with him.
Hi Im on the other end of this thing.My wife had a hysteromacy about a wk. after we got married.Since then her sexual desire has decreased badly,now a few years later well here lately im a none.I love her so very much,she still turns me on like the first time we met,im beginning to think its me.she talks sometimes about how she use to like sex and im on the butt end of the deal,dont know anymore if im to small dont know what im doing,starting to think there is someone else.she goes to bed before me so she is asleep gets up and leaves early,i dont know maybe im stupid ive tried everything i can think of.Guess maybe its over.
I had a cyst on my right ovary in November 2007. They took the ovary. Now there is a cyst on my left ovary. Okay, so take the ovary and give me hormone therapy. Easy, right? NOOO, my surgeon wants to do a hysterectomy, so I only have to take estrogen, and not estrogen and progestin together, because of what the Women’s Health Initiative said. Too bad that study GROSSLY overplayed the risks, and that he missed that women on estrogen-only HRT had MORE strokes than women on combination therapy. But hey, I’m 42, not married, and if I want a kid, I can always adopt. What use could I have for a uterus, right? Well, I think I’m going to send him this link anonymously, because after a crappy sex life in a crappy marriage, I finally found someone who still rocks my world three years into our relationship, and I’ll be damned if I let a hyped-up study rob me of that!
I am 28 yrs old and had a total hysterectomy 3 wks ago. I had severe endometriosis( this was my third surgery for it, i had an ovary removed 2 yrs ago) they left my other ovary but took my uterus and cervix(i had HPV the cancer causing one) and precancerous cervical biopsy. i have one daughter who is almost ten and five stepchildren. i am a Hodgkins lymphoma survivor and have had 14 surgeries for that and other medical problems. I have not tried to have sex yet but I am scared of what will happen if I do. the past year my sex life has been almost nonexistent because of severe abdominal pain. I am hoping that now I am able to have sex without pain. I still seem to have lubrication, but I am waiting out my next 3 weeks and we will see. I am scared though. I did a lot of research about my hysterectomy but did not think to research sex drive.I just thought that I am finished having children and this seemed like a good answer to my troubles. I also did not realize that after my hysto even though they left an ovary that after a few months or years it would be no good. my doc said he left it so i wouldn’t need hormone supplements.I have seven first degree relatives that have had breast cancer and have had four surgeries on my breasts for removal of precancerous masses. i DO NOT want to have to take hormones. does anyone have a good recommendation for a natural hormone supplement that works. I know I am going on and on and I am sorry I am just so upset by what I have read. I thought after all my medical problems that I was finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and now i feel like it was just a flashlight and the battery is dying fast.good luck to all!!anyone feel like chatting my name is carol and my email is RAINBOWFROGZ6@aol.com
Dear In Heal,
I’m from Lithuania (such little country in Europe). Maybe my English isn’t perfect enough. excuses.
1. But first point is that even we are healthy, well off, very very sexy, no one Lithuanian men deals his woman with work at home with purpose to have sex. I’ve never said my husband about this hysterectomy, because he’d simply left me. We,ve never had such husbands as youwrite. I only talk about generation of 40y’s – 50 – ty’s. The latest are more democratic.
2. BUT the second point is that,in spite of cultural disagreements, hysterectomy DOES it’s black work on woman’s drive. I know it by my own experience. So woman is different after Hyst.
3. I recognize that this lack of drive is the minus for me in MY LIFE. So how your lady can be so egoistic and doesn’t care about your wishes.
Our worlds are very different.
I am 23yrs old. My fiance, has been having frequent painful menstruation for the past six months (she menstruates twice a month) or so and all the docs at the Womens Wellness Center are all telling her she should get a hyst. They have talked about an endometrial (sp?) ablation, but seem fairly convinced it will not work and that hormone therapy is useless. We currently have a very active sex life (almost every night) that is quite fulfilling for both of us. I love her more than anything, but I am so afraid for her to have this procedure.
I don’t want her to be in pain, and the changes I have already seen due to whatever it is causing the issue are bad enough. She is already suffering from depression and moodswings. She feels unattractive and god knows how else. If the surgery will make her better, I want her to have it, but at the same time I am 23 and my sex drive is nearly out of control. I don’t know if I could handle the sobering scenarios I have just read over. She looks to me for guidance and wants me to tell her what to do (I know its her choice). I am just afraid that just as we are beginning our lives together we may be torn apart by this. Any words of advice?
You are correct in your suspicions and reading these posts will educate most anyone. Do your homework. Get 2,3 or 4 consults before you both make any type of a decision. If the condition is life threatening, it’s a simple decision. If not, explore your options. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. Most doctors and insurance companies want you to blindly walk into that operating room and assume all well be “just fine”. And in a few short months your young wife will feel and look decades older. Explore the internet, ask questions and exhaust any and every tool you can find to help you make a decision.
my wife had full hys 3 years ago afterwards sex was great then after a year it went away.my wife keeps telling me to go find a girlfriend but i just cant bring myself to do that. i did marry her til death do us part so i guess i will grow old with her and remember the good times we had
I just sat down and read every one of these emails because my husband, without complaint, asked me to seriously figure out what was wrong. I am 47 years old and in the same position, having had a Sub-total Hysterectomy 9 years ago. At first I thought it was all in my head but the lack of desire has taken me over.
From what I’ve read here, there are a couple of people who have done their research and we need to take their advice.
I’m going to my Dr. to inquire about the Bioidentical Hormone pellets and the 100mg testosterone and 50mg oestradiol treatment that Prof. John Studd recommends on his website for the dryness and lack of sex drive. Oh and I ordered the pureromance.com heightener cream too!
Do the same ladies…don’t complain….find the solution!
Thank you David!
My wife lost her libido about two years ago. She found some herbal medicine for flashes, and it increased her libido to normal, but the company stopped making them. She triet hormones (with those clunky green tablets containing estrogen and testosterone, but it didn’t work. Then she just gave up. I did further research and found that a thorough screen is needed to tailor a more natural balance, and that there may be natural remedies as well (like the one she used). She had been faking it with me for quite some time–and I knew something was not right. I know her intentions were good, but it is repulsive to me having sex with someone who is doing it out of ‘obligation’ and not real interest. We have been married eight years, and with the loss of sex also came the loss of affection. I just felt like I wasn’t wanted. I have been married before, and have not once in the sixteen years of previous marriages been unfaithful, (with my first wife, we we divorced and living together–still a committed relationship or so I thought). One day, she flat out told me she had been unfaithful for all those years. Shortly after that I started going out with other women (discreetly, but she could tell). She then attempted to bring me back into the relationship which I would not do. I wound up raising both children, one of whom is autistic. I understood about the no libido with my current wife, and she told me that she gave her consent for me to have sex outside the marriage under two conditions…One, that I needed to keep it discreet, and two that she wanted to know who I was having sex with. I didn’t feel right about this, so I didn’t do it. But tensions did build because of this and we had other problems. Without her knowing, I accepted an offer to be with another woman (my wife’s anger at me for her low libido caused her to poison my stepdaughter’s mind against me (she ’shareed’ her frustration and anger). I was a very good fatger fir nt stepdaughter, telling here stories, singing to her and taking her places (like Disneyland), out to eat, to movies and parks, etc. We used to be very close. My stepdaughter is now 15, and after an argument with my wife (I always asked her to keep it private from the kids if we argued, but she would literally scream at me in front of my stepdaughter. I have never been abusive in the entire relationship–quite the contrary as my wife has hit me in front of my stepdaughter. My stepdaughter jumped up last February, grabbed hold of me and told me to ‘leave her mom alone”. This was after my wife was literally screaming at me for a very trivial issue. My wife was shocked at my stepdaughter’s action, and told her that this was inappropriate behavior. My wife apologized to me, but then followed it with “that’s my girl”….giving her apology a serious lack of sincerity. I felt like some sort of monster or outcast in my own home. I look considerably younger than my wife, and in her ’sharing’ with my stepdaughter, her insecurities along with some of the most irrational and immature behavior I’ve ever observed was directed at me. When a woman started a conversation with me at a Dr. Office, it progressed into an affair. Yes, I was lonely, emotionally and sexually oppressed, so I ‘cheated’. One day after I received the ‘not in love with you’ speech, I told my wife about the affair. She is furious.. but I’m having a difficult time feeling like the ‘bad guy’.My wife and I are 55, the woman I’m having an affair with is 33. I told her the truth, about me being married and my autistic son living with me. She wanted to meet my son, and wanted me to tell my wife that she never would have allowed it to progress if she knew I was married, and that she was sorry. So, please let me have it with this limited scenario (the entire story is far too long. Had my wife not completely cut off lines of communication (absolutely refusing to talk about certain topics that had to be discussed, and literally throwing a tantrum if I pressed the topics. Please tell me what you think. I love my wife, but it’s over and been that way for quite some time.
It is fantastic to read all the comments an think that I shoul have known this 15 years ago. My husband is long gone. Why don’t the physicians tell us.
I was just told I need a hsterectomy to remove a mass, endometrosis and cysts. It seems the majority of the women who have had this procedure have loss of sex drive and feeling. I have just read all the comments and am now terrified and will look for a 2nd opinion. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.
I have a hysterectomy sheduled for the next month and i’m really scared, the Dr said he’s only taking the uterus and i’m keeping my ovaries and fallopian tubes it’s due to 4 fibroids.. my husband and I use to have sex ALL of the time, 4 or 5 tmes a week usually more and I loved it but the last 3 months with the bleeding and cramping i’m not sure wich or all I have not had any desire to do the deed during the last week when i stopped bleeding for 3 days straight i finally gave in, didnt have an orgasm and to be honest wasnt that into it, now everyones tellin me about dryness afterwards im totally freakin out oh ia it true that if he takes my cervix too that effects the feeling? dr wants to take it so i wont need paps he says but i feel he just wnts a clear shot to pull my uterus out of my vagina,, any thoughts?
My story is just like alot of yours. I had VERY strong sex drive before my hysterectomy…now I just go through the motions..to satisfy him (and this is very hard to do). I just want my mojo back. Ive taken notes of some of the products mentioned..which I will check into. I do miss the passion and desire I once had. I agree that the Doctor’s should disclose this…to us prior to surgery.
OMGoodness! I have absolutely none! I had a total hyster and and even using vaginal hormone cream to help my thinning uterus( TMI, I know!). Still I have not sex drive and I cannot stand to have intercourse, it is so painful. I feel horrible for my husband and he says he understands ( but so they really??) I am thinking of asking my doctor to put me back on the hormone patches and see if that helps. We have a big trip to Hawaii in August and I know my husband will want to be romantic then.
My hysterectomy was 4 yrs ago and since then my sexaul desire has disappeared. Before my surgery I wanted intercourse every night and was totally aroused by my husband. Now I don’t think about sex and I can’t even get in the mood for it. Its to the piont now that even when I do have intercourse i can not have an orgasm and that was never a problem with my husband and I. I would always have an orgasm and now I cant. This loss of sexual desire is causing a huge strain on my marriage. My husband thinks I have fallen out of love for him and that I don’t want to be with him. PLEASE ! CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OUT BEFORE MY MARRIAGE IS COMPLETELY RUINED.
Well. I have some hope. Although my doctor isn’t recommending the biodentical hormones, I have started Estrogen and must say I do feel better with the mood swings. I am watching closely for weight gain as I will not have any more of that and told him so. Aside from that, I got the mint cream that was mentioned and it is definitely a sensation heightener and I like it, but the best thing I have found is to use ben wah balls. I know it sounds kinky, but honestly ladies after an hour or more of just wearing them while you walk around, do the dishes, whatever you want, you are naturally lubed and then thinking of sex and intercourse is much easier and desireable. The rest of it, I honestly think is mind over matter. Be inventive (use a vibrator too, your partner won’t mind) and if you put your mind to wanting sex, the balls will definitely help and your relationship will be changed. As I said before in post (162), I have no ovaries, and we went from about 5 days a week to once a week and it was hurting our relationship. Now we’re back to 4-5 days a week, sometimes twice in a day and we’re both happy again! Good luck!
i had a hysterectomy about 10 yrs ago and had my ovaries out as well…my libido was gone and I consulted my physician. He gave me this perscription drug called Andriol that is 5% male tostoserone(probably spelt wrong lol) and it works ….you simply take 1 pill every other day and it works..I hope this helps!
I had my surgery 11 years ago and had to have my ovaries out as well. My libido suffered emensly and i had no sex drive. My physician perscribed a drug called Andriol and it has 5% male tosstoserone and it works. You simply take 1 pill every other day. The male hormone in this is not enough to cause you worries about become masculine or growing hair as it is such a small amount. Give it a try and let me know what you think..good luck everyone.
In 2007, my uterus and ovaries were removed because of numerous fibroids and heavy bleeding. I was using the vivelle dot patch, but I stopped because of breast cancer risks. I started taking C-X herbs for libido and dryness. I am also using BioEntopic cream and estriol cream. I am going to see how this works. It seems like my orgasms were better with the vivelle dot patch.
My husband and I use ky jelly in order to have sex because of dryness. Even before my surgery, I did not have an orgasm during sex. Orgasm was always achieved either orally or “solo”. Since the total, orgasms take longer to achieve. Sometimes the orgasms are wonderful and somewhat intense and sometimes they are not. Weight gain is also a problem. I am going to buy some of the new arousal ky jelly for his and her that they keep advertising where they show the couple in bed talking about their ENHANCED experience.
The imagination and hand and oral stimulation help ALOT too!!!
A friend who had the same surgery says that her sex life is better and she is not dry at all.
In a way my sex life is better too because I do not have to worry about painful sex due to large bowling ball size fibroids or unexpected bleeding from my cycle. The ky jelly helps with dryness, so I can have sex and keep my husband satisfied. However, I want to lubricate naturally and increase my libido and satisfaction also.
I am glad I found this website because I had never heard of the testerone pellets. I found the BioEntopic cream and the C-X from an herb shop. I also found a product called Women’s Natural Balance on the website that claims to help alot. I may try that.
I had a total hysterectomy in November 2008, they took my ovaries too. I had a large (16 pound) ovarian tumor, borderline.
Before surgery I was a happy go lucky person. Enjoyed a great sex life, was happy with myself.
Now? Sex life is crap. I still can have an orgasm, but no arousal beforehand. I do not lubricate, I don’t really feel anything pleasant when I have sex, so I learn to fake fake fake because my husband will keep going thinking he can give me a good time by making it an endurance sport.
I struggle with my weight (I am 5′4 & 115 and intend to loose that 5 extra pounds). My moods are only set to ‘kill’ or ’suicide’, with suicide being the most common.
I am no longer a woman, and no matter what, I will never be a woman again.
I had no prior female problems. Had 6 children, periods were never a problem for me and I always called it ‘my week off’. I’ve even lost my week off, which was just ‘me’ time.
I’m not sure if the hysterectomy was really needed. I know it was a huge tumor, and I looked about 7 months pregnant. But to leave me devastated like this? I think I’d rather have that ovarian tumor than the nightmare life I have now.
There is no way to build a bridge & get ‘over it’. There is no way to regain what has been stolen. Its time the medical profession stops this senseless butchery.
My consent form says I did not want a hysterectomy, that they were to take only the tumor, affected ovary & the tube from that ovary. They took everything, did a complete cancer staging (fat lining over intestines, all my lymph nodes, I have a scar that goes from just above my vagina to just below my ribs). I was told by attorneys that this is the ‘Standard Of Care’ for what I had.
I was never given informed consent, and my consent was ignored. Had I known about Standard Of Care I would have never sought medical treatment, period.
I’m 43 years old, was in the prime of my life. Now I’m lucky to make it through a day. I can no longer do a freaking sit up, or have a satisfying sex life, or feel like a woman, or enjoy my life.
I know it will never change.
My kids cry about as much as I do because they hate to see me so down. My husband really can’t understand that his advances have no affect on me & I resent the fact that he thought I was being stupid when I freaked about even seeing a Dr in the first place.
And you men who wrote, bless you, but you have no real idea just how miserable hysterectomy makes us.If your women are anything like me they keep a lot of that pain to themselves.
I go back to see my GP on the 17th and I’m demanding something.
You women who are being told you need a hysterectomy get more opinions! Fibroids shrink after menopause, a heavy crampy period is a temporary inconvenience only if you let it be that. Hysterectomy should always be only for life threatening situations.
I hate the medical profession and hope every Dr who has robbed a woman of her organs burns in Hell.
Dear Bulletproof, Lord woman you are upset. Please look into a practicing physician that offers bio identical hormones. My wife sees and MD that is not only an OBGYN, but offers this type of procedure. She had to go through extensive blood work, bone density scans and what not to determine her “lack” or total loss of hormones. She also discovered her thyroid had stopped working due the lack of testosterone. She has now received her second set of hormones pellets just last month. They are inserted just under the skin in her upper hip. She goes in every 4 months. There is a marked difference in her appearance, mood swings and just general well being. No more night sweats, no more memory loss, no more roller coaster mood swings and her sex drive is coming back. From your post, you sound as though you are at the end of your rope. Do not give up and explore the internet and find an MD. It’s not inexpensive, but having her back after 15 years is worth the world to me. Good luck.
this is for helpful caring man…you make me sick…think of wife not your self…please give me a break…We care about our husbands and is not like we don’t love them…you are a please me guy …..wow u are sick
This is to Bulletproof
Please try the Vivelle Dot Patch. It should help.
I also found online something called Harmony.
Please research it on Google.