1. Health

No Sex Drive - Is there sex after hysterectomy?

By August 19, 2008

Follow me on:

Women's Health Forums : "I had an abdominal hysterectomy back in September. I kept both ovaries so I am not experiencing any menopausal symptoms. My problem is my libido or sex drive is gone and it is really bothering me. Has anyone experienced a lack of sex drive? I would appreciate any input or suggestions." - Diane
May 18, 2007 at 6:47 pm
(1) angie says:

yes, i seem to be having the same problem. so far have found no help.and it is causing extreme problems w/ my marriage- wish i could no what to do to

June 18, 2007 at 4:05 pm
(2) Stephie says:

I am also experiencing the same..although I had my hyst. 6 years ago…I stopped hormone therapy hoping it might help my libido and its worse now..I don’t know what to do. I have been married for along time and it is causing problems…I wish I could find some help!!! Is there anyone out there who can offer some help???

November 19, 2007 at 12:00 pm
(3) Mary says:

My hysterectomy was 5 years ago and I have tried therapy and some pills. Nothing is working. My marraige is also suffering. I find myself crying alot lately.

December 2, 2007 at 3:29 pm
(4) Kelly says:

My hysterectomy was about two months ago. I completely understand what you are going through. My sex drive has completely died. My marriage is suffering severely. If you find a solution please post it.

December 12, 2007 at 11:38 pm
(5) Just me says:

My hysto was 7 years ago and now I don’t even want to think about sex. I have no desire and no response other than pain when I finally give in to my husband’s griping. It doesn’t feel good anymore, and I can’t even make myself feel good during a “solo act”. I would never miss it if I never tried again. Hormones are worthless, too.

My hysto wrecked me.

December 14, 2007 at 10:07 am
(6) Brenda says:

I had a hysterectomy on October 26, 2007. I got married September 01, 2007. So I am a newly wed. When I was dating my husband my sex drive was over active. I had a lot of complications with my surgery and I keep telling him I am still healing. But when we have sex it does not feel the same. Sex was one of things that kept us passionate for each other. I am really concerned and worried. This was such a plus for us but I have no feeling.

January 18, 2008 at 7:29 pm
(7) Shelly says:

I am so glad that I am not the only person who feels this way. I had my hysterectomy last October and haven’t been the same since. My moods are horrible, I have trouble sleepind and I am like you, sex is not an option for me right now. I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive but I think that is wearing thin. I just would love to get my life back on track. If I would have known this was going to happen, I would have just dealt with the over active periods.

February 20, 2008 at 11:13 pm
(8) Martine says:

It feels so good to know that I am not the only person out there with this ‘problem!’ Is there anything that anyone can suggest to improve the sex drive? My husband has been supportive, but enough is enough… sex keeps a marriage alive, and we live like brother and sister, not husband and wife! Help!

March 1, 2008 at 9:00 am
(9) jean says:

I thought I was the only one that felt that way.Since my hysterctomy in 2004 I have no desire have sex. Before it was great my husband is ten years young then me and he wants it all the time. I try cream but no help. So Help me get my sex drive back

March 1, 2008 at 11:40 am
(10) Mike says:

I thought my marriage was the only one suffering. My wife had her hysterectomy over 10 years ago. The last 6 years have been completely empty. She won’t talk about it. She feels bad, I feel bad. You are describing our sex life exactly. I thought it was me. If you find anything, please let me know.

March 6, 2008 at 2:24 pm
(11) jude says:

I had my hytso about 20 years ago and have been like all of you since

March 6, 2008 at 2:59 pm
(12) B says:

WOW! My hysterectomy was 3/27/o6. It’s been 2 years and I have no urge to have sex. Desperate to gain it back, in my search, the only thing that has helped me the tiniest bit,(I can’t believe that I’m going to admit this online) I watched an “adult video clip” I actually felt a bit aroused, but it only lasted as long as the clip. However I have only watched the clips a few times over the 2 years, mainly because I’m not always in the mood to even be watching such a thing. I’ve tried many things and I too am having a hard time keeping the love in the bedroom alive. I’m 35, married 16 years, and regretting that I had to have the surgery. Knowing what I know now, I would rather have dealt with the heavy irregular bleeding, clots, and severe uterine pain that I had even when I was not on my period. Than to lose the drive to make love to my husband.

More women should speak out. And doctors should be reading this site and respond to this growing concern.

March 10, 2008 at 9:31 am
(13) sheila says:

hello to all of you here, i had my complete hysterectomy 5 months ago and at first i hate everyone who comes right next to me. I refused to take hormone pills. And til now i cried for no reasons sometimes and do think of suicide if me and my hubby argued about something stupid.

Yes sex is not even in my mind no more but one day, i hope i dont have to say this but if will help out with your relationship it will be my great help. As i came home one night, please dont judge me but my hubby is on the net watching sexy women making out with their partner he dont know that i was behind him watching too, but oh my god! it was the best sex i ever had that night! I am not a sex maniac but its great to have a good sex after having this complete hysterectomy. try it you might like it! No need hormone pills. Please dont get mad if i went way over my explanation and experienced.

March 30, 2008 at 4:45 am
(14) christina friedman says:

k, ladies this is the best I had the same problem since I had my historectomy. I started selling pure romance shortly after and started using a product that they have that is a heightener. You can go look at christinafriedman.pureromance.com there are 3 of them for women and this saved my marriage I use it and it gets me excited. THERE IS A X-SCREAM, NYMPHO NIGRA, and EX-TCEE.

April 19, 2008 at 7:32 pm
(15) Don says:

I have read all the ladies comments and it describes my wife to a tee. She had her Historectomy in 2004 due to cancer. I’m grateful that the cancel was removed and she is doing well, but besides missing the sex, the affection is gone as well. At was starting to think that she has fallen out of love with me. I still don’t know for sure. We haven’t discussed it, and I don’t wnat to press the issue, but it is getting difficult. I can adapt, but it is a difficult prospect to think that this is the way our marriage has to be from now on. Good luck to you all. I not it’s difficult. Let’s hope that your husbands can hang in there.

April 24, 2008 at 12:51 pm
(16) T says:

Had Hysterectomy years ago and never bothered by low libido. Still wonderful sex all the time.

April 24, 2008 at 8:11 pm
(17) TJ says:

It surprises me to see how many women are having a problem with their sex drive since my mother had a hysterectomy when i was 4 and based on her sex drive, you would have never known. My mother always had a high sex drive and i do too. i’m about to go for a hysterectomy and i’ve started studying tantric sex, kama sutra and taoism again to brush up and maintain some of my techniques. These techniques and styles teach you to maintain and increase your sex drive with your thoughts and imagination. Sorry to hear about the problems but try one, they are not just about positions. They use visualization, breathing, meditating, etc.

April 26, 2008 at 10:56 pm
(18) MH says:

My hysterectomy was in 2005. I am 47. I thought it would be great: no more anemia, no more constant bleeding and huge clots, no more exhaustion, no distended belly from a uterus that was enlarged to the size of an 8 month pregnancy due to fibroids. Healthy ovaries get to stay. No hormone therapy. Now I wouldn’t have to keep telling my husband “not tonight, I’m bleeding again”. My sex life was almost non-existent before the surgery. At that time, I wanted to but couldn’t. Now I can, but have no desire whatsoever. My husband has stopped bothering to try. Even when I try, there is just nothing there. The act is an ordeal. Dryness=artificial lubricant. Penetration is painful, but it wasn’t before the surgery. I’m still exhausted all the time, and now I’m afraid my depression is more than just “the blues”. To compound the problem, I know that “average” sex rates run about 1 or 2 times a week. Sometimes my husband goes without for 6 months. When I think there is the possibility he may be looking elsewhere, I force myself to pretend to be interested, all the while desperately hoping it won’t hurt this time, or that he won’t notice that I’m in pain. Because if i tell him, he will think it is his fault instead of mine. It is so bad, that we didn’t have sex even though he was leaving for his deployment to Iraq. He’ll be gone for awhile, and I’d like to try to resolve this problem before he comes home. So far, I haven’t seen any real answers.

May 26, 2008 at 2:32 am
(19) Nor says:

I understand and am going through all of what is discussed. I have used the creams from Surprise parties and that works at keeping the dryness and the pain down but I no longer “feel” down there like I used to. I don’t take hrt and I feel like I’m aging by the second instead of by the day/year. I turned 36 this month. I feel like I’m at least 60! It’s crazy! : (

June 23, 2008 at 1:44 am
(20) elizabeth says:

Sadly, I am experiencing the same problems with lack of desire. My husband (of 28 years) and I have always had a wonderful intimate relationship but since my hysterectomy at the end of February this year I have NO interest in sex at all. I am deeply disturbed by this as I love my husband deeply and feel I am letting him down. I don’t know what to do. I am not interested and I am not physically comfortable making love any more. Has anyone tried naturopathy or a psychologist and if so did it help in any way? I am also numb from the navel down to well belo my scar and it is very uncomfortable. I no longer feel attractive or desirable.
Just to read all your messages makes me feel as though I am not alone, but it worries me greatly that this lack of desire seems to persist in so many and may be permanent.

June 24, 2008 at 4:29 pm
(21) Sam says:

Hi everyone, I had a hysterectomy nearly 8 years ago and I have experienced exactly the same as every other woman on here. I was referred by G.P to a gynae clinic where i was offered a testosterone implant. This impland is placed just under your skin on your lower abdomen, by local anesthetic it lasts for 6 months and I have to say that it does increase your libido by half at least. I have not had this implant in for the last few years as my liver was converting the testosterone into progesterone, so i had to come off it for a while, my libido is nil without it, therefore I am on my way back once again and hoping for another go.
Hope this helps someone X

July 8, 2008 at 12:38 am
(22) Pim says:

I had a hysterectomy 12 months ago. The first months after surgery, I was ok. I was able to experience intense orgasms, but now I don’t feel anything. All my erogenous areas are completely numb. I will have to pretend that I am enjoying it. It is better to be alive and faking it and having orgasm while you have an uterine tumor. I am not planning to jeopardize my health by using products and hormones that might help me to regain what I have lost.

July 26, 2008 at 8:44 pm
(23) cheryl says:

i had my total abdominal hysterectomy on may 1. prior to the surgery, my husband and i had sex at least 2x a week and my orgasms were very intense. now…besides the weight gain, depression, constant feelings like i want to just run away…..i have no sex drive and when i finally give in….nothing. it takes forever for me to get the least bit aroused and even then…it’s a fraction of what i felt before.
it takes tremendous effort for me to “just give in” when it’s been awhile and then i’m just going throught the motions to satisfy my husband. why is it that there is nothing to help us? if men were going through this there would be millions of products.

August 2, 2008 at 1:22 pm
(24) Elise says:

I had a hysterectomy a year and a half ago.My husband and I have tried to have sex only 3 times,resulting in pain and burning for me.He is afraid to be intimate with me,and just avoids the subject altogether.I feel castrated and robbed,very angry.I can reach an orgasm,solo,but intercourse is so painful now. I was too embarrassed to tell my gynocologist until a month ago.She acted like it was no big deal that we cant have sex anymore..and said there’s not much you can do about it..and gave me estrogen cream for my vagina.She said its because I have no cervix.I asked her if my cervix could be left (prior to surgery)but she was adamant that it could not.How I wish to God I had gotten other opinions,and had my cervix and ovaries left in place.The doctor does not think sex should be any big deal for someone my age(late forties) Well,it is a big deal…my husband and I had a GREAT sex life prior to this,I never had any prob;ems in this area whatsoever.We were the cute and romantic couple that people called “Luke and Laura”(He looks just like Tony Geary!)Is there any hope for us?I know he will love mw unconditionally,but I feel like we are platonic room mates now.

August 17, 2008 at 2:00 pm
(25) mike s says:

My wife had a hysterectomy 21 years ago, due to ovarian cancer. For years intercourse was painful, but she did have some sex drive and frankly her orgasms are something I envy. Still, sex had tapered way off, to 1x per month maybe. Last Spring I decided to quit satisfying myself solo and apart from her. It led me to be intensely touching and sexually interested in her – I have an above average sex drive — and she undertook to try to work on her pain issue (I had given up hope there, but wanted to try different things). Lo and behold, her pain disappeared. We have had really the best sex in 20 years, about weekly and occassionally more. Usually she is feeling it — I have been surprised by her passion at times. We do have some mismatch in our libidos, but I have to take heart in the progress.

August 19, 2008 at 8:56 pm
(26) Vicki says:

I’ve been a wellness counselor for years and had a hysto. a long time ago after flooding every month. After a few months, I became very dry, eventually losing all sexual feelings! My husband definitely didn’t understand. I frantically tried estrogen, foods, nutritian, supplements, herbs and other products. I few years ago, I found a progesterone cream that helped, but only a little. Four months ago, I started drinking this specially prepared juice for energy because I had given up on ever being sexual. Surprisingly, after about three months, my sexual feelings started to come back. I thought it was a lost cause forever because nothing I had tried worked. In all my years of studying health, it’s the most amazing food I’ve ever run across!!! I was so excited, I decided to join a networking group so I could buy it cheaper. I’ll never go without it!!!

August 20, 2008 at 12:00 pm
(27) leigh says:

I had my hysterectomy in 2005 at the younger age of 27 . I’ll be married 12 years in Oct. and presurgery my husband and i had sex maybe 2-5 times a month the pain , omg . After heeling,sex once again was awesome . Now i have no sex drive and some days could careless if i ever did again. Creams ,pills hah what a joke, if anybody find a “PILL” help me .

August 20, 2008 at 7:48 pm
(28) Denise says:

I can’t believe I’m not the only one! For years I thought is was just my old baggage that was affecting my sex drive but I have to tell you that it’s a relief that I’m not the only one that suffers! I know that sounds horrible but,OMG, I’m thankful it’s not just me feeling “weird”. I recently went to my doctor and got some estrogen creme so, hopefully, it’ll help out. We’ll see. My husband, like several others mentioned, is trying to be understanding but when there’s nothing… it’s just really hard.

August 21, 2008 at 10:05 am
(29) Janie says:

Vicki: Please tell us more about that energy drink!

August 21, 2008 at 10:18 am
(30) T2 says:

I had a complete hysterectomy a year and a half ago due to cancer and lost my libido, as well. Aside from that, just trying was so painful. I do not take hormones. My docs were pretty good at trying to help me out with this. They gave me dilators to use. It took a while, about a year for me, but eventually they worked and I could at least have comfortable intercourse again. If I’m lucky enough to have an orgasm, it feels weak compared to before surgery. I found that stimulating the brain was more important than ever before stimulating the body. But it was a good start to at least have that closeness and intimacy with hubby again.

If pain is the problem, get a set of dilators through your doc and use them on a regular basis, like three times a week. And ladies, if hubby is impatient, at least take care of his needs any way you and he are comfortable. And if you aren’t ready for sex yourself, have him give you a back massage or whatever else you enjoy. At least touch each other in some pleasurable way. It has worked for us.

August 21, 2008 at 1:14 pm
(31) originaldoodoo says:

i am 43 had complete, overies and all in feb 2005 (married nov 2004) suffered w/ endometreosis for years, had a healthy sex drive untill after the operation. iam been to drs cause i can’t seem to gt balanced they run test after test, finally got a siliva test done found out some things but not enough.(hard to find a good dr for this kind of testing) i have since moved to so.cali from small town, washington, i have an appt with a dr in sept 2008 for bioidentical hormone replacement i have taken another siliva/blood spot test (u do it @home) and i am hope ful i have done much much research. check out a book by suzanne somers called AGELESS you will get a great understanding of how we r after these operations… we are complicated to say the least…

August 21, 2008 at 3:06 pm
(32) auntdajetta says:

To T2- Thank you for your comments.
It’s been 6 months since my TAHyst and three months since I finished the 25 radiation treatments and 3 internal treatments as well. Since then, I haven’t been able to get past the pain to have intercourse. I do have the dilator but didn’t realize I should use so frequently. You’re right about remaining loving/active with other means. That works for us, but I really will be more diligent with the dilator. I hope I’m successful. To all the ladies suffering, don’t give up. T2 should be an inspiration to us. I’m 51 and not ready to forgo sex. God Bless us all.

August 21, 2008 at 6:56 pm
(33) Denise says:

T-2, just curious but what is a dilator? I’m 54 and I’ll try anything at this point! I totally agree with you about the touching, etc. because it reassure the hubby that he is loved. :-)

Thanks. Uh, if it’s not something to write about online then I’ll just ask my doc. :-)

August 21, 2008 at 6:59 pm
(34) RC says:

For many years prior to my having a hysterectomy in June of 1989, I heard the stories of a woman’s lower libido after the surgery. However, this has not been my experience and I have not experienced the dryness so many speak of. It is my understanding that a hyterectomy is the surgery that does not involve removal of the ovaries. Therein may lie the difference. I also have done reading of some articles and books that says it all starts in the mind. Not having a part of my body (my womb) hasn’t made me feel less feminine or sensual.

August 21, 2008 at 7:08 pm
(35) Helen says:

I had my uterus removed in 1979. I have the ovaries. I experienced some change in my desire to have sex. I often wondered if it was because of the partial hysterectomy. I took estrogen for many years. It helped to reduce the hot flashes and prevented the loss of hair on my head. After some years, I got off the hormones. My hot flashes aren’t as bad because I am older. I still have sexual desires but they have never been the same as before the surgery.

August 21, 2008 at 7:16 pm
(36) T2 says:

Auntdajetta, I had radiation, too, brachytherapy (internal vaginal)and the doc told me to expect one year for the tissues to heal. My doc told me I should use the dilators everyday until I was able to have comfortable intercourse, then 3 times a week plus intercourse at least once a week to maintain the integrity of the vaginal canal. I started with the size dilator that did not hurt and gradually over time worked my way up to one that about equaled my hubby’s size. That was a total of four dilators each a little larger than the last. I’d usually lie on my back on our bed, lube and insert and just leave it there for 5-10 minutes while I read a book or watch TV, then remove and try the next size up. If it hurts, I’d back off, if not I would repeat the procedure until I reach a size that does hurt and quit for the day. Now I just use two dilators, one size smaller than him and the one about his size. I wondered if I’d ever have pain free sex again when I was about 6 months after surgery and was told it was too soon after radiation to expect that to happen. Results are slow, but they do happen eventually. Just don’t give up!

August 21, 2008 at 7:35 pm
(37) T2 says:

BTW, in case anyone thinks I’m a young chick, I will be 57 in November and hubby’s 62.

August 21, 2008 at 8:55 pm
(38) shaley says:

I know exactly where you are coming from; I had my hysterectomy about 4 years ago and I went 3 years without sex after breaking up with my boyfriend because I had no desire for sex after my surgery along with some other reasons; but this was the main reason. I was going through yahoo personnals and saw a picture of a very attractive guy and low and behold; I had my sex drive back. We dated for a few months after discovering we were not for each other; but my sex drive is definitly back. It’s weird; but true.

A suggestion; while I was still seeing my ex-boyrfriend after my surgery, I figured out that he had to make an extra effort to arouse me; this really helped me. By extra effort; I mean he had to begin touching me here (Places that normally turn you on)him givng me oral sex helped even more to jump start me.

I hope this helps

August 21, 2008 at 9:46 pm
(39) Nancy says:

Normally loss of libido after menopause is hormonal. As we go through natural menopause our production of estrogen and testosterone slows waaaaaay down. If we go through surgical menpause we stop producing it at all. A woman needs testosterone and estrogen to retain libido.

I like to compare it to a car. If a car runs out of gas, it will not go no matter how hard or long we push on the gas pedal. Testosterone is what fuels our sexual desire, ability to lubricate and orgasm. Think about it. No gas… the car doesn’t run. No testosterone…no desire for sex (amongst other things). Put gas in the car, it runs. Put testosterone in our bodies and watch out world!!

Here is my story:
I’m 55 and had a complete hysterectomy in 1987 when I was in my 30’s. I had no libido. None. I managed my menopause symptoms with different estrogen pills. Then came the estrogen scare several years ago. I tried to get off of the estrogen and couldn’t.

Then in 2003, I read a newsletter from my gyn about Bioidentical hormone pellets. These tiny pellets are made up of either estrogen or testosterone. In the beginning I got them every 12 weeks. Now I can go 4-6 months.

It’s a simple office procedure. My gyn numbs an area on my hip, makes a small incision, inserts the pellets, puts a band-aid on and off I go! I get 2 estrogen pellets which are 25mg each, and 1 testosterone pellet of 75mgs. I will get these pellets as long as I am able. Hopefully till I die.

I have to say they changed my life. First of all the menopause symptoms went away. But the absolute best was the increase in sex drive. Orgasm, lubrication, desire went through the roof. But not only did my sex drive come back in full force, but my self-image has increased my confidence level has improved andI’m more outgoing. I’ve never felt better in my life.

Bioidentical Hormones of estrogena and testosterone come in different delivery methods: Pills, patches, creams, gels, troches and pellets. I have about 20+ friends with the pellets and all agree they are the best form of bhrt they’ve ever used. This is not a quick fix for all women…some take longer to get balanced.

P.S. They are not just for women. Men who feel a loss of libido can also get testosterone pellets.

So don’t give up hope!

Email me at njw_753@yahoo.com if you have any questions.


August 22, 2008 at 11:52 am
(40) T2 says:

Denise, you can google vaginal dilators and see what they are, some are better than others so be careful about the materials they are made of. The best ones come in a set of 5 or 6 sizes and are not hard plastic. And, ask your doc about them. I don’t understand why they don’t tell their patients about this!

August 22, 2008 at 5:45 pm
(41) kate says:

I sympothize with everyone whenit comes to hysterectomy. I had mine in February of this past year and my sex drive went down hill also. I just keep remembering what it was to fall in love with my husband of 25 years and try the compasion side of it. Try not to be in any hurry and take your time. We started experimenting with new creams, lotions and yes, even toys. We are having a blast trying if not doing anything else. Have Faith and a lot of love.

August 25, 2008 at 1:42 am
(42) James says:

My wife and I are going through the same thing. She started early metapaus 11 yrs ago,and in September will have a hystrerectomy. We where hoping this would help. The hermone therapy hepls, but gives her really bad side effects, her face would brake out bad, and her mood would be all over the place.

August 26, 2008 at 8:07 am
(43) judy says:

i hadmine in 1977 i was very young as time went on i have lost all sextual desire nothing will bring it back also
gained alot of weight, my husband pass in 2000 and he was cheating on me because i didnt want to have sex anymore , please reconsider having a hystercomey for as long as possible we were married 40 years. dont get me wrong i still loved him, wanted to cuddle, etc but i didnt enjoy sex at all you can fake only so long, until they notice.

August 26, 2008 at 7:29 pm
(44) Cynthia says:

My drive has always been super strong, I had to have my uterus removed……and it got stronger so much so I lost a husband because of it now I’m on the next one and we have been married goin on 3 yrs. And he’s already complaining about it.

August 26, 2008 at 10:08 pm
(45) CMX says:

Good Evening, surprised by many of the responses on the loss of libido due to a hysterectomy. I had a complete vaginal hysterectomy at the age of 30 (kept the ovaries). Back then my drive was non-existent. Now, for the last few years, the drive is insane. We were always mismatched in our drives, but we have always had an active sex life (at least twice per week). Now, it is about 3 times per week, but with enthusiasm rather than obligation. I am so sorry for those whose drive has suffered due to the hysterectomy.

August 27, 2008 at 9:23 am
(46) Laura says:

My hyst was just over 2 years. Everything removed. I didn’t plan on using hormones, but I do. But, I do not use the commercially prepared/prescription ones anymore.

After the hyst my hormones got totally messed up. After the first 3 months, I made my MD order me blood work to check my hormones…whoa…they were very low and out of wack. He worked with me for a year where due to the low levels, I was on 4 diffrent Rx’s and this got expensive. So, I went to a MD/naturalist who my GYN MD recommended, who did a series of tests, and now I’m on a compound formula (I use a compound cream that has Est/Prog/Test). For over a year, the naturalist checked my levels every month and adjusted my formula accordingly.
My libido actually increased dramatically after the hyst, but the response was lacking, my emotions were crazing, etc.
I have to say…I now feel level headed, my memory is great, my emotions are no longer all over the place, our sex life is awesome…
Get a good MD who will listen and understand, get the testing and understand how to order the bioidentical hormones, etc.

It took about 1 1/2 years to get myself balanced. Also, my response is much better now, but prior to getting it back, we had to do some experimenting with techniques and positions. So…while you are adjusting…just experiment and have fun…it’s like we are young again.

Hope this helps.

August 27, 2008 at 12:46 pm
(47) Barbara says:

This is all so easily fixed!! It may take a bit of time, but so fixable. Bioidentical hormone replacement is the answer and is not cancer-causing, as is conventional hormone therapy. And have your doctor prescribe testosterone, as well – this is what affects female libido or sex drive. Want excellent details and further info? Read “What your doctor may not tell you about menopause” by Dr. John Lee, a pioneer in bioidentical hormone replacement. And an easier, more recent book, “Ageless” by Suzanne Somers. This is cutting-edge medicine that not all conventional doctors are into yet. Read these books and get your life back to how you were when you 20.

August 28, 2008 at 5:02 pm
(48) Waiting4Ever says:

Well, reading these comments by the various women helps me see that my wife isn’t the only one who feels this way (and therefore I’m not the only husband being a good soldier). My sense of it was this was just part of the consequence of growing older and the hysterectomy. Our sex life went to zero and I do mean zero.

Over time, I’ve kinda realized this is just the way it is and the way it’s going to be and I have no choice in the matter. Our sex life was dropping off as the fibroids and the benign ovarian cyst took their toll. We have long since stopped making this a focal point and a point of tension in our relationship.

If you had told me, though, that the majority of my midlife, my 40′s and my 50′s, were going to be spent as a celibate male and that ALL sexual contact would go away, I simply would not have believed you. But here I am, a full-fledged member of the “100,000 hours of celibacy club.” And from what I read here, there seems little chance that is going to change. At 55, this could be a very long slog for me.

No one tells you any of this stuff when you are looking forward in your relationships and your marriage(s) and there have been days when I ask myself “I got remarried for this?” And while not looking for anyone to blame, I had become pretty sure it was me, because it seemed that the women I fell in love with were ones looking forward to the day when not being sexually intimate with me would finally come and be acceptable and non-threatening to the rest of their lifestyle. But as I’ve come to learn, with both my first marriage and this one, hormones and the imbalances can really screw up a relationship when it causes a sudden, unexpected alteration of what was once a very robust and enjoyable sex life.

August 28, 2008 at 5:25 pm
(49) JUNE says:

I started menopause about 2 yrs ago, then I went through Breast Cancer surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments. Now Im on Tamoxifen for 5yrs, and among others, Wellbutrin. My sex life is almost non exsistant. I can please my Husband, but I’ve done everything, tried everything, and nothing works. My Husband is very frustrated and upset, thinking it’s all his fault. Havent had a hysto yet, but i’m sure thats my next step. I’m 52, what do I do?

August 29, 2008 at 8:52 pm
(50) bubbadave says:

ok, my wife and i are in the same boat. so whats the answer? we all need/want help! is there really any answer to this problem?

August 30, 2008 at 4:14 am
(51) Anette says:

I had total hysterectomy, bilateral and salphingo-oophorectomy in 2000. I have not lost my sex drive or libido and still enjoying sex with my honey. However, I do experience painful intercourse at certain positions. I am not sure what it means.

August 31, 2008 at 2:19 pm
(52) Jo says:

I had a hysterectomy in 1991 – had everything removed. I was 41 and my husband and I enjoyed a very active and satisfying sex life. Then it all ended. I was also diagnosed with lichen sclerosis a rather rare disease that affects the genitals. It is not a sexually transmitted disease. It is believed to be genetic and may have a link to Paget’s disease which my father had and brother has. It is an auto immune disease.

Anyway, it causes your skin and tissue in that area to become very thin. It rips, bleeds, disappears (I no longer have some important and sensitive parts that make sex enjoyable.) Oh, sometimes I can find it and we can have sex but for the most part, what’s left doesn’t work. It’s probably better if you’re interested to look it up and read about it.

Do any of you suffer from this disease and if so, how are you managing? I’ve had it for about 15 years now. BTW I must take estrogen orally and vaginally to somewhat control the LS. It does not help the libido though. Thanks.

August 31, 2008 at 4:26 pm
(53) thankful says:

i would like to thank you all for your input everyone for a couple of months now i thought my wife was messin with me after reading everyones letters i now know better i love my wife with all my heart and will wait as long as it takes to come around she has told me that if i found a girl that i should go for it but that wont happen if she is gonna suffer then so shall i thank god for porn

September 1, 2008 at 2:52 pm
(54) ALLISHA says:


September 2, 2008 at 10:43 am
(55) julie says:

i am so glad i found this site to see other women’s thoughts. i had a massive fibroid the size of a basketball and thought the best thing to do was to get a hysterectomy. since then, i havent felt like having sex and if my husband even suggests it to me, i feel like i need to, i dont know, talk myself into it??? I had my hysterectomy in March this year and Jas and I have made love once in that time. It probably sounds silly, but i couldnt be bothered if it never happened again. If anyone has any suggestions it would really be appreciated. I need help!!

September 2, 2008 at 11:07 am
(56) julie says:

by the way i am 41 years old and so need to have a normal sex life with my husband. xx

September 3, 2008 at 10:18 pm
(57) Rhonda says:

This is pretty scary i never had a large sex drive before my hysto and now i am reading all these quotes and wondering if i will have any desire,also dr gave me estogen and i am not taking it after a total hyst….i read they cause breast cancer!!!

September 9, 2008 at 11:58 pm
(58) yvelynne says:

I thought i was the only one. I had my surgery last year, 3 months before my wedding. My sex drive is gone. And when we do have sex it is painful. I want to please my husband but it’s not doing anything for me. I stay dry and the creams irritate me. Is there a pill or something? I can’t lose my husband. Help

September 10, 2008 at 4:38 pm
(59) John says:

Like most women my wife has also had a hysterectomy and still has her overies,she has no sex drive and says she can do without it. The loss of sex drive has i think led to the loss of interest,she wont talk about it or see a doctor or anyone else.
This is a big strain on both of us,were do we go now?

September 18, 2008 at 2:10 pm
(60) LF says:

I had a partial hysterectomy(uterus only) 16 ago when I was 27 and still had desire and a very active sex life. I had a full hysterectomy 4 years ago and now everything is gone. The thought of sex makes me cringe. I do it maybe once a month because my husband pouts. He thinks I have a boyfriend. I need help.

September 24, 2008 at 8:29 am
(61) april says:

i had a hyst. 15 years ago. No problems at all
with sex thaks to a very very caring partner at the time. I had serious emotonal issues losing any part of my body but a “girl” part was especailly traumatic. But he got me through it. THEN what happeend is my inner labia started to shink, theres barely any left, my clitoris is gone and in only recently first ever tried masterbating and theres some sensation but not where my clit was, under it is responsive but i cant orgasm anymore. Everything else works fine, never dyrness or pain …but where did my girl parts go???

September 24, 2008 at 10:29 am
(62) diana says:

I am 52 and my sex drive is gone!!! I feel sorry for my husband because he thinks I’ve lost interest in him, which is not the case. I love him more than ever. He has tried everything in the romance department and I have tried everything from pills to cream, and nothing works. I no longer care if I have sex or not. I guess it’s because I know it’s going to be a long drawn out ordeal trying to make it happen. Once we start, most of the time I enjoy it but it takes a long time. I just wish I could get my desire back. I don’t think dirty thoughts anymore like I used to. My husband even bought me a Playgirl magazine and even looking at all the hot naked guys did nothing for me. My doctor doesn’t seem to want to help me so I guess it’s time to change doctors. I wish I could make my husband understand it’s not him but my screwed up hormones that is causing this problem. I’ve had a thorough check up and nothing showed up that could be causing this. I have even searched the internet looking for miracle cures which can be dangerous. Doctors need to understand that sex is just as important to women as it is to men. We deserve our version of “Viagra”.

September 24, 2008 at 5:51 pm
(63) Just trying to help says:

I wonder if anyone has had their testosterone levels checked?

Like men women also need this hormone for their sex drive as without you wont feel like jumping in the sack with anyone.. and its secreted by the ovary’s. If the ovary’s are removed or are scarred or not functioning properly that could be where the problem lies.

OR If there is pain of any type while trying to have sex..in a womans mind that can also be what the problem as she’s has then set up a mind block and associated sex with pain. If so,she needs to speak with her doctor to see why there is pain.

September 25, 2008 at 12:53 am
(64) sonia says:

I had a hysterectomy 6 years ago and did the hormonal replacement therapy thing… hated it and stopped and have had sex maybe 6 times in those years and each time, I just want to scream in pain or cry out of sadness… I too am looking for help and will begin acupuncture treatments. My marriage is like a brother and sister living together, we no longer sleep together.

October 7, 2008 at 12:09 pm
(65) Jeff says:

My wife and I have been together for ten years. Sex has always something I wanted more than her, because of endometriosis and very painful periods she has never had much sex drive. Since having a hysterectomy a couple of years ago sex is something she avoids at all cost now….very painful and no desire. We are talking of getting a divorce because she is sick of listening to be bitch about her lack of interest in me. We live together as friends, but the friendship is strained because of the lack of intimacy. I love my wife and find her VERY attractive! We were best friends with similar interest but have drifted apart. I am glad to have found this site and realize that we are not alone. My wife feels no passion for me and has no interest in looking for help. Although it looks like there is little we can do to improve her sex drive and reduce the pain she feels.

October 7, 2008 at 5:16 pm
(66) Sherry says:

Geeze…I feel sorry for us! I find a little comfort in not being the only one who has these problems. I had a radical hysterectomy a year and a half ago. Before surgery my husband of 25 years and I had great sex! Our first encounter with sex after surgery was dissapointing to me because I could not achieve orgasm. I thought that maybe it was too soon and decided that it would get better. After the next couple of times it became clear to me that I had lost my ability to have an orgasm. I cried for three weeks. I actually mourned the lose of my sex life! I knew it was gone and I didn’t know what to do about it. Today, a year and a half later I would be totally fine with never having sex again. The desire is completely gone. I don’t have too much trouble with pain, just dryness and no orgasm. For me, sex is like doing the dishes after supper…it’s just something I need to get done (for my husband) My husband has been a total angel about it. He is very supportive and understanding about it. But the problem is that I really, really miss my sex life and I want it back! I want my sex drive back! I am going to look into the biodentical hormones that was mentioned in an earlier posting. Maybe that will work. God bless all you husbands that hang in there with your wives. You need to know that most women would love to have their sex drive back…we just don’t know how. I’m still looking…

October 12, 2008 at 9:14 pm
(67) Deborah says:

I have been married for 16 years, my husband and I have always fought about sex; I had 2 csections and several other surgeries; I have never had much of a sex drive; I could go months and months between periods my doctor helped me to have periods; then I couldn’t get pregnant; took me having surgery to get pregnant; thats where the 2 c-sections played a part; then I had to have a hysterectomy; since then I don’t get wet no matter what I do; I love my husband very much; but I don’t get excited and I don’t get horny; I need help; he wants to leave me because he doesn’t feel I love him and I don’t want him cuz I don’t get wet. Help me Please. I need to fix this problem. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I can’t help it that this is something wrong with my body. He says women never have this problem. I told him it wasn’t true cuz women everywhere have these same issues. He doesn’t believe me. If I loved him and wanted him I would get wet and have desire. Help me

October 13, 2008 at 10:55 pm
(68) Moria says:

I am 27 and had my uterus taken out 5 years ago. Depression, lack of desire, lack of lub, etc. I am ready to try just about anything at this point because a year and a half this way is ENOUGH!

October 16, 2008 at 11:19 pm
(69) Gloria says:

I just had two weeks ago a total Hysterctomy and reading the coments in this site “scary me to death” thinking if I would feel all these bad feelings and pain. So far I have lost weight and I have good feelings to get well soon.

October 18, 2008 at 1:01 pm
(70) Annmarie says:

I’m 32 and had a total abdominal hysterectomy in July of this year, before then I was having injections to down regulate my hormones, i was also taking Livial HRT. During this time my sex drive was fine and I was still enjoying a healthy sex life with my partner. Since then post-op reality hits home, my partner decided he wanted a baby and left and my sex life is at an all time low, not only because i’m single but also because like many on this site I couldn’t care less if I never had sex again. I do occasionally feel in the mood but whenever I try taking it any further than the thinking about it stage I wish I hadn’t bothered because I end up getting frustrated when I can’t orgasm no matter how slowly, gently or passionately I try. I’m not ready to lose my sex drive or the possibility of being close with anyone ever again so somebody out there needs to find a cure for this problem, there is enough of us suffering out there. I’m considering asking my gp for the Livial again, but because I have no longer got my ovaries he says I don’t need this kind of HRT and simply gives me the eostrogen variety, which are having no effect at all as i’m still suffering terrible hot flushes and night sweats. Lets hope we find a cure soon!!

October 23, 2008 at 11:13 am
(71) Sherry says:

I had a complete hysterectomy 4 years ago and I was 38 years old. I have been searching for an answer to the sex problem all this time. My doctor put me on the vaginal ring hormone therapy and it has helped some. Also, the new warming KY jelly helps.

October 23, 2008 at 7:12 pm
(72) crystal says:

I am 45 yrs old and had a complete hysterectomy in 5/2007. I have no desire to have sex w/my husband and my affection is lacking and it is aeefecting my marriage. He is totally frustrated at this point. I am also and do not know what to do. i am a breast cancer survivor went thru Chemo,Radiation and I was on Tamoxifen but then switched to Femara for 5 yrs. Is there any answers for the lose of a women’s sex drive.

October 24, 2008 at 12:52 pm
(73) Soshocked says:

I am 54. I was a happily sexual woman in April.
I was feeling and looking great. My friends commented on my glowing skin and I was losing weight after my son went to Uni. I felt like my life was starting again. I had a couple of heavy periods after an 8 month gap and remembering how bad they had been 14 months before I went back to the Dr.
He sent me to a Gynie who said it was unusual for this bleed out of the blue and said he would like to look inside as there was only a small fibroid showing on the scan. The Cancer word was in the air. And he suggested that while I was open he might as well solve it all by giving me a Hysterectomy. And if I had the op in May it would be in a very nice private hospital too, with my own room. Not the one down the road with the MRSA I remembered had been in the papers that week.
It all seemed an OK idea. I said a friend had mentioned keeping my ovaries. He looked surprised but said I could, that I should confirm it on the day of surgery.

After a day or two I had a think about it and was seriously concerned re the sexual side of it. I figured if the uterus could squeeze out two 10.4 babies and harden and contract during the weeks before a baby, it was all likned with the contractions of ogasm. it had to, it made sense. Also the link with breast feeding, showing the link between the nipples and utereus which grips while you feed.
I then e-mailed a friend who is into sex and medicine, he has pubished work on both subjects. He dispelled my fears.
But they came back.
I went for the preop check up and talk with the nurse.
I told her I thought it was a bit of a waste of resources, I was not that bad, and was probably OK. She told me I should have it done while I was still young, as it would be harder when I was older if Cancer cropped up.
It seemed to make sense.
I then had more doubts on the day and voiced my doubts to a nurse and again asked the surgeon. I even asked him if I was his wife or sister would he do it? Did I need it?
His reply was to ask me if it was not ruining my life with the heavy periods? Thinking back, he did nor answer my question at all.
Well, yes they were bad periods. But that was not what I asked.
He had never ever mentioned the possible lack of sex, or the shape I would become after.
I had the surgery, went home and a week later Googles the sex subject properly.
I was shocked.
I did not try to satisfy myself for a few weeks as i dreaded I would be like the many others I read about.
I had been able to orgasm fully in anything from two minutes to as long as I wanted it to last.
I had had the sort of Orgasms where your toes curl, your ear lobes glow, your stomach spasms, (I could lay my hand on my tummy after and feel the after shocks.)
They were felt through my body. I had always had good ones since I was young.
And for the last four years I had had a great sex life, but as Joan Rivers said on a show, shame I didnt have a partner. So I have no one to pleasure myself but myself, and I have never failed myself.
So I after the op I tried it and it was mildly OK.
I thought there was a lot of healing to do, so I gave a it a bit longer. This was in June.
The last time I tried, a few days ago? It was so empty and feeble, I lay after on my bed and howled like a pet had been killed. I then cried till the tears ran into my ears. I was heart broken.
I am also angry as I had the chance to get out of this, but I had not read enough. If I had read this forum alone I would have changed my mind. Never mind the thousands of words i have read since. The internet is full of it, and friends who have ‘come out’, since I told them about it and asked how they were.
I have copied and pasted so many postings by women all over the world.
There really really should be an international awareness over this. Women should not be allowed to enter into this without the most and unambiguous expansive warning.
I can see there are relationships pulled to breaking point.
Hysterectomies for Cancer, yes and other deeply serious conditions, like a prolapse maybe, but these ones for periods, inconvenience etc? No it is too high a price to pay.

I can see I have lost a great pleasure in my life. I was OK to be on my own. I am still, so I am told, a very attractive woman. My self pleasure stopped my single life being sexless, and I was never mad to find a guy for the sake of it.
I had found a new one in April, we were getting to know each other. I could see myself having sex with him. My last lover had been 33 and a wonderful lover at that, but it was 5 years ago.
ButI do not feel I can pursue things with this lovely man as I would be offering him a half woman. I care for him to much to do that. I wouldnot want me as I am.
Is there sex after hysterectomy? Not here in this body I think. I think I will go from 49 to the end without having it with another person. And I have lost all faith in having it with myself too, as it is $% of what it was.
Someone said, hey, you still have your clitoris, what’s the problem? I said it was like having a trigger but no barrel.

All I can say is,don’t let anyone do this, unless it is life threatening. It also wiped out my dirty mind, love scenes are OK, I can identify with the emotion, but sex scenes, which used to turn me on? No sexier than a gardening program. It is all dead. Even my nipples are dead to the touch. I am like a six year old again.

October 24, 2008 at 9:45 pm
(74) Louise says:

OMG – I have just stumbled across this in my desperation to find a solution. I’m only 42 and haven’t had a hysto although that looks like it may be becoming a reality. I’m terrified because over the past 3 years I have almost completely lost my sex drive. We’ve been through a lot of stress and so on due to a failed business, blah blah, and I’m wondering if that has been enough to crap out my hormone levels.

The only time recently (this year) that I found some drive was when someone gave me some Anavar (mild androgen) they had got from the black market and voila, r@pe my husband territory!!! But after that, nothing.

Nothing turns me on – not even John Cena!!! Even I don’t turn myself on. yes I’ve put on weight since my baby 6 years ago, with bad pre-eclampsia and so on, and yes i’ve lost some of it now and am in fact 11kg lighter than when I gave birth (by c-section which left my lower abdomen numb – could this have also cut some of “those” nerves???), yet I feel less sexy and more worthless now than at 10kg heavier and a new mum.

All those men out there reading, my husband is saying the same. We’re only 42 between us – I accuse him of being a b@stard because he’d love it most nights and I couldn’t at this stage care less if I never saw a penis again (hard when we have four boys between us LOL). I vaguely get aroused when seeing the odd porn scene in a movie but then it fades as quickly as it arrived, with the realisation I resemble the hippo at the zoo more than Scarlett Johannsen ….

*Sigh* why do we have to be so complicated and can I please have my mojo back? The one I had when I met my husband where I would just think about him and ooof, we were off? It’s like something in me has just completely died.

And moreover I don’t know why (after years of research as well) doctors keep prescribing OESTROGEN to resolve female issues when that is quite patently the problem. I’m O-Dominant so my skin is still heinously spotty (“they” said that would go away after having a baby) and sore breasts, etc, every month.

Nancy mentioned testosterone implants – what are they, where can my quack get them from? I’m in New Zealand and we have natural hormone therapy available here, but I want the testosterone I think, more than the P/O. Any other feedback from others would be great – and hubbies? Mine feels the same, and we all feel just as helpless and like splitting up.

October 24, 2008 at 9:47 pm
(75) Louise says:

Further, I used to be so proud of my breasts – even when they were smaller. Now they’re udders that Pammy Anderson would be proud of and I don’t want my husband to touch them. He thinks I’m just nipples on sticks – that’s how I feel. He thinks they’re magnificent – I think it’s all part of the libido loss. Don’t touch the non-erogenous zones. I get more out of a back rub.

October 27, 2008 at 4:58 pm
(76) Billy says:

My life is celibacy, I love my wife. NO sex period, For a while oral for her worked aso a dildo only at the clitoris,, then this went a way. Oh for the days of the Old Testament when men could have multiple wifes, or better yet some concubines. That would solve our problem men.But,i’m so sorry for our wives and the other ladies. It,s no picnic for them, so be compassionat, as Jesus taught us to be. God Bless All

October 29, 2008 at 12:10 am
(77) Vonda says:

I had my full hysterectomy about 2 years ago and I have no desire to have sex at all. but just a while a go I was at Walmart and i picked up ( KY long lasting vaginal moisturizer) they are in tubs abd one application last for up to 3 days, I found them to be useful to get ride of the pain and make it so I am able to make it thru the sex. also we have been doing it face to face instead of the usual way doggie style. the regular way with the moisturizer really made for a nice evening, and for the first time in 2 years I did’nt mine at all that we had to have sex hope this helps some of you and it is really great to see that I am not alone.. also note that when you put the applactor in it might burn but it do go away the burning is from the dryness that we occure good luck

October 30, 2008 at 7:15 pm
(78) Loni says:

So Ladies and Gents…what do we do???? All of the above I’m going through too. Please someone help us!!!!

November 4, 2008 at 3:15 am
(79) tooold says:

I wish I had the answer it would be worth a fortune! I had my Hysterectomy at the age of 36 due to ovarian cysts caused by endometriosis I was told I still have one and a half ovaries. I am now 56 and have struggled to keep even a flicker of sexsual desire going, the problem is even worse since the onset of the menopause. My husband is very loving and tries to understand but fails. And seems to think I choose to feel like this. I have tried HRT (estrogen) which didn’t help and made my migraines worse.

I am reluctant to ask for help at the Dr again because when I was in my forties a young lady Dr looked embarrassingly surprised that I should be bothered and said as we get older we can expect to have a low libido.

I am seriously thinking of braving the Dr again tho to ask for testosterone as I remember just after the hysterectomy I was given a drug called Danol (which I think had male hormone in) for a short time to make sure the endo Had gone. And I had more sex drive than I knew what to do with, But the side effects of the drug were horrid eg deep voice, excessive body hair and weight gain.

Surely there must be something or someone who could help us. For me and my poor long suffering hubby, It seems time is running out. If the Drs thought I was too old in my forties it’s down hill from here on in! It makes me feel dirty just to ask now. ps By the way the same as someone else mentioned I also have no feeling in my nipples since the op. And just out of interest has anyone else found they have an underactive thyroid since having a hysterectomy?

November 4, 2008 at 10:02 pm
(80) Chelsea says:

Hi everyone, reading this website has sent me through every emotion from relief (that I wasn’t alone), sadness (I have been married 45 years and love my husband dearly , hope (although not much of that) and despair(a cure looks increasing unlikely). I am 64 yrs. old, look and feel 10 years younger. I had hysterectomy in my mid 40′s and although my sex drive lessened, we had a pretty good relationship compaired to what I am reading. I had to have an anterior and posterior prolapse operation followed by yet further minor vaginal surgery. My husband was patient and caring and for a while we ‘managed’. But over the past 6 years my desire has completely disappeared. I feel nothing, no desire, no passion, nothing. Like many contributors to this website, I am very depressed and saddened at what I feel is my body’s treachery. I have felt like telling my husband to get sex outside of our marriage as I feel so guilty but I know I couldn’t live with the thought of it and I know he loves me dearly and wouldn’t hurt me in this way. However, I also know he misses sex dreadfully. Even if I could ‘pretend’ interest, actual intercourse is so very very painful that penetration is impossible. I have tried KY jelly but it hasn’t helped much. I was interested in the the dilators mentioned previously, anything that gives hope is grabbed at like a lifebelt to a drowning man! How strange that no medical personnel have contributed to this website. Maybe some people will think that at 64 I should give up any thoughts of a sex life, maybe they are right but I would love to just feel a slight tingle, a feeling of ‘love’ which all seemed to have disappeared. I feel more emotion from watching Pride and Prejudice, porn just seems dirty to me now and yet once upon a time it would get me going in no time. If anyone comes up with a magic cure, please post it and don’t write 60+ women off, we still want to make our husband’s happy and to reach fufillment ourselves.

November 6, 2008 at 2:36 pm
(81) tooold says:

Ooo Chelsea I do hope the comments I made didn’t make you feel worse I certainly don’t think you should give up the thought of a sex life. My comments were born out of hurt at the way I was made to feel in my forties when I asked for help, and not that I think myself or women a little older, too old. I intend continuing searching the net for help and as I said before I also intend braving the Dr again (hopefully they will be a little more sympathetic to my cause this time. After all they have had a decade to learn more) All we need is something to flick the switch back on. The love for our husbands is already there. Lets not give up. When we are living a lot longer and keeping ourselves in better shape physically and mentally, we must make the medical profession aware that this is a problem that an awful lot of women want to address. Good luck to us all. I will keep you posted of the outcome. (It wont be for a while it takes ages to get an appointment with a Doctor where I live)

November 13, 2008 at 2:05 pm
(82) David says:

You all are unique. In body, physical make up and personal history. But all share a common problem of lack of information. My wife had a total hysterectomy in the early 90s. At that time you simply took a pill (HRT) and all was to go back to normal. Over a decade has passed and “normal” is a word that has little meaning. Following all of the prescriptions and doctor’s recommendations, nothing worked. So much so she developed day stopping migraines while on the HRT. As of 3 years ago she simply keeps up with her check ups, take vitamins and is pretty much migraine free. I know she still feels, as she puts it “A sexual”, but having her healthy and migraine free is wonderful. I wish you all well and hope of all hopes that someone will come up with a solution. But until we can understand the female’s unique characteristics we all will simply tread water. So relish in your uniqueness and continue the conquest for information. You are not alone.

November 19, 2008 at 9:28 pm
(83) Chelsea says:

Hi again, I didn’t even bother to check back on the website as I didn’t expect any comments. Thanks ‘tooold’ and David for your encouraging remarks. It is kind of comforting to know that occasionally men read webpages like this one and are sympathetic to our problems. Maybe with more female politicians in government, there will eventually be financing for research into what is obviously a much bigger problem than I for one realised. Just hope a miracle occurs before I actually decide to give up caring.
Good luck to all of us

November 21, 2008 at 2:23 pm
(84) linda says:

Last year I had a total hysterectomy. I had massive fibroids and I was bleeding 24-7. I used to have great sex and was as wet as the Nile river. After surgery I am as dry as the Sahara. The longer I go without sex the less I need it. I want my desire back I want sex back. My skin is dry and crepe looking. I haven’t had sex yet and I feel like I have been robbed of my sexuality. Even when I try to masturbate I can barely make it through that. What man will ever be interested in someone like that? I am angry and hurt. I want ME back. knowing that women are 4 to one man, For every woman that cant or wont, there are 3 that will and I probably wont be one of them.

November 21, 2008 at 5:47 pm
(85) sondra says:

i’m so glad i found this site I had a complete hysterectomy going on 7 years ago I at first enjoyed sex but for the past three to four years my sex drive has deminished to not wanting sex at all we have sex twice a month i have been married for 24 years and my husband has been supportive as much as he can but i want to get my groove back and enjoy and feel good about the sex and ladies this is coming from a couple that used to have sex five to six times a week I threw my hormone pills away because of all the bad stuff about them and now it is starting to cause issues within my marriage he wants it more often and I don’t i don’t think it’s right to fake it DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO offer that might help

November 23, 2008 at 10:55 pm
(86) fsad says:

ok, so it’s not just me. i’m saddened that there’s so many of us ‘changed’ by this surgery. i had bladder prolapse repair as well, and frankly i believe they removed anything that ever felt good. nobody ever tells you to expect that. or how to deal with it.

November 25, 2008 at 7:04 am
(87) Elise says:

I want to share something that has helped me.It isPremarin vaginal cream.It built my vaginal tissues back up,and stopped the pain I was having during intercourse.I still have a mental block,fearing pain during sex.I get a little drunk,in order to be able to relax.My religion condems drinking,but it is the only way for me to relax enough,right now.I too,have loss of nipple sensation,abdominal numbness,gag when brushing my teeth,loss of sexual fantasy.My doctor will not give me testosterone,maybe I should try another doctor.It has been 2 years,and I have decided that I cannot live the rest of my life as a victim.I am going to do everything in my power to make our sex life the best it can be.I know it will never be the same,but I want my life back,and I am going to actively pursue it.I am very lucky,because my husband and I share unconditional love(for 29 years)I cannot change the past,I have to live with it.I am just as much a woman as I was before the surgery,I will not let it destroy me.

November 28, 2008 at 11:14 pm
(88) Joyce says:

Since my complete hysterectomy because of endometrial cancer, I have not lost my desire for sex, but apparently my husband of 40 years has. He does not even want to sleep in the same bed with me and on our anniversary (40 years) he did not even kiss me. My operation was in June 2008 and now it is almost December. He searches his vitamin book for vitamins to keep me cancer free.I have talked to him about this, but he says giving me these vitamins show his love for me and that he loves me. I feel like I am a roommate and not a wife. We had always been very close and he is a very good guy, but this is a very sad situation and I find myself feeling more and more lonely. There is absolutely no touching or hugging — any physical contact at all. So my situation seems opposite of the majority of the responses. I have the desire but my husband no longer does.

November 30, 2008 at 11:04 am
(89) Jill says:

I am using the herb Saw Palmetto and it seems to have helped but I have pain now…worse than the first time…So I have the drive back but does anyone know if this is normal…or if the pain will go away

December 2, 2008 at 8:31 pm
(90) debi says:

I had a partial hysterectomy at 27 (19 years ago), leaving my ovaries. I never had a problem with sex drive until last October, when I had to have the ovaries removed as well. It was one month after I remarried, and now, just over one year later, I have no interest in sex whatsoever. I have just returned from a gyno visit, and he recommended the testosterone/estrogen implants. I read several comments about this, but he warned of side effects, so I would like to know if anyone uses these, please email me at debileigh13@yahoo.com. Let me know if you have had weight gain, excess hair, etc.

December 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm
(91) tooold says:

I am so sorry I feel a little like I have let us all down but I bottled out of seeing the GP about the libido/testosterone thing as I said I had planned to do in a previous comment. Partly because I didn’t want the same comments as before and partly because I am already struggling with a slight weight problem (which also developed after the hysterectomy and the underactive thyroid condition) and I figured more weight might add to my problem. But after reading Jill’s comment I am trying the herb Saw Palmetto so I will let you all know how I get on with that. And I shall keep watching this space for any new ideas.

December 7, 2008 at 12:01 am
(92) SweetPea says:

WOW!! I just stumbled across this site doing some research. I am 38 years and am scheduled to have my partial hyst on December 16th. I suffer so badly with pain during my cycles, clots, fibroids, anemia. I have two sons 10 and 2 and one week when my wonderful supportive husband was traveling I could not get out of the bed and had to call my sister in law down to help with the kids. I really have no other options. My blood count was at 8 two months ago. The pain I can’t deal with any longer. My husband and I have dated since high school and we have a wonderful sex life. I hope that I we will continue to have our wonderful connection. Reading the comments above is heartbreaking and I wish you all the best. It is also scary to read how most have lost their sex drives.

December 7, 2008 at 8:21 pm
(93) Clairy says:

So Vicki what was this amazing energy juice?

December 9, 2008 at 6:54 pm
(94) Tammie says:

I had my hysterectomy last June and am not desiring for sex. My fiance thinks it is him and i am trying to reassure him that it is not. Will i ever be the same again?

December 11, 2008 at 11:53 pm
(95) CJ says:

I started having extreme periods 2-3 times a month – when I couldn’t walk from the pain and blood loss, my husband pushed me to go to the doctor. To appease him, i went nly to find out that I had a 6cm fibroid tumor. I’m scheduled to have a partial hysterectomy in January. My biggest fear is the loss of sex drive. These comments are making me rethink surgery.

December 13, 2008 at 3:11 pm
(96) Helpful Caring Man says:

My wife needed a partial. She was a level five with endometriosis and was bed ridden 6 days a month. I begged her to get the partial to get rid of the pain. Since then, it’s the same story you’ve read above. Obviously, an “estroviagara” is not available as of the time if this post but, we as couples need to get thru until there is right? So this is a temporary solution that me and the wife work together on which makes it easy on her when her vagina is not “elongated” or ready to perform:

Back rubs, hair combing, complete pampering for her and for him….masterbation!! Yes I’m admitting it. Porn will work well however it will get old over time for him. So for you women out there who want to keep your man around until a SUPER PILL is on the market (trust me, not all men are as understanding as I am and it is important that YOU stop feeling bad for yourself and maintain that sexual relationship) I suggest the following:

1. If you catch him while masterbating,… help him finish off! DO NOT STOP HIM for what ever reason.

2. Instead of the porn which is near mandatory, YOU become the model! Yes your become the pleasure actress. Watch while he performs you help him by teasing him over the edge. Once you become good at the teasing part the whole process should take less than 5 minutes because he’s the one pleasuring himself. Here is how:

A. Simply bend over exposing your rear and tell him verbally how magnificent your rumpus is.

B. Lie on your back and pose in a series of leg tantalizing positions. If you need help just check out a free porn site and get creative.

C. Don’t be shy or coy have fun with it and watch your man have a good time while you give him pose after pose.

D. Compliment him during his hard pumping throws! Talk about his manhood size or whatever and that will make the ordeal quicker..

E. Trash talk during your pose if you have to, even the most reserved conservative has a dark sexual side.

F. Fake a mild orgasm while posing, he will oblige with his own.

G. start off by wearing something that you can slowly take off ultimately showing your goods. But don’t get comfortable with it on. It must come off for him to get thoroughly going.

H. Take it to the extreme by giving him a landing pad. If you decide to go this route, for whatever reason don’t get grossed out by the release. It will backfire on you.

The above is a great way to help him and not get yourself physically involved.

December 13, 2008 at 11:30 pm
(97) jerry says:

my ex lost her sex drive after her hysterectomy.We tried many things to enhance it, even beyond what most would do. Not good for the marriage. If you want to help your soulmate, men love it if you masterbate them or oral sex, be upfront but do try to satisfy his needs. Nature gave us this urge that is as frustrating as is great feeling. We do love our beautiful partners.

December 24, 2008 at 1:58 am
(98) Kikkie says:

When you’ve had your uterus and ovaries removed, you no longer have your own estrogen production, and testosterone production also dramatically declines (some testosterone is made by the adrenals). Even if your ovaries were left, 25 % of woman will have loss of ovarian function within 3 months of having a hysterectomy (study by Dr Phillip Sarrel- he also found that by 3 years after removal of only the uterus, about 60 % of woman will have menopausal levels of ovarian hormones and show a marked decline in estradiol).

So you need to be replacing the estrogen and testosterone with bio-idential pellets which are inserted under the skin by a doctor under local anaesthesia and is replaced every 3 – 6 months. They are bio-identical, replace your missing hormones and don’t increase cancer risk. You can’t possibly expect to feel well, both sexually and otherwise, if these hormones are low.

Google ‘hysterectomy and oothorectomy John Studd’ and read about his recommendations for natural HRT. Here’s a link for one of his pages.


I truely hope this helps.

December 27, 2008 at 9:31 pm
(99) jiph says:

I have had a full abdominal hysterectomy 4 years ago and I have lost all my lipido. I also have lichen sclorisis. My Husband could not understand my lack of libido, until I was diagnosed with Lichen sclorisis and then he backed off. I have the feeling I am being raped, it is so painful. No meds(testosterone…._ have helped me recover or get it back. I am offering my husband his freedom, because I cannot have sex anymore. Not sure if he will take it, but it may be better than our current brother/sister relationship.

January 4, 2009 at 1:29 pm
(100) k says:

I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago. I have just found the right hormones to up my libido and energy level. I wear a ville patch and use testosterone pellets. The pellets have saved me. They are wonderful. I have energy no menapause affects and I have a great libido. My husband is very happy as well as I am. These pellets seem to be my wonder drug. They are not cheap but well worth every penny in our books.

January 5, 2009 at 4:53 am
(101) Kelli says:

I had my part. hyst. 6 years ago this april for cysts on my ovaries and cervical cancer. Also was leading to endo. I too have lost my desire although I find my husband of 7 years extremely handsome and still very sexy to me. I just cant get any desire. I have done research on this and have come up with less than you all.

There are some great suggestions in here. I am excited to see that there are men out there willing to give suggestions and comment on their own experiences with their wives.

Gives me great hope and as I have a Dr. apt. tomorrow I will be bringing up some of these suggestions there.

Thanks again.

Hope to bring back good news.

January 5, 2009 at 4:55 pm
(102) David says:

Kansas University is doing bioidentical hormone testing. I have included the web-site. We have found a OB/GYN that is well aquainted to this type of therapy. My wife will have some blood work done and make an appointemnt next month. I’ll keep you posted.

January 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm
(103) jackie says:

i feel weird after reading all your comments
after your hysterectomys because i had mine
2 months ago and i cant get enough of my hubby
i couldnt wait as long as i should have we took it slowly but it was great i think
i actually love sex more than befour .

January 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm
(104) Denise says:

I had a fybroid which required shrinking with Lupron Depot before my abdominal hysterectomy. My gyno was very informative. heHe told me that our minds play a huge part in healing, and in desire. Some women may feel incomplete after a hystrectomy or be worried about whether their partner finds the scar unattractive. Therefore he recommended recovery start before the op. I focused on all the things that would improve for me, how I much healthier I would be and feel etc. My gyno ensured that I fully understood what to expect and how I could improve things. We started to get me as healthy as possible before the op, and to assist in healing I took zinc tablets prior to surgery and for several months following. Apparently the body needs zinc to heal but we don’t produce it naturally, and most food nowadays is deficient. Starting to exercise, gently, 12wks after the op for improvement in internal muscle tone as well as a gradual return regular exercise for energy and health was recommended, as was ensuring healthy diet and correct vitiman and mineral supplements. He also ensured that I did not return to work, in or outside of the home, too early and when I did return it was gradual. This is because it takes two years for the body to fully recover from the surgery and to adjust to the change in its physical and chemical make-up. If not handled properly recovery can be unnecessarily painful and depressing which causes both physical and emotional problems. These problems can last years. I know we are all different and this would not work for everyone, but I hope this provides some ideas which may work for some, if not all of you. Good luck, hang in there, you are all brave, strong and beautiful women to have come this far. I hope that something in here may help at least some of you.

January 17, 2009 at 7:25 pm
(105) c says:

WOMEN find a doc who does biodentical hormones & watch your life come back full swing.I am 38 & it took me 6 years to figure this out on my own. You will love your man til he begs you to stop!!! You will not need a sex tape, you will want your man & he will be over the moon!!!!

January 17, 2009 at 11:19 pm
(106) jane says:

My partial hyst. was years ago and I felt a decrease in libido afterwards. However, several yrs. later, in my early 40′s, I went into menopause and lost my sex drive completely.

Now I am in my 60′s and have very few sensations before or during intercourse ,no desire ,sore breasts, and my girl parts are shrinking.

Early on, when I told my gyn. about all my troubles, she said she really had very few women ever complain about the loss of ibido and also suggested it was psychological. Why did she not even know about this???

Through the years, I have tried EVERYTHING, but nothing has worked at all. One doctor suggested bio-hormones , then doubled the testosterone and I wound up with breast cancer.

My husband is kind and loving and I am sick that I can not love him as I want to.

I believe that having a hysterectomy at a young age caused my loss of libido. There are quite a few women that I have talked to who have the same problem, either from having a hysterectomy or from going through menopause.

Two questions-

Why don’t doctors warn women of this possible side-effect of a hysterectomy ????

Why is the media not addressing this huge problem ???

January 18, 2009 at 9:13 am
(107) Melissa says:

I had a complete hysterectomy this past June. I have no sex drive and when I do have sex, IT HURTS. My husband doesn’t understand. I also have had pain in my thighs since surgery. Numerous tests, with no help. Hot flashes are a bear. Tried hormones, but don’t like the side affects. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

January 21, 2009 at 8:21 am
(108) Nic says:

I had a complete hysterectomy & 1 ovary removed October 2008. I’m currently amid chemo to save my other ovary under the pretense “it would only decrease your quality of life to remove it.” My husband is so irrate with our sex life, and all I wanted for my birthday on Jan. 16 was for him to buy a hooker to quit pestering me about sex. My OB-GYN’s office laughs when I bring up the serious discord under my roof due to having no sex life. “With three sons and being together 10 years, what do you expect?” they tell me.
Not only do I have no interest in sex, my attempts have been met with crippling pain (I had 3 kids without so much as an Advil), the latest forcing me to call off from work for FOUR days to recover. I just cannot convince my husband how I feel my sex drive was removed during that hysterectomy. It’s gone. He frequently references material that claims women have equal, if not better sex drives after a hysterectomy, along with statistics that say healthy couples have sex atleast 3x/wk, thus, I must be having an affair. I cried reading a lot of these posts – I know now that I’m not alone between the lack of desire and the pain. I don’t even want to be touched. Aside from the sexual disfunction, I am emotionally neutral all the time. I had quite the temper, yet also would get excited and happy…My zest for life is gone. I feel as though my spirit is gone. Obviously, I can’t help any of you, and would appreciate further contact with you who are experiencing the same!

January 21, 2009 at 12:53 pm
(109) Ann says:

I am so happy I found this site. My doctor was suggesting that I could have a hysterectomy to ease the discomfort of fibroids and some of the pain associated with them. After reading these postings, I think I will look harder for other options besides hysterectomy. I thought problems with sex drive only occurred if you took out the ovaries, but now i know better. Now the pain and discomfort don’t seem that bad any more.

You all have really helped me. I know it is little consolation for those of you in physical and emotional pain, but you have helped at least one person to make a better more informed decision about her life. THANKS!!

January 22, 2009 at 1:14 pm
(110) Linda says:

I had mine about 5 years ago. I am in the same boat. My husband now makes remarks to my family about the iceburg. It hurts me and I want to lash out and make it look like his fault. You go to the dr. and they just basically say this is the way it is. I feel hopeless.

January 30, 2009 at 11:06 am
(111) tracy says:

try bio-identical hormone therapy

January 31, 2009 at 6:35 pm
(112) Pissed Off says:

Basicly, your marriage is over! I like the comment further back that says “I feel like I’m living with my brother”!

February 2, 2009 at 4:33 pm
(113) LORI says:

I also had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago… I WAS married for 15 years. I had NO sex drive at all after, it also hurt really bad when I would have sex (still hurts). My husband of 15 years left me because of it.
Broke my heart! But I guess…what do you expect if you can’t make love anymore. I guess I will live alone forever, because it hurts toooo much to have sex! I can’t seem to get any help for this!

February 4, 2009 at 6:59 am
(114) Melissah says:

Did anybody ever find a reliable solution to all this?

February 9, 2009 at 9:25 pm
(115) Paty says:

Hi I had a full hysterectomy 12 months ago.Before my sex life was great…….for the first 3 months after surgery my sex life was terrible but is getting better after I started using Vivelly Dot patch.

February 9, 2009 at 9:26 pm
(116) Donna says:

I am 39 years old and had a complete hysterectomy 7 years ago and let me tell you…NO SEX DRIVE. I have tried Black cohash, sex toys, lubes, but nothing. Between the mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, and being unemployed due to this horrific economy, I am at a loss. I have been blessed with a man who understands, however, I miss our sex life. We were the hot and heavy couple and now we are ice cold. I miss the intimacy. I feel like making love to me is just to much work. He says that he loves the literal hours of fore play but I get to wound up and loss momentum. I spoke to my Gyno (a man) and he was totally un-sympathetic. He said and I am quoting here, “I am sorry DOnna but unfortunately this is a side effect of a complete hysterectomy and menopause, there are no drugs that will
help you”. Then he left the room, leaving me in tears in my paper gown feeling alone, frustrated, and totally lost.

February 17, 2009 at 2:54 pm
(117) Helen says:

I wish I’d found this site sooner, I had full Hysterectomy at 37 yrs after fertility investigations revealed cancer. I remember asking at the time how it might affect my sex drive and was told “you’ll be alright”, that was 4 years ago and we haven’t had full intercourse at all. I’ve had a glimmer of feeling sexy once or twice, and luckily my husband has been really understanding but I can’t help feeling that it’s not fair on him. We’re still young and should be enjoying some sort of sex life.I find it amazing that if a man is having a vasectomy he is offered counseling and support, yet there seem to be a lot of women out there that just have to put up with it.

February 20, 2009 at 10:37 am
(118) Catherine says:

I had a hysterectomy in November, 2008 and has not had the desire for sex since. My husband does not understand at all. The thought of sex NEVER enters my mind until he brings it up, then I start to feel guilty, but I still have no desire to have sex. I’ll give in, but I feel as if I’m being forced to do something I really don’t want to do. I have been completely turned off to not only sex, but intimacy also!

February 20, 2009 at 3:12 pm
(119) KC says:

Had total hysterectomy November 07. It’s been 15 months and my husband and I have had intercourse 2 times. It was quite painful and I had bleeding afterwards. I do not think about sex anymore and feel nothing. My husband is understanding and has issues of his own with performance, but not anything like what I am experiencing. I cannot take any form of estrogen due to pre cancer that caused the hysterectomy in the first place. Doc has suggested testosterone to help, but I don’t want the expense or the side effects. It feels hopeless..

February 25, 2009 at 6:30 pm
(120) BNH says:

I had to have a complete hysterectomy because of endometrial cancer. I am on estradiol and bio-identical testosterone cream. If I do not take them I have vaginal dryness and pain. I believe the whole estrogen cancer scare is just that a scare tatic. It’s all about quality of life. I’d rather be dead than live without estradiol since I feel dead without it. We women need to do our research and take control of our lives and tell the doctors what we need. If estradiol causes cancer why don’t young women who have more estrogen have the higher percentage of breast cancer? Just asking. In nature we are not suppose to live past our reproductive years so as long as were living longer we might as well feel good.

February 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm
(121) Miranda says:

I had to have a partial hysterectomy 2 years ago after delivering my second child. I was bleeding after my C-section and had to be rolled into the op room again. I woke up in the ICU and found out on paper writing back and forth with my husband. I cried cried because this meant no more womenhood, no more babies, and much more. Now two years later I am short with my temper, I sometimes look at myself and feel ugly, and I am not interested in sex. I want all of this back to normal. I am sad and need to know if life can get brighter. I love my children and my husband, but sometimes not me.

February 28, 2009 at 2:09 pm
(122) Sandy says:

Thanks for all your comments and concerns the have been eye opening. I had a complete hysto 6wks ago andjust tried out my parts eventhough it was mild it was still good, but I’m use to great and don’tknow if things will improve from here please God. I have an awasome husband of 27yrs and don’y plan to loose anything, Thanks for all your comments I will take a little from here and a little from there and if I can find the “magic bullet I will shot it out to you all, but in the meantime we have to remember to take care of our men, let’s just keep it real, I keep mine smilingset the mood sex should not began in the bed so fix your self up lite th candles and put on some music and see where the night ends pleasure for both or just for him he’ll thank you for the effort.

Luck to all

February 28, 2009 at 7:03 pm
(123) Mary says:

I had a Hysterectomy with removal of ovaries 2 years ago. I still have no desire for sex and I have gained around 20 lbs. I have tried several HRT and nothing has helped. The doctor also tried me on Covaryx HS which is estrogen with testosterone. After reading side effects I was afraid to use. Has anyone tried this replacement therapy? At this point I am ready to give up does anyone have any suggestions? HELP!!

March 1, 2009 at 1:42 am
(124) Liz says:

Let your poor husbands take a mistress like the French women do. He will still want to live with you and be your husband. It will be difficult at first, but soon you will settle into a routine and neither of you will feel guilty anymore.

March 1, 2009 at 2:09 am
(125) Ginger says:

First of all… # 96 ‘Helpful Caring Man’ has some great ideas… play games !! … in fact, write some game scenarios together, and then act them out… And, # 116 ‘Donna’, PLEASE find a different GYN… you don’t need that insensitive man.
Wow… after reading all these comments I want to add mine. I loved sex and always had outrageously great orgasms… Then had a complete hysterectomy in ’99 at 42 years of age because of a giant mass that turned out to be totally benign… then the severe depression came, and weight gain, and I was on HRT (Climara) for five years (the maximum time on HRT, I was told), then lost the ability to orgasm soon after going off Climara, and next, lost all desire… Within seven years of the surgery I felt as if I’d aged seventeen years. At one of my very lowest points, I decided I couldn’t live that way anymore and began doing tons of research. Within two years I’d found several things that worked for me, and they continue to work… my desire is back and so are my orgasms. Here’s what happened: My female GYN did sex hormone levels testing, and I had almost zero testosterone, so we first tried the testosterone ointments at increasing strengths, which helped, but finally moved to a testosterone Rx called ‘Androgel’. Men use one or two 2.5 gram packets topically per day, but I only use two DROPS out of a packet on my forearm once a day (and a prescription lasts me forever) Also, I take
L-Arginine, 700 mg capsules, usually twice daily (but you can take up to six capsules daily) for increased blood flow to my ‘delicate bits’ (and for energy). And I take powdered MACA for libido. (both these can be ordered from Dr. Ward Bond, Nutritional Living, and he can explain how they work. 800-620-9975… or get at most health food stores)… But here’s the other important thing I learned: My mind plays a crucial role, and I won’t hesitate to confess that although I never watched porn in my entire life, I began to… But I wasn’t too thrilled with very much of it, because it’s generally lacking in story lines and it can be just a little ‘too much’ sometimes… but porn made me remember all the wild fantasies I used to have. I started writing them, and expanded them into red hot stories, writing my own ‘porn’ from a female perspective… and soon my ‘writing therapy’ worked; I wanted to do more than write. Try it, girls… probably 99% of us (yes, even the very religious and the proper conservatives) have had our favorite fantasy scenarios, some of them so outrageous that we would never tell anyone, much less write them down… but it worked unbelievably well for me, in conjunction with the testosterone and other supplements. The research for medical and alternative medical help took lots of time, and trial and error, and then I had to force myself to write the fantasies in the beginning (and I shocked myself at times), but I desperately wanted that essential sexual part of me back again. Now, ten years after my hysterectomy, I’m having plenty of fun, satisfying sex (yes, we still need lube sometimes), and my partner is a very happy guy. I hope somebody will be encouraged by reading this, and maybe they’ll try testosterone and some erotic writing…

March 5, 2009 at 1:04 am
(126) Ann says:

I am devastated! I enjoyed a very high sex drive. I had a total hysterectomy in February and I’m flat. Sex is not even crossing my mind these days! This is a horrible place to be in life. Does anyone have a cure or suggestions.

March 7, 2009 at 10:48 am
(127) Cindy says:

I had my hysterectomy 6 years ago.I was 42. From then on it has been a downhill spiral. I felt like my body and my mind were aging fast. I had every menopausal symptom under the sun. Depression playing a big part aswell as the absolute exhaustion. HOWEVER! Last year I was given oestrogen and testosterone patches. I started to feel better but still had low energy issues. 2 months ago I was given a testosterone implant to give me that extra boost and boy what a difference! My life is transformed. I want sex much much more than ever! I feel alive again with more energy and alot clearer thinking. I want to do things instead of sitting around. I still have weight to lose but I’m sure now I’m feeling a little more human and normal again it will come off in time. The bottom line is that after feeling like most of you for the last 5 years, this last year has given me back my life.

March 12, 2009 at 1:51 pm
(128) Ed says:

I had a partial vag hyst a yr ago this last November, which I still have my ovaries…My sex drive actually got higher than ever before the surgery. To where now I can’t seem to get enough of it….I’m sad to hear about you all not having any desires for it.

March 13, 2009 at 11:21 am
(129) David says:

my wife had a hystrectomy about 2 to 3 years ago due to breast cancer so she could take femara for the next 5 years. so now she cant take any hormone based sexual enhancer. weve found that ZESTRA works great and its safe for women who cant use hormone based theropy. its all natural. It looks and smeels like olive oil. but now most of the time i cant penetrate her because she is so tight and it nhurts when i do and when i cum it burns for sometimes days.

March 23, 2009 at 5:33 am
(130) jeff says:

yes my wife had a Hysterectomy in 2004 and we tried to have sex about 6 months afterwards and it did not feel the same we have not had sex in 5 years i am afraid that i am going to cheat i do love my wife however i am still a man and have sexual needs please help what do i do i feel like i am falling i am a preacher and what a shame that would be but i need sex bad i am still holding on

March 24, 2009 at 12:29 pm
(131) David says:

My 3rd posting. After months of research, my wife made the decision to try bio-identical “pellet” hormone theropy. The pellets where inserted into her upper hip. This is after extensive blood work and a bone density scan. She also found out her thyroid was not working correctly. Another condition of females with no hormones. It’s now been barely 30 days and she already sees many improvements. She’s sleeping better. No hot flashes. Better memory and just a general feeling of being “herself” once again. Sex has also become a part of our life once more.

So please do your research, contact an MD that specializes in this area. You can find them on the web with a little digging. It’s worth the time and money. I can promise you that.

March 30, 2009 at 1:08 pm
(132) BEn says:

Wow, that is all I have to say, I am a 31yr old husband of a 28yr old who has absolutely NO desire to be intimate in any way at all. I am having such a hard time with it. Her hysterectomy was almost two years ago and I can probably count how many times we have had sex since then. I am now suffering from severe depression, have ruined four years of sobriety and then recently threw away almost an entire other year because I feel so hopeless. I am a very spiritual/religious man, but it is so hard to live in a loveless marriage and survive. I am still young, still virile, still have needs, my wife on the other hand has the libido of an octogenarian, and I hate to think of cheating, leaving her, or anything like that, but the reality is I think about it, and I hate myself for thinking about it. I need this fixed. Where do I turn, what do I do? How do I approach her about it? Or do I give up, I have contemplated finding some sort of medication to annihilate my libido, at least then I wont hurt. ???

March 31, 2009 at 5:30 am


March 31, 2009 at 5:49 am


March 31, 2009 at 6:19 pm
(135) Victoria says:

I had an abdominal hysterectomy, and kept my ovaries, 2 years ago. Well, I could care less
about sex! That’s all men think about! It makes me sick! I have been married for 7, almost 8 years, and when asked to do oral sex,
I refuse!!! I had no problem before, but then again I don’t even want his hands on me!
I sometimes feel pissed, and want left alone!
Doctors say I’m not in Menopause, but could either be thyroid(Goiter), or Peri-Menopause?
I just feel angry, and do not want to make love to my husband at all-ever! I used to love sex, now I’m 43, and I could care less.

April 6, 2009 at 11:38 am
(136) Raven says:

Had a complete hysterectomy in 2004 at age 32 due to uterine cancer. My doctor won’t let me take any hormones because of the cancer and when I tell him how painful sex is, let alone the horribly decreased desire and decreased sensitivity, he says, “Well, which would you rather have? Cancer or better sex?” He came highly recommended from several doctors but this isn’t helping. Every time my husband and I do have sex (which is rare), I end up in tears because of the pain. There has to be something out there for us! But reading all of these other stories has made me glad to see I’m not alone.

April 7, 2009 at 3:07 am
(137) Anono says:

I am a 39 yr old male. I have been dating a 35 yr old who just recently had her hysterectomy completed by removal of the last ovary. It has been a few weeks and she is starting to show signs of decreased interest and I am getting depressed. I love this girl more then anything and hope and pray that the passion and intimacy in our life does not fade away. I am terribly scared after reading all the post. Why the heck are Docs still doing this surgery? There has to be another solution! I am a man with a very hi sex drive. The only problem is I only want it with her, please I am begging someone out there to post a solution if not for me and mine then for the tons of other people who have posted their frustrations here.

April 7, 2009 at 11:56 pm
(138) reg says:

I have some very large fibroids and I was just told a partial hysterectomy would help .After reading these post I am almost afraid to have it done.Any advice ?

April 8, 2009 at 9:50 pm
(139) Living in Hell says:

My wife had a total hysterectomy 2.5 years ago. Let me tell you this… it has completely ruined our marriage. She hates me and treats me like a sexual deviant. If I even make an attempt to touch her she acts like I am some dirty man.
She wants a divorce and is always encouraging me to “get a girl friend”. She gets angry at me at the drop of a hat. One word from me that is not perfect gets me at least 3 days in the “I-hate-you-I-am-not-talking-to-you” dog house.
In bed, when she is not sleeping on the couch(because she is afraid I might have the audacity to want intimacy), she puts as many articles of clothes on and recoils at the slightest touch.
Meanwhile I read all the books and listened to all the advice. I work two jobs and give her everything I make. She has complete control of the finances. After working all day I come home and sweep the floors, do the dishes, clean the rooms, help the kids with the homework, etc. I do this with a cheerful attitude and always “ask” permission. I write love notes to her regularly and give her praise at all times. When she “allows” me to touch her I work slow and spend hours in an attempt to give her mind the foreplay she needs.
BUT… this doesn’t work. She really, really has no desire for sex. And not only that, but intimacy as well. Being close to me must make her stress out about not wanting sex.
After the hysterectomy we had a “occasional” love making, but it was rare. But at least we had it. She was running 5 days a week and working out regularly at the time. Last year around May she stopped her regular workout routine. Suprise… her sex drive dropped to zero. Later, her feelings evolved to pure resentment. Now she wants me gone. She has her sisters and does not need some “sex crazed” man in her life.
So… the mind is a wonderful thing, but without the proper hormones, it is just NOT POSSIBLE for the female to have a proper and healthy sex life. Period.
I am emptying my savings to give her bio identical hormones and an additional surgery to remove any remnants of her endometriosis and ovaries. Of course, none of this is covered by insurance. Typical. But I don’t care. She can have ALL my money.
I know I will get little sympathy. I keep hearing the same thing over and over again from the women who have no sex drive. They say.. “he just doesn’t understand”. Well I have got something to say to you all… You don’t understand. You don’t understand that the man still has STRONG biological desires. Just because you don’t doesn’t change anything. All I hear is how the men are insensitive and selfish.
I have a little wake up call for all you women who are “suffering”. Do you really think your man enjoys “doing the dishes” or any of the other things that he does in the small hope that he will somehow stimulate you? No. They would be perfectly happy to just have sex. But no… they spend countless hours going through rituals that have no meaning to them or give them any satisfaction in order to please their woman.

So what is my point? Why is it that intimacy for a woman is only going to happen if she “FEELS” something. That sounds selfish. If she really wanted to make the marriage work.. why won’t she do the “countless” other things that she could do to help her man be satisfied? To put it bluntly, because I am beyond despair, the man does not need to have his penis in your vagina to have a sexual experience with you.

If you really don’t care about sex, maybe you should care about your man!!! You should care that he likes sex. Just like he cares that you like “chick flicks”. He will sit there and watch the movie with you because he loves you, but really does not enjoy it.

Why can’t you women understand????? The man just needs sex. It is that simple. You don’t need to be lubricated to do it. There are countless ways just get a book. If you really care about your marriage you will do it because you enjoy making your man happy. Just like he does things to make you happy. It is pathetic and just wrong that you all sit there and say, “We have no sex life because I have no sex drive”.

Well just about all men don’t enjoy the long foreplay, or the endless female needs. But they do it anyways. Because they need sex and they want to make you feel loved.

I just don’t understand why you won’t pleasure your man if you don’t feel anything. Why? Why can’t you understand that they need SEX. It is a biological drive that can not be denied. Period. Why can’t you be unselfish and help him out a couple of times a week? Who knows…that man who has been married to you just might do MORE of those things that you need. It just might save your marriage.

So get off your holier than thou high horse and do what ever it takes to satisfy a natural biological need for your man. Are you so selfish that you don’t do things just because you are not in the mood? I just wonder how many marriages could have been saved if the “non-feeling” wife did whatever it took to satisfy her mans sexual needs.

Flame away. I don’t care. All I know is that I have done many things that I have not been in the “mood” for to please my wife. But I get NOTHING in return. If she is not in the mood…. then too bad. Your out of luck.

So I continue to work two jobs, pay all the bills, clean the house, send flowers, write notes, try to sneek an intimate touch. I listen to what she wants and I do it, regardless of whether I am in the mood or not.
So… all of you quit feeling sorry for yourself and start working on your marriage by doing things even though you are not in the mood. You don’t need to have intercourse or do anything that causes you pain or against your morals. But trust me… there are countless ways you can make your man feel loved and to put out the biological flames that peak every 7 days.

April 12, 2009 at 2:57 pm
(140) rigel says:

i had a hysto about a year and a half ago and have had NO sex drive AT ALL since. i never think about it, and could honestly be celebate for the rest of my life. i’m only 40 and thought this was supposed to be ‘a time in my life that i was very, very, shall we say AMBITIOUS? but i’m not….at all. is there some kind of pill? men have viagra, but what about us women? we are the ones that have to got through it because we are married and expected to ‘take care’ of our husbands needs. i want to be able to do that, and would LOVE to know what it’s like to be ‘aroused’ again. i don’t care if Clive Owen tried to seduce me (and i were single), i don’t even find that arousing. what can we do? any help would be appreciated! good luck to all…do like i do, think about some kind of creative project or hobbie your working on ‘during the act’ – it makes time go by faster!!!

April 13, 2009 at 9:35 am
(141) shannon says:

I had my hysto 4 yrs ago at 36 yrs of age, april 12,2008 because of cyst reason….i am on horomone pills , the first 3 yrs my sex drive was out of this world, now this last year , i could live with sex or without it. Its putting alot of stress on my realtionship.
Sometimes I kinda wish I never had to have a hysto.
What to do ?

April 13, 2009 at 9:38 am
(142) shannon says:

april 12 ,2005

April 18, 2009 at 3:29 pm
(143) earl Richmond says:

To be honest What you guys are going throught face it you taking pills after pills from doctor to doctors from hospital to hospital that shows that the is nothing a man can do or say to help you is no more physical battle is a spiritual battle what you guys are going through you need to seek the face of the Lord Jesus you need to find a true living church that they must do a deliverance on you that one thing I promise you get what you looking for and your desire you’ll be restore . What is impossible to man to God is possble seek Jesus face he will restore you because he is the one who created you he knew you before you were even born he made you this the only help I can give all of you are going through what you are going through this are the Churchs that will help and I is a living Church do yourself a favour if you love your self visit two churchs website http://www.emmanueltv.org or http://www.cfcpush.org
I know lots of people Who came to cfcpush got their healing now the are OK and living their life like any body else
I go to this churchs I watch them on TV I see THings happe a barren woman Gives birth a woman that couldent give birth get pregnat and give birth . Some who stopped having her period once she can to this Two churchs her period start straight away This what I can help all of you with

April 19, 2009 at 10:30 pm
(144) Valle says:

I think I had a high sex drive. Every night was preferred but was sometimes put off by my husband to about once every three days but that started at about 7 years of marriage. Before that I had had one of my ovaries removed because it had a cyst. Two years ago another cyst was found on my other ovary – when they took that ovary out – it was like night and day – I can still have sex, but I never care about it. I can still be satisfied but I never have any feelings about looking forward to sex and there is no drive at all. I am very sad about this. Actually I am even angry. Doctors are either lying to us or clueless. I was given no caution of this side effect. I have lost a wonderful joy in my life…thankfully the marriage is ok – my husband prefers being the initiator.
Hormones, including testosterone only made things worse. It has been three years and I still do not sleep well either.

April 21, 2009 at 2:13 am
(145) tylerfan says:

to Living Hell,

Your post could have been written by my husband and it breaks my heart. Only recently, my husband got angry and said some of the very tings you did.

I can tell you that most of my problem was that I was so angry. I was angry that a wonderful part of my life was gone. I was angry that my husband could still feel desire and I was a “dud”. I was angry because I felt like a failure as a wife. I was angry because he seemed ok with having sex even if I wasn’t connecting with him at the time. Why does he get the pleasure of the physical side of lovemaking without having to connect on the emotional side. I know, I know, he loves me, but he doesn’t have to feel all mushy to do me, if you know what I mean (I know you do)! I only wish I could do the same.

So, now that we have really talked about it, my anger, my guilt, his point of view, I find it easier to respond to his advances. I don’t know if my libido will ever be what it was and that makes me sad, but knowing that our lovemaking doesn’t have to be emotional and romantic every time makes it easier to respond for his pleasure only. And to tell the truth, when doing so, I usually find it arousing.

You and your wife should sit down and talk openly about how you feel and ask her how the loss of libido makes her feel, maybe she hasn’t really thought it out?

I guess what I’m saying is that there is hope, I have discovered that the more I engage in sexual activity, sometimes very briefly, the more enjoyable it is becoming. Neither of us are feeling pressured to “perform”, we just take it easy and what happens, happens.

Your wife might even be suffering some depression because of this. There is help for that as well. I wish you both all the best and you should both know that you are not alone and I hope you get the assistance you need to save your marriage. You sound like a nice man and I will assume your wife is a wonderful person as well; why else would you put up with this??lol
Take care!

April 21, 2009 at 12:51 pm
(146) Ronald Ponkey says:

My wife had a Hysterectomy many years ago and the doctor failed to tell us or sex life would be finished…now our marriage is finished….if only we had known….I envy men who have a livng wife with a healthy sex drive….this has given me depression

April 22, 2009 at 10:48 am
(147) Lonely Lucy says:

Wow! This site makes you want to kill yourself! How depressing. Women always get the short end of the stick. If this was a men’s problem the research would be done pronto. MAny pills out there for men. Women always treted like second class people. If I knew what I knew now I would have never had the surgery. I hate life now.

April 24, 2009 at 12:15 pm
(148) Glenda says:

I recently had a complete hysterectomy. I did alot of research before. And discovered that all natural hormones are the way to go. I feel 100% better and didnt loose my sex drive at all thanks to the all natural cream an pills. I also discussed this with the RN at the hospital who said she battled no sex drive mood swings and depression. Until she found an all natural doctor and started the all natural hormones. She said she now has a normal sex life an feels so much better. It helped us im sure it can help you to.

May 5, 2009 at 11:30 pm
(149) Liv says:

I had a complete hyster. 3 years ago when I was 25. Nothing since then- no desire, nothing works. I know my husband goes to other girls, but he has to do something. He just doesn’t understand. I tried to do other things, but when you have NO desire and are in pain, you just get tired of his stupid penis all the time, you know? I don’t blame him. It just hurts so bad, it makes me cry every time. I used to try in the beginnning, but it’s been getting worse and worse. This is killing our marriage. Every few months, I get a flare up of scar tissue and am in horrible pain, but the doctors can’t ever find anything and think I’m drug seeking. I’m not…I just am tired of always, always, always being in pain!!

And not only all this, but all of my friends are having kids right now. I don’t have any and never can. Adoption is just too expensive. I’m not even 30. This life sucks so much.

May 6, 2009 at 4:36 am
(150) angie says:

Hi everyone…you guys are terrifying me lol i am pregnant with my 3rd child and dont want anymore after this so am planning a hysto when i have my c-section? is this a bad idea? are there any alternatives that are permanent?
Please help?

May 7, 2009 at 8:51 am
(151) brandy says:

OMG I knew I was not alone , all these statements sound just like what my husband and I have gone thru. I had a total when I was 27, they were amazed that I had children. It’s been 24 yr’s scence the doc’s took it all ! The premarin I was on for 20 yrs was finally taken away 5 yrs ago. Oh my heart was going to suffer now they tell me, now the drive is really GONE! Gee Whiz not to mention the emotionl roller coaster ride I’ve been on, the hot flashe’s I think I could fry eggs on my chest,put out the heat with the tears that came from no where.I did try some herbal horney goat weed, it was not what i expected.So it’s back to a Blue moon beer; this seems to help . I don’t know why this helps but it’s good to feel something rather than nothing.All I can say is be happy with the bigger breast,with time the pain subsides(it did for me)I know it’s hard to except that the desire is gone! But you are still a woman, that is your foundation for who you are. Just think many many years ago you would have died from this afliction.So build a bridge and get over it.

May 8, 2009 at 11:02 pm
(152) savant says:


unless there is something going on like endo or pre cancer why have a hyso after the c section, why not just remove/tie the tubes?

i am 15 months out from complete hysto for endo, i was incapcitated every third week with it. libido is gone but i can still respond somewhat. not a prob now as hubby isn’t healthy enuf for sex. plan to try androgel once he is ready. ky warming helps. i sympathisze with the lady who feel like she is 6 again tho, poor hubby! he tries to talk sexy and all i feel like is EWWW. i used to be such a horndog!!! well thank God we still love each other and get along, and i’m not sorry, the pain was jusst too much to stand before the hysto. good luck everybody

May 10, 2009 at 10:30 am
(153) Steve says:

Hi everyone

My partner had a full abdominal Hysrerectomy las September. For 3 years prior to this my partner went throuhg the change and sex was only occasional. She had some pains in her abdomen and so the doctor referred her to the hopital were scans revealed that she had a very large cyst on her ovaries. No biopsy was carried out and they operated on her 2 weeks later.

Just before the op she had an appointment with the consultant. I was working away at the time and could not be opresent although I very much wanted to be. The consultant tried to bully my partner into signing a consent form that would allow him to remove everything he thought would need to be. She would not sign it there and then came away with the form. This really was upsetting for her and although she spoke with me about it we were both left bewildered by it all and no help or advice was given. She did sign the form but only stipulated the she did not want to be left wearing a caffetar (not sure on the spelling). 3 Days later we had a pre op meeting conducted by a nurse. we asked why if they would be removing the cervix etc and she said probably not, which at the time was only a little comforting.

She had the op and they had removed everything as a precaution. A precaution!!!! grrr this was probably the easiest and cheapest method for them without any thought of our personal life afterwards. Her ovaries, cervix etc etc were tested after the op and 2 weeks later we heard that nothing was found to be cancerous. This whole episode was very worrying for my partner and myself and during this time we seemed to be in zombie mode with no help or guidance from anyone.

Since the op we have had sex twice and I know that her sexual feelings are no longer there even though she says it was fine. I no longer expect or try to initiate sex with my partner as I would feel guilty that she was only doing this for me and getting nothing from it herself.

I have looked at a lot of sites about this and tbh there are no real answers out there. I love my partner very much and I will not and do not have any thoughts on ending our relationship even though I have resigned myself to the fact that our sex life will probably be non existant. Until these so called medical experts come up with an answer this is how our lives will be led. In a way I am disgusted and angry that 1. this has happened and 2. there is no after care.

Sorry girls, just wanted to let the feelings of a male be known on this subject and to say your anguish is shared and we men need to give you all the support you need

May 13, 2009 at 11:51 pm
(154) curious says:

I am 32 my ex husband exposed me to HPV. I have the HPV that can cause cervical cancer. I have two young kids and a single parent. THis is my third year to have another abnormal PEP. As of right now, there are no cancerous cells. Thank goodness. I have asked my md if there is a preventive way to keep the risk down on cervial cancer. My thought is that I have two young kiddos that need me and if I can do a preventive measure I will do whatever is needed. Have I finally lost my mind?
By the way, my md has told me to think about it and get back with him.

May 14, 2009 at 4:46 pm
(155) Billy says:

Hi Im on the other end of this thing.My wife had a hysteromacy about a wk. after we got married.Since then her sexual desire has decreased badly,now a few years later well here lately im a none.I love her so very much,she still turns me on like the first time we met,im beginning to think its me.she talks sometimes about how she use to like sex and im on the butt end of the deal,dont know anymore if im to small dont know what im doing,starting to think there is someone else.she goes to bed before me so she is asleep gets up and leaves early,i dont know maybe im stupid ive tried everything i can think of.Guess maybe its over.

May 15, 2009 at 5:46 pm
(156) Annoyed says:

I had a cyst on my right ovary in November 2007. They took the ovary. Now there is a cyst on my left ovary. Okay, so take the ovary and give me hormone therapy. Easy, right? NOOO, my surgeon wants to do a hysterectomy, so I only have to take estrogen, and not estrogen and progestin together, because of what the Women’s Health Initiative said. Too bad that study GROSSLY overplayed the risks, and that he missed that women on estrogen-only HRT had MORE strokes than women on combination therapy. But hey, I’m 42, not married, and if I want a kid, I can always adopt. What use could I have for a uterus, right? Well, I think I’m going to send him this link anonymously, because after a crappy sex life in a crappy marriage, I finally found someone who still rocks my world three years into our relationship, and I’ll be damned if I let a hyped-up study rob me of that!

May 19, 2009 at 8:35 pm
(157) Carol says:

I am 28 yrs old and had a total hysterectomy 3 wks ago. I had severe endometriosis( this was my third surgery for it, i had an ovary removed 2 yrs ago) they left my other ovary but took my uterus and cervix(i had HPV the cancer causing one) and precancerous cervical biopsy. i have one daughter who is almost ten and five stepchildren. i am a Hodgkins lymphoma survivor and have had 14 surgeries for that and other medical problems. I have not tried to have sex yet but I am scared of what will happen if I do. the past year my sex life has been almost nonexistent because of severe abdominal pain. I am hoping that now I am able to have sex without pain. I still seem to have lubrication, but I am waiting out my next 3 weeks and we will see. I am scared though. I did a lot of research about my hysterectomy but did not think to research sex drive.I just thought that I am finished having children and this seemed like a good answer to my troubles. I also did not realize that after my hysto even though they left an ovary that after a few months or years it would be no good. my doc said he left it so i wouldn’t need hormone supplements.I have seven first degree relatives that have had breast cancer and have had four surgeries on my breasts for removal of precancerous masses. i DO NOT want to have to take hormones. does anyone have a good recommendation for a natural hormone supplement that works. I know I am going on and on and I am sorry I am just so upset by what I have read. I thought after all my medical problems that I was finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and now i feel like it was just a flashlight and the battery is dying fast.good luck to all!!anyone feel like chatting my name is carol and my email is RAINBOWFROGZ6@aol.com

May 24, 2009 at 12:38 pm
(158) Zieda says:

Dear In Heal,

I’m from Lithuania (such little country in Europe). Maybe my English isn’t perfect enough. excuses.
1. But first point is that even we are healthy, well off, very very sexy, no one Lithuanian men deals his woman with work at home with purpose to have sex. I’ve never said my husband about this hysterectomy, because he’d simply left me. We,ve never had such husbands as youwrite. I only talk about generation of 40y’s – 50 – ty’s. The latest are more democratic.
2. BUT the second point is that,in spite of cultural disagreements, hysterectomy DOES it’s black work on woman’s drive. I know it by my own experience. So woman is different after Hyst.
3. I recognize that this lack of drive is the minus for me in MY LIFE. So how your lady can be so egoistic and doesn’t care about your wishes.

Our worlds are very different.

June 2, 2009 at 3:49 am
(159) Concerned Male says:

I am 23yrs old. My fiance, has been having frequent painful menstruation for the past six months (she menstruates twice a month) or so and all the docs at the Womens Wellness Center are all telling her she should get a hyst. They have talked about an endometrial (sp?) ablation, but seem fairly convinced it will not work and that hormone therapy is useless. We currently have a very active sex life (almost every night) that is quite fulfilling for both of us. I love her more than anything, but I am so afraid for her to have this procedure.
I don’t want her to be in pain, and the changes I have already seen due to whatever it is causing the issue are bad enough. She is already suffering from depression and moodswings. She feels unattractive and god knows how else. If the surgery will make her better, I want her to have it, but at the same time I am 23 and my sex drive is nearly out of control. I don’t know if I could handle the sobering scenarios I have just read over. She looks to me for guidance and wants me to tell her what to do (I know its her choice). I am just afraid that just as we are beginning our lives together we may be torn apart by this. Any words of advice?

June 2, 2009 at 10:13 am
(160) To Concerned Male says:

You are correct in your suspicions and reading these posts will educate most anyone. Do your homework. Get 2,3 or 4 consults before you both make any type of a decision. If the condition is life threatening, it’s a simple decision. If not, explore your options. YOU HAVE OPTIONS. Most doctors and insurance companies want you to blindly walk into that operating room and assume all well be “just fine”. And in a few short months your young wife will feel and look decades older. Explore the internet, ask questions and exhaust any and every tool you can find to help you make a decision.

June 6, 2009 at 11:49 pm
(161) gary says:

my wife had full hys 3 years ago afterwards sex was great then after a year it went away.my wife keeps telling me to go find a girlfriend but i just cant bring myself to do that. i did marry her til death do us part so i guess i will grow old with her and remember the good times we had

June 7, 2009 at 11:18 am
(162) TC says:

I just sat down and read every one of these emails because my husband, without complaint, asked me to seriously figure out what was wrong. I am 47 years old and in the same position, having had a Sub-total Hysterectomy 9 years ago. At first I thought it was all in my head but the lack of desire has taken me over.

From what I’ve read here, there are a couple of people who have done their research and we need to take their advice.

I’m going to my Dr. to inquire about the Bioidentical Hormone pellets and the 100mg testosterone and 50mg oestradiol treatment that Prof. John Studd recommends on his website for the dryness and lack of sex drive. Oh and I ordered the pureromance.com heightener cream too!

Do the same ladies…don’t complain….find the solution!

Thank you David!

June 9, 2009 at 3:24 am
(163) David says:

My wife lost her libido about two years ago. She found some herbal medicine for flashes, and it increased her libido to normal, but the company stopped making them. She triet hormones (with those clunky green tablets containing estrogen and testosterone, but it didn’t work. Then she just gave up. I did further research and found that a thorough screen is needed to tailor a more natural balance, and that there may be natural remedies as well (like the one she used). She had been faking it with me for quite some time–and I knew something was not right. I know her intentions were good, but it is repulsive to me having sex with someone who is doing it out of ‘obligation’ and not real interest. We have been married eight years, and with the loss of sex also came the loss of affection. I just felt like I wasn’t wanted. I have been married before, and have not once in the sixteen years of previous marriages been unfaithful, (with my first wife, we we divorced and living together–still a committed relationship or so I thought). One day, she flat out told me she had been unfaithful for all those years. Shortly after that I started going out with other women (discreetly, but she could tell). She then attempted to bring me back into the relationship which I would not do. I wound up raising both children, one of whom is autistic. I understood about the no libido with my current wife, and she told me that she gave her consent for me to have sex outside the marriage under two conditions…One, that I needed to keep it discreet, and two that she wanted to know who I was having sex with. I didn’t feel right about this, so I didn’t do it. But tensions did build because of this and we had other problems. Without her knowing, I accepted an offer to be with another woman (my wife’s anger at me for her low libido caused her to poison my stepdaughter’s mind against me (she ‘shareed’ her frustration and anger). I was a very good fatger fir nt stepdaughter, telling here stories, singing to her and taking her places (like Disneyland), out to eat, to movies and parks, etc. We used to be very close. My stepdaughter is now 15, and after an argument with my wife (I always asked her to keep it private from the kids if we argued, but she would literally scream at me in front of my stepdaughter. I have never been abusive in the entire relationship–quite the contrary as my wife has hit me in front of my stepdaughter. My stepdaughter jumped up last February, grabbed hold of me and told me to ‘leave her mom alone”. This was after my wife was literally screaming at me for a very trivial issue. My wife was shocked at my stepdaughter’s action, and told her that this was inappropriate behavior. My wife apologized to me, but then followed it with “that’s my girl”….giving her apology a serious lack of sincerity. I felt like some sort of monster or outcast in my own home. I look considerably younger than my wife, and in her ‘sharing’ with my stepdaughter, her insecurities along with some of the most irrational and immature behavior I’ve ever observed was directed at me. When a woman started a conversation with me at a Dr. Office, it progressed into an affair. Yes, I was lonely, emotionally and sexually oppressed, so I ‘cheated’. One day after I received the ‘not in love with you’ speech, I told my wife about the affair. She is furious.. but I’m having a difficult time feeling like the ‘bad guy’.My wife and I are 55, the woman I’m having an affair with is 33. I told her the truth, about me being married and my autistic son living with me. She wanted to meet my son, and wanted me to tell my wife that she never would have allowed it to progress if she knew I was married, and that she was sorry. So, please let me have it with this limited scenario (the entire story is far too long. Had my wife not completely cut off lines of communication (absolutely refusing to talk about certain topics that had to be discussed, and literally throwing a tantrum if I pressed the topics. Please tell me what you think. I love my wife, but it’s over and been that way for quite some time.

June 15, 2009 at 10:23 am
(164) Sissy Foss says:

It is fantastic to read all the comments an think that I shoul have known this 15 years ago. My husband is long gone. Why don’t the physicians tell us.

June 19, 2009 at 1:05 pm
(165) Katheen says:

I was just told I need a hsterectomy to remove a mass, endometrosis and cysts. It seems the majority of the women who have had this procedure have loss of sex drive and feeling. I have just read all the comments and am now terrified and will look for a 2nd opinion. Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.

June 23, 2009 at 4:33 pm
(166) Gigi says:

I have a hysterectomy sheduled for the next month and i’m really scared, the Dr said he’s only taking the uterus and i’m keeping my ovaries and fallopian tubes it’s due to 4 fibroids.. my husband and I use to have sex ALL of the time, 4 or 5 tmes a week usually more and I loved it but the last 3 months with the bleeding and cramping i’m not sure wich or all I have not had any desire to do the deed during the last week when i stopped bleeding for 3 days straight i finally gave in, didnt have an orgasm and to be honest wasnt that into it, now everyones tellin me about dryness afterwards im totally freakin out oh ia it true that if he takes my cervix too that effects the feeling? dr wants to take it so i wont need paps he says but i feel he just wnts a clear shot to pull my uterus out of my vagina,, any thoughts?

June 28, 2009 at 1:53 am
(167) Michelle says:

My story is just like alot of yours. I had VERY strong sex drive before my hysterectomy…now I just go through the motions..to satisfy him (and this is very hard to do). I just want my mojo back. Ive taken notes of some of the products mentioned..which I will check into. I do miss the passion and desire I once had. I agree that the Doctor’s should disclose this…to us prior to surgery.

June 28, 2009 at 12:12 pm
(168) Sandra K says:

OMGoodness! I have absolutely none! I had a total hyster and and even using vaginal hormone cream to help my thinning uterus( TMI, I know!). Still I have not sex drive and I cannot stand to have intercourse, it is so painful. I feel horrible for my husband and he says he understands ( but so they really??) I am thinking of asking my doctor to put me back on the hormone patches and see if that helps. We have a big trip to Hawaii in August and I know my husband will want to be romantic then.

June 30, 2009 at 12:33 pm
(169) Mandy says:

My hysterectomy was 4 yrs ago and since then my sexaul desire has disappeared. Before my surgery I wanted intercourse every night and was totally aroused by my husband. Now I don’t think about sex and I can’t even get in the mood for it. Its to the piont now that even when I do have intercourse i can not have an orgasm and that was never a problem with my husband and I. I would always have an orgasm and now I cant. This loss of sexual desire is causing a huge strain on my marriage. My husband thinks I have fallen out of love for him and that I don’t want to be with him. PLEASE ! CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OUT BEFORE MY MARRIAGE IS COMPLETELY RUINED.

July 1, 2009 at 10:35 am
(170) TC says:

Well. I have some hope. Although my doctor isn’t recommending the biodentical hormones, I have started Estrogen and must say I do feel better with the mood swings. I am watching closely for weight gain as I will not have any more of that and told him so. Aside from that, I got the mint cream that was mentioned and it is definitely a sensation heightener and I like it, but the best thing I have found is to use ben wah balls. I know it sounds kinky, but honestly ladies after an hour or more of just wearing them while you walk around, do the dishes, whatever you want, you are naturally lubed and then thinking of sex and intercourse is much easier and desireable. The rest of it, I honestly think is mind over matter. Be inventive (use a vibrator too, your partner won’t mind) and if you put your mind to wanting sex, the balls will definitely help and your relationship will be changed. As I said before in post (162), I have no ovaries, and we went from about 5 days a week to once a week and it was hurting our relationship. Now we’re back to 4-5 days a week, sometimes twice in a day and we’re both happy again! Good luck!

July 6, 2009 at 9:07 pm
(171) Belinda Venhuizen says:

i had a hysterectomy about 10 yrs ago and had my ovaries out as well…my libido was gone and I consulted my physician. He gave me this perscription drug called Andriol that is 5% male tostoserone(probably spelt wrong lol) and it works ….you simply take 1 pill every other day and it works..I hope this helps!

July 6, 2009 at 9:13 pm
(172) belinda says:

I had my surgery 11 years ago and had to have my ovaries out as well. My libido suffered emensly and i had no sex drive. My physician perscribed a drug called Andriol and it has 5% male tosstoserone and it works. You simply take 1 pill every other day. The male hormone in this is not enough to cause you worries about become masculine or growing hair as it is such a small amount. Give it a try and let me know what you think..good luck everyone.

July 6, 2009 at 11:44 pm
(173) pam says:

In 2007, my uterus and ovaries were removed because of numerous fibroids and heavy bleeding. I was using the vivelle dot patch, but I stopped because of breast cancer risks. I started taking C-X herbs for libido and dryness. I am also using BioEntopic cream and estriol cream. I am going to see how this works. It seems like my orgasms were better with the vivelle dot patch.
My husband and I use ky jelly in order to have sex because of dryness. Even before my surgery, I did not have an orgasm during sex. Orgasm was always achieved either orally or “solo”. Since the total, orgasms take longer to achieve. Sometimes the orgasms are wonderful and somewhat intense and sometimes they are not. Weight gain is also a problem. I am going to buy some of the new arousal ky jelly for his and her that they keep advertising where they show the couple in bed talking about their ENHANCED experience.

The imagination and hand and oral stimulation help ALOT too!!!

A friend who had the same surgery says that her sex life is better and she is not dry at all.

In a way my sex life is better too because I do not have to worry about painful sex due to large bowling ball size fibroids or unexpected bleeding from my cycle. The ky jelly helps with dryness, so I can have sex and keep my husband satisfied. However, I want to lubricate naturally and increase my libido and satisfaction also.
I am glad I found this website because I had never heard of the testerone pellets. I found the BioEntopic cream and the C-X from an herb shop. I also found a product called Women’s Natural Balance on the website that claims to help alot. I may try that.

July 7, 2009 at 2:16 am
(174) bulletproof says:

I had a total hysterectomy in November 2008, they took my ovaries too. I had a large (16 pound) ovarian tumor, borderline.
Before surgery I was a happy go lucky person. Enjoyed a great sex life, was happy with myself.
Now? Sex life is crap. I still can have an orgasm, but no arousal beforehand. I do not lubricate, I don’t really feel anything pleasant when I have sex, so I learn to fake fake fake because my husband will keep going thinking he can give me a good time by making it an endurance sport.
I struggle with my weight (I am 5’4 & 115 and intend to loose that 5 extra pounds). My moods are only set to ‘kill’ or ‘suicide’, with suicide being the most common.
I am no longer a woman, and no matter what, I will never be a woman again.
I had no prior female problems. Had 6 children, periods were never a problem for me and I always called it ‘my week off’. I’ve even lost my week off, which was just ‘me’ time.
I’m not sure if the hysterectomy was really needed. I know it was a huge tumor, and I looked about 7 months pregnant. But to leave me devastated like this? I think I’d rather have that ovarian tumor than the nightmare life I have now.
There is no way to build a bridge & get ‘over it’. There is no way to regain what has been stolen. Its time the medical profession stops this senseless butchery.
My consent form says I did not want a hysterectomy, that they were to take only the tumor, affected ovary & the tube from that ovary. They took everything, did a complete cancer staging (fat lining over intestines, all my lymph nodes, I have a scar that goes from just above my vagina to just below my ribs). I was told by attorneys that this is the ‘Standard Of Care’ for what I had.
I was never given informed consent, and my consent was ignored. Had I known about Standard Of Care I would have never sought medical treatment, period.
I’m 43 years old, was in the prime of my life. Now I’m lucky to make it through a day. I can no longer do a freaking sit up, or have a satisfying sex life, or feel like a woman, or enjoy my life.
I know it will never change.
My kids cry about as much as I do because they hate to see me so down. My husband really can’t understand that his advances have no affect on me & I resent the fact that he thought I was being stupid when I freaked about even seeing a Dr in the first place.
And you men who wrote, bless you, but you have no real idea just how miserable hysterectomy makes us.If your women are anything like me they keep a lot of that pain to themselves.
I go back to see my GP on the 17th and I’m demanding something.
You women who are being told you need a hysterectomy get more opinions! Fibroids shrink after menopause, a heavy crampy period is a temporary inconvenience only if you let it be that. Hysterectomy should always be only for life threatening situations.
I hate the medical profession and hope every Dr who has robbed a woman of her organs burns in Hell.

July 7, 2009 at 9:11 am
(175) David says:

Dear Bulletproof, Lord woman you are upset. Please look into a practicing physician that offers bio identical hormones. My wife sees and MD that is not only an OBGYN, but offers this type of procedure. She had to go through extensive blood work, bone density scans and what not to determine her “lack” or total loss of hormones. She also discovered her thyroid had stopped working due the lack of testosterone. She has now received her second set of hormones pellets just last month. They are inserted just under the skin in her upper hip. She goes in every 4 months. There is a marked difference in her appearance, mood swings and just general well being. No more night sweats, no more memory loss, no more roller coaster mood swings and her sex drive is coming back. From your post, you sound as though you are at the end of your rope. Do not give up and explore the internet and find an MD. It’s not inexpensive, but having her back after 15 years is worth the world to me. Good luck.

July 10, 2009 at 12:01 am
(176) Donna says:

this is for helpful caring man…you make me sick…think of wife not your self…please give me a break…We care about our husbands and is not like we don’t love them…you are a please me guy …..wow u are sick

July 10, 2009 at 1:19 am
(177) susan says:

This is to Bulletproof
Please try the Vivelle Dot Patch. It should help.
I also found online something called Harmony.
Please research it on Google.

July 15, 2009 at 1:02 pm
(178) stu says:

my wife has had a historectmoy and then suffered a back injury, she has not shown any active sex response and dosn’t want to talk about it nor share herself.
i’ve accepted this and doing my best in trying to understand but the no sex or responsiveness is starting to affect me. we used to have sex a few times a week now if i get it once every few months i should count myself lucky. i don’t want this to go on or become a deal breaker what does a man do.?

July 16, 2009 at 8:54 am
(179) stu says:

in retropsect this is the woman I love and she didn’t ask for this , so I have to be understanding and hope things work out for her. she is still the love of my life and best friend reagrdless of sweats /freezes/ crankyiness

July 31, 2009 at 9:10 am
(180) John says:

It sounds like you all want to keep your husbands, but you do nothing at all to satisfy his needs. I understand that you may not want to have sex because of physical and mental limitations due to the surgery, however if you care at all about your husband, then why don’t you do anything to satisfy his needs? You think it sucks for you, try being the one with raging sex drive and no outlet. That REALLY sucks.

There are many things you can do besides intercourse. Can’t you take 10 minutes or whatever it takes to make your husband happy? If not, then I wonder how much do you really care about your husband and your marriage. Plainly stated, if you don’t take care of your man, eventually you won’t have him anymore.

Stop being so self-centered, and show your man that you love him more then just with words. The lack of sex will kill him eventually, due to the stress. Do you really love him? If you don’t want to make the effort, then divorce him so he can move on and find someone that cares about him enough to make an effort, even in situations like this.

July 31, 2009 at 11:43 am
(181) Diana says:

I still have my ovaries and even years past the hysterectomy have an amazing libido. My sex life has been excellent! I am need ing moisture, but the rest, including orgasms, has been great. Please be encouraged!

July 31, 2009 at 6:19 pm
(182) lily says:

Diane how old are you and how old were you when you had the hysterectomy?

August 1, 2009 at 3:25 pm
(183) Rory says:

This is horrible. Ive been reading thru so many pages of women, and men conserned about a total LOSS of sexual desire after the woman had undergone a hysterecomy. My wife also had a partial hystorecomy preformed about 3 years ago. We have been married for 5 years as of this past month, and have gone from having sex at least 3 times a month to…NEVER!!! I have thought all this time that there must be something wrong with us, causing all kinds of problems with in our mairrage. Now Im reading more and more into it only to see that not only could there be a connection to the hystorectomy she had, but that there are millions of other women/married couples in this same boat????…something doesnt sound right. My wife and I are on the verge of splitting up because of this, so maybe Im just ranting and raging….but if doctors know this is the overall reaction, then somehting needs to be done to help those who have these problems after the surgury….

August 3, 2009 at 5:12 pm
(184) Dru says:

I use the product by emerita-PRO-GEST progesterone cream. If I don’t use this my sex drive goes away.

August 24, 2009 at 1:44 am
(185) Scotty, says:

My wife had a complete hystorecomy 20 years ago. After all these years I still don’t understand when she says that she has NO desire. She doesn’t think about it. However when we do make love she can have multiple orgasms and be very satisfied (and NO, she isn’t faking it). Having said that, how can someone enjoy something so much but not have the desire? She didn’t have her brain altered. She has a brilliant mind. Maybe I am in denial and it is me she is not interested in? I would never cheat on her because I do love her, but life is short and I am not sure I can continue to take care of myself between the times.

August 26, 2009 at 12:53 am
(186) Heather says:

This has brought me now source of insparation!! And I do belive that this needs to be widley spoken about. Im so sad. I had my hyst. when I was 25 and it has done no good for me. My endometriosis has come back I have had complications with the procedure and will have to have another surgery. I was married but like so many other stories we are divorced now. In large part due to lack of libedo and drive. He started to run around. I tried to justify it at first but it just didnt work. Now im finally ready to date im only 34 but I am terrified to as I dont feel womanly or pretty anymore. I have gained so much weight and I TRY LIKE HELL to keep it off. I really feel like a huge part of me is dead. I tried all the meds and hormones. I tried a bio medicne and it was spongy. I liked the comment on how her dr. inserted pellets into her hip. If anyone has info on this my email is mrsrodman6@hotmail.com Good luck to all of us and keep your chin up. It has to get better;)

August 28, 2009 at 4:01 am
(187) Sharon says:

THIS IS TO LIZ WHO SAID “Let your poor husbands take a mistress like the French women do. He will still want to live with you and be your husband. It will be difficult at first, but soon you will settle into a routine and neither of you will feel guilty anymore.”
YOU NEED YOUR FREAKING HEAD EXAMINED!!!!! We are here, for the most part, to SAVE our marriages, not to let our husbands go out and get himself a mistress. Where is you head at?? If this is what works for you, so be it, but that is the stupidest advice I have EVER heard in my entire life.

August 29, 2009 at 12:23 pm
(188) husband says:

just read through it all and I may have even seen a comment from my wife, LOL
The problems are real and not understood by the spouse, men don’t understand the woman and the woman does not understand the man. So what is new about that. Understand this , you will never understand or be able to help your spouse unless you talk to your spouse in direct terms or at least terms they will understand. Woman understand ESP a lot better than Men, Men are dense direct and need very simple explanations. Woman are a lot more complex in the feeling part and do not seem to need or desire the direct explanations. One thing that helps is to educate your spouse in a way they can understand, leave this web this site open so they will see it and investigate with out threat or just tell them about it and ask them to read it. Sex is Sex love is love, don’t confuss them. Physical and emotional losses are real and can be overcome and dealt with regardless of the specifics if you are committed and work at it. The trick is not worry so much about being understood and you worry about understanding. I don’t worry about my wife understanding what I want as much as I worry about wanting to understand what is going on in my wife’s world. Talk,Hug rub her feet and then go play if you need to, be honest with your self and your mate and you will be surprized how many of the sysphtoms go away. Both of you work to find want works for you after teh surgery. IF you have the choice before really take some time and make sure surgery is needed.

August 29, 2009 at 11:16 pm
(189) Julie says:

My husband and I did not have sex for years but we’ve found something that’s changed everything. It’s called “The Sexy Workout” It’s a foreplay workout that you do together to get in the mood and it really works.

September 2, 2009 at 9:17 am
(190) Steve says:

My wife was a sex fiend before she had a hysterectomy in 2007. Ovaries removed, but uterus left behind to absorb radiation treatment. Well, like all others here, her sex drive is zero. She tries for me, but like all other women here, does not want any part in it.

I was hopeful, but after reading all these posts and coming to the realization this will be how it is for the rest of our lives, I’m saddened. I want to be supportive and understanding, but its’ extremely difficult. I want the act of love making, but I want more than that. I want to feel the love as well. I just don’t anymore. Now, it’s empty, when it happens. She does it for me, and just lays there. I just don’t enjoy it anymore and at this point just need to “take care of business”.

Our marriage is on the rocks and everyday is depressing. I love my wife, and am in love with her. I know she loves me, but I don’t feel she is in love with me. I know it’s not her fault. But I can’t help feeling this way. i don’t even know if counceling will help. Truthfully, I don’t know how long I can continue this.

It sucks when all you want is your partner and the deep feelings that come from making love and being intimate, and it’s all one-sided.

I love my wife dearly, and I know it’s not her fault and she can’t control it. Life sucks!

September 3, 2009 at 3:24 pm
(191) Bob says:

My ex had a full vaginal hyst in 1996. She became a different person. I mean like jekyl and hyde. I tried for 11 years to get her to see how she had changed but she would not hear it and began down a very destructive road for her and our family. It wasnt just lack of sex but affection and caring, the complete opposite of who i married. This personality change followed the surgury, I have no doubt this procedure changed her forever and for the worse.

September 4, 2009 at 10:38 am
(192) Ever Faithfull? says:

I’m sad to see that I’m not the only one who’s been through this nightmare. The wife had a radical over 10 years ago now. The sex drive went from off the charts to dead silence in about two years with a mixed bunch of docs (military life) prescribing/not prescribing and so forth. Now we’re back in the real world and I hope she’ll go back and see a real doctor to get some help, before I give up and move to the mountains.

Guys, it’s been 9 years now of the rollercoaster from hell. I feel for her, but the day is comming when I can no longer put up with the flying objects, spitting and the slur of demonic possessed anglo saxon vernacular. I’ve been accused of having sex with my dead mother and seen ufo’s pass my head that would have surely caused mortal wounds. This is no joke. Sex has a new definition that starts with Men’s fantasy from mythology…
I hope and pray nobody else is dealing with things at this level. I’m getting ready to move somewhere there’s no chance of seeing a female, never mind wanting one.

September 4, 2009 at 12:04 pm
(193) lb says:

I wonder what the divorce rate is for women who have had a hysterectomy? It is sad but I bet it is alot higher than normal.

September 4, 2009 at 3:19 pm
(194) bob says:

I know what your going thu forever….Divorce was the only way I could possibly remain sane and finish raisingmy son, who was also suffering thru her moods and neglect. It was my last choice though after 11 years I could not see it ever changing and could not stand by and allow my son or myself to be a victim anymore.

September 10, 2009 at 1:37 pm
(195) veronic says:

i had a complete hysterectomy two years ago, and my sex drive is gone and im only 26yrs old….

September 19, 2009 at 10:36 pm
(196) Bulletproof says:

1b, the divorce rates for women who have had hysterectomies is higher than you’d expect. A hysterectomy destroys not only a womans body, spirit & eventually her mind, but it destroys those around her as well.
I’m coming up on a year since my hysterectomy and I know what piece of crap my life is now is as good as it will get.
I’ve been round & round with my Dr who only wants to suggest that I’m ‘depressed’ and tried to get me committed, seriously, because I said my marriage is ending because I can’t have sex anymore and that my life is a total piece of crap.
I’m being told by a female psychologist that ‘thousands of women have great sex lives after a hysterectomy.’ Really? All these a**hole Dr’s want to to is try & put you on some anti-depressant to shut you up & goon you.
I’m not depressed, depression is anger turned inwards. I’m just angry and nothing can stop it because some idiot Dr wanted to ruin my life & expect me to say ‘Oh thank you for saving my life! I would be dead without you!’
I am dead, I died November 12 2008, nobody had the good graces to finish me off and bury me.
Everyone thinks I’m just ‘holding on to this pain.’ Does anyone bother to think that there is pain that will never go away, never lessen with time? I’ll never be who I was and there is nobody left to be.
And I’m sick to death of having a hysterectomy compared to someone loosing a leg. Legless people can have sex, can be fitted with a fake limb & can go on with a life. I can’t be fitted with a fake uterus or ovaries.
And yes, I’m just about at the end of my rope, I’m smart enough to save some to strangle that surgeon that ruined my life. Can anyone say lawsuit?

September 25, 2009 at 1:21 pm
(197) Just Finally Understanding says:

WOW! I wish I would have known this almost 3 years ago. I had a total but ovaries were left. My life (sex life too) wasn’t perfect before it but now it’s the pits. I had an “average” sex life prior to Hys. 2-3 a weeks on average, maybe more depending. Due to my 2nd c-section prior it went down a little. But then dr found out why I was having painful periods all the time. I had not only Endometriosis, I also had endomyosis (the same except in different organs). And I had it bad. My uterus lining was twice the size it should have been and it fused to my bladder and intestines. Once I had the hysto it went to ZERO. And all though they left the ovaries, I am still getting hot flashes, cold night sweats, etc. They said leaving the ovaries would stop those but the only thing it did was cause more pain because of the cysts I now have on them.

One thing I am glad of it my hubby! There are men out there that don’t understand, but my hubby must have done his research. He came to me and instead of complaining about the lack of, he said he would help himself decrease his libido. Now that’s love.

But I won’t let him. I made a list of things that helped other women here to see what I can do naturally first, then take it from there.

Thank Everyone!

September 29, 2009 at 11:23 am
(198) Loved says:

Wow! I had a hysterectomy 2 weeks ago and one of my biggest fears before and after surgery was that me and my husband of 19 years would lose a big part of what makes our marriage a success story. We have always enjoyed a good, loving, intamate, sex life.

I have spent way too much time searching the internet for some sort of hope. I spent most of yesterday reading the hundreds of women and/or their husbands’ comments and words of dispair. I spent most of the afternoon very depressed.

Then an amazing thing happened. My husband came home and smiled at me. As always, that smile makes my toes curl. I decided right then and there that It didn’t matter if I don’t have the same orgasms as I had before surgery. It does not matter if painful intercourse is a challenge for a while or for years to come. I know that we can get throught his faze in our lives.

I then spent last night (a sleepless one) remembering all the times that we have had beautiful intamate moments without intercourse due to taking a break after child birth, heavy bleeding on my part, or times of dryness or abdominal pain. I thought about the last two weeks and how he has taken care of me by doing household chores that I would have normally done, worked with our children on things that I would have normally done, lovingly shaved my legs as I could not reach without pain, helped me to shower the first couple of times days after surgery, kissed me so very tenderly in the hospital when I was in so much pain.

I thought of how we made due and did it nicely by doing some of the following when intercourse was not an option over the years… It is my plan to spend the rest of my life being creative with the one that loves me so very much.

*Candles, soft music…(leaving panties/underware on) blindfold your partner lightly and then stimulate other parts of the body lightly to pleasure your partners senses. You will be surprised at what an unexpected light kiss on the neck or even knee will do to you.

*Intamate massage

*Showering or bathing together

*Pulling over at a beautiful location and “making out” like teenagers.

*Reading a steamy romance novel together

These are only a few of things that have worked for us. Many times these activities have lead to orgasms for both and others just for my husband, but I have to say that even the times that I did not orgasm, I enjoyed the act on a much deeper level than orgasm alone.

I am done reading the negative and will spend the rest of my healing time making a list of intamate things that I plan to do to increase our intamacy and our sex life after hysterectomy. Our children will all be out of the house soon, and we are so fortunate to have eachother.

I hope that some of you that are in love get a few good ideas… and that my being loved insparation will inspire you to enjoy what you can with your partner. We only have one life to live and God has given us a wonderful gift in feeling pleasure and love…get the most out of what has been given to you.

Thank you for inspiring me, I will pray for you all.

September 29, 2009 at 3:02 pm
(199) ellen says:

I am 45 and had a full hystorectomy two years ago. I also experienced the end of any sexual feelings and am resigned to it now. It is somewhat easier for me because my husband has had medical issues of his own due to testicular cancer (he had both removed in 2000). Although he is on testosterone replacement therapy he never regained the level of desire he once had, and really sufferred mentally from it. We would have sex, but it was not the same for him after the surgery, and for a long time he would not even let me see him “down there”. (it did take a while to get used to it becasue he never got implants so he has a normal penis and an empty scrotum that sort of looks like a collapsed balloon–definitely hard for me to see and not wince for the first few weeks). We both hung in there and continued to have sex and it was fine for me but sometimes he would not reach orgasm ( I continued to off and on for the most part) but he never regained his former level of interest. Now after my surgery we are in a similar boat so we are the perfect match. I have almost no interest now, and his interest is in the once a month range even though he is not even 50. If there is a lesson in this, maybe it is that we should enjoy what we have when we have it. I can also say that even though I may never have another real orgasm again I can still enjoy cuddling and helping him get what he needs. There is a bright side to everything if you look for it and we are probably closer now emotionally than before my hysterectomy. And as I joke with my husband, my only regret is that I can’t threaten to kick him in the balls anymore when he acts up! The truth is that we are more than just our organs, and there is life after sex. Even my husband has come around to this for the most part and now has a good outlook. Admittedly of course our situation is unique.

October 6, 2009 at 3:46 am
(200) universe says:

For me sex was such a difficult experience. I always wanted, wanted and wanted, and was never satisfied. That was the part of my life when I just couldn’t get enough and was thinking that living like that requires a lot of energy, involving, jealousy, I was never calm, ever!I cried ocean of tears cos of emotions and sex in a relationship or marriage. As more I wanted to love someone and share sex every day the more that person was running away from me.
Finally, I got the cervical cancer! Crazy? NO!I survived the radiation, many of them, I felt terrible, I couldn’t walk, couldn’t talk, I was burned, exhausted, I couldn’t think…I was not afraid at all. I was just fighting for life. That is human instinct. That was few years ago. Now,with less or no sex drive I am happy like I never was before. I can concentrate on my work for the first time in my life, I am creative, I work out, I feel healhty, great, like newborn. I do things that I never did before. I am almost 52, have a new husband who is nice man, and we enjoy sex sometimes. Who cares, sex is not the only thing in this universe. I was lucky to have kids. If I didn’t I would have probably considered a posibility to adopt a kid. You cannot do imposible things. Adopt a kid who needs love if you can not have your own.
I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL OF YOU WHO SUFFERED ANY PROBLEM IN EARLY AGE OR JUST CANNOT DEAL OR ACCEPT THE SITUATION. People are not the same and it is a tragedy to experience any of these problems when you are young.
I love my husband, I love to touch him and kiss him and I think to change this lack of interest on my side. We had much better times. But, just I am not in a hurry. I saw that life is very fragile, that you can lose everything because of illness. I realized that I didn’t live before my cancer, I was just alive. Dead walking creature. I was always in a hurry, pressured, upset…Now, I am calm, I see tiny flowers in my yard, nobody else see them, I see other people, I read, I really read, I talk to everybody who wants to talk with me, I am so positive that sometimes I cannot recognize myself. I think only positive, I can’t lose anything in that way, I can only gain. I cook meals that I never cooked before. Sometimes I think that radiation affected not only my sex drive, but memory too, but I really don’t care. Since I am not allowed to take hormones after I was radiated, I can take something natural. I have hot flashes which were driving me crazy, but I see now that when it’s cold I don’t have that problem so much. It means that I should make my home just cooler and try to forget about it. So what, is this the end of the world? Few days ago I saw on tv a guy who can’t move his legs and arms, I saw a girl with no limbs, I saw destroyed people in the wars, thousands of them dead in floods and disasters…We have everything, despite everybody has some everyday problems, and what is one womb or one cervics comparing to much worse situations that other people have? Finally, I want to find hapiness in my own personality, I don’t have time to waste, I’m old enough and I want to enjoy my life, with or without sex. I am happy that cancer happened to me because I am strong. Nobody in my family could stand what I went through. I think I wouldn’t be able to see other people around me to go thru that situation, I would feel so sorry for them. It would be harder for me to see them suffering because they wouldn’t be able to help themselves. I was able to help myself and I am here to continue. Finaly, everything that is happening is our destiny and we have to accept it. If someone needs me I am here. That was a great experience. Stil it is.

October 7, 2009 at 5:03 pm
(201) Rebekah says:

I had a hysterectomy 7 months ago the first few months after surgery I was pretty sexual and now it seems like i have no sex drive at all , like if i never had it again i’d be fine
it is causing problems in my marriage I love my husband very much and he feels the same we dont have any other problems but the zero sex thing.
is there anything I can take to give me back my libido in my 30′s I was very sexual and now its like I hit a brick wall when it comes to sex .
I need help

October 8, 2009 at 3:56 pm
(202) Michael says:

In October 2008 my partner had a hysterectomy. Since then her libido and her energy levels have been non existent. Making love hmmm having sex was twice a month and that was usually because i was a grumpy pratt. She had no interest no matter what i did, romatic diners, anything. As for her energy most nights she was asleep by about 8:30 and needed at least 10 hours sleep. Our hospital admitted that they didn’t following procedures and never gave us all the information about having a hysterectomy even though we asked the right questions. After almost 12 months of trying to get somewhere the hospital finally has done something do help solve the problem.
About 2 weeks ago my partner had a 100mg testosterone implant and a 50mg oestradiol implant. She has stopped taking her other HRT for hot flushes and what a difference there in her. Not only energy levels (still bouncing around the house at 11 at night) but in her personality and now i can touch her and she responds to my touch where as before i got more response from stroking the cat or the dog.
All i can say is to everyone be persistant about this, and hopefully you will get back some of what you lost.

October 11, 2009 at 7:16 pm
(203) melodie says:

I just had my hystorectomy on August 10th 2009. I knew this was a side effect, but I didn’t know it was this bad. I just brought it up to my husband last night. He says it doesn’t matter, but I know it will down the road. So I guess I am on a mission to find my drive again. We have been together since we were in middle school, we were 12 yrs old, now we are married for 14 yrs and have 2 boys, and in our early 30′s. I do not want to lose one of the things we were good at. I am about to see my doctor again, if she tells me anything, I will post for all of you. One of my friends says she thinks I am depressed, did anyone ever hear that before? Could it be a side effect of depression?

October 11, 2009 at 9:06 pm
(204) Michael says:

My partner was depressed as well and went on a minimal dose antidepressant but hysterectomy is a very complicated psychological/physiological mix up of everything. As a husband/partner i have stood on the outside watching in. The hormones that you lose seem to affect the brain in an amazing way. Lack of self esteem etc. The hormones also seem to suppress any traumatic memories and once the hormones drop and become unbalanced so these can come flooding back.
I got sick of hearing so many different things from doctors and had to do most of the research myself. Hysterectomy is dominanted by old school male thoughts and doctrine. Yes I am a male!!!!!!!

October 12, 2009 at 10:10 am
(205) David says:

Ladies and Gentlemen, this will be my fourth post. My first post dates back to November of last year. At that time “we” where on our last leg of an 18 year saga. I have tried to keep the posts up to date and hoped people read them. I had recently deleted the shortcut I’d kept to this blog thinking that most of the posts basically wanted tell a common story and give up on the remainder of their sex lives. Much less the remainder of their years as couples. You all have the resources to continue your lives together, if you want to. It does require a little research to make some inquiries into bio-identical hormones. My wife as of October 2009 has just completed her 3rd installment of the pellets prescribed by her bio-identical / obgyn “female” MD. Words can not express, the day and night difference in her. No more night sweats, no more waking up 8-10 times per night no more insane mood swings and yes, she has regained her libido. I strongly suggest all of you that sound lost and on your last leg find out more about this process. For us, our average cost is a little of $100.00 per month. And the bio-identical hormones are not made from horse urine. The “FDA” approved prescription pills “one size fits all” are. Do the research and you will find out the same thing. You all have an individual balance of hormones. You all are not the same. Have the bloods tests taken that are prescribed by a qualified MD that works in this area of health care. Stay away from the other so called sources readily found on the internet. That proclaim much more than they can ever deliver. So please for your own sanity and the sanity of your spouse and children do the work and start the process of changing and taking control of your own bodies. Afterwords, if you so decide this is not the route you wish to take, so be it. It is at least a decision you made on your own and after all it is your body. Good luck.

October 14, 2009 at 1:00 pm
(206) Dana says:

I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago due to a ovarian sist the size of a soccer ball and endometriosis. I am angry that there is no sex. My husband of 15 years now says he will find another if the sex does not come back. I have no need and don’t want sex anymore. I have even thought of he playboy channel but i doubt that will work either. The doctor put me on hormones Premarin and caused a massive blood clot that about took my life early this year 2009. So you all i know where your coming from, guys have no clue all they want is for themsleves. I feel bad but there is nothing I can say or o nw that will make us have sex. Hope you all find something that works and passes it on to others. Thanks for listening.

October 22, 2009 at 5:16 pm
(207) kb says:

i had my hyserectomy in August; my ovaries were left in; and there is nothing. my husband has been bothered by it. all i can do is explain the hormonal surgery. i need help also.

October 27, 2009 at 12:39 am
(208) Diane says:

Hi ,
I had a partial Hysterectemy over 2 yrs. ago. Since them I have had O desire to have sex with my husband. I have tried different things, but it is just not the same ( hurts more and I am dry alot ). The only thing that kinda puts me in the mood is Liquor. But That is a heck of a thing to have to get ” half Lit ” to have sex !! ya know ? I am going to my OBGYN , that performed the Hyst. tomorrow and I am going to tell him what he did to me ! Like others have stated here, I f I knew my sex life was gonna suffer, I would have put up with all the period problems! I had a good Sex life before this operation :(

October 27, 2009 at 12:46 am
(209) Diane says:

By the way , to add to my last comment, my husband is not a nymphomaniac by any means , but would like to have sex more than once a month. He is so understanding , and before I had the operation, before we got married , we lived about an hour away , so we were only having sex once a week, but it was awesome and I had the desire to want to do it, but not now!!I am 45 yrs. old my hubby is 49.

November 3, 2009 at 11:53 pm
(210) Summer says:

I didn’t have a hysterectomy but I had a large ovarian cyst removed when I was 16. My ovaries were “reconstructed.” It wasn’t until this past year that I realized my arousal hasn’t been the same since before that surgery. I’m beginning to think that my having no arousal was due to psychological reasons rather than physical reasons, because I still have my ovaries. After my surgery they put me on birth control pills (I was still a virgin on pills) to avoid the return of any painful cysts. Last summer I went off the pill after nearly 6 years being on them, and finally a year after going off the pill I’ve begun to slowly feel the arousal I once felt as a teen going through puberty!
It’s really sporadic but it’s there and it gives me hope! I think if you put your mind to something and you do positive affirmations every morning (“I’m a sexy woman and I will feel sexually aroused today!”), it might help! :)

November 6, 2009 at 1:26 pm
(211) sassy says:

Hey everyone I don’t know if any one reads this after they post it but I’m 28 years old and do to a tumor I had to have a compleat heystorecomy in july09 its been 4 month since I went on the replacment pills had to change them twice but got on one that’s seems to work but I felt like everyone else I kept telling myself ur young ull get it back the doctor released me said u can have sex nothing. So I did a internet serch found a group that meets local we talk about what we been threw. I started working out more to shed the few extra pounds and I went on line and bought some sex books that talk about how to increase ur libido and it helped the most help though is the exercise and talking about. It to my mate he is wonderful he’s even been more willing to do oral sex because that helps lub her befor he enters and we don’t always do in the bedroom other privit rooms in our home helps it doesn’t add pressure to oh this is where we had great sex. Give these try u may like.

November 8, 2009 at 12:35 am
(212) Kimba says:

Amazing, I had a complete hysterectomy September 2001 and six months later lost my sex life completely and seven years later every six months or so I try to have sex again but the pain is terrible. The vaginal creams, the hormones, etc to nothing. I am so tired of not feeling close to my DH.

November 10, 2009 at 8:00 pm
(213) pam says:

It may be helpful for you to view the HERS Foundation’s female anatomy video. It’s not a video of the surgery but it’s an educational video that explains what happened to you and why you’re experiencing sexual loss. Although the loss of sexual feeling has been well documented in medical literature for over a century, women aren’t being informed that it is one of the real consequences of hysterectomy. If I had known what I know now, I would’ve rather lived with the symptoms I had and not had the surgery. They also have a blog called “Hysterectomy the experts speak out” where other women speak out about their experiences. There are more women than you think who have been/are going through the same thing.

December 2, 2009 at 9:51 am
(214) thatshonesty says:

To the husband in #139, you are a very courageous man! You had the moxy to vent what I believe is on the mind’s of the vast majority of our husband’s minds. Reading your post didn’t really give me “warm fuzzies” but I have to admit by the middle I could hear my husband’s voice in it. Thank you. We women are somewhat self-righteous and those of us with religion a bit more (admittedly). Thank you for your honesty. and LADIES, maybe we should listen to this man. I’ll bet we would never perk an ear if it came off our husband’s lips. But like our children we will listen to a stranger easier than family….

December 8, 2009 at 4:16 pm
(215) Benita says:

I am in complete shock after reading this. I feel like I’m living in a warp zone. I found this after doing a search because I am trying to figure out what is going on with my body. What is really sad in all of this is that I’m reading about women who have all had hysterectomies and I haven’t had one, I went in for a search and find procedure and D & C, because I was having pain in my side. I was diagnosed with polyoviarin symdrome. I never had bleeding problems before this and I had a great sex life before the surgery.

After the surgery I bleed for almost a month and I was depressed all the time. I literally thought I was dying. For about a month I was crying and bleeding profusely all the time. I missed a ton of work and was depressed and screaming all the time. I lost my job in the midst of all this. The nurse practinioner in the practice adviced I had an endometrial abaliton of which I had no knowledge of..I asked the doctor she said it was not true. Afterwards, I tried to get a surgery report from the hospital they advised it was misplaced. When I tried to speak with the doctor about what was going on she acted like I was crazy!! She at one point refused to speak with me advising she would not make an appointment with me unless it was for pre-op..For a complete hysterectomy. When I explained that I lost sexual pleasure she threw birth control at me.

My bleeding stopped, but I just don’t enjoy sex. When my husband penetrates me it feels like nothing is there. Before it felt like he was meant to be there. Now I don’t have any tightness down there, if you can’t feel it then why do it right!!! I am having the same symptoms. The problem is, I want sex and a lot of it. I want to make my 15 years husband happy!! I also want to feel what I felt before…its pathetic because I feel I can’t satisfy him and I beg him to have an orgasm when we are intimate so I can feel better. If I could only turn back the hands of time..I would have let nature take its course!! The pain that I was experiencing is minute considering what I feel daily now; EMPTINESS!!! I NEED HELP!!!

December 8, 2009 at 4:22 pm
(216) Benita says:

I’m only 35. I didn’t have a hysterectomy. I think I had an endometrial abalation, because it was on my medical records. The doctor did come back and make a note it was not done. I’m confused that My body is reacting this way. If any one can provide any helpful information please send it to me. I would not recommend a hysterectomy or ablation or D & C for anyone. I feel like I’m in hell and EMPTY everyday.

December 14, 2009 at 6:12 pm
(217) Pete says:

My wife and I have been married 21 years. We had a great and passionate sex life for the first 4 years of our marriage and she then she had a hysterectomy due to endometriosis. 17 years with weeks and months of no sex. She has ZERO interest in sex and will try occasionally for me, but it is not even close to what it was like. She’s been to so many different doctors and none of them have helped. I am miserable and so is she.

December 16, 2009 at 12:23 am
(218) steven says:

This is a big eye opener for me. my wife has been telling me this is how she feel. BUT I TOLD HER GIVING A BACK RUB DOES NOTHING FOR ME BUT I DO IT TO MAKE HER HAPPY. SHE NEED TO JUST DO THE SAME IN BED.

December 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm
(219) jenny says:

I had abdo hyst in May, i have had no sex drive since, friends, sisters tell me its early days, friends who have had the same op say they are ok. why me then. ? today i went to have a blood test which checks if my ovaries are still performing like they should be.

December 23, 2009 at 8:42 pm
(220) am says:

I had a hysterectomy about 11 years ago, and could not have sex after that due to pain. Even pelvic exams were very painful. None of the doctors I went to could help; they tried vaginal creams etc. Finally I went to a gyn who really listened to me. She sent me to a pelvic floor therapist. Before each visit to the therapist, my gyn gave me a numbing injection. After about 10 visits with the pelvic floor therapist, and using a vaginismus kit, the pain is finally gone. Once the pain went away, the sex drive returned and is now higher than it used to be when I was married.
Talk to your gyn and see whether a pelvic floor therapist combined with a vaginismus kit could help with the pain.

December 23, 2009 at 9:19 pm
(221) Carol says:

First of all, I would like to say that I have experienced sexual problems ever since my hysterectomy and ovary removal in 2004. It has not only affected me sexually but psychologically and physically. I feel like an 80 year old woman and I’m 43.

To Living Hell… I can certainly appreciate your post and even though I have a hard time enjoying sex now, I do try to at least pleasure my husband once a week. The problem is that my husband does not like “quickies”. He is weird. I thought all guys liked quickies and not having to do the huggy snugly stuff. I don’t care for the snugling and heavy petting anymore. That part of me has been turned off by the surgery. I feel like I think more like a man now like let’s get on with the orgasm and forget about the rest. WHY can’t my husband be like a normal man? Why does HE always want it to be some romantic ordeal. Good grief, are you guys ever happy???

December 26, 2009 at 7:13 am
(222) andrew says:

my wife had a hyst 9 weeks ago it might be to early for her for sex but i dont know iv spoken to people who has had it done and with in weeks of it are at it like rabbits is it so selfish of me to keep asking all the time im living in hope that today day is the day but as per its always not tonight im tierd great again i know its only been 9 weeks how long do you have to wait or am a bad person its really ripping me apart alays gettin rejectid that really hurts is there any thing i can do please help.

December 26, 2009 at 2:55 pm
(223) Pat says:

Wow I’m number 223! I had a radical hysterectomy for cancer in feb 2004. I have had sex twice since then, need I say more? I WAS a very sexual and romantic woman before the operation. It is criminal no one is addressing this isssue,which is enough to ruin(part of)your life.

January 1, 2010 at 11:40 pm
(224) Mary Housman says:

I have lost most of my feeling down there. After I have what I call a partial orgasm, the rest of the day I feel an uncomfortable pressure down there. I feel like I wish I could die, but unfortunatley the rest of my body is healthy. I used to laugh and smile alot, now I am straight faced and sad. My hysterectomy was not necessary and the doctor lied about me needing it to get me to do it. He said I was over reacting to the surgery and that it realy was not a big deal. He did not care about me at all. I did not need the surgery. He did the surgery when I had a fever of 101.9 degrees F. The nurse was livid. I should have left the hospital at that point before the surgery but I was so scared I could not make a decision. My husband hates me now because all I do is pass my time in bed and don’t clean the house or cook like I use to. I don’t dress in my pretty pajamas anymore. I hit rock bottom depression then anxiety like I never experience. Low self esteem because I tell myself, that only I could have gotten myself an unecessary hysterectomy. I am a firefighter but don’t respond to calls anymore because I cannot handle any gruesome sights anymore because I have no way to dissipate the stress of these call with NO SEX. My husband keeps telling me I am giving up, but he is the one giving up because he doesn’t rub my back etc to try to help keep me calm. He never did that kind of stuff anyways before. He was only into the sex part of it before so now we realy have nothing to do for intimatcy. I know when he gets backed up and can’t take it anymore he will find someone else. We have been together for 10 years and I can’t imagine finding someone else. I thought our marriage was rock solid as long as I did not cheat on him. But this is not so. This has come between us like no end. He does not like coming home anymore. I have trouble working so we have no money and might loose our house etc. Then where will we be. I think if I was him I would have prevented this from happening in the first place. I told him a few times I didn’t want to do the surgery but he thought I needed it so he convinced me. I was convinceable because I was so scared prior to the surgery that I could not think straight when in the first place all I needed was a second opinion and life would be better. I am afraid to die but each waking moment I am suffering. I don’t go in public unless I have to now because I don’t feel comfortable.

January 2, 2010 at 2:55 am
(225) John says:

This is a very difficult problem that for me and my wife (68 years old) does not appear to have a happy ending. She had a complete hysterectomy (ovaries gone) 15 years ago and since then has had no feelings where she used to have them. Our sex life had been one that we both enjoyed almost every day for years before the operation. After the operation we tried a few times but she felt nothing. She began taking care of me in other ways for years. Recently her overall health has declined and she does not want me to touch her at all and wants nothing more to do with me physically. She does everything else that I could possibly want to demonstrate how much she “loves” me. I love my wife with all my heart but this has placed a huge strain on our marriage. I really feel like I am living with my mother or sister, not my wife. Sooner or later something will change and I do not think that something will make the marriage stronger. Anyone have any ideas for us?

January 2, 2010 at 10:39 pm
(226) ally says:

WOW, this is so discouraging.. I am 23 and had my uterus taken out just over a year ago, I have absolutely no desire to have sex anymore. My husband and I have been together for 6 years and our sex life was really good until this past year, I know it bothers him and it does me too especially bc of our age.. I keep wondering if we are going to spend the rest of our life not having sex, if thats the case I’m worried that we’ll fall apart. But when we do have sex I still have very strong orgasms (i have to work at it for it to happen).. but I just don’t feel like having sex and only do bc i feel bad for him.. I wish this wasn’t happening but I know that I can’t stop it either. if anyone figures this out please post!

January 2, 2010 at 11:32 pm
(227) John says:


There is some great advice in this thread. You are just going to have to go back to comment # 1 and read all the comments. Some you will be able to skim through, like my # 225 which will not help you. I am sure you will read some comments that will be helpful to you. Best of Luck!


January 2, 2010 at 11:37 pm
(228) John says:


There is some great advice in this thread. You are just going to have to go back to comment # 1 and read all the comments. Some you will be able to skim through, like my # 225 which will not help you. I am sure you will read some comments that will be helpful to you. Best of Luck!

January 4, 2010 at 9:51 am
(229) David says:

I’ve continued to read these posts daily since November of 2008. I have posted a total of 5 times 82, 102, 131, 175 and 205. I have tried to keep this blog updated as to my wife’s progress with bioidentical hormones. Most if not all the posts exhibit the same behavior as my spouse. She had a total hysterectomy in 1992 and was never the same until this past year. I can not stress enough, in taking this condition and at least trying to see past the gloom of it all and start 2010 in a new way. You all obviously have access to the internet and need to start using it to help your blight. Using as many search engines as you have, research Doctors (MD) that has bioidentical hormone therapy available in your area. Or even close to your part of the country. This is not a new technique. It has been around for many years. You can thank your FDA for trying to squash the amount of practicing, licensed physicians offering this therapy. I do very much recommend seeing an MD. You will find many sights that offer a simple saliva test. Your body is more complex than that. Blood work and bone density tests need to be a part of the process. Do your research, ask questions and try and take that first step. If you for any reason can not, or read and believe the negative aspects of this option, so be it. At least you’ve made the attempt to get your life back. My wife is my best friend, much less my spouse of 20 plus years. Seeing the progress she has made in the last year is remarkable. It is not an over night cure. You body has to adjust and respond to the hormones. But it has been a steady improvement back to the person I knew years ago. I wish you all luck and success in the coming new year.

January 6, 2010 at 3:40 pm
(230) Michael says:

Hi David
This will be my fourth post as well. My wife is on the bioidentical hormone implants as well and the difference was like chalk and cheese. We had everything that you mentioned in 175. Our problem down here in New Zealand is the doctors seem to still work on the one size fits all even with the bioidentical hormones. They have done NO blood work and seem to have their heads in the sand about the whole issue. Even had it from the doctors that it was all in our heads.
Mood swings, hmmmm i use to walk in the door after work and it was such that i would just turn around and go out into my garage to avoid the flak. No words, no tea.

January 7, 2010 at 9:44 pm
(231) Mollson says:

I had my hysterectomy in october 2009. During the operation my bladder was damaged and I had a catheter for 4 weeks.
It took some time to heel and feel confident to have sex again.
My husband aroused me onced and got me to have an orgasm without intercourse. We tried intercourse once and it was not very good. I didn’t feel anything. I try my best and I look after his needs but he wants me to enjoy it too. I feel absolutely nothing.
I had my hysterectomy because of a severe uterine prolapse. I feel much better without the pressure of my uterus but I want to feel my sexdrive again. Is it possible?

January 9, 2010 at 8:04 pm
(232) Lady Dee says:

Ladies I am happy to know that we are all sisters, some might not understand but we can come together and work something out….I had a hysterectomy in 2008, my husband is so frustrated with my mood swings, not wanting sex, and I don’t know, my crazyness.. but we together can stand with each other…who is ready to try to fight, to keep love alive….let me know….

January 10, 2010 at 3:26 pm
(233) just tryin 2 help yall says:

I don’t won’t to promote drug sales, but if you’re sex drive has died x-pills will HELP YOU you’re doctor want tell you this…… So try one if not for yourself do it for you’re husband. P.S. save the marriage good luck.

January 20, 2010 at 3:47 am
(234) Jae says:

What a blessing to find this site. I have been suffering for the same for 5 years now – My husband has been tolerant but it is wearing very thin- absolutely nothing interests me in sex- we have travelled hoping that the change will help me relax – but to no avail – I am at my wits end – don’t know how much longer he will put up with No Sex – married 8 years. If there is any help out there PLEASE!!!!!

January 22, 2010 at 4:14 pm
(235) Loney Husband says:

My marriage has been completely devoid of sex since my wife’s hysterectomy 4 years ago. I now understand that we will never again enjoy that part of a relationship. Our marriage has lost its intimacy, I believe forever.

There may in fact be ways to strengthen what’s left and perhaps rebuild a bit, but there’s no desire on her part. She went from being healthy, sexually active and sexually liberated through her early 40′s to who she is now – completely uninterested, and even prudish towards anyone who says sex and intimacy matter.

She can’t take hormone replacement therapy, so that miracle is out. By the way, its common for doctors these days to wean female patients off of hormone therapy for a variety of reasons; so when you hear that hormone replacement therapy can help, be advised that her doctor may withhold it. Doctors seem a lot less willing to prescribe hormone replacement therapy to a woman in her 40′s or 50′s than, say, a woman in her 20′s.

We basically live separate lives now and occasionally watch television together. We’re in our late 40′s now, and this apparently is going to be our pattern for our remaining years together. We’re like a retired couple in our late 60′s.

Anybody who tells you this procedure will cure your problems and will leave you sexually unaffected afterwards… don’t be trustful of that advice. Get more information. Know the range of how it affects people can be all over the map. Be prepared to live out a different life afterwards.

Make sure the treatment is worth the potential after-affects, because you can’t undo this one. Maybe you have to undergo this procedure anyway, but prepare yourself for what can happen.

January 22, 2010 at 4:26 pm
(236) Lonely Guy says:

Interesting comments. There doesn’t appear to be any cure for the bad after-affects. My marriage is impacted permanently. My wife’s ‘cure’ is to suggest I marry somebody else who is capable of being affectionate towards me. There, that’s it. Hand over 1/2 of everything I’ve ever earned in my life + 1/2 of everything I ever will earn in the future – in order to find an affectionate mate, OR learn to accept a loveless marriage for the rest of my life. I think this is what my dad would call “a conundrum.”

And yeah, I know it sucks for my wife too. Believe me, this is not what she wanted. However, she did walk into this procedure with both eyes closely shut! The doctor didn’t want her to do it. She insisted, believing it would cure her problems. It didn’t.

It sucks, and to all those people out there who philosophize that male/female romantic relationships are so many levels above something so biological as a sex drive; well, guess what…

…put your feet back on Terra Firma…

January 23, 2010 at 4:48 pm
(237) Shelle says:

I had a full hysto May 2008 I was 24 and jus had 3 rd child nw Im 26 and afterwards my gyno put me on the birth control Loestrin since I no longer had uterus or ovaries(my falopian tubes were fused to my ovaries)I noticed that everything was fine no probs an I have fibromyalgia an Im bipolar n I was jus fine no prob w/ sex life but then ins cut off n nw Im searchin for a gud gyno nw b/c I’m startin to have the same pain all over again esp. with BMs, hope this helps Best Of Luck to Everybody!!

January 28, 2010 at 8:29 pm
(238) cathy says:

Go to your Dr.Get Bioidentical hormones.In cream form.Especially tesosterone.You need Bi-est and Progesterone(not progestin).Also dhea in about 25 mgs a day.

February 3, 2010 at 9:58 pm
(239) Houston Night Clubs says:

I am blown away by the number of comments on this. It would be interesting to see some statistics on the divorce rate after a hysterectomy. Since a sex drive is mostly based on hormones, I would recommend women with low / no sex drive to supplement. It takes both estrogen and testosterone to maintain a sex drive. I know that women in body building who are on testosterone have very high sex drives ( multiple times a day and still want more ). If you are serious about getting a sex drive see a doctor and ask him to put you on testosterone. If you want more natural ways to raise your Test levels, go to the gym and start lifting weights. Exercises like Squats, bench, dead lifts, with a diet heavy in protein and fat, will greatly increase your Test levels. Many Hollywood celebrities use Growth Hormone, and Test to keep them young in both body and mind.

Any doctor that says a women shouldn’t want sex after 40 should have his license revoked. Sex is a lifestyle choice not a medical one. If you don’t want sex anymore but your husband does I suggest you allow him to play with others.

February 6, 2010 at 7:05 pm
(240) Chris says:

I’m glad that I found this site, I had no idea about this side effect of a hysterectomy. I’m 45 and I am supposed to schedule my hysterectomy in two weeks when I go back to the GYN. I have endometriosis and was actually looking forward to having this operation because I thought I would finally be getting my life back. Well the brakes are on now and I appreciate all the information I’ve picked up here. I’m so sorry for all of you who are experiencing these problems and I hope an answer is on the horizon.

Just for the record, I think the suggestion to “let your husband play with others” is moronic and says a lot as to the intelligence of the writer

February 15, 2010 at 2:57 pm
(241) Mike says:

The reason the pharmaceutical companies don’t discuss bio-identical hormone replacement therapy (BHRT) is because the FDA ruled that if a chemical is available in nature, you may not patent it. No patent protection means no monopoly and no monopoly means no killer profits so it doesn’t take a neurosurgeon to understand why there isn’t much discussion on BHRT. Most physicians have not been exposed to BHRT because the guys that bring the donuts for their staff are paid by the pharmaceutical companies and it is not in their best (financial) interest for the subject to be out there.

There are some key points to remember. Natural doesn’t always mean safe/better. Arsenic is a natural compound and except for a rare few medical applications, generally not considered safe. Before starting any HRT, please discuss with your provider your breast health, if you are growing a tumor, the estrogens will just feed it. And speaking of estrogen, HRT is not that simple, there are key interactions between several different hormones and this is why some women are so disappointed with their results.

I married late in life (mid 30′s) to a wonderful woman who, except for three children, did not have a positive experience in her first marriage. Our intimacy is fantastic. We elect to measure our sexual life in terms of quality, not quantity, which is the reciprocal of her first partner’s mentality. She had a TV hysterectomy w/ bilateral oophorectomy (she had been amenstrual for four months) just a month ago to address pelvic organ prolapse. We really aren’t too concerned about our intercourse ability though her interest has peaked in the “post-surgery but we can’t yet” time. We are more concerned about her health and well-being. Her sleep disruptions due to night sweats are not acceptable. I think education is the key. When her second opinion doctor recommended the procedures, we started crashing the medical literature and talking to people we knew who had been through it. Results were about as variable as you’ve seen in this thread and that variability is consistent with what her surgeon counseled us on. And yes, I mean us. I attended every examination and test with her. As soulmates, we wouldn’t have had it any other way. And if that weren’t enough incentive for me, I believe it is my responsibility as a Christian. When we married, our vows didn’t say we were going to have great sex and be perfect to and for one another in every way. They said we would try our best and understand the other when our expectations fell short. When I hear some of the gripes here I can’t help but to think there may be something more fundamentally wrong. There are many more facets to a relationship than sex. Since my medical education doesn’t specialize in the mental aspect, I guess my unsolicited advice would be to communicate with one another and your health care providers. It has worked for us.

February 21, 2010 at 7:57 am
(242) Over it says:

My wife had her hysterectomy about 5 years ago. Our marriage is my 1st, but her 2nd. She was already “wounded” by past relationships and occupied by her 3 year old girl, who was very needy at the time of our marriage due to the change in her life and remained needy for years afterwards.

Needless to say, our beginning sex life was very hampered. She always reassured me that it would get better, but then in 2005 it was hysterectomy time. “Times”: 25ish for the first 4 years.

In common with the responses above, her sex drive was completely destroyed by the surgically induced menopause brought upon by the hysterectomy. The “find someone else” clause was brought up, although we all know what that means. So 5 years and maybe, MAYBE another 25 “times” later, here we are in 2010.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I didn’t get married to become celibate.

On the flip side. ..

As with all things there is always more than one simple perspective in complex matters such as these, so I will dare to do what no one else seems able or willing to do: I will break this down to the nitty gritty and explain away this conundrum logically and totally. I apologize in advance, but as for feelings on the matter, I can’t have them anymore. They hurt too much. All I have left is the logic.


Here we go:

A marriage or committed relationship constitutes TWO people. Despite any selfish desires, it is still reliant on the TWO people to be “on the same page”: physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually. Such is the way of human relationships and this is even observed in higher primate mating and relationships. This is primal instinct people. This is the baseline of what drives us into such a worn but still socially acceptable norm that is known as a marriage. Instincts… So what happens when there is a premature and abrupt switch of all of the primary factors that constitute the relationship of the TWO people? What happens when a surgery that is supposed to fix the problem makes the problem infinitely worse? If suddenly the couple is not “on the same page”, what can be done?

We have not evolved as a species: medically, socially or even sexually, far enough to counteract the very things we set out to avoid by performing such a “needed” procedure. The prudish behaviorism by a still conservative medical and societal base has now allowed a single human’s instinctual drive for reproduction… i.e. the sex drive to be ended. My wife could care less.

And I feel for her. I have completely empathized. For 5 long years I have empathized… And I continue to. But empathy is not the same as the primal urge for the procreation act. Such is my personal suffering. But I digress…

The point is you can look at this from any point of view, and it still is sucks and will continue to suck to the point where it goes from suck to blow lol. The simple fact is that I am a healthy adult that will never have a healthy sex life due to this, and I feel every bit as destroyed as she does. The men that have posted on this forum can attest to that feeling I’m sure. We are also destroyed by our partner’s hysterectomy. OK? Ok.

Men: You are in the position I am in. And nothing you do can improve it, but to continue empathizing. There are solutions, and I will list them below, but all of them require great sacrifice on your behest. I know that sacrifice in this day and age is unheard of, and almost sacrilege to our society that has become sequestered to the capitalistic drives of instant-gratification, but that is precisely what is required. Sorry, there is no other way…

Women: Do not for a second believe that you are alone in your suffering if you are in a committed relationship. Your partner is suffering with you, and in diametric opposition to you, they suffer ONLY because you are suffering and they made the choice to stay with you because of love. That is true commitment and love. You now have you choices to be made. Stay in your premature menopause, or see below for the solution.

In either case, neither the male or female component of the relationship has any place to be selfish when surgical menopause kicks in. If choose to remain selfishly driven post-hysterectomy, your committed relationship is over.

Remember: it is a primal instinct to mate, but monogamy is a choice. I made that choice, but let me assure you, that it is the most difficult choice to make when it means your primal instincts will always be subdued or completely unsatisfied.


#1: Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement Therapy.

As mentioned in several posts above, this seems to be the only truly viable solution to return the female back to a hormonal “norm” post hysterectomy. This solution yields the most promise and should be the most sought out solution logically.

This is the step that my wife has been foreboding for years now out of fear and loathing, not to mention uncertainty, and the complete lack of logical thinking that the hysterectomy has given her. Even mentioning this causes great stress and almost certainly an argument that will NEVER end in hot make-up sex. UGH

Still this remains the only viable solution that can physically treat the problem directly and properly. Google it people.

#2 Chemical Castration

For the male in the relationship, if solution #1 cannot be obtained, or if it requires any length of time, then this becomes the only other viable option to return the partners back to “the same page” physically and sexually, which will lead to the emotionally and mentally part as well. Keep in mind men that this is the solution when you choose to remain in the committed relationship and to not go friggin’ bonkers in the process. Chemical Castration is instantly reversible as well. The process is constituted of a daily regimen of pills that are designed to lower your sex drive dramatically. When you stop the regimen, your sex drive returns within a few days.

This is a logical choice that should be explored with your trusted doctor. In other words: Freedom from that which is torturing us!!!

#3 Just walk away…

Last resort, but it is a choice. The saddest one at that, even compared to the chemical “snip”.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I hate this life with a sexless marriage due to hysterectomy. I have been emotionally over it for years, but I love her with everything I am, which leaves me here in this sexless existence going crazier every day. On top of that, I am afraid that if it does change, and at some point here in the future her drive really does return, it will be at a point where I just don’t give a damn any more, and my life, sexually, will be long gone and dead and buried in my twenties somewhere. I will be a reborn virgin of sorts. UGH!!! So to all of you that are just selfishly screaming “It’s Not Fair!!!” Damn right it’s not fair: For Both of You! Do something about it or get over it. This is the only life you get. So it is up to you and your partner to change your miserable existence.

That’s my 2 cents.

And yes, I’m done.

March 4, 2010 at 10:27 am
(243) loriann says:

i had my hystorectomy in 1994 and all though i have a great desire for sex i find it really hard to climax, it seems as if when they did the surgery they removed my clitorous. i long to have an orgasm, i am 39 years old and have never had an orgasm, i feel very inadequate to my lover, he works so hard, it is literally a labor of love. reguardless of positions it seems that i cant get off, on occasion i can sit on top and get a small amount of satisfaction but it seems everytime i have have sex it leaves me flustered and longing for completion. any and all comments would be appreciated, i have gone as far as trying different forms of pills for male dysfunction, to no avail. please get back to me. thank you

March 7, 2010 at 7:56 am
(244) kc says:

I did not have a hystorectomy, but since menopause has hit, I too have NO sex drive. My husband thinks that I am rejecting him. I have even told him to go out and find a mistress just so I won’t have to deal with his needs. My doctor doesn’t seem to care when I try to explain how I am feeling to her. Her response to me was “Use it or lose it.” Thanks doc. As women we should be demanding that the medical community comes up with a solution!

March 8, 2010 at 2:17 pm
(245) JillSusan says:

This is me – Total H and taking of ovaries – same story – lots of desire before – none after – My two cents . . . let’s call it “conditioning yourself to like sex again” or “Learning a NEW dance” Let me explain – I have psych major in college – one type of psychology is called behavioral psychology – through reward/positive – punishment/negative conditioning you “condition” behavior. True conditioning would be something like this: if everytime just at the moment of orgasm someone pulled your toe – after twenty times of this – if someone just randomly pulled your toe – your mind would associate it with orgasm – so it might turn you on. (You got a reward everytime your toe was pulled – so you learned to like having your toe pulled.)
You and your mate have made your own version of THE DANCE (sex) over the years. And that version of the dance turns you on. Well – apparently none of us get to do our special version of The Dance anymore. When he and I hooked up at our usual moment (after a nice dinner out – at night – semi dark – let’s groove) – it was a disaster – I was so pressured – so upset – felt nothing – “do you want me to fake it!?” – and his very touch triggered hot flashes. Our first time to try – our vacation, 21st anniversary, wound up screaming at each other in the hotel. OKAY, I’m a psych major – I can analyze myself – I’m freaked out – I’m so disappointed. . . on and on and on. Several tries later – Okay we are going to have to lose all pretense of we’re going to get back to great sex and we are going to have to get very clinical and figure out what doesn’t make both of us hysterical. If you touch my shoulders it triggers a hot flash – you can never touch them again – But the good news if you touch my stomach – I can stand it. No more doing it at our usual time – neither of us can deal with the disappointment of comparing THEN and NOW. So NEW TIME – with no associations – we didn’t do it during the early day – now that’s when we try. He’s not awake/in to it – so no pressure to progress. Here’s the rules – you can’t touch me here, here and here and you can only touch me with finger tips – your hot hands are too much.
Okay I feel something down there – kind of an annoying microscopic buzzing – from now on we call that “turned on for Jill” (Ooooh, I’m so turned on baby, (sarcasm) can we pause a moment, I need to cry from grief, okay I’m back, where were we, oh yeah that ridiculous burning – at least it’s a feeling down there.) What I found is that if I lay there like a slab of meat and (I had to cover my face the whole time – I was so hurt with disappointment) and I let him orally and manually do his thing down on me – I did go over the cliff – it was the lamest cum of my life – then we put him in – and I couldn’t let him move cuz of the burning – but I told myself – “you’re scared Jill, so it’s reasonable to believe you are contributing to his not fitting by clamping/squeezing down there” Okay we got through the first time – (hell, it hurt my first time 33 years ago – hurt the first five times back 33 years ago) Maybe it will get better – as he and I relax.
Well, without all the details, each time the cum got a little stronger – it almost is the same DURING – what I hate is there is no climbing the mountain before – and there is no ecstasy after. I get my moment – but it seems to come from nowhere and then it is DONE – PERIOD. And as for the good stuff – well I don’t feel the electricity with every stroke like before – but we’re up to seven strokes without pain.
The bottom line is he and I are intimate again – even though it is a strange horrible new dance – It is becoming OUR dance. It’s a crippled dance – it will never be the Watusi again. (A dance from the ’60’s – I think the sound of the word says it all.) But I love him, he loves me, and we’re gonna have sex God damn it, because I’m a sexy woman and he’s a sexy man, and if it’s some bastardization of what real sex is, oh well, this is my NEW sex life, and I’m practicing it.
Oh and I do kegals daily to keep blood flow down there. (A Kegel exercise, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, consists of contracting and relaxing the muscles that form part of the pelvic floor (which some people now colloquially call the “Kegel muscles”)).
And I use my shower head massager to stimulate me down there every day – to keep the blood flow going. Have no idea if this has a medical basis – but like I said before with Behavioral Conditioning – My mind believes doing kegals and shower head massage keeps that area alive and sexy – so when I get in bed with my husband I feel like I’ve “exercised” and I believe.
So I guess our dance is always going to look lame and pathetic to non-sexually disabled people – but I’m going to do a sexual dance with my husband as long as I’m alive – just because – I don’t care if my body tells me I want to or not – I’m going to tell my body that that is what we are going to do – hell I get the same fight from my body when I tell it we are going to exercise – it says “not interested” – but afterwards it says “feel the burn – lookin good” – so now after “sex” it says “I love you” to my husband and you love me.

Just sharing – I find that sometimes if I really put myself out there and disclose more than normal – it frees other people to disclose more than they ordinarily would. The bottom line of my message – i think some of you are so humiliated and grieving (I am) that you’re afraid to pick up the pieces and attempt anything. So I guess I’m the poster child for “lame sex” – it doesn’t feel like before – It doesn’t feel much of anything – but there ARE MOMENTS – and it makes me feel like a woman, albeit a crippled woman – but like I read in here – both partners lost something with this operation – and my husband wants to have sex with me and I want to have sex with him – And if clinical lame sex is where we are, than that’s OUR DANCE and we love it.
God bless you all in finding your path.

March 10, 2010 at 11:16 am
(246) liz says:

i had a hysto back in july2009 . as much as i enjoy good health. i have no desire for sex in any shape or form… any tips in getting this back

March 16, 2010 at 5:22 am
(247) sharyn says:

My hysterectomy was around 10 year ago and, although recovery was quick. No sex drive, like all the comments that i have read here tonight, are exactly what i am experiencing, my husband has resorted to a internet dating site, this has now brought our marrige to its knees, i love him with all my heart, but i just don’t have the desire for sex. I’ve tried pills, visiting a psychi. to no avail, if anyone can help me please let me know before it is to late.

March 17, 2010 at 3:11 pm
(248) David says:

Posts 82,102,131,175,205 and 229. I’ve tried to keep all updated as to the progress of bio-identical hormones. But I get the impression that due to all the posts having the same tone, one might overlook that option. To date my wife does not experience night sweats, migraines, loss of memory etc. To date her libido is increasing. It’s been 1 year and all is well. She has kept up with her “yearly” exams too. Words can not express the about face we have seen together. If you read #82 you will hear that all too familiar tone. So please start the research and find a practicing doctor (MD) in this field. YOU CAN FIND ONE…………

March 18, 2010 at 9:03 pm
(249) Michael says:

Agree with you David, Everyone seems to be focused on the negative. Posted here before too, My wife is on the bio-identical implants and it is an amazing change, her first lot are just starting to wear off now and i/we can see the change in her, hot flushes, grumpy, low self esteem return, fortunately she’s back to the doctor for her next lot in a 1 1/2 weeks. Seems to be a lot of doctors aren’t interested unless you go in with all the information and plant it in front of them and Drug companies aren’t interested because they cannot make money off of a natural hormone because it can’t be patented.
As David said, people DO YOUR RESEARCH because the solution is out there.

March 26, 2010 at 11:48 pm
(250) Cindy says:

When i hit puberty at 10, I had a sex drive but didn’t know anything about sex to take care of it and then a few years later by the age of 13. It went away and now I am 27 and can’t get aroused and could live without sex which I wish wasn’t that case and have no way of knowing how to fix that. I feel like i can’t truly please someone sexually which out feeling the same emotion they are.

March 28, 2010 at 8:51 pm
(251) bb says:

I had a hysterectomy over 10 years ago. Both my ovaries were left in tact. My sex life if great. I have always had a high sex drive. Remember sex is not just a physical act, it is also mental. If you are not feeling good about yourself or your partner, the sex will not be at its best.

April 1, 2010 at 10:25 am
(252) bwildered says:

My wife’s hysto was about two months ago. The procedure was to eliminate an extremely severe case of pmdd. The pmdd was routinely causing emotional, destructive and even violent outbursts resulting in horribly over the top arguments (especially before she started tracking the outbursts chronilogically to find that it was directly related to her cycle). During one such instance, she raided her moms and my medicine cabinets and took what she thought would be enough to kill her…thank god she does not know much about drugs. At that point, we decided to go with the hysto, since the medications she was prescribed seemed to make it worse. Anyways, being that pmdd is tied into her cycle the evil her would come and go right on schedule…you could set your calander by it. Even in these pre-hysto times when we fought nearly half the month…the sex was great…better than great. Fast foward to now, two months after…the fights have decreased tremendously, though there have been a couple, but nothing to the degree prior to the surgery. It has only been a couple of weeks since she has healed enough to commence the sex life, however, with one exception, all of my advances have met with complete rejection. I, like some of the husbands described in previous entries, would rather not even try…’tis better to handle it myself than get rejected again. Then on the other hand, I feel that since her libido is shot & I give up trying…then I will be reduced to handling it myself for the rest of my life. I asked her for the first time just this morning if she thinks the surgery is the reason for her complete loss of libido…she got upset and assured my that my question was ridiculous and that it is only because of the relatively minor arguments we’ve had….which I don’t buy since the arguments were more numerous and extremely more bitter prior to the surgery, yet were still proceeded by great make-up sex. She will not even consider the possibility that the hysto may have affected her libido. Needless to say, whereas we used to fight like mortal enemies and love like soulmates, now we are almost like strangers. We fought passionately before, bt loved just as passionately. Now…there is no passion either way. I have a few ideas in mind to reignite her desires, but I know she will not even try them b/c she, at this point, will not even recognize there is a problem.

April 5, 2010 at 2:38 pm
(253) Alison says:

Hi everyone. I was 21 when I got my hysterectomy and am now 25. Four years of having no sex drive. I finally have found the solution! I take a pill once a night perscribed by my doctor. It is called estratest. It is estrogen and testosterone which increases my sex drive. I also just started taking Estrace which is a vaginal cream. It helps with the dryness, which when you have dryness, it creates pain. So with both of those things taken care of, I can have a better sexual experience. It isn’t anywhere near where it was before I had the surgery, but it is better. I also find it too be better right after I am done working out. I hope this helps some of you!

April 27, 2010 at 3:32 am
(254) Jerzy says:

In 2007 I had a hysterectomy with removal of both ovaries and my uterus due to stage 3 cancer…and 4 months of chemo..and though I’m glad to be alive…I have lost my libido..the hot flashes are bad enough..but I have no sex drive whatsoever..none..nil..don’t even think about it… I suppose Life for Libido is a trade off.. I’m not in a relationship..so no one else beside myself suffers from my “lack of!” But I certainly wish for the presence of a man in my life…but I can’t imagine how it can even be..in my current situation… I steer clear of even the possibility… an old maid, I am already.

Signed Life for Libido

April 27, 2010 at 3:36 am
(255) Jerzy says:

Btw, I’m 45 years old..and fele as though my sex life is over forever… I can’t take estrogen, because I’ve also had breast cancer… My libido was never really high, but it was good..now…when I say there’s nothing…I mean it’s like a big VOID…

signed life for libido

May 8, 2010 at 12:13 am
(256) Jazzy says:

Hello to everyone, I had an abdominal hysterectomy in April 2010 due to prolong bleeding for more than 30 days with several fibroid tumors. Before my surgery I always had a high sex drive and always enjoyed it. Since my surgery my sex drive is even higher than before in which I really love a lot. I am not having any problems and I pray that I do not. As of now I have at least 3 weeks to go before I have any penetration and oh boy and I can’t wait to make love to my husband again. My husband is so supportive of me and have more patience than I can ever imagine. I still have vaginal secretion and more so now than ever. It is to the point of my wanting to make love so bad that my husband and I did the foreplay and my clitoris was harder than hard that I came all over my husband. So I know he will be very satisfied when the penetration begins again. So ladies I am sorry for the problems that you all are having. I’m like #251…..My sex drive is still there for me and I am 40 years old with no complication. So having to make the decision for the hysterectomy was the best things that could have ever happen for me. I don’t ever have to deal with the prolong bleeding and bad pain ever again. If I could have made this decision years ago to have the hysterectomy I would have but I waited late to have children. Now I have to handsome young boys and I thank God for them. I wish the ladies well.

May 9, 2010 at 10:16 am
(257) David says:

I too am a husband that has seen my wife’s sex drive completely disappear after her total hysterectomy. I wish we all could form a class-action law suit against the AMA for promoting hysterectomies when other alternatives are out there for non-cancerous and even cancerous female disorders. I feel like we are just brother and sister anymore. We have not found any safe solution (artificial estrogen has some dangerous side effects). I’m tired of being rejected and she NEVER takes on the role of pursuer like she use to.

May 15, 2010 at 3:08 pm
(258) anonymous says:

Hello – hoping this may help someone. I had an emergency hysterectomy when I was 37. The doctor had to take everything, ovaries, cervix, the whole kit and kaboodle. Hello, menopause. My sex drive diminished immensely over the next few years and I lost all sensation in my “private parts.” My doctor did some testing and prescribed estrodiol gel which stopped the hot flashes, and she prescribed a 2% compounded testosterone cream that woke everything up again “down there.” I don’t feel lust anymore, but I can enjoy sexual sensation again and achieve orgasm. I have found that taking 500 mg of maca root daily helps and so do multi-vitamins geared for menopausal women. Taking a brisk walk for 30-60 minutes most every day also makes a huge difference in my stress levels, which in turn adds more quality to my libido. Use of lubricant helps a lot and focusing on pleasuring my husband during lovemaking helps to stimulate me mentally. I imagine that we are making love under a waterfall in Jamaica or something erotic like that. Don’t know if these suggestions will help anyone, but thought I should mention. :)

May 21, 2010 at 11:09 pm
(259) total wreck says:

I am so glad I found this thread. I thought I was going crazy. My libido is gone, and I am 6 months post hysterectomy. Mine was a quickly scheduled one, due to a large mass in my right abdomen. TOtal hysterectomy–on hormone patch. I feel better in terms of basic symptoms improving, but the low libido has lingered. I hate this. My husband has been a jerk from pretty much the beginning, though. That makes it even more of a challenge. I cannot get him to even talk with me or listen about how I am feeling. He wants to tell me how HE is feeling. We’ve been married 21 years, but I am thinking it’s time to separate. He deserves someone who desires him and can enjoy the connection that making love brings. And, I deserve someone who loves me enough to listen and be supportive. It is so hard. I would have never had the surgery if I knew it would totally turn my life upside down. Even my kids have noticed that Dad is being kind of negligent and rude to me. At least we had sex once or twice a month even when I was in excruciating pain. At least I had desire.

May 26, 2010 at 1:15 am
(260) Sharon says:

I had 2 have a hysterectomy in dec of 09! My uterus and left ovary was wrapped around my colin almost closing it off! Was gonna leave my ovaries but could only leave the one on the right! Almost ended up with a bag cause they cut my colin! At first I had a sex drive but couldnt have sex it took me 8 weeks to heal! Now I have no desire!! The dr told me that if i had one ovary that nothing would change but I think he is wrong!! Im a 38 year old divorced mother of 3 with a boyfriend who is 10 year younger than me and im scared im gonna lose him! We had a great sex life for the first 2 years and now he thinks im cheating on him! cant seem to get him to understand that I dont want to have sex with him why in the world would i want to do it with someone else??? Any info on Bioidentical hormones from someone who has taken it and knows how it works would be great! Email me sadams@neb.rr.com thank you!

May 27, 2010 at 12:13 pm
(261) Jazzy says:

I am now 6 weeks post op from my abdominal hysterectomy. I was able to have sex with my husband with no problems. I also wrote in on 08th of May #256 and I have yet to have any related problems when it comes to sex. I had no complications whatsoever. My female GYN was the best doctor for me and my surgery. I’m so sorry that the ladies on here have had bad situations. However my sex drive has increase more now than ever. And I’m loving it so much because I’m not dealing with the pain anymore and also the prolong bleeding. I had my uterus removed and my cervix. Everything else was left in. I now have a flatter stomach and feel great! And I have also lost weight. Now this is only my 6 weeks post op. Still taking it slow and back to exercise again (walking only). Good luck ladies.

May 30, 2010 at 10:40 pm
(262) a husband says:

my wife had everything removed, she has no desires sexually and shows next to no affection anymore. our relationship used to be in overdrive sexually now its fumbeling on all levels. we have the same arguement over and over again. i am very attracted to my wife and dont know what to do or how to cope.i am just as depressed as she is if not more at times. we have 3 kids and a good life otherwise but it always comes back to the lack of affection for me. i dont want a roomate for the rest of my life i want my wife back, the one i married. it has been 4 1/2 years since the opperation and ive had sex like 5 times i dont know how long i can last. i try to be understanding and not selfish but dont know how? i have become cold, short, and lifeless. i try and get upbeat and spark things but she would rather read a magazine. help save my marrage and my wife because i do love her

June 2, 2010 at 8:22 am
(263) Lissa says:

Ive never han an hysterectomy, though I had a massive over sized ovarian cyst, where they considered hysterectomy. Yjis is going to be a bt of a strange question. Im 5 yrs older than my husband, and Im nearing 40. I find my sex drive is heightened and he has lost interest. He wont speak to me about it, but im scared if I approach the subject, he turns away od walks away. I feel my relationship is fallin apart.

June 4, 2010 at 2:27 pm
(264) HusbandTwice says:

I have been married twice, both women had hysterectomys and both have no sex drive. My mom, aunt, and mother-in-law all had hyss and no sex drive. All husbands did whatever they can do to get along cheat or whatever. I do not cheat but I am having a hard time staying but the down side is now any women that tells me she has a sex drive I just laugh to my self a say right!!! So would be alone for ever neather seems good or right.

June 7, 2010 at 6:43 pm
(265) Deb says:

I had a total hysterectomy with bilateral oopherectomy at 27. After 10 years on premarin my sex drive went down fast. My doc put me on Syntest DS because it is HRT with testosterone. Did it work? Oh yes, sex is better now than ever.

June 9, 2010 at 1:18 am
(266) Pam says:

Having your sex life diminished/compromised is WAY more common than you think. Check out the HERS Foundation’s Female Anatomy Video. It explains why. The vagina is sutured shut and made into a closed pocket. There is diminished blood flow to that entire area, plus essential nerves are cut, which means less sensation/feeling. Husbands- if there was less blood flow to your penis, don’t you think your erection would be affected?? I had NO idea before my surgery that my sex life could resort to this- nothing.

June 9, 2010 at 11:11 pm
(267) Kathy says:

I just dont understand, I gay and with her for 10 years, the last 6 years I had everything removed and went nuts,everyone was walking on egg shells tell I went on the patch, the depression set in saw a phyic. then no sex drive and down hill we went.
I love her to death but she just dosent understand AT ALL.
I dont think about it,deam about it,its just dead I hate it. I feel like she thinks I dont love her, but I do SO MUCH.
I wish I had never had it dont, the guilt and shame is just almost overwalming. See all you men out there even the same sex have the same problems NO UNDERSTANDING.
If we could we could be more them glad to switch spots with all of you mean talking non understand humans out there and no working the brain to have sex dosent work.. what a joke.
We are just miss understood, and we have to live the HELL.

June 13, 2010 at 7:29 pm
(268) kubicle says:

Age 52, total hyst July, 2009. 25 radiation treatments for rectal cancer which “ruined” my vaginal walls. Sex is painful, everything is dry. Breast cancer in 2004. Doctors are reluctant to prescribe hormones, I’m at a loss. I have no interest in sex whatsoever and used to be ready to go at the drop of a hat. Now…..nothing. Any advice would be helpful.

June 22, 2010 at 11:07 pm
(269) Deb says:

I had a total hysterectomy four months ago. But I am having the opposite effect… I seem to be in a perpetual state of arousal. This can’t be any better than no desire, can it? (BTW-I’m single w/ no prospects!)

June 25, 2010 at 12:46 pm
(270) Bob says:

Well, it’s been 4-1/2 years since my wife’s hysterectomy. It’s been the same amount of time that our love life has died. My wife pushed for the surgery against her doctor’s wishes, because her mother said it was a good idea. Guess how that turned out. But, after taking care of my wife for 23+ years now, she has come to me with a solution: get divorced. Yeah, not a big fan of this medical procedure. I can stay with the love of MY life, and remain celibate for the remainder of my life – or divorce her, pay her 1/2 my wages for the rest of my life and start over. I’m trying to adjust to a life without contact and physical affection. Whatever I chose, its a sacrifice.

June 25, 2010 at 2:39 pm
(271) Jade says:

I’m 30 yrs old been in a relationship for almost 10 yrs, had a hysterectomy when i was 18 due to cervical cancer. My sex drive does not excist and this is concerning to my partner this is why it brings me to this site, if a hysterectomy is the cause of me having no sex life.????
I’m grateful for being alive but this has impacted my life 100% no children and no sex life it’s sad that my partner also has to go through this…. Is there anything to take to increase my sex drive….

June 27, 2010 at 11:58 am
(272) Chery W says:

I thought i was alone. i had my hys in 2004. my husband has accused me of cheating. he had sex with me and told me i was loose. I don’t feel anything when we have sex and it hurts because i am alway dry.i have no desire to have sex since my surgery. i can go years without having sex. my friend had the same surgery and her husband cheated on her because he said she felt loose and she didn’t feel the same. just like mine said. it wrecked my life!

June 27, 2010 at 12:27 pm
(273) Cheryl W says:

if there is any women or men that can tell me have you experienced the feeling some men are saying how the woman feels loose and or different after a full hys. please tell me. I love my husband and would never cheat on him. I don’t have the desire for sex with him or anyone else. i wish i would have never done the hys. my sex life was wonderful. he never has said this until this hys. HELPP!!!

July 6, 2010 at 10:26 am
(274) VB says:

I am 30 yrs old and had a full abdominal hysterectomy on October 2 2009, i suffered years of issues so i was super happy when they said this was the way we were going as i could finally have sex with my husband and not be in pain or just going through the motions of it…. Had the surgery healed and since then it has been a whirl wind of other issues, dryness… no umph to want it… (which is not me ) fatigue all the time… uncomfortable… takes forever to climax sometimes not even getting there :-( which then upsets my husband as he thinks it is him that is making me not orgazam which it is not.. I read all these and i know exactly how u are all feeling and to the men out there u are amazing by just being here and reading these and posting and understanding it is not us we are not crazy!! and not wanting u nomore there is noone else not for me anyway i love my husband and he is amazing and sexy to me it is whatever the hell happened to me after my hysterectomy and i sure hope that someone has some answers out there for us all soon..

July 8, 2010 at 9:55 am
(275) David says:

I have posted 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 229 my last # 248. I still have the impression that once one goes through 100 or so of these, they see no light at the end of the tunnel. Go back and read them all. BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES. I continue to see both female and male posts sounding just short of complete failure and colapse. My wife is not the only human being on the planet doing these implants. There is a gentleman, Michael, that is in New Zealand for heaven’s sake that says his wife has these implants. The MD my wife sees has offices in both St. Louis and Kansas City. And every time she goes into see her, every 4 months, the waiting room is full of both Male and Female clients. People, at least do the research and start helping yourself and your spouse out a little. You have to do the work, your normal MD will more than likely tell you otherwise. Ignorance is bliss people.

July 9, 2010 at 3:14 am
(276) tamara says:

hi. im 21 years old, and my doctor wants me to have a complete hystorectomy. i have cancer in the ovaries as well as canncer in my uterus, and endometriosis. i am in pain during sex most if the time, and my sex drive is low as it is, but i still have somewhat of an urge to make love to my husband. I AM NOT HAVING IT DONE. fr4om doing research and listening to all of you, i am going to tell my doctor to go to hell. i would rather have a few more years of happiness than the rest of my life being miserable.

July 12, 2010 at 10:29 am
(277) Elaine says:

Tamara,I hope by the time you receive this post,you will have chose life!!!! Sex is one thing.I had this surgery 20 years ago. Don’t lose hope! If your not married,then focus your life and achieving something greater then orgasm. Technology always changes. Your young enough to wait.I personally chose to Learn of Jesus,and save myself for my future husband. Sometimes being in love answers lack of response.

July 17, 2010 at 2:43 pm
(278) Beth says:

I had a full Hysterectomy 8 years, ago now I am 40 years, old I had no idea why I wasn’t sexually active until now. I have been married for over 15 years, now I have no desire for sex and if it does happen is because of my menopause and after that feeling is gone it wont happen again until a couple of months or a year later. I thought i was alone my marriage suffered due to my condition and now its getting better but still coping with no desire for sex but we are trying on that but still feeling depressed time from time due to this issue i wish some one can fix it so we can live a normal life.

July 18, 2010 at 1:07 pm
(279) rpackmanus says:

wife had one 10 years ago. our sexlife was wrecked long before that. she put up with 3 periods a month, constant bleeding, and would’nt listen to me. she thought it was ‘normal for her’. it was’nt till i told her dad i was gonna send her packing home that he mentioned it to her BEST freind-no she had’nt even mentioned it to her best freind! she took her to the doctor and she had a cyst on her over the size of a tennis ball, she only got to keep one ovary. nothing has ever been the same. i feel like i made a big mistake forcing the issue, the way she is, if i had let it run it’s course, i’d be a free man now. it would have taken a lot less time than the 12 yrs i’ve been through now, and i’m only 44- in the prime of my life, lonely, and trapped.

July 19, 2010 at 11:56 pm
(280) Ruby Sixty says:

Having read so many negative experiences I wonder if there are no good outcomes to sex after a hysterectomy. But I know better. I had my surgery in 2001 and experienced pain and discomfort like so many of you at first. Of course I didn’t want to do it because of the pain and it left me in tears that I wanted to hide from my husband. But with prayer and the help of God, there is no more pain and my husband and I still enjoy a healthy sex life. I was 41 when I had the surgery, I’m now 50! My husband and I have a great relationship, thanks to God.

July 21, 2010 at 1:16 am
(281) ...and maybe it was him... says:

I had my hysterectomy roughly five years ago, due to fibroids. I could not do HRT due to lung cancer and a possible link to estrogen. My “understanding” husband decided after the first attempt that we needed more lube, hence ensuring I felt absolutely nothing – except pain where the cervix used to be.

After telling the man who was always telling me how very compassionate and understanding he was the deeper penetration was extremely painful for me and a wait of over six months since the second attempt and pain, his response was to push for positions that offer deeper penetration. That was the last time for us, and I divorced him, for a myriad of other reasons, as well.

I’m currently in a new relationship, and although I am not always satisfied, I no longer have the pain because I have found an understanding partner that works around the problem areas.

I do think it would have been nice to know of the possibility of a loss of libido when going over the options for removal of fibroids. I may have chosen differently – but I really don’t mind not having my body sabotage any vacation I may try to take with an unexpected period and crimson tide.

The problem needs to be worked through by both partners, blame should not be given nor assumed, were my ex-husband a more patient and truly understanding man, he wouldn’t have been sleeping alone.

July 21, 2010 at 10:25 am
(282) JoColl says:

Hi everyone. In some ways this site is great as it tells me im not a freak! In others it just wants me to break down all the more.
I had hysterectomy Part 1 in June 09, then went on to have loads more problems and and hysterectomy Part 2 in December 09. Like everyone else up until the operations i had a fairly healthy sex drive. But now, it wouldn’t bother me if i never had sex again. My husband of 2 and half years doesnt understand, and it is causing sooooooo many rows between us. Sometimes i feel i could just walk out the door. Anti depressants didnt change anything. My whole attitude to everyting has changed and i can’t see anyway forward. Can’t afford expensive alternative therapy. When they took away my insides, they took away my spirit and life :’(

July 28, 2010 at 12:10 am
(283) The Husband says:

4-1/2 years ago my wife chose to have a full hysterectomy. Her choice, doctor tried to talk her out of it. That’s when our sex life ended. My wife calmly explained that I deserve a better wife and I can divorce her if I want. Nice. Not at all what I want, but the other choice is to spend the last 30 years of my life sexless with the woman I love. Kind of like extortion IMHO. I don’t get to drop out and do nothing the rest of my life while my spouse takes care of my every need. Maybe divorce is the right thing to do.

July 28, 2010 at 12:13 am
(284) anonymous says:

“were my ex-husband a more patient and truly understanding man, he wouldn’t have been sleeping alone”

hmm… easy to say. In my marriage there wasn’t an abundance of reason and patience after my wife’s FVH. Maybe you are truly exceptional.

August 2, 2010 at 10:52 pm
(285) tmc says:

I am scared to death. My wife of 23 years who I love and worship has changed. I know that’s a benign statement but everything has changed. I hear her talking on the phone to anyone…telephone sales, her mom, her sis, her friend, the DR. office…doesn’t matter and she is the sweet person that I remember, then she talks to me and its the depressed, mad at the world woman I now live with. I know I shouldn’t take it personal, I am smart enough to know there are things at play here that are not under her control without help, but it does hurt and it is scary. I love her so much. To date, she refuses to acknowledge that being post menopausal has certain chemical affects on her body and mind and always sees the negative in me. I can do no right. Whether I flirt playfully…stroke her face,…want to hold hands or go out for a special weekend: she always accuses me of only having one thing on my mind. I have told her repeatedly and honestly that it isn’t just the sex, I also miss the compassion and affection that are shown when a woman puts her head on her mans shoulder. When a woman brags about her man and all the other little things that the fairer sex does to keep the most feeble male of all species feeling like they mean something. I know deep down she loves me, but I don’t want to have to look that deep every moment of every day. I want to be able to do something nice for her without her accusing me of having an alternate motive. I want to give her flowers and just get a kiss of thanks rather than having to defend why I gave the flowers. I miss so many things. I know I am rambling, but I could never tell her these things because I know where we would end up…just another fight due to her thinking I blame her for everything. I am completely and utterly at my wits end. I keep telling myself, let it roll, but I truly want my wife back. As you can tell, I am apparently a whiner…I didn’t use to be but I don’t know what else to do. Oh well, at least for the last five minutes I have been able to say what I feel without cringing and waiting for the fight to begin. Thanks.

August 5, 2010 at 10:57 pm
(286) Deborah says:

Hi, I found this site today and feel ambivilant about it. I has an abdominal hystorectomy 3 weeks ago. I am freaked out that there are so many woman that have lost their sex drive and this is an important part of my 3 year relationship with my partner. My partner asked the doc if I would lose my womanlynness and he assured us that I wouldnt. Since the operation I have satisfied myself several times and enjoyed satisfying my partner manually. I might add that I used porn to get aroused but lube and imagination works also. I believe in the words of note 245 although that is a pavlovs dog theory, as a teacher of special needs kids I know it to be true. Sex drive is strongly controlled by our minds, the way we feel, the way we percieve someone to feel about us. When you have had your belly cut open you do not feel so good about yourself. This can easily be transfered into how you feel about sex. You might have to work harder at it, as 245 says reinvent the wheel. One thing I do know is that men need sex for physical and emotional needs and men are more sensitive than woman give them credit for. I have yet to engage in intercourse since my op and have another few weeks to wait but until then I am going to try and remain positive that it will be good and if it is not then I will be off to the docs for bio-identical hormones or the like. In the mean time if he needs manual help hes got it!!!

August 9, 2010 at 9:28 pm
(287) Mike says:

I have read most of the comments left on this blog and my heart goes out to everyone. I am a 64 year old man, married to my second wife for over 15 years. My wife had uterus cancer and a hysterectomy was the best treatment. I am glad to say that there is no longer a problem with cancer.
The surgery left her with no desire for sex. The last 14 years have been virtually sexless.
As I read the stories in this blog, I notice that very few acknowledge the husband’s feelings. Women, think about it. You don’t want sex anymore so you don’t have it. Your husband still has active hormones and a natural desire for intimacy. If he is faithful to you, what are his options? I am not saying that to be sarcastic. I really want to know. At my age, you would think it does not cross my mind anymore but this is certainly not true. I miss the touching, the passion, the feeling that we are sharing something with each other that we do not share with anyone else.
If any of you can remember what it felt like to feel “hot”, you will know what your husband is going through. Masturbation is a poor substitute for the real thing. Cold showers are temporary relief. So what advice would you give your husband? If I did not love my wife for so many other reasons, this would be easy. But I do love her and would never end my marriage over this issue (but I am an old man. You young husbands have a real problem.).
If you do not have any real practical advice, please do this. Give your husband some understanding for the sacrifice he is making. Does he seem irritable often? Well, no kidding. He knows he is facing the rest of his life without something he associates with manhood.

August 10, 2010 at 1:05 am
(288) sober says:

Do I really have to wait six weeks until I can have sex? Why? What could happen if I didn’t wait? Isn’t there anything I can do?

August 10, 2010 at 11:25 am
(289) Men-O-Pause says:

Mike, your comment could have been written by my husband.

You ask why more women here don’t acknowledge their partner’s feelings? I would like to offer my personal insight to that question.

The male sexual response is simple, by comparison, and the study of male dysfunction has been a priority, not so for female sexuality. Although, as more women enter the field of medical research this will improve.

The media is rife with discussion of male sexuality from women’s magazines that tout the importance of keeping your man satisfied, (reminding us what we will lose if we don’t). There’s alot of pressure placed on women, from an early age, to be beautiful, resourseful, adventuresome, and at all times mindful of the delicate male sexual psyche. It can get pretty overwhelming.

Then, there are the E.D. advertisements depicting attractive, understanding, ever receptive wives in the background, most appear to be of menopausal age. These adverts are for men, not women. They propigate a kind of fairy tale that implies that if men can be made whole by swollowing a pill then you have every reason to expect to enjoy a fulfilling sex life with your partner until you die. These ads make no effort to account for the differences between men and women, nor do they feel obligated to address the female perspective of E.D.

I would suggest that there could be another thread for men, like yourself, to find support among your peers. It would be a good thing for my husband too. Women also need peer support, which they can find here.

Until today, when I found this discussion, I have not found other women openly discussing their experiences of fear, sadness and remorse over the loss of their sexuality. I am relieved by the honesty here. It has been an isolating experience for me, one which even my best girlfriends are uncomfortable discussing. If they have not had hysterectomies the prospect of sexlessness is so horrifying they are reluctant to talk about it, (lest it should become their fate).

My husband and I talk often about our feelings. I can provide him with no greater insight than my doctors have offered me. At his insistance, I spoke to our internist about my sexuality. He asked me to go home and hold hands, snuggle and pretend to be a virgin. I cried all the way home because this truly is the best that he can offer me, he knows nothing more because currently, there is nothing more.

I cannot be untruthful and pretend that I have, like magic, found desire. I worry that our relationship will end, that if I could fake interest, it would save my marriage. But I can’t bear the psychological weight of deceiving him.

I love him yet affection does not come easy because he wants to turn an affectionate moment into a sexual experience, creating even more angst for both of us. So, I find myself less and less eager for physical closeness.

I have known women who work as sex therapists. They are warm, insightful and professional. I would not feel threatened if my husband sought this path for sexual release, but he won’t consider it. At age 67 he may choose, instead, to leave for greener pastures. This is something I could never do if the situation were reversed.

There is much more than sex in a good relationship. I see these things more clearly, now that I’m virtually asexual. I have learned to accept everything as it is and I have grown from this experience. Acceptance is the only sound move one can make. And it doesn’t preclude me from keeping vigilant for news that there may be hope on the horizon for women like myself. I miss the sexual me but I cannot dwell.

My husband still cannot accept things as they are, and I see this holding him back from becoming more connected spiritually and fulfilled as a human being.

Since I don’t have the experience of being male I can’t fully identify with the importance men place on being sexual. I know that many men don’t have sex either by moral/spiritual choice or for lack of partnership.

I often wonder how these men get on with living a satisfying, fulfilling life when so many men claim they can’t sustain without sex?

August 10, 2010 at 8:49 pm
(290) Mike says:

Thanks for your honest response, Men-O-Pause.
We just have to make the best of the cards we were dealt. No one said life was fair.

August 23, 2010 at 11:58 pm
(291) Jazzy says:

I’m here again reading on the negative about sexuality. I had a hysterectomy 4 months ago and my sex life is even better now since my surgery. And I’m 41 years of age and I have no problem with my sex life. The only suggestion that I can give is hold on and be strong. Patience is a virtue and I’m sure the desire will come in time. This is for the ladies. One should start with a warm embrace and a soft to touch kiss. It’s not always about sex so I do understand. When your in a marriage you are to love one another on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level. At times you have to do what it takes to keep your mate happy. From a warm bath to just a feet rub to get the mood right. I know ten years from now I will have the same sexual feelings for my husband. Nothing can change my sexual desire that I have for him. Any little thing he do for me or with me turns me on. I;m not just talking about sex. Just anything, like his smile and the sound of his voice. Or when he sends me roses or a box of candy. I’m happy and turned on in my very special way. And I love him. So ladies pull out the movie, hot cream, the foreplay and get the mood right. Slowly and bring the fire out of you again.
Love, Peace and Happiness………Jazzy

August 25, 2010 at 12:05 pm
(292) Hubby says:

My wife had a TAH with ovaries removed in February of this year. Prior to that our sex life was virtually non-existent due to endometriosis. Her condition had gotten to a point of becoming life threatening and indeed, we nearly lost her on more than one occassion. She had no choice in the matter. After her 6 week check up and release by the doctor, we were like newly weds. But, that soon faded. It soon began causing issues with our marriage and numerous fights. Much of the problem was MY lack of understanding of what she had gone through. I began reading everything I could and trying to educate myself on what was happening to us. We went to see the doctor about HRT, but honestly, that is a process and a bunch of hoop jumping. Our first appointment was 6 weeks ago and STILL nothing has been prescribed. As for my part I have tried to be more understanding of her situation and put her feelings and needs first. This has actually been a very big help. She says she has gone from zero desire to small periods of desiring closeness, and yes, even sex. She says that sex is still very enjoyable to her and that she can still get aroused, but getting her the point of wanting to be aroused is the real issue. And, there are issues with dryness and discomfort (experimenting with different lubes helps here) and certain positions cause her instant pain. We have incorporated much more foreplay into sex and honestly, on some levels is actually better, more fulfilling and a closer experiences than it was before. We have also gotten a book on massage. Not EROTIC massage, but massage. And listen to your wives. They are going through every bit as much, no, more pain than we are. My wife has a nagging guilt because she feels she is hurting me. I’m doing everything I can to dispel those thoughts, but still they persist. On my end, I feel guilty and sad for what she has had to endure. Also, ask your wife if she would like you to go to her appointments with her. It helps to reassure her that you understand and care about what is happening to HER. And don’t expect her to just “take a pill and get on with it”. It doesn’t work that way. She needs emotional support as much she needs medical help. They go hand in hand. It’s tough. This is the most difficult period of my life. I’ve personally had feelings of being rejected, lonely and isolated. I can only imagine what my wife must going through. Believe it or not or marriage has actually gotten better and we are closer than we have been in years. We’ve realized that NEITHER of us can through this without each other. She is my rock and I hers.

September 3, 2010 at 11:59 pm
(293) Men-O-Pause says:


The thoughts and experiences that you have shared here are beautiful and so encouraging. Thank you.

September 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm
(294) Failure says:

I have spent hours upon hours reading the posts here, crying… because this is what I deal with every day for the last 6 years as a husband.

It is overwhelming to me that I see women who long and still show an overwhelming desire to be sexual, and it is sad that more isn’t being tried.

I am at the point of being a failure. I have failed my wife on every level… we argue, we are bitter… we basically occupy the same house and raise our boys, but we are nothing but a shell of what we were before this procedure.

I also have to kind of chuckle as an adult at some of the women who feel that the husband has NO idea what they are going through. Wrong. I have had to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that is marriage after a FVH. Being told that sex is a burden, and a chore. “It isn’t you honey, I don’t want to have sex… period”. If I try to flirt, or be sexual… I am demanding and expecting.

Words like Honor and Cherish, Sickness and Health, Have and to Hold… are all thrown out the window with selfish remarks because MY wife has no desire for me anymore.

Yah, to Men-o-Pause… maybe we do need our own counselling group, to come together as husbands and all share stories of Kumbayah and missing the loves of our lives… because it isn’t about sex… it is about intimacy. Holding hands, Kissing, Making out, Touching… all gone. The act of physical and emotional intimacy is out the window, because who knows what THAT might lead to.

I pray to God, because that is all I have left….

September 21, 2010 at 3:23 am
(295) Depressed says:

Thank You to all, and especially the men. I myself recently went through a Full hysterectomy and it was not by choice but because of a doctors failure to be a doctor. So I am 47 and suffering with menopause. The term fits, men do pause. Mine has. He no longer knows what to do with me, and nor do I. My sex drive is zero. And on occassion when I do feel that way. It seems I have a pitcher and no team. And no more home runs. I miss my old sex life. I loved having sex and I loved the home runs. I try to be there for him but he misses me being in the game. While he is getting those things we did for occassional fun all the time, he now misses the other intimacies we use to have. I am either a raging, angry person pissed at the world or I am in hysteria crying. I am on hormone therapy and anti-depressants. Now my life is filled with mood drugs. I have lost so much and I am having trouble coping with this new thing. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this. When men say they would rather be dead than to not have thier sex organs or drive, I understand that now. Me too!!!
It’s good to know that I am not alone in this but it is also not so comforting to know that no one has any answers. What are we to do? But Thank You all for your words it does help to know I am in good company anyway.

September 21, 2010 at 11:28 am
(296) BJ says:

This is what no one talks about when you have a Hysterrectomy, that is SEX, the reason most women don’t want sex is because there is nothing in your body to tell the brain that you desire sex. That use to be you hormones, you know how you felt when you got aroused by your husband, well that organ is gone once you have a hysterrectomy, and no one eve tells you that. It’s sad because there is nothing you can do about it. I mean it’s abosolutley sad that no one understands this..I think that doctor’s should discuss this fully with patients. I don’t ever want to not feel how great it is to have sex. I want the option. When the remove all of your female organs that you have nothing. It’s just that blunt. My docotr is a white 35 yr old female and she explain it to me totally, She said you can never get an organaim either. Just think about how many people whouldn’t have done this, if they knew that. But the only thing the doctor talks about is having another child. My husband and I were together before the children came along so I can live with not having children but not being able to enjoy my husband sexually is another thing. I love sex when I want it and I pray to God that I never have to have a Hysterrectomy, my sister just had one and her doctor didn’t have to do it, but my sister insisted, now she is faced with a cruel reality….the doctor said to her husband, she doesn’t have any more female parts. Most men can tell the diffrence too… I just want to say that ther should be some type of support for women who are about to make this decision, it’s like asking a man to cut off his penis, so why can’t they come up with something else for women. It’s total mutilaztion…..

September 21, 2010 at 4:47 pm
(297) Dakota says:

I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way. I also had this surgery and it has ruined my married relationship. I was having back problems and was told that if I had the surgery my back pain would go away. It didn’t and I’m angry that the Doctors never told me what dramatic changes I would go through after it was all over. I have never felt the same again. No one told me I’d go through menapause or that I’d never have a sex drive again not to mentions the sleepless nights the premature aging of the skin. I really feel like for most of these doctors since most are men are incapable of caring or knowing what a woman goes through and it’s all about the next surgery they can schedule and the money he’s gonna make.. Sorry buy I’m just damn mad. Seems like they work around the clock to come up with medications to keep a mans sex drive alive but women are left just to deal.

September 25, 2010 at 5:00 pm
(298) Jane L. Buniel says:

I am too hysteroctomy patient for 2 yrs. I have more desire in sex than before after the operation. But My problem is I never explode or arouse when my husband have sex with me. I remember once I exploded. I want sex but he can’t satisfies me.

September 27, 2010 at 3:14 pm
(299) Ron says:

My wife had a hysterectomy almost 11 years ago now, and yes she has no interest whatsoever. I have been blaming myself as I try everything I can to bring back the spark we once had. It ends up like making love to a wet blanket. Also thought maybe she was going somewhere else for her thrills. But it appears it may be way deeper than all that. Her Dr. / Surgeon was a older person and sex was never discussed only that it would be done vaginally and usually no complications. She had excessive bleeding during the surgery, but healed fine and now everything there seems to be healed but still no interest in me or intimacy.
This is a very hard position to be in, 11 years with no intimacy is really hard to take. i realize all she went through and try my hardest to be understanding but this can be just as depressing for the man and is hard to live with. I feel as I am beng punished for something I had no control over.
I have on solution but felt the need to vent thanks for the oppotunity!

September 30, 2010 at 9:24 am
(300) Gary says:

Reading these articles makes me so angry. My wife had a hysterectomy almost 15 years ago. Since then she went through a roller coaster of increased sex drive for the first couple of years. Part of that was just a decrease in pain from the removal of the endrometriosis. About 10 years ago her libido dropped off of the charts. Now, she doesn’t like to be touched and sex is unmentionable. She doesn’t even like to hug our kids and can’t wait for them to be gone. Her OBGYN says she’s just older now and this is a part of life and I just need to deal with it. (Her OBGYN also had a hysterectomy!).

I begged her to go to counseling and we went to three different counselors over the years. With time it finally dawned on me that it wasn’t psychological or sociological or me(!) but that it was entirely physiological. She could no longer even contemplate what she used to be like. I’ve tried to show her research and articles on this or to go to another doctor but she won’t even look at them or consider it. I’ve tried to have her look at the Hystersister.com site where the women have talked about their struggles, doctors and solutions (hormonal-testosterone). It’s a no go, she won’t even look.

Sex drive is a strange, wonderful and at times can even be a dangerous thing. It is what drives us to be close to another person.

I still love her and am committed to her and have been faithful to her, but I hate my life. It is like living with a mother or sister. I have an inner urge to be intimate and it will never be satisfied, ever.

October 1, 2010 at 10:45 am
(301) Gina says:

I think all of you should have your wives of yourselves look into bioidentical hormone replacment therapy including testosterone, you’ll be surprised at how much this can make a difference in your wives behavior. I’m telling you this as someone who’s experienced first hand having gone through everything your all documenting here and I now have my life and my husband back!!! It is not covered by my insurance so I’m even paying out of pocket for it and will continue to do so as it has eleviated all the mood swings, loss of sex drive, night sweats, frequent urination, weight gain…really the list goes on of all the things that can be resolved through BHRT. You’d all be doing yourselves a grave injustice by not pursuing this.

October 3, 2010 at 12:48 pm
(302) Kim says:

A 47 year old finds clarity at last. I read this board a few weeks ago and just cried. No point in repeating as so many peeps are living my dysfunctional life. Hysto in ’98 by 2004, sexual desire all but gone. I deeply love my husband and desire closeness but as for sex – not even a blip on my radar.

David who posted 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 229, 248 and 275 – THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I started researching the bio-identical hormone thing and then happened to ask an employee about it since she was into natural healing and the like. Lo and behold she’s been using them for 10+ years and loves it. So, this upcoming week I have an appointment with her Dr. I shall post follow – up.
I’m so exicited that I may be able to get my life back on track. Hubby is too !
Take heart people……..

October 4, 2010 at 4:24 pm
(303) David says:

Hallelujah, someone read my posts. I had about given up. Thank you very much. I was hoping to help someone. I wish you all the best of luck. And too realize it’s not an overnight cure. Your body needs time to adjust and respond to chemicals you’ve lost. Good Luck and thanks again…………….

October 5, 2010 at 11:29 pm
(304) Gaye says:

I am 58 yr and also had a total hysterctomy 18 mths ago ……and I discovered this site through a desparate need for more info. Thankyou David for all your positive input, and I agree with “Hallelujah” as the world for a woman is a tough ride and this ride creates a real sadness and grief for what has been lost, ( the joy of sex). as it definitely isn’t the same again and no one tells you this, hence our own detective work.
Maybe nature intended for women not to expect so much from themselves re hot and heavy sex after menopause? The wise crone time ?…..enjoy the gifts we have, the family we love and find a new path to reinvent a loving touch. There’s nothing like the tenderness from the one you love. I’m learning!!!!

October 5, 2010 at 11:34 pm
(305) Gaye says:

I am 58 yrs old and also had a total hysterctomy 18 mths ago ……and I discovered this site through a desparate need for more info. Thankyou David for all your positive input, and I agree with “Hallelujah” as the world for a woman is a tough ride and your helpful information assists in making easier. The ride creates a real sadness and grief for what has been lost, ( the joy of sex). as it definitely isn’t the same again and no one tells you this, hence our own detective work.
Maybe nature intended for women not to expect so much from themselves re hot and heavy sex after menopause? The wise crone time ????…..enjoy the gifts we have, the family we love and find a new path to reinvent a loving touch. There’s nothing like the tenderness from the one you love. I’m learning!!!!

October 8, 2010 at 2:45 pm
(306) Depressed says:

Dear David–when I found this site I poured out my heart, somewhat in my irrational mind state at the time. I since then have been feeling better and was looking over this site and stumbled onto your postings. Almost immediately I realized that I was put on biomedical hormones one month after my hysterectomy. I was told it came in drops, cream, or pills. I have been taking the pills. The pills are 40.00 a month. This is my third go round and I am feeling alittle more like my old self and the sex drive is not back yet but it at least feels as though it is lurking in the mist. I have no night sweats, hot flashes rare, moods way better. I even like looking and thinking of maybe dating. WOW!! It has changed me from 3 months ago. I was wondering if the effects are better with the implants, which I didn’t know existed, or are the pills fine. Thanks again–I will hang in there with hope and keep you posted as well.

October 8, 2010 at 3:26 pm
(307) David says:

Dear Depressed, to my knowledge the pellets are simply another avenue to explore when looking into BHRT. One simple advantage is the fact with the pellets the chemicals do not have to grow through your liver. But as in most cases everyone is different. My wife is looking at both options. She’s been on the pellet option for almost 2 years now. It seems she “runs out of gas” about 2-3 weeks before her next insertion. So we will see what happens. Just please make sure your blood levels are tested 1-2 times per year to check your hormone levels along with your thyroid performance. I check this sight every day and continue to be thankful everyone is realizing women have options. The little blue pill works for most men, but I truly do not see a pill for women. You all are much more complex and unique. But with BHRT I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Good Luck and keep up your research.

October 9, 2010 at 3:08 am
(308) Depressed says:

Dear David–As I was told why the pill may be better than the other two was the dose was daily as to not run out of gas as you put it. However, the down side is the liver having to process this as well. I understand people concerned with that the cream is best for that purpose. Only trying to help and thanks for yours. Will keep you posted next month as to my progress and where I stand on this again. Best wishes.

October 9, 2010 at 1:11 pm
(309) Dave says:

While David’s comments regarding bio-identical hormone treatment (BHRT) are very helpful, many women with hormone-positive cancers can’t use the treatment.

October 17, 2010 at 3:02 pm
(310) Nicole says:

I am 29 and had a complete hysterectomy a year ago due to a cancer scare. To stop the menopause systems I have been put on the Vivelle dot patch. It is a hormone therapy. I was also put on Citalopram 40mg (antidepressant).
I have put on so much weight with all this – it makes me feel that much worse. I am a mother of a 3 and 5 year old. Sometime I feel worthless – if I am not sad, I will be crabby. I have even taken a zumba class to try and feel better about myself. To top things off I have no sex drive. My husband is getting fustrated and I don’t know what to do. I love him very much and I feel like I am losing him. My weight plays a big part….I just can’t seem to shed the pounds. When I was a teenager I had anorexia and it almost took my life. Now I am this big blimp. I don’t feel sexy and I don’t want sex.I have all these emotions from all the changes that have taken place and now I have a ton of guilt because I am not pleasing my husband. I am afraid that he will find someone else because I am not doing what I should be doing.
Thanks for listening!

October 21, 2010 at 4:22 pm
(311) Twy;a says:

I am sick of asking about this. Sometimes I think our Dr.’s are like ole medicine men. I cannot get a straight answer from any doctor I’ve seen. They immediately want to put me on some type of medication. ” hormone therapy” What about this …
Bio-identical Hormones ! I’m gonna talk to my Dr. about it.
But I’ve lost 15 yrs of enjoyment because Dr. ‘s don’t know a damn thing about the female bodies.
I’m so sick of the Viagra , Extend commercials.
What about ME?
I want to WANT sex … the way it use to be! Not just have it.
My husband says ” I’m tired of just enjoying this my self … It takes two…
H-E-L-P !!!!! Are there any answers to this out there? God… if there is a second time around …
I’m coming back as a man.
Dealing with this problem is madding.

October 22, 2010 at 8:35 am
(312) David says:

Make sure you talk to more than “your doctor”. As stated a few responses ago, some women can not do BHRT. Check out and do your searching on the web. Some pharmacies are offering BHRT in many large cities. Kansas City’s Stark Pharmacy offers classes about this process. Start educating yourself because most physicians are dumb founded when it comes to female body functions. Heavens, most of society is dumb founded to that miracle. Good Luck and be persistent, it is your body and your life.

October 22, 2010 at 9:49 am
(313) Dina Whitticker says:

I had a full addominal hysterectomy 3 years ago im 46 now.
At first i was still interested in sex with my partner but then it slowly went now i dont want sex at all EVER! Also i dont feel much affection for anyone anymore. When i do orgasm its usually on my own with a small vibrator and even then i can only explain it as a MISSED orgasm (hardly there) and i only do this to try and boost my sex drive but allas Nothing!
And i feel less like a woman less sexy like i am 70 years old!
All i am interested in is sleeping drinking tea and watching tv.
Theres no help out there is there?

October 23, 2010 at 6:50 pm
(314) Marissa says:

Jesus…I thought I was the only one. I had my hysto 4 months ago and now I feel absolutely NOTHING. I don’t get aroused and rarely have an orgasm. Sex is painful and I could care less if I never had sex again. I’m 41 and my husband has a pretty high sex drive. So far it really hasn’t been an issue because I try to oblige him 3-4 times a week, even though he knows it does nothing for me. I find myself asking him to hurry when it gets bad enough. I feel as though I am “broken.”

October 25, 2010 at 4:54 pm
(315) misinformed says:

This site was found out of desperation and seperation! I am 43 I had my hysto in Feb. I was very sexually active and I loved my me time too. My gyno was/is fresh out of school..young and vibrant. She assured me that this was going to be the fix I need for the bleeding, pain, dryness etc..I can enjoy a racy movie every now and again but now like most of you I care nothing about sex and I have lost my man who just couldnt take it any more..I had to let him go it just wasn’t fair to him. I have had one orgasm it was by myself no batteries and the orgasm was like goin goin GONE! I was like WTH just happened..I got put on a hormone patch that makes me moody and hungry..need I say more about that?!! I quit taking it, I’ve tried progestrone cream…doesn’t help. Why don’t doctors listen? Why do men get a pill? I cry myself to sleep atleast 2x a week cuz IT is just dead. Now I’m having hot flashes etc..I’m lonely, I want to be touched and touch but I just can’t muster anything up to do so and for the brief moments I do there is no one to share with and if there was I would just be leading him on because I ‘m sure I wouldn’t be able to seal the deal so that is just not fair to him. I would say that the hystorectomy is barbaric at best becasue it seems to be money making racket for doctors(except for the women who need it done to save their lives of course). Thank you ladies and Dave for sharing. It really does help to know I am not alone.

November 3, 2010 at 9:08 am
(316) Anna says:

Fight back… i just had a hysterectomy in May. i am 31 and feel the same way. But! i choose to over come this feeling of not wanting “it”. there are many “slicks” (lubes) out there to help if you are dry. not wanting “it” (sex) force yourself…. i now there have been times you and i have faked it. its a question to ask yourself, How bad do we want our marriage to last? i have been with my husband for 15yrs and i am not willing to loose him to some home wrecker. Ladies, we have to sometimes just do what we are not feeling. Fight Back! dont let the words or feelings over come your desire to please your man! i am no Dr. but i am a woman who believes that anything is possible and that no hysterectomy is going to tear me down or rowen my relationship with my one and only. Fight Back tips: try new things that you never have before. focus on pleasing him and you will be pleased in the end cause your intention is met. not in an intimate time, but ask him what he likes. (you might be surprised) good luck ladies and God bless.

November 5, 2010 at 1:47 am
(317) Hurting says:

Cant believe this is happenning.

Love my wife. Beautiful children. Wonderful home.
Her surgery was a month ago. Sex was already strained from physical problems or lack of interest. Perhaps that was from the cysts and the cycle problems.

I think this surgery killed it completely.

Married 25 years. Intimicy is dead. She takes no initiave, and has no interest in dealing with it. When I let her know how I’m feeling, she pretends I never said a word.

I am angry, hurt, afraid and quickly becomming fed-up. What does she expect from me? I am a man!

In anger and desparation my eyes start to wonder, will not my heart follow?

Think about finding someone to fill the void, to be intimate with, to sleep next to, to embrace, to be one with.

Near to fifty – I’m too young for this. In my mind I know I love her, but my body longs for intimacy, and my heart grows cold from lack of companionship.

I am therefore at war with myself. Lest God saves me, I fear this battle will be lost.

November 5, 2010 at 9:27 am
(318) David says:

You are not alone my friend. But in all reality you have to make a decision. This is your life now and trust me, try though she may, things will not change. But there is a possible light at the end of the tunnel. I watch this blog most every day and am still amazed more men and woman do not acknowledge the option of bio-identical hormones. It is worth looking into. Especially if you feel you are at a cross road in your life. As I have stated time and time again, start the research. After doing so, if you both feel it is not worth taking the next step, so be it. You both have decades of time together and owe it to each other to try. As they say in the “lottery”, you can’t win if you don’t play. Good luck!

November 12, 2010 at 5:06 pm
(319) jamie says:

I dont know if I am relieved I found this site or scared to death! Im going in 3 days to find out the “surgery date” for my hysterectomy. I have endometriosis and have severe pain during periods and pain during and after intercourse.
It seems to be getting worse but I do have “some” sort of of a sex drive. I have noticed that it has decreased in the past year (maybe due to pain) but at least with a little effort from my husband it is still there. My pap smear came back normal so that makes me feel a little better, but now Im terrified of going through with this surgery. Im 38 and my husband is 32, with him being so much younger & having such a high sex drive I definately dont want to lose what I have.
Now Im doubting if I should go through with this surgery or if I should just take the periods and pain for as long as possible. I feel too young to have NO sex drive and lose my husband.
Three women that I know (including my mother) have said that hysterectomy was the best thing they ever did. More energy, feel better and my Mom swears that sex is 100 times better….Im so confused because I thought this would be the miracle I was hoping for.
Anyone that would like to answer…would you do this if you were me or put it off???Sounds crazy but Id rather hear from women that have had this done than trust a Dr that is going to make $$$$ from my surgery!!

HELP NEED ADVICE!! oh and he said(dr) that he wont know about leaving my ovaries until surgery so that is another OH NO!!

November 13, 2010 at 7:39 pm
(320) Stylin Mar says:

Not sure if you already had your surgery. If it was me again, due to the pain from Endometriosis, I would have the surgery. Either way i couldn’t enjoy sex once it became painful. Although, I absolutely feel unattached from my husband. I love him and feel bad about not wanting to have sex. I just don’t want to though. I can’t believe I would say this either but the sex videos do help get you aroused. I kinda think that is common. We used to watch them together. I would love to find some miracle cure to make that want to work again!

November 14, 2010 at 12:33 pm
(321) Mary says:

Had a total hysterectomy 7 years ago. Had painful sex twice since then. If this were a male problem, it would have been solved eons ago. I am not expecting to have any sex drive in the future. Sad, but true…..no man wants a non sexual partner. Good luck to all my hyster sisters :( ((((

November 14, 2010 at 1:42 pm
(322) Theresa says:

I can not believe how many women suffer with the same problem. I too suffer from no sex drive and it has put a strain on my relationship. My partner is very understanding but it is fustrating for us both. I have no desire whatsoever and I have tryed different products.

November 19, 2010 at 10:51 pm
(323) Gretchen says:

OMG im not alone and I am not losing my mind! I had my full hysterectomy almost one year ago to the day, due to cysts on ovaires, uterine fibroids and endrometrial bleeding. I have not been the same person mentally, physically, or sexually. I have hit the ultimate lows in depression, self worth, and yes contimplated suicide to make life for my husband and children and more tollerable. I am not the same person, I just turned 40 and feel 90…I spent a week in a acute unit for my depression and sense of loss of who I once was….I feel like I already had a funeral. Not one doctor I have spoked with and I may add I have been to the great Mayo Clinic for these issues and no one seems to want to help or understand. They keep adding medications and making my premerin dosage higher and higher….THIS BECAME MORE LIKE A MISSION OF DEATH…I couldn’t even leave our home because I see myself as a misfit and I can’t intergate back into society or who i was. I have stopped in the last 3 months taking all the meds and HRT all cold turkey. I have been able to get out of the house and I love doing things with my family again. However I have no sex drive and still feel very low about myself. Its hard to pretend all the time, but I fear that I will lose my husband and kids if I don’t try something…so this is the best I can do for now. It is one step at a time. I pray that the my sex life returns but I fear that it may never. I don’t want to be touched or looked at. I also have a hard time explaining this to my loving husband, he is suffering too and I hate it and I hate myself for making our life that was once great in all ways to this…Then tonight I found all of you….I am not alone. I will check everyday until we all find an answer or soulution to our issue. As I continue to find a MD who will HEAR me I will keep posting. There has got to be someone out there that will help us all…..Thank you all for your honesty.

November 19, 2010 at 11:09 pm
(324) gretchen says:

for those about to have a surgery like this…ask questions and maybe inform your md of this site…they need to know abut all of us that have lost ourselves and way of life. I just wanted to add that. I regret having this surgery even though my life depended on it. I was told I would be 100% better after this procedure. That is so not the case. So please ask all the questions you can and god bless you all who are about to embark on this change.

November 24, 2010 at 2:50 pm
(325) jellybelly says:

Hi all, Sorry about whats happening its really awfull. I’m 42. I had a full hysterectomy 05.05.09 for ovarian cancer in both ovaries & womb cancer. Then i had intensive chemo, i’m hoping i’m ok but what will be will be. Anyways i feel exactly the same as all of you. I have a lovely guy of 4 yrs & we were both highly sexed until i started being ill. Now nothing for me, i don’t even think about it. My guy has been great tho & at first yes he thought it was him. But the best thing is to try & talk to each other, which we did. He’s very careful with me & yes i do tell him if i’m in any pain & yes he doesn’t like to hurt me. But we get around it as best we can. I love him very much & don’t want to lose him. The lubrications on sale are a bit crap. I use nearly a full tube in one session & they get ever so horrid & sticky. I refused to take hormones as they cause more problems than good & apparently, don’t help that much with sex drive. I did ask a lot of Q’s about what it would effect & was told by a so called expert that my sex life would prob be a lot better. I have to say my floo is smaller & tighter after op, which would normally be a good thing. Mine wasn’t that bad before, but it deffo don’t feel that great without a ton of lube & i still barely feel anything & not arroused. I also have not nipple feelings. Sorry to be graphic but we are tryin to be open here so we all understand ok. Guys, if your not careful & thoughtful towards your partners who maybe going through this & if your feeling sorry for yourselves for not getting a bit or as good as it should be. Imagine please, that someone is pealing the skin off your penis with a tatey peeler or rubbin it with rough sandpaper..OUCH burning or what. well thats how it can feel for us. Don’t ever think we don’t really care. We may not have sexual desire or rarely think about it but we do think how bad it is on you & that alone is frustrating. Hope you all find a way through it.

December 3, 2010 at 4:49 am
(326) Just Me says:

My wife had a complete hysterectomy over a year ago. She not only does not want to have sex, but she no longer shows affection. I tried to talk to her about it, and she said that she has no desire at all. When I mention my own desire, she acts irritated, or else acts as if she did not hear me.

We used to hold hands a lot, cuddle, caress, and do many “romantic” things besides sex, and now it is all gone. I am feeling abandoned, lonely and confused. Wish that there were an answer to this problem.

December 5, 2010 at 1:19 pm
(327) laura says:

i am 25 and i had a radical hysterectamy in august this year due to cervical cancer. sex life is down the pan and don’t now what to do! on HRT gel at moment wanted to try natural hrt as i have been informed its better for sex drive and less side effects later on in life buy gynold me had use gel hrt due to my age! anyone else got any suggestions as its ruining my relationship and don’t want to loose my partner.

January 5, 2011 at 7:37 pm
(328) Kim says:

This is a follow – up to my Original Post #302 –
Mid Oct ’10 went to a Dr specialising in Bio-Identical HT. Intial prescription of Estrogen, Testosterone and Progesterone was generalised until results of blood work were known. Late Oct B-IHT prescription customised to suit results of the blood work. The hormones were prescribed in a compounded cream form, P & T applied nightly to wrists and E, initially daily but now 3 x wk vaginally. My hormone levels were pretty much non-existant even though I had been on Estrace and the Vivelle DOT for the past year+.
So to date, the outlook is good, I’m feeling much better within myself. For want of a better word, I actually feel horny on occasion, not consistent but it’s there. Have been intimate with husband recently and although still a little painful and desire is still lacking , the body seems to be responding (genital fluids now present), so I’m hopeful given a bit more time, that libido will increase.
I’m off to see my regular Gyno for annual checkup next week, so I’ll be interested to hear her comments after my physical exam as to the condition of my genital area.
Have not been feeling dried up like a prune in my genital area either of late, which is really nice. So far, so good. Hopefull of it getting even better.

January 7, 2011 at 12:10 pm
(329) David says:

Way to go Kim. I am so happy to hear you are having such positive results. As of last month my wife has gone to a compounded daily “oral” bio-identical tablet. She lets it dissolve between her upper lip and gum line. The pellets where not seeming to last long enough between insertions. It’s been a full 30 days, I just picked up her 2nd script last night. As you say she not acting like she’s 25 again, but I can see a difference in her attitude, memory and she really does sleep better. And no night sweats. So the pharmacist recommended 30 more days and she will tweak the script next month if necessary. Good luck, be persistent. It’s your life and your body. Thanks for sharing…..

January 11, 2011 at 3:09 am
(330) jdawg says:

I’m just having a hard time coping…my wife had a partial hysterectomy a year and a half ago. The doctors avoided a total hysterectomy due to the complications it caused her mother. I thought since she retained her ovaries it wouldn’t affect her hormones and her drive would continue. For awhile it did but then the last several months it died out completely! We were a very active couple and somewhat newlyweds since we’ve only been together 5 years. I’ve always had an overactive drive so in many ways I was concerned from the start but the last few months have been very difficult. If anyone has any suggestions or wisdom to offer I would be completely indebted to you. I love her and I’m trying to understand her dilemma but I honestly feel like she’s not the same woman I married and it’s definitely taking a HUGE toll on our relationship!

January 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm
(331) David says:

jdawg: since there are so many posts, it’s hard to not get overwhelmed. Start reading 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 209, 275, 302, 303, 306-308, 312, 318, 329. Start your research and help the woman you love.

January 16, 2011 at 7:31 pm
(332) Wonnie says:

Hi all…thanks for being here! Difficult subject to get info on, but me too nearly cried with joy to find that “I’m normal”….full hysto including ovaries 12 months ago, ongoing chemo for mCRC, what a drag. And left feeling like a 65 yr old at 44. Was given Progynova 1mg straight after surgery and have taken every day. Asked GP for testosterone and although she seemed very unsure due to lack of experience with it, gave me testogel. I have only used the testogel for 2 days and there is an AMAZING difference already! Am concerned that dose may be incorrect, i have read that women should be getting only 1mg via Androgel or similar, Testogel is 50mg in a 5g Gel !!

January 17, 2011 at 8:20 pm
(333) j says:

Thank you all for posting.. i have felt so alone for the last 2 years after my hysterectomy. i was 22 when i had mine to save my life after bleeding out during a csection with my first (and only) child. its hard to find other people in my situation with any answers let alone someone my age in this situation and any answers offer relief. crying seems to be part of my normal almost everyday life and hearing your significant other ask if your in the mood is hard anymore. im tired of crying. maybe someday there will be help. until then, thank you for being there :)

January 18, 2011 at 12:59 pm
(334) steph says:

Yes me to I had a full hysteroctmy when I was only 28 and im 30 now but I have no sex drive and it hurts when I do have sex my husband is really geting tired of it been together 11 years but is there any thing out there that can help

January 18, 2011 at 4:39 pm
(335) Sara says:

I am 9 months post partial hysterectomy, in my late 30′s, and I WAS having the same absent libido problems as many of the people writing on this post. I have not gained weight, I have lost weight because I feel so much better. (I had hyst. for uterine prolapse). Having sex in this after surgery period was hit or miss; sometimes it hurt, other times it felt nice but I was not achieving an orgasm. I have found a solution for me that might help other women who are excited by reading erotica. My purchase of an Electronic Book is the best thing that has happened to my sex life! There are cheap (sometimes free) absolutely ridiculously trashy romances that I have helped me to focus on my imagination and sex life with my husband. I may be distracted by all of the responsibilities in my life, but during my private time with my husband, if I read a little from the kindle (totally private), then I have the best sex I’ve had in years! It has also helped to make peace in the house that was not there before. My only worry is that this is some kind of hormone surge and it will go away, I really hope not.

January 19, 2011 at 3:44 pm
(336) laura says:

i know j its hard being so young and knowing you can’t have anymore kids. i had cervical cancer at 25 and had to have a radical hysterectamy, live is hard sometimes but its nice knowing there are people out there going through the same. keep your chin up xx

January 21, 2011 at 11:15 pm
(337) anna says:

my hystorectomy was at the age of 25. Due to cancer. I am cancer free but no sex drive at all. I have tried different things and nothing. I don’t know what to do. I want my sex drive back and to feel like a woman and enjoy it. And not just like thinking about what would have happened. My sex drive is gone and we all need help. They need to find a cure for that, because its not fare for the women that had hystorectomies has to deal with it

January 23, 2011 at 10:02 am
(338) MadDIE says:


January 24, 2011 at 8:59 pm
(339) lonely and now I know why says:

Now I know why I feel the way I do. I had this done 5 yrs ago, I was alright at first with this sex drive, but over the years it started changing. now I dont even want to be bother with any man and that is not like me, I feel depressed all the time and I feel like I look ugly my friends tell me all the time that I am pretty, but I just dont feel that way anymore, I am 47, I still feel pretty young but just am not interested in men. If I would have known the outcome I would never have got the this done and I am gonna tell my 3 girls never to get it done…my mom had it done a long time ago and I havent seen her with a man ever since and she is real grouchy all the time and I know if that’s my mom then I am gonna be just like that too. someone needs to help all these women with this problem….so sad that good sex is going to waste!!!!

January 28, 2011 at 6:08 pm
(340) gale says:

I see a lot of comments from women scared of bio hrt. Although my sex drive is not what it used to be it is still ok and better than dealing with the pain. While finding the correct combination and doseage of hrt can be frusterating it has been so worth it fo me. Not only did it help with my sex drive ans skin but myblood pressure has gone back to a good number, my blood sugar is no longer high, I have energy and my anxiety and depresion are much better. Hrt is not simply benificial for sex drive but has benifited my overall health. I guess in my opinion I will deal withany possible side effects when they may happen. I want to live my life and not be miserable.

January 30, 2011 at 1:28 am
(341) Toni Oertel says:

Hi gale, I was wondering, would I go to my regular doctor to start this Bio treatment? I had a hysterectomy about 9 years ago with the same problems that everybody up here has, as far as night sweats, absolutely no sex drive, lack of energy and deepression. Help me please,

Very greatful, Toni

January 30, 2011 at 8:58 am
(342) Joan says:

I am also wondering whether I should start HRT. I am 47 yrs old and had partial hystorectomy in 2003. My uterus and 1 of the ovaries had been removed. Part of my cervix is intact.

I am totally ignorant about sex drive problem mentioned here until I read up all the posts in this forum. My husband is very low sex drive and I have never experienced orgasm before. However, I know clearly that I still like sex and I often fantasize having great time with the man I love. I begin to masturbate only 1 year ago and I would feel excited when my clit is stimulated … No orgasm but I am not sure whether it was because I did not do it right.

Honestly, I do not know whether I am normal. Can someone please advise me ?

January 30, 2011 at 9:03 am
(343) Joan says:

I am also wondering whether I should start HRT. I am 47 yrs old and had partial hystorectomy in 2003. My uterus and 1 of the ovaries had been removed. Part of my cervix is intact.

I am totally ignorant about sex drive problem mentioned here until I read up all the posts in this forum. My husband is very low sex drive and I have never experienced orgasm before. However, I know clearly that I still like sex and I often fantasize having great time with the man I love. I begin to masturbate only 1 year ago and I would feel excited when my clit is stimulated … No orgasm but I am not sure whether it was because I did not do it right.

Honestly, I do not know whether I am normal. Please advise me ? I do not have menopause symptom like hot flush, night sweat. My vagina is still lube when stimulated.

February 1, 2011 at 12:12 am
(344) Phil Reienr says:

Hystorectomy is a total msistake, unless there is cancer. Do not let your love one subject themselves to this procedure. You and you partner will be sorry. There is nothing wrong with removing the fibriods. If the doctor tells you a hystorfectomy is easer, run for the door. My wife was coned into this and sex has never been the same. I am always scared myself whenever we have sex.

February 1, 2011 at 6:28 pm
(345) porlizzie says:

Mercy! Thanks for all the info. I just turned 50 and after a previous ablation treatment a year ago to help with fibroids and heavy bleeding, they did not go away but have grown larger and cause more discomfort now. I have a great Dr who has totally left the idea of a partial hysterectomy up to me, I have now decided it is unnecessary and will surely cause more problems than it will help. I also have a cyst on my ovary which he has said he can monitor with ultrasounds. Will definitely take heed and NOT have the surgery I was considering. Thank you all and I really wish you all well!

February 2, 2011 at 2:54 pm
(346) hubby42 says:

As a husband of a Breast Cancer survivor who is now on Tamoxafin for five years and considering a hysterectomy, I’ve been looking all over for answers, to find the road I’m heading down. The posts on this board have confirmed what I thought I’ve been experiencing in my marriage.

My wife and I have had intimacy only once in the last year, and I could tell she was very uncomfortable with it, and doing it only for my sake, bless her heart, so I stopped trying to initiate anything. Absolutely nothing but sleep is going on in the bedroom since.

There is still affection in our marriage, but sex is nonexistent.

I can tell by the posts on this forum that this is a very common problem in this situation.

I’m from the old school, and respect my marriage vows. She has even suggested at one point that I “go find it somewhere else”, but I can’t really bring myself to do that to her or my family. I’m in my 40′s, and not nearly on my sexual downhill side by any stretch. Hell, I’m not dead yet!

Say what you want about replacing all-out intercourse with “alternatives” to sex, but I really don’t think that cuts it with me, and I miss it. Acting like some lonely teenage boy locked in the bathroom would make me feel like I’ve hit rock bottom.

There’s a lot more to marriage than just sex, but without it, what are we? I’m very concerned this will strain our marriage even more.

February 3, 2011 at 11:29 pm
(347) Michele Hearty says:

I too had a hyst about 11yrs ago. I have also lost my sex drive, and it is causing marriage problems. I tried testosterone pills, didn’t work. I feel guilty and emotionally drained. I love my husband very much but he is frustrated and angry, I have tried to explain that I can’t help it, but he doesn’t seem to get it. I feel as though he is blaming me and he says that we will never get our intimacy back. He mostly acts angry with me, or remains silent. I recommend anyone thinking of getting a hyst, consider other options if possible. If I could go back, I would in a second. I regret that I had to have this done! The side effects years later, out number the heavy painful period!

February 4, 2011 at 12:17 am
(348) Michele' says:

I am 45, too young to loose my sex drive. It is so severely affecting my marriage. I feel alone , depressed, anxious, with drawn. I want to tell my husband how sorry I am, we have tried talking about it, end up arguing and placing blame on one another. The words are hurtful and angry. He feels angry and frustrated, and I understand fully. This does however not help me. He is distant and emotionally detached. I cry myself to sleep every night. He mostly stays up late and comes to bed long after I am asleep, maybe he finds this easier. I however feel unloved and alone. I miss the intimacy so much, he says it is gone and not coming back. I am lost, upset, and most of all scared to death that my husband is going to behave this way forever or just give up and leave. I have thought of giving up, after all , he looks at other women and thinks about them sexually. Just what a defective wife wants to hear. But I love my husband, and am still very much in love with him. I want my life before this hyst happened. I know I am not alone in how I feel after reading these post, but how come I feel so alone. I wish my husband understood what I am going through, this is one of the hardest , most emotionally draining, depressing and unexpected thing that has ever happened to me. I have a dr. appt. on Wed. going to see what , if anything that can help me. If anyone one from Canada,( some things you have recommended are not available here.) has any help suggestions for me can you e-mail me at lilprincess1958@hotmail.com.

February 5, 2011 at 11:02 am
(349) Darla says:

I am 48 years old, and had a complete hysterectomy because of endrometriosis when I was 27. I got two different doctor’s opinions. Thankfully, I was finished having children. I felt so much better, but predictably, have no sex drive. I took synthetic hormones for years, until the big scare. I began my quest for bio-identical hormones seven long years ago, and nothing has worked so far. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on doctors and hormones, and traveled all over Texas looking for help. I still believe in bio-identicals, but am losing faith in finding a competent doctor. I have 3 or 4 hot flashes per hour, and night sweats at least 6 or 7 times a night. I feel depressed, and have lost any sort of excitement for life. I could care less if I never have sex again. My husband has a high sex drive, and this has been a huge issue for years. This is no way to live. I know this is a shot in the dark, but David, if you are out there, would you please email me and let me know what doctor your wife is seeing? It sounds like she has had wonderful results. I am willing to travel anywhere in the United States to see someone who can give me relief. My email address is: ddswin@hotmail.com. The same goes for any of you out there who have had your life turned around by a hormone doctor – please email me and let me know of your doctor and your results. Life is too short to live like this. I’m desperate, and I’d pay whatever money I have to feel like a person again.

February 11, 2011 at 4:50 am
(350) oss says:

Thank God that I found this blog. I was told by my doctor that I have 4@5 fibroids in my uterus last 3 weeks(the biggest is about a size of a golf ball and the rest are 3-2cm) and I am 42 yrs. Initially I had agreed to do the hyst , then it was delayed because of my husband’s busy work schedule… so I did some research on this hyst over a week time… as I am staying in the ASEAN Region, usually we ,the women here, don’t really discuss or share on the effects which involve on the relationships and the intimacy of husband and wife.. I did ask around , there are a few of my friends who had done the hyst and they said it did not affect them in any way at all…(although there were some negative remarks but did not tell in detail what were they….)
Well… my opt is due in a few more days and I have told my doctor not to remove my uterus and only my fibroids…. hope everything will be fine… and I feel so sorry to those who had the hsyt and i did cry when I read the comments.. May God`Bless You….. thanks for sharing your experience and save the others who had not done it yet…

February 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm
(351) Concerned says:

I have read through alot of these comments, and the one that made the most sense to me was the spiritual comment, about turning to god in your time of worry. And husbands that are leaving their wives because ? And wives are feeling guilty because? Marriage is a sacred union that I feel is being abused. Women should not feel guilty because they had a health problem that they needed surgery for. When we say death do us part: What do you mean? Do you mean until you have a physical problem, or until you can’t have sex no more? Thats why I can say that marriage is then based on lies right? Or maybe I should reverse the outcome: Say a man had to have his penis removed? Lets turn the table, poor you right? ? is would youstand by your man?

February 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm
(352) David says:

Concerned for whom? Read them all, all 350 of them. If you have experienced the same quality of life and have managed to have God take care of it all, goody for you. But if not, take a walk around in some of the shoes portrayed in this blog. In my opinion, for the most part couples are parting ways as a last resort. The operation for what ever reason has left (them) empty; both sides of the equation. It really has little to do with sex. It is the realization that they have gone through a life changing event and no one and I mean no one, explained anything to them. Did not explain the constant night sweats. Did not explain the sometimes violent mood swings. Did not explain why they would feel like an alien in their own skin. Did not explain why a simple touch from another human being would feel often times numb. Much less, no sexual desire with no thoughts of simple intimacy. No one explained why they would feel 50 years old at 35. The women in this blog represent a great number of souls in this country alone, feeling as though they are the only ones going through it. And yes, if you pick up on some frustration, it is well warranted. These people need a sounding board. The Medical profession has turned a deaf ear on them afterall. So these women and their partners, husbands and children go through life so altered that normal is just a word they one time referred to as their lives together.

February 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm
(353) laura says:

After having my hyst in august last year due to cancer, yes david i feel so different it is one of those things that you think can never happen to you or your family. i have a young daughter and have been in my relationship for 6 years, everyone always asks me if i am ok but your right it hasn’t just effected me its had a impact on my whole family and for all those who have suffered due to this i can honestly say i feel for you all. keep smiling and remember there is always someone worse off (sometimes thats what keep me going) :) x

February 16, 2011 at 1:56 pm
(354) Teresa says:

I, too, have had a hysterectomy, tomorrow (Thursday 2-17-2011) will be 2 weeks, I’m still having little pain from surgery as we speak, I’m one of the lucky ones, my husband was scared to death 3 weeks ago, they thought I was going to bleed to death, so my doctor decided on a hysterectomy, taking my uterus and cervix, I knew both of them were in bad shape, but both my ovaries are fine. I’m waiting to see what awaits me after I heal. My husband reassured me he was going no where and he already knew what comes with a hysterectomy and that he was going to stand by me through thick and thin. We just celebrated our 28 wedding anniversary this pass Valentine’s day. I’m so lucky to have such a great man that understands and tells me he married me, not my insides. Blessed I am. My thoughts and prayers goes out to every woman out dealing with this issue, God bless you all, You are a true woman don’t forget that!!!!

February 17, 2011 at 10:57 am
(355) JoColl says:

Hi everyone.
I posted in August last year, at my wits end and i’m sorry to say things havent improved. I am no longer the person my husband married. We live together, but more like a brother & sister/mother. The rows are endless and i just feel what is the point in anything anymore.
I spoke to my doctor about no sex drive etc but just sat there and shrugged his shoulders and said this it normal. All my blood etc came back normal. Great! Normal! My life will never be normal again, i feel i have lost the ability to even have fun. What is the point with anything anymore?

So very sad

February 17, 2011 at 3:33 pm
(356) David says:

Jo, if the doctor says your blood test are “normal”, please get a copy of it. My wife’s doctor said much of the same. Get on line and look for Stark Pharmacy in Kansas City. Go to the section about bio-identical hormones. Listen to the free seminar. If you are no where close to Kansas City, ask Stark to recommend, if they can, a pharmacy that can help out. I’ll bet your testosterone is low and I’ll bet your thyroid is not working correctly. My wife went through much of the same thing for 15+ years until she did bio-identical hormone replacement therapy. Don’t loose hope.

February 18, 2011 at 12:45 am
(357) Trina says:


February 19, 2011 at 8:46 pm
(358) Crossroads passed says:

My wife had everything removed after being diagnosed with a basketball sized fibroid 2 years ago. We have been married 14 years. I have tried my damndest to be as supportive as I can. We have no children, so it’s just us and our 4 legged kids. Our life is a living hell. There is absolutely zero intimacy, affection or anything remotely resembling married love from her. Sex was infrequent at best in the decade prior to her diagnosis and surgery. I was seriously struggling with depression, manifesting in an overeating disorder. 1 month ago, things changed. A discussion sparked by the thousand somethingth rejection brought forth these words from her mouth, “I’m not remotely attracted to you” I was devastated. This was supposed to be the love of my life. Then something deep within me woke up. I moved into a spare room, changed my horrible eating habits. Started working a few extra hours at work, started doing a few things outside the dungeon my life had become. I’ve lost 15 pounds, got a gym membership that I start next week. I’m done living like I have been. Now, I love my wife with all my heart, and I will continue to support her. But I AM HER HUSBAND, not her brother. For the record ladies, it’s not about sex. It’s about intimacy, about feeling and showing true love and receiving the same in kind. I’m done being a doormat. I would do anything for her, but I’m not going to live this particular torture any longer. I really do understand how unfair and truly sad having little to no drive is. But you are in a relationship, which by definition, is more than just yourself. Most of the women posting here, seem to have lost more than their uteruses. They’ve lost their sense of selflessness. They’ve lost their hearts, and lost their minds. You think it’s lonely now? Wait till you drive your partner out of your life. I’m not sure where our paths will lead, but it’s definately taking a turn.

February 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm
(359) hubby43 says:

Crossroads, I feel as if I’m in the same boat with you. As a release, I started working out obsessively, rather than turn to food. I take more and more trips on the bike and find every excuse I can to get away from home, because it isn’t “home” anymore. My friends think it’s some kind of midlife crisis I’m going through – bulls**t.

I’ve looked everywhere for some kind of answer, and this board is the closest I’ve come. There’s not much out there for guys.

For the longest time, I thought I was just being shallow, because my beautiful bride has been cut up, mutilated, radiated, burned, poisoned and scarred for life, and now has no desire for any intimacy whatsoever. Is it shallow of me to simply want my wife back?

Throughout all the treatments, friends and family kept referring to me as some kind of “superman” and “hero” for standing by her through three years of a cancer nightmare, and now, I don’t feel very super. I just feel human, like I always have been, and now have been left standing alone after all is done.

February 22, 2011 at 6:35 am
(360) JoColl says:

Firsty, thanks David, i live in the UK, but will ask my doc.
Hubby43 and Crossroads Passed – I do understand where you both are coming from. This/these operations are hard on everyone. There is no warning of what will happen afterwards for the woman or the man. I have only been with my man for 7 years, and had the operations in 2009 (married in 2008) and what should be the happiest time of our lives, is the worse. I look back at engagement pictures and wedding pictures and i really don’t recognise the happy carefree woman smiling as the one i see in the mirror now.
I know i am pushing my husband away, and yet, don’t even care. I don’t want sex, intimacy or anything.

February 22, 2011 at 8:23 am
(361) David says:

Jo: you have a bio identical doctor in the UK.
Dr Paivi Ahtonen, MD, PhD, ABAARM, FAAFRM*
Diplomate in Anti-Aging and Regenerative Medicine
10 Harley Street
London W1G 9PF
United Kingdom

Dr. Ahtonen has her own web-site. They also offer an on line seminar.

Tel: 020 7467 8374

February 23, 2011 at 11:59 am
(362) Audrey says:

I about it have a hysterectomy in April 2011 and this concern just crossed my mind.

All the comments I’ve read is not very promising for my future. I’m 41.

I’m just wondering if this happens to most women. You see I have the option of having a myomectomy but is not inclined to do it as the possibility of the fibroids returning.

Any comments from persons with their sex drive (intact)??

February 23, 2011 at 3:23 pm
(363) candy says:

it has been 7 years since my hysterectomy due to cancer,i have survived the cancer but now I deal with a different kind of personal hell, the mother of 6 my sex life with my husband doesnt happen any more. This mornig he told me he couldnt live like this anymore, to him sex is a big part of a marriage. I have come to realize I am broken and can never be fixed, that I will never a relationship with anyone again. I wonder if I have done the right thing by having the hysterectomy, by doing so I have taken my kids father out of their life and I have made him unhappy for so many years. I wonder if I did the right thing by having the hysterectomy, maybe I should have let the cancer consume me at least the pain would be gone

February 25, 2011 at 9:21 am
(364) JoColl says:


Candy, my heart goes out to you, as i know how you feel.

David, i contacted the clinic in London and their fees are outrageous, far beyond my means, and they wouldn’t give me any information.

Audrey i am only 43, had my op when i was 41. I have posted on here a few times, i had lots of problems, and ended up having several operations as they insisted i kept my ovaries to begin with, then 6 months later after serious problems i had to have everything removed, i’m still not right 2 years down the line.
I wish you well, don’t go by just my bad experiences, they said i was just unlucky! My surgeon said in 35 years of being a gyne surgeon he had only treated one other patient like me.

February 27, 2011 at 1:26 am
(365) Cindy N says:

I have to say that I feel that women in general CHOOSE to use a hysterectomy as an excuse to say that their Libido is diminished. I am sure in some instances it can be true but there has to be a “negative female” effect that NO ONE wants to talk about. Sexuality is an ATTITUDE and if we (girls) would start claiming what SHOULD be ours rather than crying boohoo at the least resisitance. If we dont feel into it – then change our feelings and GO with it. Geez Louise girls – suck it up and quit falling for poor pitiful me. SEX is a MIND game. As women if we give in to the “oh I dont feel it” attitude then we are just creating drama and pity. And Doctors fall for it. All we have to do is GO WITH IT and all the past passion will kick in IF WE LET IT.
I had a complete Hyster 7 months ago and I have the same desires as before (and that doesnt mean I am sexdrivecrazy or ever was). With the exception of lube – there is no change cuz I wont allow a change. I started to fall intohe pity trap but I wont do it and nor should you. Just saying that women complain and bitch and we CANT assume thats normal. Life is GOOD and I love my husband….and sex w him!!!

February 27, 2011 at 1:49 am
(366) Cindy N says:

Please stop blaming urself and copping the typical pitiful woman attiutde ( I know u hate me rite now)
Change ur attitude – its in ur mind – trust me. Just DECIDE ur gonna enjoy it and then…enjoy it. Women overthink isssues. U can get urself out of this prob a little at a time – just change ur thoughts.\

March 1, 2011 at 7:04 pm
(367) jodie says:

I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago and has lost all intrest in sex and really causing problems with my marriage

March 2, 2011 at 5:22 pm
(368) RJW says:

Ive read through most of the comment and am left with the feeling that there is a lot of pain out there,My wife had a complete hysterectomy about a year and a half ago,and our sex life is very sparse I know she feels bad as it has changed her,I feel bad because we were without insurance so getting second opinions were out ,I feel like I let her down by not providing all she needed
however we got talked into the complete hysterectomy when she only had an ovarian problem. I know for most guys it’s a big loss not having sex as before but it’s also about relationship and loving our wives no matter what,As far as Cindy N you sound like a guy without compassion Im sorry if that offends you but come on it’s not ALL in your head pain is pain.

March 16, 2011 at 6:17 pm
(369) CMH says:


March 18, 2011 at 9:56 am
(370) tracey age 30 says:

am so plzed 2 know am normal, i ad my hysterectomy 2months ago, ive tryed avin sex with my fella but it hurts and it feels funny my doc said i would b fine after avin it done

March 19, 2011 at 5:03 pm
(371) gee13 says:

iam 42 and about to have my surgry in( may 3,2011 ) iam having abnormal bleeding(my uterus is large) ( bleeding clots) i also develop high blood pressure) ( hormones is off blance) and none of the meds work thy gave …me tooooo much off and on bleeding for me so thy will do the surgey to get me out of this bleeding… i will just make the best of my problems after the surgey i cant take it any more!!! i have GOD on my side!!!

March 26, 2011 at 2:27 pm
(372) ELIZABETH says:

I think we all have the problem,
I had my hyst 2 years a ago and my sex drive died also.
I need help ASAP!!! :(

March 28, 2011 at 6:14 pm
(373) motess says:

I had a TAH in Feb….i was hoping for a new lease of life… I am only 44 years young and only look early 30′s my last partner was only 31. OMG i am so scared now, I have no partner to test the water!! so to speak…. I have tried masturbation but feel dead from waist down……

I have just cried for the first time in ages….

I want me!! back

March 29, 2011 at 9:34 am
(374) David says:

Motess, I watch this blog constantly. I post every so often after I see such posts as yours. My first post dates back to November 2008. I will give you a list at the last for your review. My wife has just received her “adjusted” bio identical hormones from Stark Pharmacy. She’s been on the troche dissolvables since December. She is also a person that looks decades younger than her chronological number. Start your research on bio identical hormones. I will continue to preach about these until more people start commenting on them on this blog. A few women have taken the initiative but most have not. Once you start reading over 300 entries, they all start sounding the same. I have seen the transformation and know for a fact it does make a difference so do not lose hope. Good Luck

Read 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 209, 275, 302, 303, 306-308, 312, 318, 329, 331, 340, 352, 356, 361, 364

April 1, 2011 at 7:34 pm
(375) hey says:

Audrey, I think you should reconsider. Would you risk being destroyed as a person like most on these postings or the POTENTIAL for fibroids to return? The answer is obvious.
I would rather have it return 10 times than go through the hell these women have endured. Lead a healthier, physically active, more natural lifestyle and some things SELF-CORRECT.. if it’s not life-threatening, I don’t see why you would even think of doing such a thing! ALL OF YOU WOMEN ARE IN MY PRAYERS!

April 4, 2011 at 7:10 pm
(376) Marsha says:

I had my complete hyst almost 25 years ago, but was only taken off of hormones less than 3 years ago. I have lots all my sex drive and after 30 years of marriage my spouse is starting to look at other women. What can I do ? I’m 62 years old and don’t want to be single …

April 5, 2011 at 12:44 am
(377) Charles says:

I am a 34-year-old man & my wife had a hys 2 years ago, and we HAD a good sex life. Now, any approach for sex is rebuffed. I have pretty much given up trying. Even though I understand it is related to her hormone levels, it still hurts so much. I am so afraid we might not be able to make it as husband and wife. I love my wife dearly and don’t want to lose her, but don’t know how to stop us growing apart. It is like that physical contact is necessary to stay close and connected. Part of me is disgusted with that need, especially given her surgery, but there it is.

I sit in a hotel room and sobbing at the possibility of losing her. Even if we could cuddle I would feel better and could accept that, but any physical contact is avoided. She wears multiple layers of clothing to bed and pushes my foot away if I put my foot against hers for even the most minimal physical contact when I come to bed. I have resorted to sleeping on the couch rather than being rebuffed. In daily life we get along well, never fight, and have very similar philosophies.

Who would have thought that sex and physical contact is so important, and how much hormones affect it? Next steps? Live in a sexless, “No contact” marriage, or move on in hopes of something else? I cannot imagine having an affair or divorcing, as I still love her with all of my heart, and made sincere promises to her on our wedding day. But I keep thinking of the old adage, “Adapt, migrate or die”, and will I be able to adapt to this new reality? We have tried counseling, and she is unable to take HRT.

Life is a Cruel Mistress, My brother, Life may seem, Happy and Glorious and Gay. But forever my heart has learned that everyone pays. Whether it be by Wages, Empty pages or Broken and ever-lonely days. My Brother, hear me when I say these can be such gruesome lonely days. Life is a mistress Cruel and Beautiful. Taking what she can and breaking the hearts of so many…

April 5, 2011 at 9:01 am
(378) David says:

I feel your pain brother. But I am curious as to what type of HRT she can not take? And you are human, so touch, caress and physical contacts are in our DNA. Please do not discount that fact. And too, she more than likely feels “A” sexual as my wife did. Yes, did. You both have options. Do not lose hope.

April 6, 2011 at 7:56 am
(379) Don (doogg) says:

My soon to be wife had her surgury last year. things seemed to be ok, but i noticed over the last month that she wasn’t touching me the way she used to. We ended up getting into an aurgument and she started yelling at me…she never yelled at me before. Thats when I found out that she is not feeling right. she says she has no interest in sex. And she said smoething i found strange. she said she felt like I didn’t trust her. I asked her to talk to her Doctor and she said she did and they couldn”t do anything…. this surgery took a vibraint young woman with a sex drive of a duracell bunny on roids and destroyed it… :( I wish she have never had this surgury!! I don’t even know if we will end up getting married now :( I know there has to be something that can be done. she hates taking pills but i think maybe HRT might hellp if i could just get her to talk to her docs again….. I feel so lost… the beautiful woman i fell in love with is not the same anymore. she fells cold and heartless and i don’t know if i can adapt……

April 6, 2011 at 8:48 am
(380) Don (doogg) says:

I know my post above seems like i have given up, But I haven’t. I love my fiancee dearly and truly!! David i have read your posts and I hope I can convince her to look into this. She seems like she has already given up….i hope not. Thinking about how our life will be if thing keep going the way they are scares the hell out of me…. she is only 28…. I am searching the web for info on this bhrt. we live in PA so i hope that there is something out here for us. I will stand by her and do whatever I have to, I hope she will do the same….

April 6, 2011 at 8:50 am
(381) David says:

Maybe I have to post most every day. Once one wades through the first few hundred of these, one gets lost. I know I did.

Read 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 209, 275, 302, 303, 306-308, 312, 318, 329, 331, 340, 352, 356, 361, 364, 374, 378.

BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES do your research. (Her) doctor will be of no help. Find and MD that will.

April 11, 2011 at 7:54 am
(382) rotagms says:

My wife is 41. She had a hysterectomy 2 years, ago. No sex drive since. She used to pull me into the bedroom, rip my pants off and start sucking, loving every minute of it. Not anymore. Now, I have to beg for any form of sex. She never initiates it and from what she says about her lack of sexual interests, never will, again. She does get turned on easily once I’ve initiated it. What’s really unfair is, when we married she weighed 110lbs. She was 220lbs before starting to diet, workout, and tan herself. Her weight never influenced my love, nor affection for her. Now, she looks hot and sexy and I’m on the outside looking in most days.

April 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm
(383) jenjen says:

i am thinking about having a historectomy because my husband and i have 2 kids and one of my sisters kid.she was involved in a car accident 9/4/2009 and we are now raising 3 kids and my husband dont want anymore what do u suggest

April 13, 2011 at 2:34 pm
(384) don (doogg) says:

To Dave…. So i don’t have to worry about these problems anymore…… she broke off our engagment and went to live with her ex boyfriend from before we were dating! wow !!! but i do want to thank you for trying to help and to everybody else on here look into what Dave is talking about. I was and there is a lot of info out there and all hope is not lost!!!!!! take care all!!!!!

April 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm
(385) Don (doogg) says:

to jenjen instead of doing that have him get fixed!! it is much less of a sugury for him and the recovery time is only a week or so!!! I had it done ten years ago and trust me everything is so much better!! just my thought… some men just wont do it but it really isnt that bad and it takes the worry out of having another baby and this could help make your sex life even better!!

April 14, 2011 at 9:57 pm
(386) ER says:

I have been told by my GYN that i need to have a hysterectomy due to a prolapsed uterus and i am only 29 years old. From what i have seen here there are many more younger women then I thought that have went through this prcedure, and to be honest I am terrified now. My husband and I have been together for 16 years and we still have a very amazing sex life (having sex avg 2-4 times a week) and I am so worried that if I have even a partial hysterectomy with just the removal of the uterus it will still effect sex and desire and he says he will always be here but its not just the sex that keeps us alive is the fun and play and teasing and the drive. Plus i have heard that the extreme orgasms can completely go away and dam not to be petty but i dont know how worth it that would be.

Please help a scared girl out cause I am not feeling so great right now…

April 14, 2011 at 11:27 pm
(387) Rick says:

My wife had a total hysterectomy back in 2002. Ever since then, our sex life has been HORRIBLE. If I’m lucky, we have sex twice a year. It has gotten to the point that I’ve totally given up and stopped asking. I feel resentful quite often and would consider cheating if I could find anyone interested, though I know I would feel guilty afterwards. I think I’m suffering from depression, which doesn’t help matters.

This totally SUCKS!

April 15, 2011 at 11:14 am
(388) David says:

ER, get a second opinion. If you are not threaten by a Cancer issue, you would be better served to ask more questions. Do as much research as you can on line. And yes, even getting rid of your uterus will affect everything. It too produces hormones. And of course the results you normally experience during your “together time”. Do not take one doctor’s word as gospel. Most will operate and will be little to no help if you start having issues. They will lean on the fact, you are healthy and all is well. And they have no idea why you would feel any different. Most are truly dumbfounded by the workings of the female body. Men can take a little blue pill, woman can not. Until “you” are convinced to have the procedure done, DON’T DO IT. It is your body.

April 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm
(389) lolly says:

ER i am 26 years old and have to have radical hyst last year sex life is very poor, i had to have this done due to cancer but i would recommend getting a second opinion if you don’t need to go through it then don’t, you are only young and its a long time to deal with no/poor sex drive and i would hate for it to have an impact on your relationship becase it does.

April 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm
(390) Lynda says:

I’m reading along and understanding each of you>
mine was a total about 13 yrs ago=== NO LIBIDO
doesn’t help I need Xanax daily too : (
Also very BAD for Libido, we have our issues, but we are doing it~!~ You have to have an understanding partner for this to be possible + you need a little extra time for fore play I find> it helps : )

May 4, 2011 at 11:33 am
(391) WRiding says:

Well, it seems that I’m not the only one. It’s been 5 yrs for me & sex is still so painful. What happened to my libido? This isn’t how I wanted to spend my life as ‘monk’. Plus a Dr who dealt with a blown cyst a few years back says I have a very small vagina. What happened?

May 4, 2011 at 5:37 pm
(392) FindOutw says:

hi. all. having ur sex organ removed is the reason for sex no longer being the same. medical world is very quick to push hysterectomies, etc but there is NO operation like that that works.
when having prolapse, for example, with a mere change in posture (chest out and belly relaxed) a woman can stand with organs that rest on the pelvic bone, instead of dangling and dragging down. operations can’t work because the hip is actually on an angle, NOT as they show it normally in a lying down position!! when u stand ur “pelvic floor” becomes more of a “wall” because of the tilt. doctors dont think about that! so the operations are placing things at an angle. but the whole point is just like u CANT take the spoke of a bicycle wheel out without all of the spokes falling out, u CANT expect to take the uterus out and not have other organs relocate – and it is the sex organ u’re removing. the place that contracts when climaxing. think about it. doctors should not be removing it. the uterus holds MANY organs in place as there are muscles and fascia all around it.
i have found a new site that is amazing. the advice there is incredible. wholewoman.com i highly suggest y’all take a look, or at least recommend it to anyone u know thinking of a hysterectomy. my doctor suggested a hysterectomy to me a month ago. on gut feeling i declined. (she was so quick to say it that i thought, no this is some medical knee jerk reaction i bet all doctors think they are supposed to give!!). i found that web site, thank God. and it has made a HUGE difference for me!!! check it out! and pass it on to women who have not had any ops yet. we should not keep all this secret! we should be telling our daughters, friends, etc. MOST women will face these things yet NONE of us talk about it!! THINK ABOUT THAT! it’s unfair to let other women walk blindly into all this as we did. let’s start doing something about it! : )

May 5, 2011 at 8:58 pm
(393) susan threlkeld says:

I won’t go into the whole story, but it has been 12 yrs since my hyst at age 51, doctor said I didn’t need my ovaries anymore, they were not doing anything anyway, well, after they were gone I knew they were doing something. It has been H—-, my vaginal tissues were awful, then I had an enterocele which took 2 surgeries, and still didn’t find the problem, finally got enterocele fixed, but have been left with chronic pain, pain clinics, on and on, have had surgery after surgery, and of course no desire for sex, but did get some help from compounded testosterone, and low dose of estrogen. I have seen over 25 medical professionals. I felt like it took my life and excelerated my age. It has been horrible. I am in constant pain, still. I could write on an on but will spare you.

May 8, 2011 at 3:25 pm
(394) SARAH says:

I am 43 and had my hysterectomy 4yrs ago. Things for me were pretty bad before my surgery , my doctor had me diagnosed with IBS for many years until I went swimming one day and felt a huge lump in my stomach. The doctor first did an abdominal examination and couldn’t find anything until I insisted I had felt it. He then did an internal examination and told me I was about 5mths pregnant, I laughed, my partner had had a vasectomy and to suggest I could go elsewhere was one big joke, my libido had hit an all time low several years before that so I knew there was no way I could be pregnant. Three pregnancy tests later he decided I needed a scan and low and behold I had a huge fibroid. One very painful down cut later I’m beginning to try to get our sex-life back in order. My partner has been very understanding and he must love me very much as he hasn’t strayed and been very supportive. Intercourse is sometimes frustrating as I don’t get the feelings I used to and I find I’m quite dry but it’s getting there. It’s taken a lotof hard work but I’m not giving up !!

May 9, 2011 at 7:40 pm
(395) Lena bleacher says:

I hate that there are others going through the same thing I am but at the same time I’m so glad I am not the only one! I had a complete abdominal hysterectomy in 2006 at the age of 28. My only chance of becoming a mother happened at the age of 19 and I miscarried twins at 3 months gestation. I am married now and have 2 step children and 2 adopted children. Before my hysterectomy my husband and I had a very active sex life. Of course there was a lot of pain for me and I never had an orgasam during sex but it was still a healthy sex life. Now we fight all the time and my sex drive is completely gone. He is some what supportive but we just had another huge fight and he asked if we were just going to stay this way until one of us just gives up and we divorce. We have been married for 7 years! I don’t want a divorce but I am afraid it is coming to that. He is in his prim sex age. I on the other hand feel like im 60 or 70. I don’t know what to do anymore! I am on hrt shots. Please if anyone has any good ideas let me know.

May 10, 2011 at 9:22 am
(396) David says:

Maybe I have to post most every day. Once one wades through the first few hundred of these, one gets lost. I know I did.

Read 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 209, 275, 302, 303, 306-308, 312, 318, 329, 331, 340, 352, 356, 361, 364, 374, 378.

BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES do your research. (Your) doctor will be of no help. Find and MD that will.

May 13, 2011 at 5:05 am
(397) Foxy says:

I am due to go into have a hysterectomy in a couple of weeks time, After reading all of your stories my heart goes out to each and everyone of you, Both men and women.

It is awful to think that in this day and age of medical advancement that the medical profession do not make patients aware of these very dire consequences on a marriage and give a fuller explanation of why you should or should not go ahead with this procedure.

My husband and I have a very close loving and physical relationship, I would not want that affected for anything in this world.

I will continue next paragragh.


May 18, 2011 at 5:39 am
(398) Dee Dee says:

I have had a hysterectomy couple of months ago, and in hopes it would help i asked to have my ovaries left. It didnt help at all. I was engaged to be married and the no sex drive has ruined my relationship. Enough said not engaged anymore :( I am only 25 It shouldnt be like this. Somebody please help!!!

May 19, 2011 at 4:50 pm
(399) lolly says:

hi Dee Dee i am 26 and had a total hyst last yaer due to cancer, i too had gone off sex and sex life was nil, but just started to get back to normal, it takes time and if its ruined your engagement so soon then your better of not being engaged!! it does help to talk to someone as i think with me it was in my head, i always to to think about sex but when it came down to it i would talk myself out of it.
keep your chin up and see your doctor / nurse or advice.

May 20, 2011 at 2:52 am
(400) annette says:

i had my hyster just about 5 years i just started having sex but now it slowing down at first it was great but now it stinks it is drying out i dont respond anymore what can i do i tried everything i can think of help me please love in stress

May 20, 2011 at 2:58 am
(401) annette says:

we use to sleep together now we sleep on different room now since the hyster i don’t have sex any more i am 50 looking for sex, lonely we dont even talk whats up is it anything i can use or do

May 20, 2011 at 9:22 am
(402) David says:

Maybe I have to post most every day. Once one wades through the first few hundred of these, one gets lost. I know I did.

Read 82, 102, 131, 175, 205, 209, 275, 302, 303, 306-308, 312, 318, 329, 331, 340, 352, 356, 361, 364, 374, 378.

BIO-IDENTICAL HORMONES do your research. (Your) doctor will be of no help. Find and MD that will.

May 21, 2011 at 3:54 pm
(403) nancy says:

Oh my Gosh i am one week post op and i am ready to go! Is Orgasm ok for me? I know i have to wait but it is going to be the longest 5 weeks ahead of me. I dont think its fair that he wants me to give him oral sex and i cant have it. Or can I?

May 23, 2011 at 9:37 pm
(404) Sue says:

Had my total hysterectomy at 63 after I spent several months taking care of my sister who died of ovarian cancer. No one could have taken better care of themselves than she did. She had hysterectomy (not oophorectomy) in her 30′s and had a great sex life as a single woman for years. She married and as she got older – began to think she needed the bio- hormones. Took for several years. I am convinced they contributed to her ovarian cancer.
I did not want to go thru what she did and finally found a doctor who helped me get a total hysterectomy – (with ovaries out) even though I had no symptoms or problems. I didn’t know how it would change my sex life. But, I still would do it again – the trade off of not worrying about ov ca
is worth it.
My husband and I have always had sex every day for all of our 35 years married – missed only if we weren’t together. All kinds of things we could do while I was healing from the surgery, too. We still enjoy sex daily – he’s a very healthy 70 year old. I don’t always get the same enjoyment physically as before surgery, but still love being able to be close to him and know he is satisfied. He’s worth it! And, at least once a week we make sure it’s special time for doing more than usual and I always enjoy that (orgasm). I believe the problem has attitude solutions and mind solutions – even though things change it can still be really good sex.
I’ll never do the “bio”-hormones – not worth the chance of what my sister lived through and died with.

May 26, 2011 at 12:11 pm
(405) Angie says:

I am due to go into have a hysterectomy in a couple of weeks time, After reading all of your stories my heart goes out to each and every one of you, both men and women.

It is awful to think that in this day and age of medical advancement that the medical profession do not make patients aware of these dire consequences on a marriage and give a fuller explanation of why you should or should not go ahead with this procedure.

My Husband and I have a very close loving and physical relationship; I would not want that affected for anything in this world.

For all of you who have taken the time to post your feelings on this site to help others with their decision I thank you.
I wish I could say words that would begin to offer some kind of resolve and solution.

I am now going to cancel my surgery, after hearing what each and every one of you are experiencing, I would not want to put my husband nor myself through that physical and physiological torment.

To have had a close physical relationship and then have it taken away from you both, must in away feel like a bereavement of what you had between you.
I know that each off you have had different reasons of why you went through this type of surgery, And I know some off you will have had to go through it, especially those of you with cancer.

May 26, 2011 at 12:13 pm
(406) Angie says:

I would like to thank each and every one of you for having the courage to post your feelings and share your experiences with everyone who visits this site, looking for answers to questions that we don’t feel the medical professionals discuss with us, So that we can as couple’s make a more informed decision, as to whether or not to proceed with this type of surgery or indeed whether the consequences are to dire because of the affect on the quality of life within a marriage or co-habiting relationship.

What I would like to say to anyone feeling that there is no solution is, I know that a lot of you express that the desire is no longer there, that you feel numb. The thing that I have read the most is the feeling of worry that your partner/wife/husband believes that they are no longer attractive or loved in the same way.

I would say to you all that there are ways to try to improve and get back the way you used to feel in your head and in your heart. It will not be as easy as it sounds, but in a way it will be like re-educating yourself and each other.

May 26, 2011 at 12:14 pm
(407) Angie says:

Take some quite time out for yourselves, talk about the good more fulfilling times in your life before surgery took place,
Hold those thoughts in your head, close your eyes both of you, and as you remember those warm cosy thoughts and feelings, touch and stroke each other gently, It doesn’t have to lead to sex right away, take it slowly and gently, do this regularly, as often as you can even when you don’t always feel like it, The more often you try this the more you will feel the closeness coming back.

Take things a little further each time, Kiss tenderly and gently, close your eyes and feel oblivious to anything else apart from you both. Hold each other the way you used to when you first together, you will feel those feelings start to emerge and it will rekindle those warm feelings of intimacy.

Life can leave you feeling that you don’t even want to try, it will take a mental decision from both of you to say, we love each other so very much and we are robbing ourselves of the affection and security of each other.

Hold those thoughts in your head and take that step, you have nothing to loose and a wonderful sensation to re-gain,
And hopefully a quality of life that you will re-embrace.

May 26, 2011 at 12:14 pm
(408) Angie says:

I hope my words have offered some solace and comfort, because your stories and honesty have helped me to make a decision that will save me and my husband the heartache that you have all suffered.

I wish you all good luck for your futures and thank you once again.

June 3, 2011 at 3:47 pm
(409) Tammy says:

Bioidentical hormone therepy
look into it, it helps a lot.
I chose this route after my hysterectomy and I am glad.
I still have a sex life and still feel the urge. It take like 12 weeks to build up in your system.

Please look into it.

June 8, 2011 at 9:47 am
(410) JoColl says:

Hi Everyone

I have commented several times.

I would love to be able to afford the Biodentical Therapy. I am in the UK, the clinic is in London a long way from me and the prices are outrageous. A ploy again to get money out of the suffering.


June 9, 2011 at 9:11 am
(411) Linda says:

Had I read some of these comments BEFORE I had my hysterectomy in July 2008, I would have never gotten it. I had large fibroids for which my doctor recommended total hysterectomy, including the ovaries. I knew that removing the ovaries could case hormonal issues and instant menopause so I refused to have those taken. His comment to me was that if I was so in love with my ovariesm, then i guess i cold keep them….like WTF. Why don’t he remove his testicles to prevent testicular cancer? Anyway he told me my sex life wouldn’t be affected.
Anyway, I had the TAH done, still with reservation, and like most of you, it was one of the worst decisions I have ever made. I had always had an active powerful sex drive with intense orgasms that went through my entire body, starting with the vagina.
Now, everything has changed. I am like most of you with no libido, no desire, dryness and very insignificant orgasms when I do have sex.
I have to say that I still have sex, but not without a lot of effort on my part to try to preserve what’s left, and it’s not much. And sex is not as frequent or intense. Why people think this is emotional, it is NOT, but it is important to really be into your partner, or it won’t work at all. Before the surgery, I could get aroused and do things just to get off. Not anymore. I don’t have that arousal anymore, sex has to be coaxed. Fortunately, I can orgasm, but if I’m not careful I can miss it. It’s very weak and quick. My old orgasms were intense and could last for a noticable amount of time, as it consumed my body. The sensations used to travel throughout my body like a wave. Now….it’s very localized, and a very quick weak feeling.

June 9, 2011 at 12:32 pm
(412) Linda says:

Nothing I have done has changed this much, but there are a few things that can help to at least keep you to stay active, and try to enjoy what you have left. I do natural progesterone creams, as well as testosterone. I take Macafem, someimes ArginMax and women’s Extenze. All these things ‘help’, but I hate to say, it will never be what it was. i cry many nights, that I was robbed of something that meant so much to me, all because the medical community is not honest when it comes to woman’s issues. I doubt very much there is anything that can be done, because every woman’s sex problems is thought to be in our heads. To even make sex happen at all anymore, you have to have a partner you crave, but still it will only be maybe a fraction of what it used to be. It can be enjoyable, but that disappointment factor is still there. It has been three years for me, I am almost 53, so I don’t see things getting much better. Sex means so much to me that I even tried some manual physical therapy for adhesions and scar tissue at Clear Passage Therapies, at a cost of 5,200 out of pocket. Though I had many adhesions, which I am glad to get rid of, my sex life did not improve anything worth bragging about. At least I tried. I don’t know where to go from here either. Just wanted to say, that if you can find a way to keep it active, it is still better than not. At least you have the intimacy partm even though the feeling is compromised. That is the new normal. Yes it completely sucks and I’d like to go back to before….but can’t. My doctor can’t even be sued, they make you sign some sort of agreement before the surgery.

June 9, 2011 at 12:38 pm
(413) Linda says:

Still curious about what that juice may be called. I tried Nopalea, which is pricey to say the least, but it didn’t rejuvinate my sex life. I wish the person would come back on and tell us what it was…

June 16, 2011 at 4:45 pm
(414) christine thiel says:

i had a complete hysterectomy 3 years ago and i have no sex drive but alot of hot flashes… been married 12 yrs and n its taken a toll on my marriage…. my husband thinks i dont find him desiable no matter how many times or ways i try to explan to him he doesnt understand and he makes me feel guilty that i dont want sex…. we have even seprated twice over it… im lost i dont knw what i can do to fix it

June 19, 2011 at 9:49 am
(415) amalwysd says:

I Had a a Hysto in 1983 due to cancer of the uterus . My ovaries were left intact. Desire for Sex and Sex life declined
rapidly after surgery. . Desire never returned. My husband is understanding but still has needs. I am a warm body in bed, am anxious all of the time with sex hanging over my head. We have been married 22 years. I have made many tradeoffs to try to appease my guilt over this. I am in a position where I am unable to leave the marriage- my husband wants me to stay. We also live far away from what little family that we have remaining. I am 58 years old. I find myself being jealous of couples with children and grand children and all of the rite of passage celebrations and get to gethers.
I know the old adage that everything happens for a reason
but I realize this is a void and emptiness that I have never been able to fill. We were in our mid 30′s when we got married and both childless. My husband did not want to adopt. He is diabetic and needs alot of care and children annoy him. I have been in therapy for a long time to try and
deal with this stuff. Nothing seems to work. These feelings are not all consuming and I go through life functioning as a day to day productive person.
I guess some of us are just destined to feel these many
types of lonliness.

June 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm
(416) dontlookback says:

I had a TAH a few years back and noticed my sex drive gradually decrease over the years. I had a blood test, and it showed that although my estrogen levels were still good my testosterone level was in the toilet. Way below normal. I started a very lose of bio identical testosterone, and I have seen a dramatic change in not only my sex drive, but mental clarity. Ladies, don’t suffer any more. Take charge of your health and get a blood test, and see if your hormones are normal. I am paying 40 a month for the drug since insurance does not cover it. It is affordable. I feel for each and every one of you. I have been there. There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just gotta make the move.

June 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm
(417) 40yearsandstaying says:

I can’t believe I am replying to this, but I feel I need to address some of the issues I have read here.
I injured my back 25 years ago, at that time having sex was non existent for my wife and I, she was very patient and understanding. It took almost 5 years before we were able to ave sex on a regular basis again.

June 20, 2011 at 7:57 pm
(418) debra says:


June 21, 2011 at 4:18 pm
(419) Lanky Lad says:

Just finishing reading this thread, and found great comfort in reading other peoples experiences which so closely mirror my own, so I hope I can do the same for someone else.
My wife had a total Hysterectomy 15 years ago when she was 33 and I was 30, it was 3 years after the birth of our daughter, (after 3 boys) and I have to say that it was absolutely the right thing to do, living with her the last few years before her op was like holding a tiger by the tail, she suffered badly with endometriosis and the hormone surges she had were terrifying, I honestly believe that the Hysterectomy not only saved our marriage but at least one of our lives, because someone would have ended up dead. Strangely, or so it seems looking back, even during this period we still had quite a good sex life. But she was a zombie 2 weeks a month, a bitch on heat for 1 week, and a raging maniac for the rest.

June 21, 2011 at 4:20 pm
(420) Lanky Lad says:

Since her op she has been a different woman to live with, I love her dearly, and I know she loves me, but sadly our experience is much like all yours, within a short time all her libido disappeared, we tried a Testosterone implant but her body literally spat it out, so that was the end of that.
We tried to carry on with sex for a few years but it became an ordeal for both of us, I don’t know if she dreaded it, but I did, it was painful for me, God alone knows what it was like for her, but I couldn’t bring myself to reject her, so in the end I was relieved when it petered out, although I had a hard time with depression etc for the first few sexless years. I haven’t mentioned it to her since although I still get so randy my teeth itch, so I have to deal with that single-handedly, so to speak. I have not, and will not philander, although I have had opportunity.
To be honest the loss of all physical, and verbal, affection was as painful for me as the end of our sexual relationship, and I really did feel rejected and unloved, and I think that also made her relationship with the children difficult at times as they missed out on cuddles etc.

June 21, 2011 at 4:21 pm
(421) Lanky Lad says:

Recently a friend of hers approached me to tell me of a conversation they had had prior to her (the friends) Hysterectomy, when my wife told her of the loss of libido, and that although she loved me as much as ever and could not imagine life without me, she would rather I left than tried to do anything, even talk, about the problem.
My wife is a midwife and no prude so that just brought home to me more clearly than ever that I must simply accept the world as it is, and not try to make it the way I would like it to be.
My advice to husbands is to focus on the good, your wife should be your best friend more than your lover, and if that friendship has to be platonic then so be it, if you have urges, that’s your problem, control yourself, you are not an animal. As has already been said, thank God for porn.
I’m sorry, I can’t offer anything to the women but sympathy.
David, I admire your zeal but some people just cannot take this on, I’m glad it helped you but it is not for everybody. Some things cannot be fixed.
By the way, here in the UK NHS doctors are salaried public servants, they don’t ‘cut up’ women to make money, because they get paid the same whatever course of treatment they propose. If they say someone needs something then they need it. Yes, they make mistakes, but that is what they are, mistakes, anybody that never made one of those, never made anything.
I have read and felt so much pain here, but you can get through it, don’t allow this to be the definition of your lives, and if you want to feel loved men, get a dog!

June 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm
(422) Anonymous says:

My situation is a bit different from everyone else’s… I’m currently 26 & married to my 33 year old husband of almost 3 years. I have always been somebody with an active sex drive, but my husband has lost his libido completely. It’s been an ongoing problem for us for a while now… I can count on 1 hand how many times we’ve had sex in the past year. I understand that his high-stress job plays a part, but it’s been unbearable for me. I’m not an unattractive girl, I’ve maintained an athletic physique since high school, & I’ve tried time & time again to initiate sex. It’s just not happening… & when it does happen, it lasts about 3 minutes & I never climax. There is no foreplay involved. The only time he initiates is after he’s had several beers. It’s EXTREMELY frustrating.

Every other part of our marriage is fine, but the no-sex thing is a HUGE problem for me. I’ve gotten to the point that after 6 months of nothing, I’m ready to leave him. I love him, but I dont know what else to do.

Right now, I feel like I have 2 choices: divorce a good man who loves me unconditionally & would be an excellent father, or start a family immediately and get a hysterectomy within 4 years, then making our sex drives even.

Due to family history & current pre-cancerous cells that have been a regular occurance during my bi-annual checkups, it has already been advised that when I finish having a family to get a hysterectomy. I dont want to start a family on the basis of saving my marriage, but I truly feel like me getting this operation is the only thing that can save it.

I feel like I’m losing my mind & have 2 very different life-changing paths in front of me. Honest opinions are welcome & highly encouraged.

Thank you! :)

June 26, 2011 at 10:06 pm
(423) deb says:

i was 29 when i had my hyster and like u all there is pain and no intrest in sex my husband wants it every day and at least 2 times a day and if i say no he gets mad

June 29, 2011 at 5:45 pm
(424) Nancy says:

Please see message #39. Bioidentical Hormone Pellets gave me back my libido. My life is better than ever. I look and feel 10-15 years younger.

Pellets are either Estrodial (Estrogen) or Testosterone. They are about the size of a grain of rice. My doc numbs a spot on my rear, makes a tiny incision, inserts the pellets, puts steri-strips and a band-aid on and off I go. I get them 3-4 times per year. I felt the effects within 48 hours.

I have a Yahoo group devoted to Hormone Pellets. We have over 350 members, including a pharmacist that makes the pellets. It’s a great resource for support, information and finding doctors.


Pellets work…you can have a great sex life again. You can sleep better, have more energy, no more hot flashes, night sweats, moodiness or brain fog, and you can just plain old feel great again!

June 29, 2011 at 11:11 pm
(425) john says:

I had gotten blessed with meeting my wife on christianmingle.com we married last aug 2010, docs are bone heads, what one thought was a fybroid, turned out to be cervical cancer. Had the lapro in march, she gave me divorce papers a week ago, as she feels nothing, is completely different, no energy, watch out doctors of chinese medicine gave her too much estrogen, now finally found a good CNP, it has changed our whole life.

during the heavy bleeding, we used the IUD, it worked, life was good, am so sorry to all of you wormen who hve suffered out there. I love my wife, I miss her, so many wishes and could of’s.

best of luck to all, use what you can, my deepest respect and admiration to all of the women trying to cope and not giving up. god bless you all

July 9, 2011 at 12:55 am
(426) Liz says:

I want to thank all of you for your comments and sincere honesty-as painful as it must have been to share.

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on in regards to a hyterectomy. I can’t understand why doctors are so ready to butcher us. I have had to oponions, and they both recommend some type of hyterectomy.

I monitor my periods closely and feel I can rough the waters until this storm passes. I WILL NOT HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY!!!! THANK YOU LADIES

God Bless you all for helping me make this life changing decision to keep myself in tact.

July 9, 2011 at 11:04 am
(427) ty says:

i spent all this morning reading all 426 comments and i must say i feel the pain and frustration from both points of view. my girlfriend had a hysterectomy last year and the sex between us for the first part after her surgery was so good she thought she wasnt goin to be able to perform but surprisingly she was. now a year later and nothing. we broke up for a brief time and she slept with someone else and now says she thinks im just not for her anymore she thinks her attraction for the other female will bring her sex drive back even tho she has stated on several attempts at masterbation she needed to use jelly to lube herself. i take it all in and have never asked her for sex and we just cuddle a lot. she tells me in her mind she thinks bout it she dreams bout it and when we attempt she is dry. so as stated before she keeps asking me for a free pass to go sleep with the other female to see if as she says her stuff will work or not.i repeatedly tell her no because i believe her hysterectomy has taken its toll on her and the act of her going to another female would end us. my questions are to the husbands how do you deal with it mentally because i for awhile started to believe it was me til i read all the comments and i see that my theroy of it bein her hysterectomy may just be true? and how do the females on here cope with your not wanting sex? she says to me that its not fair my sex life is put on hold til she figures things out but i try to explain i dont care bout mines and when it gets to me i do know how to pleasure myself.but what can i do to show her im there and so what bout the sex because we have so much fun at other things?

July 9, 2011 at 11:04 am
(428) ty says:

i spent all this morning reading all 426 comments and i must say i feel the pain and frustration from both points of view. my girlfriend had a hysterectomy last year and the sex between us for the first part after her surgery was so good she thought she wasnt goin to be able to perform but surprisingly she was. now a year later and nothing. we broke up for a brief time and she slept with someone else and now says she thinks im just not for her anymore she thinks her attraction for the other female will bring her sex drive back even tho she has stated on several attempts at masterbation she needed to use jelly to lube herself. i take it all in and have never asked her for sex and we just cuddle a lot. she tells me in her mind she thinks bout it she dreams bout it and when we attempt she is dry. so as stated before she keeps asking me for a free pass to go sleep with the other female to see if as she says her stuff will work or not.i repeatedly tell her no because i believe her hysterectomy has taken its toll on her and the act of her going to another female would end us. my questions are to the husbands how do you deal with it mentally because i for awhile started to believe it was me til i read all the comments and i see that my theroy of it bein her hysterectomy may just be true? and how do the females on here cope with your not wanting sex? she says to me that its not fair my sex life is put on hold til she figures things out but i try to explain i dont care bout mines and when it gets to me i do know how to pleasure myself.but what can i do to show her im there and so what bout the sex because we have so much fun at other things?

July 17, 2011 at 1:43 am
(429) denise says:

I had my hysterectomy over 20 years ago & ever since I lost interest in sex & I don`t even feel like be touched much . My live in boyfriend says it`s my fault why we don`t have sex. I am 49. He still gets in the mood , it hurts when we have sex. So I am also glad we aren`t the only ones living this way p.s we still love each other alot.

July 18, 2011 at 12:58 pm
(430) melissa says:

I am 23 years old.. a mother two kids and I had to have a hysterectomy due to adenomyosis.. which they cant find until they remove the uterus because it is on the outside.. I have had NO problem with sex until about a month after my surgery and I cant seem to stay “wet”… It is tearing my relationship apart because he thinks it is his fault when in fact its not; it is from my surgery!! Any help is greatly appreciated!!!

July 18, 2011 at 9:16 pm
(431) judy gillette says:

i only fake it for my hubby

July 27, 2011 at 11:54 am
(432) Margie says:

After reading some of these comments, I just had to tell my story. I’m 64 years old now (don’t really look or act that age). At 56, I had to have a complete hysterectomy due to Stage 0 cancer of the cervix. I am single so for seven years following the surgery I was not dating anyone seriously so I was not having any sexual relations. Just recently, I met a gentleman that I have become involved with (he is 68 years old) and we have become sexually involved. I cannot believe how good the sex is! Alot of women are saying there is no sex desire after hysterectomy. Mine is the opposite. Despite my age (64) and the fact that I’ve had a complete hysterectomy, my sex life now is better than it was when I was 34! I don’t know whether it is just the proper chemistry with this partner or whether the hysterectomy didn’t really affect my libido. I don’t know but I’m not about to argue with success. I do use a lubricant and my partner is very sexual himself and caring about the relationship, so maybe that is an added bonus.

August 3, 2011 at 2:28 pm
(433) Fya says:

I am one husband of this result. It is hard for both sides. We as men can’t understand it just as you all. I only hope we can work through it. I know I’m way to young to start going without. But all I can do is hold out and be faithful to my best friend. Good luck ladies!

August 5, 2011 at 4:57 pm
(434) Karen says:

My husband left this past weekend. I am not sure exactly why he left, but after reading these post from the men on this website, I think I now understand. Since my hysterectomy I have not had the desire and there is always pain. I have been able to have an orgasm a few times. Because of the pain and lack of desire I have turned him down. When he even touches me, all I can think about is (no not today). I have tried to explain to him about the pain and lack of desire. I thought he was really trying to be patient. Now I see how much I have been hurting him. How selfish of me. It is almost like we have both been diagnosed with a terminal disease. All I can say is…ladies if you love your husband try to be creative. I know if I was on the other side of this, I would be highly frustrated.

To all the men who have posted, I just want to say THANK YOU!!!! It is good to see I did play a big part in my husband leaving. I can ‘t hate him. Hate is not good. I will try to do all the things that have been suggested here. If he does ever come home, I plan on being one hot mama. If I don’t feel it physically, I will feel it emotionally because I love the man who has shared his life with me until now.

August 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm
(435) Kriss says:

For those of you in pain – try Vagifem. It’s a vaginal suppository that has estrogen in it. It’s safe even for those who have had to have a hysterectomy due to cancer. I cannot take estrogen by patch or orally b/c I have endo on my bowels and it grows back. (complete hysterectomy 2 years ago – no ovaries or cervix). Lack of estrogen = vaginal atrophy. Your vaginal wall becomes tight and rigid with no fluid and that is very painful for sex. I experienced the same pain you all are describing before taking this medication. Estrogen brings back the moisture. You have to take it for two weeks straight and then 2x a week for maintenance. That will fix your vaginal atrophy. I have no pain now but I still have no desire as well but I’m about to start testosterone cream. I hope it works. I will let you know the results.

For those who are in real pain I would not hesitate having a hysterectomy. I was bed ridden almost every day due to endo growing everywhere in my body (including bladder and bowels). I have my life back. The sex will come… if not – at least I am not in constant pain.

I am also on 200 mg of prometrium (that is progesterone) and it’s brought more moisture back to my body and I feel a little bit more myself (although a slightly more emotional version, but it’s controllable). If you can take estrogen, take it. Otherwise, try estrogen vaginally, progesterone daily by pill, and maybe add some testosterone. If your dr. isn’t listening, go to another doctor!

August 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm
(436) Kriss says:

Karen, I am so sorry. Call him and tell him immediately that you understand that you’ve been denying him sex and you were wrong. Denying a man sex ever is like a man denying to ever talk to us or touch us. Like the man said earlier in the post – there are many ways to participate even if you can’t have intercourse. Get a vibrator, play with it in front of him, and help him masturbate. Drink some wine beforehand if need be!

August 9, 2011 at 12:05 pm
(437) Maurice says:

My wife just had a hysterectomy last month and I am SCARED AS HELL……we never had a very active sex life anyway…maybe once every 2-3 weeks and I am fearful that this surgery is going to diminish that even further. I love my wife dearly but it pains me to think about the reality that we now face that she just may lose her desire for sex.

August 18, 2011 at 7:27 am
(438) Ann says:

I came across this site totally accident and was so absolutely amazed and relieved I thought I was going through all that has been described but alone. My complete lack of sexual desire is having a horrendous effect on my relationship. We had the most amazing sex life and I was so full of desire. I perform the act but I can’t have orgasms which makes us both feel like failures. It was was strong and amazing before. My lack of desire started to wane about 18 months prior to hysterectomy, I had a severe prolapse. I am also quite shocked that when mentioning the problem the medics seem amazed that it should trouble someone of 56. I would like to know more about bio indenticals, from the accounts they seem amazing. Is there any place in the UK that offers this treatment and at what cost? The UK is very lacking in any support for women.

August 20, 2011 at 9:12 pm
(439) Ken says:

Look up Ed McCabe ” Mr. Oxygen ” and push on left buttons to hear & see all. If you find the answers please tell others. His books Oxygen Theripies and Flood Your body with Oxygen. If people knew doctors would be out of business as all they know is cut,burn and poison Good Luck and wish all the best.Ken

August 21, 2011 at 6:10 am
(440) forestscribe says:

Hi, folks!
It’s kinda hard for me to type this as I’m crying so hard… but I felt I needed to say something after reading all these posts.

First off, to the ladies who’ve undergone this horrifically life-altering event, let me say God bless you all and I’m so sorry this happened to you; it’s a sad fact of life that women, by and large, wind up with the fuzzy end of the lollipop… but this… this is not just screwing us over and making our lives harder than they need to be – this is sheer blind butchery, pure and simple. If there are no more efficacious treatments available currently, okay… but could you nice folks in the medical establishment at least have the balls to admit it to us upfront?! Oh, yeah… And while you’re at it could you kinda… you know… GET YOUR HEAD OUTA YOUR REAR ENDS AND FIND A MORE EFFECTIVE TREATMENT PLAN?! Thanks!

To the guys out there who’ve lost the women they love to this horrible travesty of medicine, God bless the ones who are sticking it out; to the ones who’ve given up and are starting again… and to the ones who are on the fence… may God comfort you and guide you to a better place in life. I understand how important a component of emotional intimacy the physical is for you; not having the physical touch… whether sexual or not… it’s like you’ve been asked to pick up dimes for the rest of your life with mittens on – doable in theory… but damned hard in reality!

I came to this site looking for reality… honest and frank discussion… for a book I’m considering writing… but honestly… after reading all these posts… I’m not sure my heart could bear it now!


August 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm
(441) Debra says:

I had a complete hysterectomy January of 2010. I have no desire for sex, crying alot, hot flashes, night sweats. I think I need to have hormone therapy, but I can’t afford it. No insurance and no job. Anyone know anything else I can do?

August 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm
(442) forestscribe says:

Hi, folks!

It’s me again… and I’m back to learn more… now that I have the crying, praying and hurting under control; I have many questions and I’m asking for your help. I’ve decided to go ahead and write the book… realizing this is a story that needs to be told very desperately; my previous works have dealt with other difficult and complex issues (child abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, etc.)… so I’ve never been one to shy away from the horrific… and actually write about such difficult issues for the express purpose of shining a spotlight on them and (hopefully) encouraging discourse on the things we just don’t talk about… but should. I wasn’t really sure what the book was going to be about, to be honest; it’s a sequel to another I’m writing… carrying forward the story of my protagonists from that one… several years on down the road. I knew that at some point I would most likely have to address the issue of hysterectomy… so I began my research… and wound up here… and I must say, you all have certainly opened my eyes… and provided the inspiration for my new story; I know with certainty now that this is my moral obligation as an author… to tell this story, tell it right… with honesty and pulling no punches… and hopefully inspiring progress in this area… by increasing awareness and inciting the reader to speak out on the issue if nothing else. Thus I’m pleading for any interested persons to communicate with me, through this forum or by whatever means you feel most comfortable; if you like, I can provide my e-mail address… and we can communicate privately that way.

August 23, 2011 at 6:40 pm
(443) Kriss says:

Just wanted to check back with you all. My compound pharmacist just made a cream for me called “scream cream”. I’m looking forward to trying it tonight. Google “scream cream compound” and have your pharmacist make it for you if you are lacking sensitivity in your female parts. That was the ONE side effect of progesterone, for some reason I can’t feel anything anymore… the dr. said this scream cream has left some very satisfied customers – the pharmacist said the same thing. So to date I’m taking Vagifem 2x a week. It keeps everything from drying up and keeps you from having pain during sex. A good compound pharmacist can also make a vaginal cream like it of testosterone and estrogen. Even cancer patients can take this b/c it doesn’t get into your blood stream. I take 200 mg of progesterone daily – cured me of insomnia and hot flashes. And now I’ve got my scream cream!!!!! So excited. I hope my solutions can help some of you out there. Since I had really bad endo I can’t put estrogen into my body, it activates the endo left on my bowels and makes me terribly ill. Just apply it as a cream vaginally has produced no endo side effects. If you can take estrogen orally it really does solve a LOT of problems. When I took it, it alone cured all of my menopause problems but my endo came back so I’m one of the sad few that can’t take it. Progesterone, though – has saved my life!!!

August 24, 2011 at 6:40 am
(444) forestscribe says:

Hi, folks! I’d like to leave messages for the following:

David, Nancy, Tammy and Kim – who all posted about BHRT – great info, thanks! This might really help a lot of folks! Thanks for sharing!

JillSusan (#245) – if you’re still “in the house”, please drop me a line! I’m dying to talk to you and find out how you’re getting on with your “homemade” therapy; this is of the greatest interest to me as my character had her hysterectomy for cancer and will be unable to use most hormonally-based treatments for her surgical menopause symptoms. She does, however, have an extremely strong and loving marriage… a very supportive partner… and a long history of overcoming devastating life events with the aid of mental health and other counseling; what you wrote of your relationship with your husband so reminded me of my characters!

Kriss – who just posted – thanks for the info on this cream; I just Googled it and found several compounding pharmacies in my area – WOO HOO! I also found a PDF that stated the ingredients involved… so now I can research them as well! Please let me know if your stuff “does its stuff”… and I may yet have another option available to my couple!

To all – God bless and comfort you… and provide you a roadmap to healing; I welcome any information you might be willing to share on your symptoms, their duration, etc. as this will help me more accurately portray my character’s ordeal. Thanks for sharing your stories and for any help you may render.


August 24, 2011 at 12:35 pm
(445) Kriss says:

OMG – the scream cream works. I have never EVER had such an intense orgasm!!!! I’m surprised my hubby didn’t have to scrape me off of the ceiling. He even giggled a little that I was so “into” it. We are two VERY satisfied customers. So here’s the ingredients:

Aminophylline/arginine 3%/6%

It doesn’t get you “in the mood” but rather it awakens your clitorous/vaginal area so once you start having sex (or partake in foreplay) it feels awesome! I haven’t had an orgasm based on vaginal stimulation I think ever – always needed the clitorous to have an orgasm. This cream actually awakened all parts of the female anatomy. *sigh*

So okay ladies… had a hysterectomy at 28 b/c my life was miserable from endo taking over all of my abdominal cavity. Now that I have this one part of my life fixed – I am so happy!!! Here are my meds again:

Progesterone: 150 mg a day of compounded capsules (you can also use other forms of progesterone from any pharmacy that are not compounded). This has erased insomnia and hot flashes.

Vaginal estrogen/testosterone Cream: This keeps me from going into vaginal atrophy. Without estrogen in your vagina it will get brittle and it will be very painful to have sex. I don’t know why my dr. added testosterone to the cream as well, but maybe this will help with libido? Previously, I took vagifem which is a estrogen only vaginal suppository and it worked well. Kept sex from being painful. Even if you have had breast cancer or are at risk for breast cancer, dr.s still allow you to take estrogen vaginally b/c it doesn’t seem to get in your blood stream. Sex once a week also seems to help keep that vaginal muscle elastic.

Scream Cream: take 30 minutes before sex and prepare to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm
(446) Kriss says:

BTW – everything I take should be okay for cancer patients. Cancer doesn’t mean you can’t take ANY hormones… it means you can’t take estrogen. The studies I’ve read say natural progesterone (like the one my compound pharmacist makes) is actually beneficial to cancer patients. Check with your Dr. as I’ve only looked at this a little. Cancer doesn’t mean you can’t take any hormones – but you can take the things I take and I FEEL GREAT!!!!!

August 24, 2011 at 12:44 pm
(447) Kriss says:

Debra – the three things I take are $40 a piece without insurance. Hope that helps you at least in budget planning.

August 25, 2011 at 7:45 am
(448) forestscribe says:


Rock on with your bad self!!! Sounds like you kinda like the stuff a bit, huh? LOL! Doing a special happy dance for you and your man!

Also, thanks for the other info; I’ll research the progesterone and estrogen-testosterone cream combo and see if I can work that into my character’s treatment plan as well (and thanks for the prices, too – that helps!). So far, I’ve got her using sex therapy including biofeedback to control the pain and Kegels to strengthen her pelvic floor muscles… vaginal dilators to treat the vaginismus… conditioned response training to foster positive associations with sexual activity in her mind again and get her back in the “habit”… conventional “talk” therapy to process her feelings and relieve stress… certain practical methods of sexual relief for her husband (okay, masturbation)… scheduled weekly lovemaking to maintain their emotional intimacy… including full body massage and cunnilingus for her and whatever form of pleasure for him she can handle at the time (vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, breast sex, fellatio, manual stimulation [or handjob] or some combination of these)… with the goal being to connect and physically express their love… with orgasm being a (distantly) secondary goal for both.

To all:
If any of you are familiar with or have had success with any of these techniques, would you please drop me a line? I’d sure love to be able to give them a somewhat happy ending… and maybe help others like them in the process!

Also, I’m interested in the symptoms related to surgical menopause so that I can realistically write her experience with it; I know some of them already from reading all these posts (yes, I read every single one… multiple times) and from my other researches… but I’d like to hear anecdotal accounts of the symptoms real women have experienced… real world stuff… not just the medical profession’s take on it.

Thanks… and God bless!


August 31, 2011 at 5:24 pm
(449) Gina says:

Hi Everyone:

I am stunned that so many woman here have the exact same symptoms as myself. I truly thought that I was just getting older and losing my sex drive. I had a complete hysto at age 38 in year 2002. I had adhesions that were strangling my bowels. By the time they got in there they realized I was a mess, so I needed a complete hysto. I am on Vivelle dot and have been since 2002. My GYN says that I should off once I am in my 50′s. I had a great run till about 2006. In 2006, 4 years after the Hysto, I started to gain weight, lose my sex drive, my enegry, my positive outlook and became depressed. I have had every test under the sun, and the GYN says my hormones are normal. I have no clue what is wrong with me, but I used to be very interested in SEX and I am no longer. My fiance is a gem, very patience and understanding. BUT I hate not having sex with him. He deserves better. I am so happy I got a chance to read everyone’s post and know I am not alone. Most of all I have some hope. Thank you everyone for sharing!

God Bless and keep on keeping on!

September 1, 2011 at 4:17 pm
(450) Kriss says:

Gina, welcome to the club. If you’re gaining weight and are not happy with your weight, that will also affect your sex drive. If I’m not happy with how I look, I am not wanting to have sex. I have found that managing calories through a free online calorie counting site (I prefer livestrong.com) really helps me to manage my weight. I also go to the gym 3 x a week and get on the elliptical for 20 minutes. I was told by my obgyn that this help with menopausal symptoms as well. Also if your emotional health is unbalanced, that will affect your sex drive. I strongly believe that we have to find happiness within ourselves. For me, doing this has been better than any drug I’ve taken and no side effects. If you’re a Christian – seek Biblical counseling. I got a degree in Biblical counseling and the learning process really helped me with anxiety and mood swings. If you’re not a Christian – seek a way to find zen… Hang in there girl!

September 2, 2011 at 12:44 am
(451) Marie says:

If a guy is said to be “Castrated” if their testicles are removed and they lose their sex drive, wouldn’t it make sense that to remove the ovaries in a woman would amount to the same thing and she’d lose her sex drive too?

Gawd it amazes me that Doctors think were all stupid.

September 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm
(452) Sandy says:

My hysterectomy was back in 1995 and my then boyfriend said he no longer enjoyed sex because he could not feel anything inside of me. I thought it was just him. My current boyfriend also confessed to me a few nights ago that he has a harder time since there is no sensation for him. After he went home I cried for an hour. It broke my heart that I can’t make it feel good enough for him to enjoy. I have one ovary and do not take any pills and have not had any problems with lack of sex drive…mine actually increased.

September 19, 2011 at 11:51 am
(453) PAUL says:

hi everyone

I have read the past comments i can relate to everyone on here
it makes me sad inside as i can see my marriage slowly dieing right in front of my own eyes . its ok for a while then it gets worse every time we fallout she has told me when we do have sex its just for me she has no feeling at all then i feel really bad for having sex
my wife and i before her total hysterectomy were like lovers not a married couple laughing joking then it started to disappear after her op like the one post said we are like brother and sister no one tells you any of this before the op!!!!

September 20, 2011 at 10:22 pm
(454) toy says:

I had my hysterectomy at the young age of twentytwo years and that was almost eight years ago. I also have the same problems as you ladies and hope to find something that will remedy this problem because I am also married. So far the only thing that I have found is that if I drink some alchol it will help just a little bit. The problem with that is I am really not a big drinker so that really does not help alot for us. Has anybody tried natural herbs to see if it works just curious?

September 24, 2011 at 8:06 pm
(455) GINA says:


September 29, 2011 at 1:11 pm
(456) VMR says:

I hope my story makes some of you feel better about your situations. You can say, “At least I’m not as bad off as VMR.” My beloved mother died from ovarian cancer in ‘08. There were no symptoms and she regularly went to the gynecologist for yearly exams. Sometimes life is cruel. I’ve been scared about getting ovarian cancer. I’ve been considering a preventative hysterectomy and mastectomy. I took the BRCA1 & 2 blood test. It was negative. The doctors tried to ease my mind, but there’s no real way to know for sure. We didn’t have a family history of ovarian cancer. There might’ve been a few distant cousins in the past w/ it and 1 aunt who died from breast cancer, but that’s considered a typical modern-day risk. Even w/ a complete hysterectomy there’s a 3% chance of getting it since the lining of the peritoneum (the serous membrane lining the abdominal cavity), which doesn’t get removed during surgery, arises from the same cells that form the ovaries in the female embryo in utero. There are mammograms and breast exams for early detection for breast cancer, but there’s little or nothing for ovarian cancer early detection. I tell every woman I know to have all that stuff “down there” removed after you have kids. Also, in my case, my sex drive has done nothing but make my life miserable. For some reason, my libido is connected to severe chronic depression that has impacted everything in my life for most of my life. So, do you want to risk an insidious disease like ovarian cancer (mom’s oncologist called it that) just to keep your husband happy? I know children would rather have their mothers still alive and well.

October 1, 2011 at 2:41 am
(457) SPK says:

I can’t believe the comments started in 2007 and five years later people are still adding to it!!

I had my hysterectomy in 1989 aged 35 and my libido went downhill from then. I had a very high sex drive before, within 12 months of the op I couldn’t have cared less if I never had sex again. Doctors tell you it doesn’t affect your sex life or drive or ability to orgasm. Bull.

I left my ex 6 months after the op and have a new hubby who is still highly sexed and it is causing all sorts of problems at regular intervals. I don’t feel like sex, need several chardonnays to help it along, I can’t orgasm without a lot of effort from both of us and if I do manage to get there, it is of low intensity, painful and almost gone before I get there. So naturally I am not keen to go down that road very often. As understanding as hubby is, he still can’t understand why I’m not “interested” and initiate sex occasionally. I try and avoid it like the plague. We have to set out with this in mind. Hubby gets a chardonnay, I know he is frisky and so do my best to accommodate him. Not very romantic and not really successful but it is the only option open to us at the moment.

So, if anyone has found anything that works let me know. The chardonnay is the only thing that works and that is getting less effective. Not good for the liver either!!

I had the hysterectomy because of fibroids growing my uterus size a centimetre a month so couldn’t avoid the op. At the time of the op my uterus was 13 centimetres instead of 7.but would give my right arm to have my sex life back.

October 4, 2011 at 7:21 pm
(458) Scott Chang says:

Don’t ask the wrong question; otherwise, what you ask is what you get. Rather than ask your self how to get your sex drive back, you should ask: How do I restore my body to function like when it was in the 20′s and 30′s. Chinese has a way to calculate you real physical age by looking at your ability and desire to reproduce. In another word, if you are in your 50′s but able to reproduce like a 30′s year old, your real age is 30′s. Husband and wife’s mind and body should be competible with one another; otherwise, it does create marital issues. Read every page on http://www.desertbloomnopal.com and see what’s possible.

October 8, 2011 at 1:23 pm
(459) tina says:

i had a hysterectomeyn7 yrs ago i have had nothing but problems with sex they did s
a full one i don’t even have my ovaries have no sex drive but i give it to my husband anyway if anyone can help please help me i am very frustrated tina

October 10, 2011 at 12:53 am
(460) Bill says:

Do yourself a favor. Read up a little on BHRT so you know what to expect. Find a doctor in your area that specializes in it and go. I went from thinking my marraige was over to happy again and my wife went from 0 to OMG in two weeks. Need I say more?

October 14, 2011 at 12:36 am
(461) Gendeng says:

asli gendeng

October 15, 2011 at 9:33 pm
(462) Helen McClintock says:

I too never thought I’d be making a comment on this subject, however after reading all the heart rendering accounts of people here, both male and female felt that I must also contribute.
I have not BTW had a hysterectomy, however menopause after fibroids, which were disabling finally finished me off.
At first I took HRT, the artificial kind, and developed some kind of mass, which the doctor said was probably estrogen related, so, stopped immediately. Sex life, finished.
After that an OBGYN, recommended some medication from Europe, which was a dopamine inhibitor. I was desperate at this point. Long story short, I almost died by my own hand after taking that for 3 months. It took a determined husband, and two dedicated doctors, one of whom was a close personal friend to get me out of that situation alive. It took nine months. After that, sex took a backseat to life. Terrified to try anything else I just gave up.
Recently, on a trip, the little boutique soaps provided at our hotel, laden with mint I might add, somewhat like the scream cream, produced an unfamiliar sensation. As many of you have said, never give up.
We’re old, but not dead, and it’s those little intimate moments which keep a good marriage good.
Let’s just say that I’m going to work on this again, after having given up for 7 years.
Thanks to all contributors. Will post if I have any luck on this.

October 31, 2011 at 8:12 pm
(463) CountryBoy says:

My wife and I have been married going on 27yrs. She had cmplt hysterectomy in 1998. Before sex drive & life was good. After zilch. Now I’m lucky if its twice a year. Don’t know if were even going to survive marriage anymore, she won’t discuss it or talk to Dr.

November 3, 2011 at 11:41 pm
(464) linda says:

waht about sex toys ?

November 5, 2011 at 7:16 pm
(465) a728650 says:

I’ve said that least 728650 times. The problem this like that is they are just too compilcated for the average bird, if you know what I mean

November 13, 2011 at 6:33 pm
(466) Lauren says:

I had a radical hysterectomy 4 years ago because of uterine cancer. I am glad to be alive , but my sex drive is gone,gone, gone…it used to be so strong. So, I just “fake it until I make it”. Nothing is perfecct, and I survived cancer…So in the balance…”fake it until you make it ” isn’t so bad. I just don’t mention it to my partner.

November 15, 2011 at 10:56 pm
(467) Karoline Bragg says:

Hrmm that was weird, my comment got eaten. Anyway I desired to say that it’s good to understand that someone else also mentioned this as I had trouble finding precisely the same info elsewhere. This was the initial put that told me the answer. Thanks.

November 17, 2011 at 4:16 pm
(468) David says:

I’d stopped posting back in May and removed the “favorite” from my browser. I’d decided today to check back and see if anyone has made any progress. I was pleased to see that Bio-Identical Hormones are becoming more of a topic. My wife did go back to the pellet insertions and is still experimenting with the correct mix. The MD she visits these days makes her come in for weekly B12 shots and pellets are inserted every 3 months instead of 4. I still find it alarming that so many women are still having such a time comprehending there is help out there. I do understand the expense and if you can’t afford it, you simply can’t. But I find so very few that have posted back and mentioned that they are least investigating the option. After doing both pellet and the tourches I have seen a marked difference. So please do yourself a favor and start the research.

November 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm
(469) Tracy in Aus says:

Hi Everyone, I had a hysterectomy 10 years and one ovary removed, the second ovary was removed 3 years ago.
I am 45 years old with 5 children and have been married to a wonderful man for 20 years.
I did not lose my zest immediately, it was gradual until I felt so flat and exhausted most of the time.
Sex was painful but I never stopped wanting the closeness with my husband..never, although the mind blowing days were over….completely,I felt so cheated and couldn’t stand it,I was very down and felt lost and had had enough, Im 45 and I love my husband, there has to be something out there…so I started researching what I could do about it and came upon this site and started to hear about
David you are a great guy and the caring support and awareness you are providing is fantastic, you really helped me to make a decision that was frightening and confusing, especially when I wasn’t feeling so great.
So anyway…. I am only 6 days in and am taking trouche’s, estrogen and progesterone very low levels, I have a way to go before I am balanced and at optimal but the initial results are promising, very ! I caught a snippet of myself 2 days in and felt alive mentally….this morning was……well lets say WOW after only 5 days Ladies, I have feeling and sensation and I feel so hopeful (happy hubby too), I feel like me…
I will keep you updated on my progress as I know how helpful Davids regular posts were for me, please keep coming back David….for me so far there have been no unwanted side effects apart from a couple of headaches in the first few days, but all good right now…. Off to get ready for work now, beautiful sunny day here in Australia ;)

November 23, 2011 at 12:03 pm
(470) David says:

Excellent news Tracy. I’m so glad you took the chance and started your research and have begun your new life. Please follow up with your yearly exams and blood work to make double sure all is going according to plan. My wife is doing just fine and continues to praise BHT to other women she works with. Thanks again for your update and take care.

November 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm
(471) peggy says:

I had one in Febuary 6,1990. I was always oversed infact the oversexual activity caused my husband & I to divorce, I never cheeted on him he just didn’t have the drive I had now that I am married again I could care less wether I have sex or not what happened? What can I do? I have done all the pills the creams tryed ky & all that junk.
They left part of my good overy in there told me I would not go though the change well I have been though it 9 times when does this nightmare stop?
I want to enjoy sex again & have these hot flashes stop HELP!!!!!!!

Leave a Comment

Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.

We comply with the HONcode standard
for trustworthy health
information: verify here.