1. Health

Readers Respond: Tips For Rape Recovery, Healing, and Survival After Rape

Responses: 61

By

Updated April 20, 2009

Strong

When I was 16 I was raped by the man know as the walk with me rapist in Memphis, TN. This incident happen in 1999, and I cannot belive after all these years I find my self thinking about it and getting angry all ove again. I never tell anyone cause I don't want family to worry about me. We one thing I can say is that I survive but the thoughts will never go away. I can remember this like it was yesterday clear as a bell. It's terrible how sick inidividuals can turn someone life around. Being rape is horrible. It's a nasty feeling you get about your self. It's like I'm standing and the breath is being taken out of me lil by lil. But one thing I can say I will continue to stay strong a look to a brighter future. Believe me it is not easy because it makes you have trust issues with many people. Thank God for keeping me in my right mind and making me a stronger individual everyday. Just believe in yourself of getting better and God will help you too.
—Guest WalkWIthMeRapist Victim

Raped n hurt - trying to mend

I was raped when I was 17 turning 18. I was just getting to know this guy that asked me out. He said he had invited some friends over and he wanted me to come over. It was around noon, and I didn't feel insecure because I never expected something like this could happen. I wanted to save my virginity for someone I loved. When he said he wanted to have sex with me. I thought it was a joke, I said no! I'm not ready for that... And he said come onnn ... Next thing I know he was on top of me... And all I could think of was losing my virginity... I was blank... It was painful... I try not to think about it but i subconsciously think bout it everyday and effects my school work n my job .... I remember that's the day I changed ... Still working on bringing myself back... And then I met this guy that I thought i loved... I told him my story because I felt like I'd be a liar to start a relationship with a big secret. He acted supportive but he just wanted to sleep with me n didn't love me.
—Guest Lonelygirl

Do husbands recover?

When I met my husband we both had some time in a program of recovery addiction, and I had recently been raped by another member of our group. He was my best friend at the time and I was heartbroken. I began to isolate from the rest of the group because I just knew that they were all looking at me as the shameful being that I was. I stopped going to those meeting and talking to the people in those meetings that had become my family at the time. I met Jon, my current husband a few months later and we had a great time dating and I was starting to heal. When I told him what happened a few months earlier with the rape. He agreed that we didn't need to go to those meetings any more because that guy would be there. I forgot that it really was the meetings and the people in them that were keeping me clean. About a year after the rape, I picked up drugs again and my husband didn't. I tried many times to stop and couldn't, so I kept using. 10 days ago my dealer violently raped me. Can we heal?
—Guest kimmi3961

My boyfriend raped me

How could i live with the fact that i was raped by my boyfriend and that he maybe affected me with HIV
—Guest Nosipho

feared into staying friends

I was 15 when I was assaulted by a guy I had thought was my friend .. at the time I didn't believe it was rape because I had considered him my friend. For a few years I distanced myself from him, but every once in a while he would come back into my life .. after I finally opened up about what had happened the police made it seem like it was too late and made me feel ashamed of myself because it was my fault for not telling sooner even though I had been confused and didn't know friends could be considered rapists. The police only offered to put a restraining order on him. This made me sick because now I had told my story and in my mind a restraining order wouldn't do anything to stop him so I denied ... now I realize it is important to get help and open up about all of my problems because holding them in left me to suffer alone instead of getting the help and support needed in a situation like this
—Guest m1

Don't know how to speak out

I am currently 21. When I was 16 I went out with some friends, we had a few drinks and at the end of the night bumped into a guy one of them knew as a family friend who was 23(far too old) He walked us home and later on I was left alone with him. He kept asking to have sex with me, I was a virgin at the time and repeated "no I do not want sex". All of a sudden he was on top of me forcing himself on me. I was so scared that I couldn't move or say a word my voice was gone. After that I was so confused and messed up. He wanted to make up the mistake to me by becoming my bf. I dated him for 4 horrible months where he sexually, mentally and verbally abused me. Two years ago I met the most amazing guy ever. I have never been so happy..except for one thing. Every now and again at night I find myself crying, feeling horrible remembering my past. I dont know why but I just can't find the right way to speak to my bf about it..I wish I could to get it off my mind once and for all.
—Guest the_lost_voice

My wife was raped by family

Since the age of 8, my wife was raped by her brothers, half-brothers, and their friends. She was young enough to be a willing participant until she realized that it was wrong. The rape was such that she maintained her hymen until she was raped in the traditional sense by a man at a park bathroom, by force. She told her mother, who told her it was her fault. Recently she opened up to me. I was furious and wanted to utterly annihilate her brother and the older sister who was also a victim, but knowingly left her behind. Last night, while I was away from home, her mother and brother were over as invited guests. Her brother got drunk and punched her, then proudly declared the history of raping in front of her mother and my children. She called the cops and he was taken into custody. Her mother, who told her that she asked for it (years ago), responded this time with "how could you?" and "what am I supposed to do now?" I love this woman wholly and support her.
—eyeguybri

Pretend

My sister was raped by my cousin & got pregnant ofcource didnt hAve it.she was 9 I was 6 it happened 1 time to her but me it happened 30 time by 3 cousins..I haven't told anyone because I'm scared but now I'm 13 it's too late to tell so y do people say tell.I know every place it happened..I cut my self & wasnt eating now I snot even have a tv menstrole cycle..I want to tell but I'll mess up my life.& I have other problems so that doesn't help but god is always there
—Guest Jayde

Almost 5 years ago now

I was drugged in a bar while on an out-of town trip. I have no idea who did it and remember only a few fragments of what actually happened. I hadn't told anyone that night where my hotel was or what room I was in, but that's where I woke up...naked, alone, a black eye, and the realization that I was never going to be the same again. I denied it for a long time and told no one, but eventually I had to talk about it before it destroyed me. I finally told my husband about it and, though at first he did not take it well or seem to understand, he supported me through counseling and the healing process. I still have a long way to go and some days are harder than others. Most of the time I want to keep it very private and other times I want to scream it to the world, "I was raped! It destroyed everything I thought I was, but the new me is slowly emerging from my former self stronger than ever." Hang in there. It will never go away, but it will get better.
—Guest jlynn

Almost 5 years ago now

I was drugged in a bar while on an out-of town trip. I have no idea who did it and remember only a few fragments of what actually happened. I hadn't told anyone that night where my hotel was or what room I was in, but that's where I woke up...naked, alone, a black eye, and the realization that I was never going to be the same again. I denied it for a long time and told no one, but eventually I had to talk about it before it destroyed me. I finally told my husband about it and, though at first he did not take it well or seem to understand, he supported me through counseling and the healing process. I still have a long way to go and some days are harder than others. Most of the time I want to keep it very private and other times I want to scream it to the world, "I was raped! It destroyed everything I thought I was, but the new me is slowly emerging from my former self stronger than ever." Hang in there. It will never go away, but it will get better.
—Guest jlynn

over 2 years ago

I was sexually abused by a stranger in like an alley thing behind these shops near my school. he told me he had a knife so not to scream. afterwards i felt like my life was over. i went through some really bad times (like cutting myself and stuff). but i am now 16 and im feeling like a normal person again. i told my friend about it yesterday and shes the first person ive ever told.... i told her that i dont want her to talk about it... but i kindof feel like i want to talk now.. its scary opening up to somone.. especially someone you know (not a counsellor) but i think that it helps and it is a necassary step. knowing that there are people in your life who love and care about you is something that i find really important....
—Guest cam

8 years ago

At 11 years old I was kidnapped and raped by a 14 year old stranger at a friends family reunion. I repressed the memory for a very long time, not for myself, but for my mother and the rest of my family who was involved. I didn't want them to worry about me. 4 years ago I was lucky enough to put the man who hurt me in jail. I honestly thought that after that I put that part of my life behind me. But just recently my memories were triggered and they came rushing back to me. I can remember every grusome detail and all of the pain and fear I felt. I can remember everything that happened afterwards. All of the people who blamed me for what happened (I can't believe some people would have the nerve to call a child a s***) and I just don't know how to cope with this at the moment :(. I do have help though.. I have a loving boyfriend and mother who understand and are trying to help me. I really hope that I'll get through this and become the happy person I used to be again.
—Guest Kay

Age3-9

I was molested by my half brother for 6/7 years.it stoped after my dad died.I told my bestfriend n it had happened to her.I told the police.if u know some one who this has happend to,encourage them to telll .I was 11 or 12 when I did I'm now 15..i hate the person that did this to me .if u have kids /nieces nephews/little cousins watch them carefully.never let an older boy babysit ur kids
—Guest T7

it feels like it never even happend

i started to get raped by my cuzin when i was 8 we pretty much did everything else besides have sex. & he use too abuse me. he stopped foor a while but then he started it again when i was like 9 or 10 & the lasst time we ever did anything was when i was like 12. ( im gonna be 17 in like a month noww ] only like 5 of my friends know & no one else. but its weird i still live with my cuzin who raped mee and i feeel completely fine , is this a stage or sumthing ? like we both act like it N E V E R happend btw hes 19 now. but a while back ago guys would ask for me too send them nude pics & i would , i felt like i needed too or they wouldnt talkk too mee. but im not like that anymore , im a strong person now & i say nno all the time too things i dont want too do idc if the guys like me still or not ! (:
—Guest DMG

20 Years Later

I was raped nearly 20 years ago when I was in my early 20s. I've been to counseling but it hasn't helped. I can't talk about it to my friends or family b/c I don't want to burden them with it. Since all advice to get past the rape trauma seems to be "tell your story. Talk about it." I am going to do that online. Its not the night I was raped that haunts me anymore so much as how it turned my entire world upside down.I lost my sense of self. I lost my joy for life. I used to believe ppl were good (heart; now I think ppl are evil and selfish and willing to destroy others to get what they want. I have gained 100 pounds to hide my curves and be invisible or repulsove to men, so this destroying my health as well. I haven't dated a man or been in a relationship in years and I panic when a guy shows interest in me. Even if I like him, fear prevents me from being able to do anything other than run the other away. I always wanted to be a mom and now I'm too old to have kids. I'm fed up with fear running and ruining my life. I need to reclaim my life, but I don't know how. Help.
—Guest

Tracee Cornforth
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