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Worst Ways To Handle Conflict

Readers Respond: Tips For Rape Recovery, Healing, and Survival After Rape

Responses: 61

By

Updated April 20, 2009

Confussed?

I just want to say, I was raped, i am now 10 weeks preg... I believe that survivors can and should have normal feelings about preg, after a while, because it's no use hiding... But on the other hand, I still get so confussed if they are the right felings to feel... And what exactly to feel, about the rape, and the baby... (She is the 2ed rape survivor.)
—Guest A

Partner of a victim

My partner was raped when she was 14 years old by three boys she went to school with. When we met she wasn't sleeping at all because of nightmares. Now we have children and she is seeing a counselor again but this is the first coulselor she has told she was raped. She dosen't speak with me about it at all. She feels like hiding from me and never wants me to touch her. The rape happened 32 years ago.
—Guest Friend

A Rape Story

I Have Been Threw Some Of The Same Thing As These People Have I Was Raped Last Year And My Husband Laughed At Me And I Still Havent Come To Grips With It I Am Not Able To Lead A Great Relationship Or Life! The Guy Was My Best Friend! And I Was Just Hangin Out With Him And He Was High And Drunk And Raped Me And Didnt Remember It! I Cried For Days I Still Have Flash Backs! And It Makes Me Mad To Know That Happened Too Me!
—Guest Jessica

Recovering

I was raped this spring by someone I had been seeing for about three weeks. I suppressed it for weeks after it happened, had panic attacks, finally thought I had come to terms with it. I thought I was fine. I could even laugh about it to myself, as weird as that sounds. I was just glad it was me and not my sister. I thought I could live with it until the subject came up with a man I was dating. I didn't realize how much it was still affecting me until I tried to talk about it. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking. I could barely speak. If I see a man who looks like him, I get scared. If I'm on a date with someone, it's hard not to think about. I want to talk about it but the closer someone is to me, the less I want to tell them.
—Guest Lily

still upset, still not talking to family

25 years of age I still have precise memory of when I was sexually assaulted at age 11. When I was 21 I was studying policing and working at DoCS. I was ambitious, outgoing and focused... I always placed my family members on a pedestal and always trusted them as if they were my protectors until I got invited to a cousins birthday celebration and two of my cousins tried to rape me in his bedroom whilst my brother was asleep in the loungeroom and my cousin asleep in another bedroom. I managed to get away before anything serious happened and ran to the loungeroom, my brother woke up and was confused as to why I wanted to leave, I told him to f off and ran out the front door and down the road to which he followed me, I was trying to outrun him until he said im your brother stop running i dont know whats going on. When he caught up to me after i slowed down, he said 'i dont want to know what happened, lets just get home'... till this day noone knows, only my mother and I dont talk to family
—Guest Stace

usually someone you know

hanging out with this guy his family the kids over 2monthes, he knew I still loved my ex and one night he decided to take what I didnt want to share, the threats,his voice,body twice the size of mine sitting on my hands, I lost consciousness or have choose to black it out..even my ex doubts me however I know it's because it's hard for him to imagine this happening to me.I use to be very out going, smiling gal;now I flinched at every male movement, and have never felt so helpless in my life. I hope to read encouraging stories to reassure me I can worj through this and be the gal I use to be
—Guest Sher

Victim or Victimized

It started 8 yrs old when my cousin 16 at the time introduced me to his penis(orally) but that wasn't enough "it" had to go somewhere else (anal). He informed that the other way thats how women got pregnant. He instilled that I shouldnt tell anyone and this is what goes on behind close doors with everyone. age 8 how the hell was i 2 know the difference. This cont'd for 5 more years. He said no one would believe me. He was right!!! At the time of my cousin raping me I was also raped by 3 of my fathers friends who were coming into the room to rape my younger sisters, but since I was the one awake they chose me. Everything was so surreal. My mind and body were in too many places and my mouth couldnt scream because it was filled with (men). Its the most scary feeling because urself as a whole don't know how 2 react because some of everything is happening 2 u. I told my 7th grade teacher. My life fell 2 pieces, family didn't believe me father disowned me. My mom act like it didt happen
—Guest 31

I just trusted him

Eight years ago I was raped by my manger on a bussiness trip. We spent a lot of time on the road together (6-7 days a weeks for months on end). We learned to lean on each other and my family warned me that he was starting to develop feelings for me. I ignored them and said oh he's married your all nuts. Well I was the nut! Several weeks later he raped me in a hotel room while on a work trip. We always had keys to each others rooms incase of an emergency. Well his emergency that night was not on my agenda. I tried to fight back but could not. I think I froze. I was so scared and shocked that my brain was working but my body was limp. Legally I won, emotionally I lost. It has been many many years and I am continueing to have flashbacks of that night. I have been in and out of therapy, but nothing helps. I'm on my second marriage and have severe difficulties expressing anything about the rape to my husband. I feel as if it was yesterday.
—Guest JMA

Mother of teen raped by family

August 29,2009 I thought I could trust family so I left my daughter at her cousins, well apparently more went on than anyone discussed. Being a mom i didn't suspect anything of the nature. So she's crying when I picked her up to make a long story short charges were filed nothing to this day has been done. What an injustice, My daughter moved away from our town but she's still having problems coping with her esteem
—Guest Deandreia

I just met another victim of my rapist

Before I met this guy, I was a virgin. That night I said no, but he didn't listen. I was 16. He was 15. (Three month difference!) When I went to the cop at my school, he told me that if I went to court I could be charged with statutory rape. This weekend (8 years later) I met and spoke to another one of his victims. She also knows someone who was raped by him. In total there are 5 of us who know about each other, who were either raped, sodomized or molested by the same person. I just found out that he was convicted in 2009 of illegal gun possession, and served a third of his two year sentence (thank you MI state crime database). How can I live with this? Knowing that he is not only a serial offender, but also one with a penchant for guns. There is NOTHING I or his other victims can do. Except hunt him down and remove both his arms and his member. Fortunately for him... not all of us are monsters.
—Guest Riji

5 Years Later Still Blaming Herself

I have been recovering fro 5 years I still blame myself. doubt myself and lack respect for myself which I cannot shake off, I was spiked with GHB by 3 colleagues I worked with, I was always too trusting & thought I could handle myself, after a works night out, this does affect you deeply & I still have nightmares 5 yrs later use alcohol & at the time used drugs a lot, I have ditched the drugs had a baby & got married but the pain is still there I cant talk to my husband as he was with me when it happened & blames me & I have never had counseling, I know I still now...
—Guest annon

Urgent

When I was 12 my sisters boyfriend sexually molested me. I told my sister, then the police got involved. It was so much hard work so I cancelled the court case. My sister chose her boyfriend over me. I had a little nephew named Matthew who I never see any more. My life is gutted and I've lost my mum and dad I am only 13 now i will be 14 next week.
—Guest Jessikah

a continuing victim

i was gang raped when i was 14 by 7 boys from my school, went on to have 2 failed relationships(marriages) my last marriage my husband believed even after we seperated he could rape me, and then on day i was drugged and raped by persons unknown, i have never report anything i dont know why but i know its effecting me deeply everything is flooding back, never had any support, and i dont know what to do
—ljsb

my story

I was raped repeatedly by the son of my parents friend he then lied about it and lied that I was crazy and it was my fault he has likely raped other people
—Guest michelle

Rape does not define YOU

I was molested for 3 years by my grandfather, acceptance is the hardest for me. I was eiqht when it first started and I'm 18 now. Ten years have passed and I still think about it. My advice to you guys is to accept it and don't cover it up because it's only going to get worse. -Best Wishes
—Guest Monique

Tracee Cornforth
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